Guess who's upper sorry about being gone for so long. This dude. So many things have been going on while I've been trying to function in the adult world. I can't promise anything for now but I will try to update as regularly as I can. I won't hold you up any longer. Enjoy and please review, I'm a little rusty.
Caden POV
I hiccupped as I slammed my glass down. I looked over at the clock above the stove. The numbers were fuzzy, most likely due to my intoxication, but I could see that it was nearing midnight. I sighed as I thought about the headache I was going to have at work tomorrow. I peered over at my drinking buddy who had gone strangely quiet. Leah didn't seem nearly as inebriated as I was, albeit she had drunk twice as much as I had. My brilliant drinking game had allowed us both to open up, but just barely. All I knew about Leah Clearwater was that she had a brother, her favorite color was lilac, and she was from La Push. I didn't push her to reveal more, but I didn't give much up either. I could tell that she had gathered a new sense of curiosity about me after I revealed knowledge about Sophie, but I refused to answer any questions in regards to where Sophie was or what happened to her. Leah was playing this game unfairly and even drunk I stood my ground.
"Hey" I all but whispered. Leah shook out of her daze and stared at me curiously.
"Caden I think you've had too much to drink." I chuckled.
"So have you" was my genius reply. Leah smirked.
"I think I know my limit a little better than you know yours. Are we done playing?"
I huffed. "Leah I'm barely past my limit and I still barely know anything about you."
Her face hardened. "I could say the same about you."
"You're playing unfairly. You can't expect me to give and not expect anything in return."
Leah gaped until her face settled into a blank stare. "Well I guess I should be leaving. I didn't gather that you were that type of guy."
I grabbed her hand as she stood. "I didn't mean it like that and you know it. You can stay here as long as you want. I don't expect you to return any favors for saving you."
Leah rolled her eyes. "Saving me? Thanks a lot by the way. You've really done me a kindness" she said with sarcasm dripping from her voice.
I felt a familiar pain I my chest. It was sharp and fast paced. I hadn't felt it in so long it was hardly familiar.
"Leah please" I couldn't look at her. I couldn't reveal the shame in my eyes. I felt them get wet around the edges and I dropped her hand.
"I'm sorry", I whispered, "we're done…I'm done." I pulled myself away from the table while avoiding eye contact with her. I stumbled to the sink to wash our glasses. I rinsed them slowly before cupping my hands together and allowing the water to overflow and run down my arms. Memories began to flood my mind. Big blue eyes, dark hair, songs of freedom and parties filled the kitchen as the warmth of the stove kept us company. In this moment with alcohol in my system, tears in my eyes, and a stranger in my house I had never felt more alone. I was so desperate for company I wanted to absorb Leah into my life in order to capture the fire behind her eyes. I hiccupped again and a tear slid down my cheek until it joined the puddle of water in my hands. I searched for my reflection in the water but there wasn't one. I bent down and tossed the water in my face desperate to find what I'd lost. Some sanity, some dignity, something…anything. I felt a warm hand press against the small of my back. I looked into empty grey eyes and saw no reflection. More tears joined the water on my face and I wasn't sure if Lea could tell.
"I don't have to leave now Caden. We can just talk some more in the morning." She grabbed my hand.
"You really need to get into bed. You can hardly stand." She chuckled uncomfortably. Her actions were awkward. I could tell she hadn't cared for another human being in a long time. Leah tugged on my arm; her expression begging me to just cooperate. I took both of her hands and rolled covered them with mine.
"You don't have to pretend to care Leah", I smiled down at her, "You don't owe me anything".
I turned to make my way up the stairs before I felt her hand on my shoulder. I was surprised by her strength as she turned me around to face her.
"Caden you saved my life. The least I could give you is a decent conversation"
Leah chewed on her bottom lip, seemingly nervous about her offer. I analyzed her features. Her nervous face seemed to have an endless amount of worry lines. Her forehead was marked with curved creases from all the times she must have furrowed her brow out of anger. The lip she was currently biting was chapped from the amount of times her teeth attacked it. Her cheeks were hollow but the bones stayed high, almost like a physical representation of her pride. Her thin yet muscular body seemed to have a shadow around it, indicating the existence of a person who was no longer there. Leah no longer fit the mold of her former self.
I took her frail hand in mine.
"Sophie died last year." Leah's expression went to one of shock.
"I'm so..I..I shouldn't have", she stumbled.
"It's fine, but I'm not okay Leah. I can still feel her buzzing around the house sometimes."
I allowed my mind to wander as I looked around Sophie's favorite place, the living room. I squeezed Leah's hand as the loneliness set in.
"You've felt loss before haven't you?" I squeezed Leah's hand again, but she didn't squeeze back.
"Yeah", she answered quietly. I looked down at her.
"I wish I could say it's going to be okay, but I'm not sure." I wavered before saying "All I know is that you had the courage to do something that I've been dreaming about for the longest time Leah. But when you jumped I realized I wasn't ready to let go. I was hoping you would feel the same."
I dropped her hand but held her gaze. Her breathing became uneven and loud. I stood in front of her and grabbed her shoulders.
"I want you here Leah. I want you to stay." I stared at her intensely, hoping I was getting my point across. That's when I saw it. It was just a flicker. A flicker of hope. A flicker of desire. A flicker of need or want. It was there behind her eyes; erasing the emptiness for just a second. I grabbed Leah's hand and led us upstairs hoping that flicker would be enough for now.
