*Kate's POV*

I sat down on the frosty bench with a steaming hot chocolate in my hand. A snowflake fell onto my nose and slowly melted until it was a drop of water sliding down my face. I stared out at the ice skating rink in front of me at Rockefeller Center. A small girl was trying to skate, her dad holding her waist to keep her up. My mind flashed back to my first time at this rink, the most famous in New York. It was with my mom and dad when I was 5 years old on Christmas night, so long ago yet I remembered it so clearly. I'd put on my new pink puffer coat and fleece black pants, a wool scarf and a knit hat. I remember being so excited that they let me rent the shiny gold skates, although they were much more expensive than the regular ones. We'd skated for hours, until we took our third hot chocolate break and I fell asleep in my mother's arms. It was one of the favorite endings to a Christmas I'd ever had. Now, 29 years later, I was here again on Christmas, but now I was by myself. I didn't have my parents, I wasn't with Castle, Alexis was missing because of me, my dad was up in his cabin, and McCord insisted that none of us work; I didn't have anywhere to go. And so I was all alone on Christmas.

I sipped my cocoa and watched the little kids skating along the ice with their parents, each one full of joy, still so happy from all of the new toys they'd gotten. The rink was full of white Christmas lights, making the whole place glow against the dark sky. Next to the desk where they rented out the skates, there was a tall Christmas tree covered in colorful bulbs. The skaters going in circles looked like the little porcelain dolls in a music box. Everything was coated in a layer of bright white snow. The whole place just felt, smelled, sounded, tasted, and looked like Christmas. It really was a winter wonderland. It was very bittersweet. I sighed, taking a sip of my drink, and attempted to drown out my loneliness in the happiness of the kids and the calm holiday music. I tried but didn't succeed. A tear trickled down my cheek, falling onto my lap and into the snow that had collected there. I pushed away everyone I loved, this was obvious to me at that moment. There was one simple, unavoidable fact: I was all alone on Christmas, and my only wish was to be sitting in front of a fire in Castle's arms. But no - I had said no to his proposal. It was all my fault, and now we would only ever have that one amazing Christmas from the last year.

"Beckett?" some called from behind me. I turned around, surprised, and for a split second believed that maybe Christmas miracles did exist.

"Castle?" I asked, "What are you doing here?"

He came around the bench and sat down next to me, saying, "I could ask you the same question. I come here every Christmas with um, with Alexis."

There was pain in his eyes while he said this, but as I noticed that, I also realized how beautiful his eyes were. Blue and deep like the sea, with gold flecks and a dark outer ring. They sparkled like the sun hitting ocean waves. Castle's eyes were just mesmerizing. But as I registered what he was saying, how he was all alone too, I focused my thoughts elsewhere.

"What about Martha? I thought you always had Christmas dinner with Martha and Alexis," I said, smoothing my hair down and feeling the snow that has begun to bury itself inside.

"No, we have Christmas Eve dinner together. Christmas night has always just been for Alexis and me," he answered, looking off in the distance as he spoke.

I nodded and smiled slightly. "Well... I'm alone too," I said, staring straight in front of me, watching the skaters glide across the ice.

"Were there any fingerprints on the letter or envelope?" he asked me, a hint of curiosity dripping into his tone.

I wet my my bottom lip with my tongue and answered, "There was nothing. Not even any DNA on the envelope." The hope in his face quickly transferred into undeniable disappointment. He looked so vulnerable, and I would have done anything to bring him back to his normal self, although I knew the only thing I could do to accomplish that would be to bring his daughter back to him.

"I'm sorry," I said, looking up at him.

"So what are we going to do now?" he asked.

"We're looking into every possible lead," I offered.

He frowned, "So we're nowhere. That's what you say when we're back at square one."

I pursed my lips and sighed, "I'm not gonna lie to you Castle. We aren't very far."

He sighed, and I put my hand on his arm and added, "But we aren't nowhere! We know Jessica Martinez's boyfriend is involved. We know it has something to do with the post office in Staten Island. We do have leads. We have good leads, Castle."

"I know I brought it up but... could we just not talk about this tonight? With Christmas and everything," he asked solemnly.

"Yeah, of course," I answered, not really sure what to say.

"Okay, well," he said as he stood up, "I think I'm gonna go home. Have a good night, Kate. Merry Christmas."

"Wait!" I grabbed the end of his sleeve, "Like I said, Castle, I'm alone tonight too. Maybe... maybe we could be alone together."

He sat back down, his face a strange mix of depression and serenity, and said, "That sounds nice."

We sat in silence for what felt like hours, but was probably only minutes. I watched the snow falling, so gentle yet so powerful, covering the entire city and cloaking the trees. It fell onto my eyelashes, my nose, my bare fingertips, and melted on my skin. I shivered, my black trench coat not warm enough for this chilly Christmas night.

"Here," Castle pulled off his coat and placed it around my shoulders. He kept his right arm around me, and I slowly warmed up both physically and emotionally in the comfort of his touch. I scooted towards him until our torsos were touching and laid my head on his chest. Our bodies fit together like puzzle pieces, and the heat radiating into me was the nicest thing I'd felt in months. Once again, we bathed in silence, the city noiseless from the falling snow. I kept thinking about my decision in the park months earlier. Him, down on one knee. Me, crushing both of our fragile hearts with a simple, world-shattering word. I closed my eyes, listening to his heartbeat, and felt so safe. I was wrapped in a blanket of warmth and love, but there was an underlying thought in my head that the moment either of us moved it would all end. We weren't a couple, yet we were acting like one. I tried to push the thought away, and counteracted it by wanting more of him. I took his hand in mine. It felt so hot compared to my freezing one. We sat like that for a little while: my head on his chest, holding hands, just watching the snowflakes fall. It was absolutely perfect, but it had to end. I tilted my head up to look at him, and he looked back at me. Our noses almost touching, our eyes interlocked, our lips just inches away. I told myself it was wrong, but I didn't want to think. I wanted to be. I moved my head slightly forward, and our lips locked together. I wanted to cry in relief, the spark was more alive than ever. He hesitated, but then kissed me back. It was a fury of passion and love. I wrapped my arms around his neck, and his came around my waist, pulling me closer. But then, suddenly, he broke it off.

"Kate?" he murmured.

"What is it?" I asked, scared that I knew what he was going to say.

"We can't do this," he responded.

"I know, but... Castle," I sighed.

"No, I'm serious," he pulled himself out of my arms and stood up.

"You don't understand," he said with tears in his eyes, "I still love you, Kate."

I almost choked when he said this. I loved him too. I loved him so much, but I hadn't realized he loved me back still.

He continued: "and that means that I can't just start over. I can't just date you like we used to. We can't kiss if we aren't going to even be together!" His face was full of agony and regret.

"But..." I searched my mind for something to say, but realized I wouldn't find anything in there. It was all in my heart, "I don't wanna start over, Castle. I made a mistake saying no to you."

It was like a hundred pounds were taken off my chest as I let this out. Teardrops began to bead in both of our eyes. He was speechless. I stood up and put my hands on the sides of his shoulders.

I kept going, "I love you so much, Rick. I did then, and I still do. And I ALWAYS will. I can't change that! I screwed up. I put my career over my love, and that is my biggest regret." Both of us were crying at this point.

"Does that mean..." he choked out.

"If the offer still stands," I answered.

He looked down and fumbled around in his pant pocket until he pulled out a ring, by itself, with no box but his hand.

"You still carry it around?" I asked in astonishment, wiping joyful tears off of my cheeks.

"Every day," he answered and knelt down in the snow. "I fell for you the moment I saw you. I've watched you rise and fall. I've seen you at your best and I've seen you at your worst. You know me inside and out, Kate. You're my other half. I loved you then, I love you now, and I will love you each day for the rest of my life. Always. I am completely, madly, irretrievably in love with you. So yes, the offer still stands. Katherine Houghton Beckett, will you do me the honor of marrying me?"

I was crying so hard in joy I couldn't speak. I knelt down next to him, nodded, and fell into his arms, attempting to pour all of my love for him into a kiss.

"Hold on," he grinned and pulled away. He slipped the ring onto my finger, and pulled me back in to kiss me.

We sat there for what seemed like forever, the snow weaving its way into our hands and clothes, under the dark sky, with Christmas music playing softly in the background. We were a tumbling mess of sobs and love. I sat in front of him, he put his arms around me, and we watched the kids ice skating.

"Merry Christmas, Castle," I said to him.

"Merry Christmas, baby. I love you so much," he murmured as he kissed the top of my head, tears flowing down his cheeks. I stopped playing with the engagement ring on my finger, and pulled his arms tighter around me.

"I love you too," I answered.

"Always."

"Always."