Chapter 38 – Walking in their Shoes - Part 2 Rei
This is it...this is death. I was expecting this...after all I betrayed Commander and helped Shinji Ikari in the end which he ended humanity but then decided to go back to the world. For reasons I am not sure of why but that was his ultimate decision and I have no reason to argue. I wanted to help Ikari. And now I must be one with Lilith and die. To be honest I died twice before so I have no worry about it.
I saw her...Lilith as soon as felt the presences of Ikari and Pilot Soryu return back to reality. I saw the mother of Lilim. She looked almost exactly like me, or shall I say that I looked almost like her. She smiled at me. "So my clone has decided to join the dead?" she laughed at me.
"I did it for Ikari" I replied at her.
"For Shinji? You stupid girl...you destroyed humanity only to let him to make it reborn again" she laughed again at me.
"That was Ikari's choice. Not mine"
"You pathetic. It's no wonder that the red headed girl...Asuka wasn't it? Yes her, it was no wonder that she teased you" Lilith crossed her arms at me as we then hovered in the endless space around us with the red current of souls that passed underneath us. My soul had left Lilith's body as must have Lilith's soul itself.
"It doesn't matter I have served my purpose" I replied at her.
"Heh. Then you can join me and the rest of the fallen Angels that you and the rest of the Lilim pilots have defeated" she sneered at me before her soul disappeared, most probably headed where I will met the rest of the Angels...wait...are the Angels...actually Angels?
I was told we named them that because they were like immortal beings. But if they are then is the rest of depictions of the bible true? There's a heaven?
Before I could question any of that any further I felt a strange presence behind me. I turned slowly to see a man about the age of Lilith. He had white hair that was also in the style of 17th's except it was longer and he red eyes and pale skinned. About in his twenties.
"Who are you?" I asked which the young adult smiled at me.
"I Rei Ayamani. Is Adam"
I looked at little shocked to see the 1st standing in front of me. What is he doing here? And come he looked slightly similar to the 17th Angel Tabris? "What is it that you have business with me?" I asked almost forcibly due to the fear of the first. I don't know why...but for some reason I understand what fear is now.
The First smiled and looked at the Earth below us. "They're down there Rei. You can sense them can't you?" Adam said to me. Which I realised he was referring to Ikari and Soryu.
"Yes, but what are you going to do about it? Are you going for vengeance?" I asked him which the response I got back was not what I was expecting from him. It showed shock, probably to my quick thinking of his plan.
"Rei...do you honestly believe that I would do that?" He asked. "I have no desire to harm Shinji or Asuka of the matter"
It was my turn to look shocked. "What do you mean?" I asked.
"Let's just say my son was right about Shinji" he replied hovering towards me. "He's down there too. My son" I was even more puzzled until I realised he was talking about Tabris, or reverted to his Lilim name, Kaworu Nagisa. "Do you wish to join them?"
"I..." I didn't know how to answer. A part of me wanted to, for the fact to see Ikari again. But another one didn't, I couldn't face the Lilim race after what I done.
"Scared?" he said smiling. "Don't be. People will return if they like to. But remember, people down there would want to help you"
I looked at the 1st and he smiled still at me.
"I think I need to give you a present for your new life...that's if you want to return to the Lilim world..." he looked at me whilst his right hand was risen.
I thought about it. If I return I could start over? Maybe. And I won't be alone as an Angel, Tabris would be down there, even though I'm a hybrid I am classed as one. What have I got really to lose here? Nothing. And Adam is being kind to me, like Ikari was being kind to me. I feel as if...I can trust the 1st Angel. "Adam, I accept"
His smile grew wider, that face just reminded me of Tabris. "Good. Hold still" he said positioning one foot forward and another back. Unsure of what he was doing, I saw his right hand glow with a bright golden and orange glow then he thrusted that light into me, like when the Commander's hand went in me to activate Third Impact. I felt that glow also, a warm feeling swept through me as it touched my heart. He then retracted his arm and stood normal again. "Enjoy your new life Rei" he said to me as I started to fall. I was floating above the earth but now I was falling into the damaged world as I saw the image of Adam faintly disappearing.
--
I awoke in the place where it all started. Terminal Dogma, where Lilith was held on that cross behind me. All I knew was that I was naked, as expected as I was before Third Impact and I had someone next to me. Someone I couldn't recognise at first but soon as I crawled myself to towards him I identified him. Tabris. SO he had returned. But the most puzzling question was now was, why couldn't I walk? I tried to force my legs to move but to no avail. I guess I was suffering from the lack of energy left in my muscles in my lower limbs. I expected him to wake up any moment. That wasn't the case, we were here for several minutes and nothing happened, he still slept, I knew he was alive, he was breathing that was the first sign of life and also he wouldn't be put back on earth dead.
I forced myself to sit up and look around to see if anyone else was alive around here. Doctor Akagi maybe...but that wouldn't be in good circumstances. I drifted my thoughts from that to the events that had taken place maybe hours ago considering I might had been unconscious for duration of time and also I couldn't tell the time how long I've been here. It was puzzling to what Adam did to me before he sent me back to here. I would think it was something to make me alive again but then again I disregarded it. Whatever it was, I feel...different.
I was so full of questions that I didn't notice that the 17th had awoken and had been staring at me. To break this silence I was so fond of, I asked a question, the simplest of ones which I often ask Ikari. "What is it?"
"Nothing" he said sitting up properly. "So we're alive again" he said being correct.
"Yes" I simply replied. We never had a proper conversion us two, even when he was pretending to be a Lilim, we hardly talked. It was my turn to ask a question to the Angel but we heard the large heavy blast doors open and two NERV guards ventured in looking at us.
"Rei Ayamani and 17th Angel Tabris. Our Commander wants to see you" one explained.
The other just looked at me and turned to his co-worker. "I think she needs to be dressed before showing him her"
"Whatever. Come on" the other replied.
We got up and followed the two. Whatever the Commander wanted to see us for was beyond my understanding but it was better to know what was going on in the world at the moment, if there was any of it left.
--
After retrieving some clothes that I left at the base before the JSSDF forces attacked I and Tabris was taken to Vice-Commander Fuyutsuki which he explained he would take us to Commander Ikari. The base was damaged heavily by JSSDF soldiers but apartenly after Third Impact they realised what happened and they instantly assisted the NERV personnel in securing the base. Fuyutsuki also explained that they knew we were down at Terminal Dogma for two days but waited for us to wake up before doing anything.
We were led to what I believed to be the Science and Development department. Then we entered the room where I saw the Commander. Why was he in here was abysmal to me but I believed that other things were as well in the world at the moment.
Indeed was shocked to see him again after what happened in before Third Impact. I believed he would stay in the fake world. He looked at me, "Hello again Rei" he said to me. His voice was calm and collective, I thought he would upset by my decision. I said nothing which he turned to the 17th. "Tabris, its somewhat strange to see you again"
"Likewise Gendo Ikari" the 17th replied.
"I believe Tabris, that you aren't here to exact revenge on us Lilim I hope" the Commander said with a quizzically look before going into his usual pose.
"You expect too much Gendo" Tabris said closing his crimson eyes.
"Really? Then what is the reason of your existence in this world then after Third Impact?"
The 17th simply shrugged at the Commander. "To be honest. I don't even know myself"
"And you Rei?" he Commander turned to me for an explained, I didn't reply thought. I had no idea myself. "Well the question now is what to do with you two"
"What do you mean Ikari?" Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki asked.
"Well we can't have them wondering around. Think about it. Rei was seen by a lot of people when she was transformed in that demi-god form. And Kaworu was identified as the 17th and final Angel. They would cause panic if this ain't handled properly" the Commander explained to him, I could see him ponder which I myself did also. How could this be resolved?
"Then what do you suggest Ikari?" the Sub-Commander asked.
"We keep them out of people's way for now. They'll be kept in the base until we think people we trust could see them"
"I understand" replied Fuyutsuki as he from what I could guess was unsure how things could fold out. "What about you two?"
The 17th simply nodded at Fuyutsuki which I followed but in a slower manner. We were then being led out when I stopped and turned around to the Commander. He was a little shaken to this as I guess which he came out of his pose and looked at me puzzlingly.
"Commander..." I began to speak but was stopped by the Commander.
"I am not the Commander anymore Rei. Fuyutsuki is now" he retorted at me. Slightly flinching, I looked at the old man behind me. Then at the Commander back at me. "You may call me by my first name Rei, as so can you Tabris" he explained to us.
"Then call me by my Lilim name" replied the 17th smiling. That smile...I didn't know what it was but made me feel...somewhat warm and comforting? These kinds of feelings I was familiar with.
"Fine" Commander, no Gendo replied.
"G-Gendo..." Rei managed to push out my name from my lips. It was harder to say his name though I always had called him by his rank. This was alien to me and I had to used to it.
"Go on" he said to me.
"I...want to apologise" I began. "I only wanted to help Ikari-"
"You mean Shinji correct?" he interrupted me.
"Correct" I replied. "I wanted-" I started again to explain was interrupted again.
"No need to explain nor apologise Rei. You disobeyed me. I must congratulate you there, you have started your independence" he explained at me.
"Independence?" I replied confused.
"You don't need orders from me to live your new life now"
"New life?"
"What I am saying Rei is, to make the most of yourself. Go to school, make more friends, go to a collage, get a job, and start a family. Some things like that"
I nodded uneasily at him and followed the 17th and the new Commander out. Go to school...go to college...get a job...and start a family? But starting a family was impossible for me. I could not bear children. This was not why was designed for. I was useless in that department.
--
For strange reason Commander Fuyutsuki had taken me and Gendo to a dark room in the lower parts of the base. I had no idea what was going on but I didn't care whatever it was it didn't matter. I looked around and noticed that there were Section 2 agents watching, armed with drugged darts. Why they were armed with those was even more puzzling.
I was left with the agents and Gendo for sometime before I heard the Commander returning talking to someone along the way. I couldn't make out who's voice it was but it didn't matter. The door opened, and to see who it was made me shake fearfully in the core, it was Doctor Akagi. She was still looking at the Commander until she turned her head to Gendo and that's what changed, she charged towards Gendo like she lost her mind. Then Doctor Akagi fell to the floor with one dart from an Section 2 agent in her neck.
Moments passed until Doctor Akagi woke up, droozy from the side-effects from the drug. Soon she snapped back to herself before the drug effected her. She went for Gendo but she discovered that she was handcuffed to a pipe.
"Gendo! You wished you never came back when I get this handcuff off me!" she snarled at him. Which I was cautious not to be seen.
"I don't understand why you're so upset Ritsuko. You came back to life didn't you?" Gendo replied.
"After you shot me!" the Doctor screamed at him which was understandable considering she was shot by him before Third Impact.
"Well, you wanted to blow us all up remember?" he replied which seemed she calmed down a bit.
"Well we were done for. And that crazy plan of yours had to stop"
"It did, didn't it?" Gendo explained which was true.
"So what do you want Gendo. I doubt you have any use for a washed up doctor, who wanted to find out why her mother fell in love with you" I believed she wanted to get the whole point on why she was brought here as did I.
"In fact Ritsuko, that's where you're wrong" her attention drew her to look at him. "I want you to look after someone" Gendo then gestured at me...to come out of the shadows, which I did which Doctor's eyes widen.
"You can't be serious Gendo" she said in shock.
"Oh I am. I have decided to place you as Rei's guardian. To teach her to be human, and normal if that fits you better" Gendo explained to her. To be human...why was he so condemned to help me be normal? I never thought I wasn't...normal.
"I need a smoke" the doctor muttered. Yes I remembered her heavy smoking habits, I disliked smoking.
"You really want to be doing that? I doubt you'll be that stressed partaking your new job, over your old one"
"You have no idea what I'll be like with her around" she muttered, but I could hear, and that made me nervous. Why was I feeling all these emotions, they're completely alien to me. I guess it was something to be more normal.
"If you take this up. I'll move you to one of the luxury rooms in the base, until we have an apartment ready for you. You'll get paid extra and you can teach her anything that isn't going to mess her up. So..." Gendo then stopped for a few second before speaking again. "Will you take the job?"
I guess a long silence loomed in the dark room until the young Doctor eventually spoke up. "Fine"
"Good. But you cannot discuss of keeping Rei with anyone until the time is right, understand?"
"Yeah, yeah. But I want something from this" the Doctor said.
"That being?"
"Get me out of these cuffs, and let me hit you. For old times sake?"
Gendo laughed, why? I didn't know, I guess it was something I would never know. "Okay fine. Its a deal" he then said.
The Section 2 agent removed the cuffs and she made her way towards Gendo. The Doctor was in front of Gendo but she waited for a while, before slapping him which the sound of her hand connecting his face echoed the room. It must have been with some force.
She turned and started to leave. "Come on Rei" she called out to me.
I looked between Gendo and the Doctor for a bit before I hurried off with the doctor. "Oh and Ritsuko one more thing" Gendo called called out which she stopped and turned her head a little to him. "Don't mention we met at all. I'm just a shadow"
The Doctor then smiled. "You always were though" she said before we left with the metallic doors closed behind us.
I was uneasy to be walking close to the Doctor who despised me for so long that I could remember. But that was an order...i think. And I had to carry it out regardless. I then heard the Commander scream in shock from the room something like, "You mean you actually have one in your drawer?" Whatever they were talking about was unknown to me.
--
I arrived the next day at the quarters that me and Doctor Akagi was provided. I entered to see that the Doctor had already established her living space around the house. I had hardly anything that belonged to now. They were all lost when Third Impact occurred, my apartment was blown into dust, so to speak. As soon as the door closed the Doctor came out of a room wearing her blue tight shirt and short skirt and sighed at me, I believed she was trying to remain calm and collective around me now.
"Alright Rei" she said to me. "Let me start by saying that I know we had our...disputes. But bow its different now. Let's start a anew, okay?"
I however felt different. I didn't want to start anew. I was fine the way it was beforehand. But, if I was to be normal as Gendo had said I must agree. "Yes Doctor Akagi" I replied.
"Rei...please call me by my first name. We don't have to be formal anymore considering we're living together" she said to me. Why does everyone ask for their first names? It never used to be that.
"Yes Doc...Rits-uko" I said, finding difficulty in speaking her name. It was just as difficult as saying the ex-Commander's name.
The Doctor looked at me puzzled. "Rei? Is that all the belongings you got?"
Indeed what she saw was what I have left. I stood there only in the school uniform that I was so accustomed to and always wore. I did have a small bag but that was small items such as toothbrush, toothpaste and the other accessories that I need every morning and night. I nodded slowly at her, which she sighed.
"I guess we have to do some shopping" she said to me scratching her head.
"Shopping?" I replied back confused to why had to shop. Didn't we have enough food or something?
"Yes Rei. You need some different clothes and items for your 'new' life" she replied back at me and wondered back into the room which I followed to see the table in front of me had books and magazines of various subjects, one book was about medical science, I looked puzzled to why she had that. The Doctor noticed as she was searching for something. "Ah yes. I had decided to become a regular doctor at the hospital wing of NERV" she explained the reason for the book to me.
"I see" I replied and sat down at couch of the other side of the room watching her look for something. She eventually found something and came towards me and sat down next to me. I was uneasy but she didn't seem that dangerous. She flipped over a few pages until she came to a stop at a few. I looked at them to see images of young woman wearing different clothes.
"What do you like?" she asked me and I just stared. What do I like about these?
It seemed the Doctor had noticed by gaze at them of confusion. "Rei chose which clothes you like and I'll order them for you"
"Um, I don't know what I like" I replied truly unsure of what to chose from. I was so accustomed to wearing this uniform and not spoilt to other clothes or precious items.
Ritsuko sighed and looked back at the pictures before looking at the time. "Sorry Rei I have to go now. Asuka is returning from Okinawa II today. And I was invited by Misato to go. Continue to look through the pages and chose what you like. I'm going to be a while. See you...soon" she said as she left. I could feel the uncomfortable feeling of biding me goodbye. I guess she was still not comfortable being kind around me.
I looked through the magazine as she requested and still found no interest in the clothes. It wasn't that I didn't like them...it was because I didn't have an idea of what would be normal for me. For hours I sat at the quarters, nothing to do. I had no sync tests and no check-ups. I remembered when I was taken to the hospital wing to have a check up my whole body. It appears that the doctor there was...shocked at my healthiness, as he put it. I had no wonder what he meant about that but I was told later that my defected ovaries were 'heavily like a normal young woman'. I was...normal. But that was it, nothing more was normal about me.
Eventually I got bored and rang the only other person I was aware of knowing my existence at this moment in time. Tabris...or as he would like to be known as Kaworu Nagisa. I dialled the number and the phone rang for a while as I sat patiently to wait for his answer. Eventually it picked up and Kaworu's voice was quiet as he spoke. "Yes Rei?" he asked sounding tired.
"How did you know that I rang you?" I quizzed him.
"Your name came up on my phone when you rang" he replied quiet still as if trying not to wake someone.
My cheeks went red and warm...that was horribly strange, I felt this before but not as strong. "I wanted to talk to someone. I'm alone in the quarters" I explained to him the reason why I rang him.
"I see. Well what is living with Ritsuko like?" he asked.
I pondered for my answer as it was difficult. "It is acceptable. She was looking for some clothes with me in a magazine"
"Ah yes. I heard from people that you always wore those school clothes all the time. At least your trying new things. I would love to see you in some new ones"
I paused at his comment. I felt my cheeks warm up and my felt happy to hear someone like him say that to me. "T-thank you"
"No problem" he replied. We talked about other things such as how Shinji was. "I know that he is depressed, but I think that's changed"
"What do you mean?" I asked him.
"Well I can see him. And you know the ex-Designated Pilot of Unit 2 is back. They seem to be getting along better now"
"How can you see that?"
"From my window"
There was a small silence between us. "Your window? Do you mean that you live not far from him?"
"I live across the street"
"I see"
The conversion continued on matters such as what we thought Third Impact was a disaster for the Lilim world but also a chance to see if people cared about their lives enough to return to the world. It was getting late. "I think I will retire to bed now Rei and it seems Ritsuko has already left. It was wonderful speaking to you though. I never thought you were so talkative" I noticed I blushed again as my cheeks felt warm again. "I hope to talk to you again and take care"
"I will. And so do yourself...bye" I found it difficult to say goodbye to him. What was it that made me feel comfortable and different around him?
"Yes, good night" and the phone line went dead. I placed the phone back and looked at the magazine I had thrown onto the floor as it had interest to me. However what he said before 'I would love to see you in some new ones', made me feel that I had to change...for the better. I picked up the magazine and looked through the pages that Ritsuko was showing me earlier.
Only a few minutes past when I heard the door opened and closed, which meant that Ritsuko had arrived back home. She entered from what I can gather that she slightly intoxicated by the alcohol that Major Katsuragi must have been serving, considering that she was holding her head and stammered around a little. "So Rei" began Ritsuko as she sat down next to me. "Have you chosen what you wanted?"
"Yes Ritsuko" I replied.
From her reply she looked at me shocked. "Really? What have you chosen?" I pointed on the pages which one I wanted. One in particular was a sundress where it was sleeveless and was a blue colour. "Wow Rei. That's amazing" she said.
"What is?"
"That you chose the clothes like you were trying to impress a boy" she said and I felt my cheeks warm up again, my red cheeks didn't go unnoticed by Ritsuko either. "Oh. So there is someone that you are trying to impress" I nodded at her as there was no point of hiding it, but was I trying to impress him? "Who is it? Is it...Kaworu?" Now my whole face felt hot, which must have led to my whole face turning red. "Oh this is priceless. My little Rei has a crush on the 17th Angel!"
"A crush?" I replied to her confused. What does that mean?
Ritsuko sighed and looked at me. "Its you love him" she replied.
"Love..."
"While we were on the topic of men and love, do you know the sexual intercourse between men and women?" I nodded my head on the matter as all I knew was that men and women reproduced by sexual reproduction. I then explained my knowledge to her the scientific theory that I knew. "Yes but did you also know it was pleasure as well?" I however didn't know that and shook my head at her. "Well Rei, let me explain to you the birds and the bees" she said smiling at me.
--
It had been weeks now since Shinji's transformation into an Angel hybrid such as myself and Kaworu's death/rebirth. And also the death of Kaworu's love for Shinrosu and his unborn child. I did feel sorry for that woman as Kaworu truly loved her. Over those times I had shedding some emotions that I was never aware of. One in particular was jealously when I found out the Kaworu was in love with Shinrosu. The other was when I was upset when hearing the facility outside Tokyo III had self-destructed, and Kaworu was feared dead. But then I rejoiced when finding out he was alive again. But that time was embarrassed when Gendo, Kozo and Misato called me a pervert as starred at Kaworu's naked body a lot.
My love for Kaworu also developed as soon we were a couple and I have a family, as Gendo had me become apart of the Ikari family, as I was now Shinji's sister. And I for once must admit, had never been happier. These emotions and feelings must have been a gift from Adam before sending me back here and Ritsuko had helped me explaining and discussed what was the right emotion to be feeling and show in this new life of mine. I will never forget Ritsuko's help and Adam's kindness, if only Lilith was the same as him. I feel sorry for her as she does love Adam and yet the ways she's done to get him back was not what he wanted. But I believe I would have done the same if I was in her place for Kaworu.
A/N: Okay thats another one done. And apologizes for the incredibly late update as I was on holiday to Hong Kong and was a bit concentrated on the fanfic I was doing. But this is finally up. I find it really hard to write up Rei's personality. But now its done. It I hope has filled the gap in some parts in Rei's story and now we will venture back to the current situation in NERV. Yui's return. I have a massive twist for you guys so please hang on and have faith. The true will begin shortly. Thanks for reading and send in those reviews people! I feel like no ones interested anymore...sob.
