Alright kids... buckle up because there is going to be a lot to cover in these next few chapters. I've been dropping subtle hints and things you probably didn't realize were significant since, what was it, chapter three? when I said I begrudgingly had a plot and why was I doing this to myself like a year ago. This is the start of it all coming out into the open. To be honest I'm kinda super excited you all get to see my little webs and connections paying off, so here we go!
Also this chapter is a little shorter than usual and I will explain why at the end.
"What the hell just happened?!"
Frustration bubbled up in Astrid's throat and she felt like screaming. She just barely contained herself to stomping her foot and clenching her fists.
Once again Ruff knew things she didn't. Ruff claimed she recognized Hiccup right away and instead of revealing this fact, she let Astrid flounce around in ignorance until everything blew up in their faces. She wanted to throw a tantrum and whine. It was always an uphill battle and she never felt like she was running down the other side.
After her momentary pity party Astrid wheeled around and marched until she reached Hiccup's unit. She wasn't about to let him avoid this conversation again; it was time for answers. She turned the door handle and cursed when she discovered it was locked.
"Ooooh, you little twerp." She banged on his apartment door, uncaring about the noise. "Hiccup! Hiccup, I know you're in there!"
She heard Toothless meow on the other side. "Hey buddy, let me in, huh? I need to talk to your owner," she called to him sweetly. Her tone changed to a demand. "Come on, Hiccup! Don't make me go get my keys, because I will just unlock the door. Either you let me in or I'll-"
The lock clicked and the door swung open.
"-break in," she finished. "Hiccup?"
He was gazing at the floor, half turned away from her with a distant and sad look on his face.
"Are you okay?" she asked, concerned.
"No."
"Can I come in?"
He sighed. "I'm really not ready for this conversation."
"Too bad, it's happening," she said, walking past him into his apartment. "You've put it off long enough."
Toothless purred and wound around her legs, oblivious to the drama. She picked him up and petted him, knowing he wouldn't leave her alone unless she gave him a little bit of attention. She ran her hand through his downy fur as she stared at Hiccup, who fidgeted like he would rather be anywhere else.
"Why don't you want to talk to me?" She attempted a gentler tone, hoping it would calm him and coax him into speaking.
He sighed and shook his head, pacing away with a hand running nervously through his hair.
"Hiccup. We've been together for awhile now, you know you can tell me anything, right?"
"But that's the thing, I don't know how to... how to start with this one."
"At the beginning, obviously."
"It's not that simple, Astrid," he said, frustrated.
"What are you so worried about?" She studied his face, then narrowed her eyes shrewdly. "Are you worried I'm going to judge you or something?"
Bingo. He hunched his shoulders, her astute observation the cause of his reluctance.
"You know that's ridiculous," she said briskly.
His doubled his pacing, his hands gesticulating unrestrained. "No, but see it's not ridiculous. You're... you're the coolest girl I've ever known and what you think matters."
Something about his phrasing struck her as odd but she didn't have time to contemplate it. "So?"
He threw his hands up in the air. "You don't understand the position I'm in. Either I don't tell you, we never take our relationship further and then you get mad and I lose you, or I do tell you, and you realize – you …you realize I'm not... you won't want me. And then I lose you."
She snorted. "Is there any situation in which you don't lose me in that little self destructive mess in your head?"
"Not really, no."
"Did you do something wrong?"
He scoffed. "No. I did not do anything wrong."
"Then why would I leave you."
"Because this is... it's... the worst thing that's ever happened to me."
"Is this about your accident? Because I'm not seeing how you'd scare me off-"
"It's not about the accident." He frowned and turned away. "Something different. Something much more...humiliating."
"So this is why you've been putting off this conversation? Because you think I'm going to, what, judge you? Be disgusted with you and break up with you on the spot?"
He lowered his head, hands wringing his hoodie sleeves.
"You're not giving me much credit, are you?"
"It's not like that. I didn't want to be your regret."
"Oh, for the love of- is this why you wouldn't sleep with me either?"
He wouldn't meet her eyes, lashes downcast.
"You didn't want to have sex because you worried once I found out the truth, of whatever it is you won't tell me, that I won't like you anymore, break up with you, and regret we were ever together?"
He nodded, unable to say anything else.
"Oh Hiccup, that's ridiculous."
He winced. "It didn't seem all that ridiculous to me."
"Well it is. I'm done with all this beating around the bush; you're going to tell me the full story and we're working this out. Let me start with a question. You and Ruff... how did Ruff know who you were? And why not me?"
The contrast of purring fluffy cat in her arms to the emotionally distant boy in front of her was jarring. She hugged Toothless closer and let his soothing rumbles vibrate against her chest.
Hiccup ran a hand through his hair and shifted his weight. It took him a long time to answer, but he reluctantly gave in as it was clear Astrid wouldn't back down.
"I... um, it was... it was in the news."
"It was in the news?"
"Yeah. It was all over the place. It was all anyone in Berk talked about for at least two solid weeks."
"When was this?" she mused.
He swallowed. "Junior year in high school... you must've been the one person who didn't hear about it."
"I didn't... what..." She wracked her brain, throwing herself back to high school, trying to recall the big news stories that had everyone preoccupied for more than a few days.
Something twinged in the back of her memory, one little spark that burst into flame. All the dots connected in her mind and her eyes widened as her jaw dropped open.
"Oh my God," she said, waving her hand before placing it over her mouth. "Oh my God..." She slowly sank to the couch, Toothless settling himself into her lap.
"Theeere it is," he said quietly, turning away.
"You're Snot's cousin," she said, pointing a finger at him as she stared distantly. "That's how Ruff knew... Snot was so angry. I... I did hear about you."
"You and every soul in Berk," he said bitterly.
"What those guys did to you was- was horrible. I remember thinking about how awful that must have been and I felt sorry for that poor, poor boy..."
His mouth twisted and he still refused to meet her eyes.
"That poor boy was you. Oh... oh, Hiccup..." She placed a hand over her heart. "How did I not... how did I not see that? How did I miss that?"
"It was a long time ago."
"Not that long ago," she said. "The story was everywhere but I don't know much about what happened, because Snot never told me."
She cast her mind back to that particular time in school. Everyone was talking about it, how it happened at their rival school, that it involved Snot's cousin. She remembered everyone asking Snot to reveal more inside information but he remained incredibly tight-lipped about it. The pressure of classes, tests, grades, volleyball, pom squad, friends, dating, maintaining the spotlight, and lack of intimate details ensured the story quickly plummeted on her priority list; filed away with all the other unimportant things not directly related to her life goals.
She couldn't possibly have known it would ever have relevance in the future, and her dismissive attitude in the past was sobering now. At least there was still time to make it right.
"What actually happened to you?"
He grimaced. "I don't really... I hate talking about it. Do you see now?"
"I do. I get it, I don't blame you. But I'm a good listener and I'm here for you, okay?" She patted the couch seat beside her. "Ruff is right. We need to have this talk."
"I really wish we didn't. Since you already know about it, can we just, not?"
"This is what's been holding us back. I really think it's important." She studied him for a pause. "Were you ever going to tell me about this? Or were you just hoping I'd never remember?"
He slowly sat down next to her, resting his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. "Was honestly hoping you'd never remember."
"Seriously? So you weren't ever going to tell me?"
"Probably not, no."
"What about the fact you hinged us getting more physical on this?" she said tartly, crossing her arms.
"I would've eventually gotten over the body issues."
"But you still wouldn't have trusted me?"
He shrugged.
"Hmm," she said, pursing her lips. "Well, I'm going to try and not be hurt by that, and I just want to point out that I'm still here and waiting for you to tell your side of things."
He sighed heavily.
"Please Hiccup, please trust me. That's all I want. How did this all start?" she prompted, placing her hand on his thigh in a gesture of comfort.
Toothless sensed Hiccup's distress and crawled into his lap, butting his head against Hiccup's chin. He leaned back against the couch to give Toothless room, hands gently petting the cat that seemed to bring him peace.
"Alright, alright, fine. I'll... tell you everything," he said, resigned. He took a moment to gather his thoughts. "So, I started dating Heather in the beginning of sophomore year. What I didn't realize at the time was dating Heather put me directly into her ex boyfriend's line of fire. Heather broke up with him and the whole school was talking about it. To be honest, I think she dated me just to get under his skin. Anytime something significant happened in our relationship, it usually coincided with a very public argument between the two of them.
"Thomas tormented me anytime he could, cornering me outside the school building, flicking stuff at me during classes, confronting me at my locker. Stupid regular bullying stuff, which sucked but I did my best to avoid him. After my accident the summer between sophomore and junior year, you can imagine how much worse it got. He was a huge dick, but Heather just... well that was a whole other thing... He was always a grade A asshole to me."
"If he was such an asshole why did Heather date him in the first place?"
"I don't know, why do girls ever date popular jock assholes?" Hiccup said dryly.
Astrid narrowed her eyes and huffed. "Nevermind. Dating someone's ex seems like a really shallow reason to do something like... what he did to you."
"Agreed. He hated me, but it was the court case that made him boil over."
"The court case?"
"Thomas's dad was the school coach. He oversaw football, baseball, and the girls' soccer team. Thomas of course was the school's resident football star, surprise surprise. He didn't become a huge dick without someone to model after."
She found his hand that wasn't occupied with petting Toothless and laced their fingers together.
"So, big scandal breaks and it turns out Thomas senior was embezzling money from the the sports teams he coached. He had quite the racket going- managed to nickel and dime parents out of money for every little thing, and charged higher fees than he reported to the school for students joining his sports. He constantly pushed fundraisers and other money-making side activities as requirements for participating on the team, you know, to 'help supplement the budget for uniforms and practice equipment.' All bullshit, Tom senior just pocketed it all. His whole operation was managed through shady bookkeeping and it had been going on for years. The only reason he was caught is because he got cocky and raised the start up fee even higher and parents complained to the school about how expensive it was. He was charged, the whole works, and his case crossed my dad's desk."
She frowned. "Is your dad a prosecutor?"
He shook his head. "Judge."
"Oh."
"My dad sentenced a pretty steep penalty. He had stolen so much money to the detriment of the parents, the school, and the students. So my dad handed him some swift justice and that was that."
She listened intently and Toothless stood up in his lap, purring and licking his cheek. "Thanks, bud," he said, pulling Toothless back down and hugging him close. "So after Thomas senior's sentence, Thomas junior was pretty angry."
"Oh no," she said, squeezing his hand.
"Yep. He did not take his fall from the top gracefully at all. He hyper focused all of his anger and embarrassment, taking it out on me because I was an easy target and my dad was the one who put his dad away. He was already bitter over Heather and this just put the cherry on top of his hate sundae. So, he and his friends premeditated a plan to get back at me."
He told his story with a disturbing blank face and flat even tone, as though cutting off all his emotions was the only way he could relive it. His hand never stopped petting Toothless, almost absentmindedly.
"One day after school I was walking out to my car alone. I wasn't um... the largest kid back in high school, like had all the strength of a wet noodle so it was pretty easy to overpower me..."
Yes, I am sorry it's so short! The break happens here for two reasons: One, we're gonna have a major pov switch and two, I'm slapping a few trigger warnings for bullying and violence on the next chapter. I figured it was easier this way to break them up and let people skim if they need to. Edit: Since there's been some concern, there will not be, nor was there ever planned, non-con or dub-con in the next chapter. If I were ever going to write something with sensitive material such as that I would trigger warning it all over the place. So please don't worry, this isn't that kind of story. Anything of a sexual nature that happens in this fic is all consensual.
Next chapter will be coming relatively soon, because it's mostly ready to go.
