"Shhh! Sh! You'll wake him up!"

"Sorry! Shishishishi!"

Zoro groaned lightly and reached a hand up to rub at his eyes. What fucking time is it? Zoro reached under his pillow and pulled out his phone that he's placed there earlier that night. The screen lit up and he felt temporarily blinded as his eyes adjusted to the light he'd forgotten to dim.

"He's waking up! Oh god, I've suddenly come down with a case of I-need-to-get-away-from-the-angry-Zoro disease" Hushed whispers continued to sound in his ears and Zoro squinted his eyes shut. When he opened them he was finally able to clearly see the time on his phone and he frowned deeply. It was 1:27 in the morning. It was 1:27 in the morning and he could hear the distinct voices of three-

"Holy fucking shit, would you guys just shut up?! I'm nearly done…"

-four idiots. Zoro groaned more audibly to signal his awakening and heard three short gasps followed by a certain foul-mouthed teen's cursing. Zoro pulled at his legs and was surprised when he felt some resistance. His feet were cold and it also smelled strongly like… chemicals? Not exactly like bleach, but something close. It burned his nostrils and Zoro pulled himself up into a sitting position so that he could see what the four morons were doing.

Zoro looked at the sight before him and decided that he must be dreaming. He rubbed at his eyes, hoping that he would wake up to find himself back in his own house, in his own bed, and not staring at four teenagers painting his fucking toe nails while he slept. Sadly, he did not wake up in his own bed.

Zoro wiggled his toes as he stared down at them, the nails were now a deep green that matched the colour of his own hair and there were small pieces of cotton ball in between each toe. Sanji was recapping the small jar of polish while Luffy, Usopp and Chopper stared wide-eyed at Zoro. Zoro took in a deep breath… before lunging forward, hands aimed to strangle the life out of whoever they caught.

"I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU!" Luffy yelped as Zoro latched himself onto the boy, his thick arms wrapping around a scrawny, rubbery neck as he gave a cry of war similar to the one Raphael was giving in the TMNT game they were playing just hours prior. Zoro saw Sanji jump out of the way, falling onto his back and into a fit of laughter.

"Damnit Sanji! If you hadn't insisted on putting on that last coat of paint, he wouldn't have woken up!" Usopp wailed as Zoro reached for him with his free arm. He was just able to duck out of the green-haired man's reach.

"Aha! But now, it won't come off for at least a month!" Sanji continued to laugh and Zoro let his hold on Luffy drop as he pounced at the blond. Sanji jumped out of the way and ran towards that kitchen, hiding behind the small bar area. Zoro tripped over his own feet multiple times as he attempted to follow behind Sanji. The cotton between his toes impeding his process and he growled as he reached down to yank the damn things out. Zoro saw Sanji peak around the corner and the blond choked back a laugh.

"You know that if you pull those things out, the paint will get all over your toes and it'll stay there for weeks!" Zoro scowled at the blond and pulled away from his feet once again, waddling towards Sanji in the most threatening manner he could. He stopped when he reached the point where Sanji was now doing circles around the bar as Zoro followed behind weakly.

"At some point tonight, you're gonna fall asleep. The second that happens, I'm cutting all that pretty blond hair off your head." Zoro threatened, his voice filled with malice as he pointed a finger in Sanji's direction. Sanji chuckled and turned to walk back to the now scattered and thrown about blankets. Zoro looked down angrily at his toe nails which were now a deep, earthy green. At least they aren't pink..? Zoro weakly attempted to diffuse the anger broiling in his gut and failed miserably.

"Oh come on Marimo! You should just feel lucky that we didn't paint your finger nails!" Sanji smirked as he sat back down in his spot on the blanket laden surface.

"Yo, Sanji. How did you know to put on the extra layer of paint anyway?" Usopp asked, his back facing Zoro as he attempted to fix the now mussed sheets of the bed.

"Are you kidding me? I was pretty popular with the ladies back in France, I will have you know." Sanji beamed as he set the nail polish on the counter.

"Oh! So, you were like, the gay best friend?" Luffy asked, his voice innocent and oblivious.

"Wh-what?! NO! Absolutely not!"

"Then why the hell else would they hang out with you?" Zoro smirked.

Sanji seemed to go silent for a moment, his brows furrowing in a short moment of uncertainty. His expression steeled a second later, but not before Zoro saw the change. "Well, obviously it's because they love to be around me, unlike some cavemen that can't say much more than 'sleep' and 'food'!" Zoro growled in response and decided to just switch the topic.

"Why the fuck did you guys decide to prank me anyway?!" Zoro snarled as he walked over to join the group.

"It wasn't just you! Usopp fell asleep for an hour so we drew a set of balls under his nose!" Luffy said and the long-nose shrieked. Zoro turned to look at Usopp and stifled a laugh when he saw that there was, indeed, a pair of balls drawn on his upper lip. "And while Chopper was in the bathroom, I farted in his drink." Luffy pointed to Chopper, who was currently taking a sip of said drink. Chopper's eyes bulged out of his head and he made a garbled, choking noise before falling into a coughing fit.

"DAMNIT LUFFY! THAT'S DISGUSTING!" Chopper squealed as he walked over to the kitchen, dumping the rest of his drink in the sink and throwing out the plastic cup.

"And while Sanji was painting your nails-" Luffy started, looking at Zoro even as Sanji turned to give him the most terrifying glare Zoro had ever seen the blond give. He must have felt the murderous aura coming off Sanji though because his next sentence was, "I did absolutely nothing and he should not be suspicious of anything at all." Zoro smirked as the scowl on Sanji's face only deepened. Chopper joined the group with a new drink in hand and sat down, giving Luffy as dirty a look as Sanji while Usopp ran to the bathroom to look in the mirror and, more likely than not, scrub the balls off his face.

Zoro smirked as he looked back and forth between Luffy, Sanji, and Chopper. "So… what have you guys done to Luffy?" Zoro could see Sanji visibly grinding his teeth as he glared at the black-haired boy.

"Nothing… not yet." Sanji grit out, Luffy leaped away and Sanji soon followed, chasing the boy around the island much like Zoro had just attempted with the blond. "WHAT DID YOU DO YOU BASTARD?!" Sanji howled as he chased Luffy around the small apartment. Zoro watched the whole charade play out and fell back onto his place on the floor. He watched for about ten more minutes as Usopp came out of the bathroom, black ink smudged underneath his nose and Chopper tiredly sipped his new drink.

Zoro looked down at his toes and wiggled them slightly. Zoro didn't often see painted nails up close but the work on them seemed practically flawless. Zoro huffed a laugh as he let his eyes fall shut and fell asleep to the sounds of Sanji chasing around a very unlucky Luffy. Ha… gay best friend.

The second time Zoro woke up was due, not to the smell of chemicals and farts, but to bacon, eggs and hash browns. He opened his eyes blearily as he pushed himself up. Pulling his phone from under his pillow much like he'd done last night, he checked the time. 8:30. It was 8:30 on a weekend and the damn love-cook was already up and waking everybody else up along with him. With breakfast. Could get used to something like this…

Zoro stood up and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes as he made his way to the bathroom for his morning piss. The bathroom was much like the rest of the house. Empty except for the necessities. Shower, sink, bathtub, toilet, med cabinet. It was also the cleanest bathroom Zoro had seen in a long time. Zoro finished up his business and washed his hands in the sink, looking up at himself in the mirror to see the slight tinge of morning stubble. He also noticed that the med cabinet was slightly ajar.

Now, Zoro didn't pry. Zoro never pried. But he couldn't help himself if the cabinet just accidentally opened while he was washing his hands. Zoro stretched his arms over his head, turning to look and make sure he'd locked the bathroom door before snapping his arm out and opening the cabinet.

Nothing in there Zoro hadn't expected really. Toothpaste, toothbrush, shaving cream, razor. Some girly looking creams. Zoro pushed the fruity looking lotions and hummed thoughtfully as he reached to the back and found multiple containers for prescription meds. Zoro pulled two of them out and looked them over. Sertraline… Zolpidem…

Zoro was interrupted from his train of thought when he heard Sanji shouting.

"COME ON! WAKE UP YOU LAZY ASSHOLES! BREAKFAST IS DONE!" Zoro growled as he put back the bottles, making sure to put everything back to the way he found it so as not to alert the blond to his not prying eyes. Zoro closed the cabinet and shook himself off before exiting the bathroom.

Zoro wasn't very surprised to see that Luffy, Usopp and Chopper had already grabbed their bowls of food and were scooping it desperately into their mouths. It confused Zoro slightly since he was sure he'd smelt bacon and eggs and that didn't really go into a bowl. But he wasn't one to complain when somebody made him breakfast, so he shrugged and grabbed one of the last bowls at the island.

"Wow." Zoro said quietly to himself as he stared down at the meal. The bowl was filled with diced hash browns, eggs, bacon and all sorts of different coloured peppers. The bacon had been cut into bite-sized pieces, shredded cheese had been sprinkled lightly overtop and Zoro could see all sorts of different spices peppering the meal. Whether it was just salt and pepper or a mix of something more exotic, he didn't really know, but it looked good. Zoro took a heaping spoonful into his mouth and noticed one taste he'd failed to spot when he'd looked it over.

"Oi, cook. You do remember that Luffy's allergic to mushrooms, right?" Zoro asked as he took another bite.

"Of course I remember dumbass! What kind of a chef would I be if I didn't? His doesn't have mushrooms in it and I spread the extras evenly amongst your bowls." Sanji said as he threw two pans into the sink and turned on the cold water, allowing the sink to fill as he grabbed his own bowl and took a few bites. He turned and grabbed a few mugs from a cupboard above his head and set them on the island before pulling a kettle filled with boiling hot water off the stove and filling them. He pulled a bag of coffee grounds with a weird label out of a different cupboard and scooped them into the drinks, stirring it in.

Sanji picked up one of the three mugs and took large gulps before setting it back down and motioning towards the group. "Well? Drink." Zoro grunted before reaching out and grabbing one of the mugs, taking a large swig of the burning liquid and letting the bitter taste of it dance across his tongue.

"I see there's none for 'the captain'." Usopp pointed out, grabbing his own mug and blowing at the steam before taking a tentative sip.

"Well, if 'the captain' would like to tell me what the fuck he did to me last night, maybe he would get some!" Sanji growled and Zoro chuckled lightly.

"What, you still don't know what Luffy did?" Zoro asked as he took another swig of his drink. He knew he should probably have allowed it to cool for a little while but it's not like drinking it hot would kill him.

"No! I don't know what Luffy did and I would appreciate it if the bastard would just tell me!" Luffy set down his now empty bowl and grinned.

"I told you, I didn't do anything!" He announced as he ran into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. Zoro heard the door lock click and looked back to Sanji, who was fuming silently as he ate his breakfast.

"Anyway, this is really fucking good Sanji, but you didn't have to go all out on us for a breakfast." Usopp said, pointing to his bowl of hash and eggs before scooping another heaping spoonful into his mouth. Sanji laughed as he took another drink of his brew.

"I didn't go all out on you morons, this was just me using up all the leftover food in my fridge before it spoils. I got the idea from a restaurant. It's nice because I could throw fucking anything in there and it would taste good." Zoro finished up his bowl and threw it in the sink filled with soapy water, chugging down the rest of his coffee and throwing the mug in alongside it.

The rest of the morning went without incident, everybody changing into their day clothes, fixing their hair and teeth, and packing up all their blankets and pillows. They decided to play a few more video games until around ten. Ninja Turtles had been played to death so they opted for a racing game instead. Unfortunately, Zoro tended to get lost on the one-way donut track and usually let the rest of the guys play while he just watched.

"So, Sanji, are you still gonna join us for drinks tonight with Ace? Sabo's gonna be with us tonight and he's bringing his girlfriend this time."

"Yeah? The stand is set to be closed every Sunday anyway so it's not like it would be very busy if I actually opened it today." Sanji said around the cigarette he now had dangling from between his lips. "She pretty?" Sanji asked, hearts practically floating in the air around his head as he imagined what she must look like. Zoro had already seen her so he knew, but Sanji hadn't met her yet since Sabo didn't bring her around often. Not that he didn't like to, just never really had the chance since… well since Ace always had his boyfriend over to 'make sure he took his meds' and then get him between the sheets.

"I dunno, maybe?" Luffy grumbled as he continued to play the game, twisting his body as if it would make his car turn any faster around the sharp corners.

"Seriously Sanji? You're asking Luffy? I don't think he even knows what pretty means." Chopper laughed.

Luffy was silent for a few minutes before he spoke next. "… Nami's pretty."

"Well of course my lovely Nami-swan is pretty! She is amongst the most beautiful in the worl- wait WHAT?!" Zoro watched Sanji flail on the floor as he fell back and dropped the controller. Sanji's car veered off screen and Zoro couldn't help but feel like he was watching a damn sitcom show spitting out the same jokes every episode. All that was missing was a banana peel placed 'oh so conveniently' next to an open garbage bin filled with fucking pie or something.

"Dude, no she's not." Usopp laughed.

"You only think that because she's, like, your sister. She's hot."

Sanji whirled around to glare at the three men. "Zoro! You Neanderthal, don't be so crass when referring to my beautiful Nami! She's not 'hot', she is nothing less than a goddess among humans!"

"She's a witch. She's a hot witch, but a witch."

"Like Hermione, from Harry Potter, right?" Usopp added.

"No, more like Bellatrix." Zoro continued.

"OI! Nami is not a witch you bastard! And even if she were, Hermione suits her far better than Bellatrix. Not that Bellatrix isn't beautiful in her own way, she's just not as charming and smart as my Nami~."

"Well if Nami is Hermione, then that would make Luffy, Ron. But Luffy doesn't look or even act very much like Ron at all… He looks kinda like Harry I guess, except his glasses are bigger." Usopp mumbled.

"Oh no! We are not doing this! We did the Ninja Turtles. We did the Ninja Turtles for hours. We are not comparing ourselves to Goddamn Harry Potter now!" Sanji yelled and picked back up his controller, the race was already over and Luffy was setting up the next one. Sanji seemed to remember his train of thought and turned to look back at Luffy. "Did you just say you think Nami's pretty?" Luffy hummed and continued to focus on the screen, his facing turning a slight pinkish colour. Luffy attempted to cover it up by grinning from ear to ear and giggling.

"Well of course she is! She's the prettiest girl in the whole school, you said so yourself! Shishishishishi!"

"Yeah, but there's a difference between me saying it and you saying it." Zoro watched as Sanji grinned like the damn Cheshire cat and started to nudge at Luffy's shoulder with his elbow. "You've got a crush on Nami, don't you?" Luffy's blush deepened and he turned to look at Zoro for help. Zoro cleared his throat roughly and stretched his arms over his head.

"So! Luffy, has Sanji found that shit you took in his shoes yet?" Sanji's eyes went as wide as dinner plates and he cursed as he sprinted for the front door. Sanji dropped to his knees and picked up his shoes, tentatively sniffing at them and reaching his hands inside. Usopp turned to Zoro and gave him a questioning look.

"Zoro… Luffy never-" Chopper attempted to correct Zoro.

"Shh! Let him figure that out himself." Luffy burst out laughing as he watched Sanji frantically checking his shoes and scowling back at the group.

"As soon as I find out what you fuckers actually did, you're dead!" Zoro felt more than he heard himself laugh as Sanji began to search through his house for the second time, trying to find whatever it was that Luffy did with renewed vigor. If only the dumbass knew the prank is in his pocket.

"Oh yeah! Luffy, last night didn't you say that Nami got you an interview for a job? Where's that?" Usopp asked as Sanji began the search for his prank with renewed vigor.

"Oh yeah, it's a surprise~!"