Chapter Eleven

Evil Within the Castle

Lillianth's Journal

The battle was over at Redcliffe. The citizens were safe...for now. I was exhausted from the night long battle, defending the village of Redcliffe. Maybe a bath. The blood of the walking corpses were all over my flesh and hair, stinking.

We followed Bann Teagan to the windmill that was perched on top of the hill.

"Odd how it seems so quiet," Teagan commented. "But I shouldn't delay things any further. I have a plan to get inside the castle. There is a passage in the windmill accesible only to me."

"How convenient, milord," I said. "But why keep it a secret?"

"I knew you would go straight to the castle once you arrived here in Redcliffe and we needed warriors. But, it matters not. I'm sorry if I..." he stopped mid-sentence, his eyes went wide and then pointed behind us. "Maker's breath!" he exclaimed.

Soon, a young woman came running down the hill with a knight in tow. She had sandy hair, dark eyes...she was very young, despite the age lines engraved on her forehead and near her eyes.

"Isolde!" said Teagan. "You're alive! How did you...what's happening?"

Isolde? As in Lady Isolde? The very woman Alistair told me about who banished him from Arl Eamon's home? The one who insisted he be sent away to the Chantry?

"I don't have time to explain, Teagan," said Isolde. "I slipped away once I saw the battle was over. You must return quickly to the castle, alone."

"I don't know, milord," I said. "This could be a trap. Maybe we should go with you."

"What...?" Isolde scoffed, narrowing her eyes like I had the nerve to speak. "Who...who is this woman, Teagan?"

"You remember me, Lady Isolde," sighed Alistair.

"Alistair!" she scoffed. "Of all the...what are you doing here?"

"They are Grey Wardens, Lady Isolde," said Teagan. "If it weren't for them, I would not be here. I owe them my life."

"Begging your pardon," Lady Isolde apologized. "I would exchange pleasantries...but, considering the circumstances..."

"Please, Lady Isolde, we had no idea that anyone was alive in the castle," Alistair replied.

"Why must Bann Teagan return alone?" I asked.

"I wish I could eludicate, but...I'm afraid I can't. I'm not sure it is safe to say. All I know is he must for Connor's sake." Lady Isolde turned to Teagan. "You must come back with me, Teagan! There is a terrible evil inside the castle. The mage did something. And I'm afraid Connor...he's going mad. Surely, you could reason with him. You're his uncle. "

"Who is this mage?" I asked.

"An infiltrator," said Isolde. "He's one of the castle staff. He's responsible for poisoning my husband. However, he claims Teyrn Loghain hired him, but I'm sure he's lying. We caught him and imprisoned him."

"Eamon was poisoned?!" Teagan exclaimed, shocked.

"What about Arl Eamon? Is he alive?" I asked, worried.

"Yes, thank the Maker. The evil...it allows me, Connor and Eamon to live. I'm not sure how, though...but I'm certain it's something the mage did. The others were not so lucky."

"This evil you speak of, milady, is it a demon?"

"I...I don't know," there was immense fear in her eyes. "Perhaps. Maker's mercy! Please, Teagan! You must come back with me!"

"You don't seem to be telling us everything, Lady Isolde," I said, suspicious. "Are you hiding something?"

Lady Isolde scoffed. "That's a rather impertinent answer!" She sighed, trying to calm herself down. "I apologize for my rudeness, Grey Warden...look, I would take you with me if I could, but I can't. Trust me when I say that I cannot speak more of it. I'm afraid that this evil will hurt Connor."

Though it was suspicious, I suppose I understood. We would have to find out ourselves once we got there.

"If you'll excuse us, Lady Isolde," said Bann Teagan. "I must speak with the Grey Wardens privately."

"Very well. Don't be too long. I will wait for you by the bridge."

Lady Isolde disappeared with the knight. Bann Teagan took us aside, handing me his signet ring. "I will distract whatever evil is inside. Remember, Eamon is the priority here. The rest of us are expendable."

"That's not true, milord," I said. "But, I will do what I can."

"Thank you. You're a good woman, Lillianth. I must be on my way."

He went with Lady Isolde up the hill towards the castle, disappearing from sight. We went towards the windmill and through the secret passage. I heard screaming coming from the other room. Stealthily, I opened the door and peeked in to see three walking corpses, attacking one of the cells, rattling the door, snarling and snapping their teeth. We took down quickly, avoiding their claws and rotting snapping teeth.

"Who...who's there?" said a voice coming from the cell.

There was a man dressed in mage's robes. His lank black hair framed his bloody and bruised face. He was obviously beaten. He grasped the bars of the door, looking at us with clear blue eyes in fear.

"You're...you're not the knights Lady Isolde sent, are you?" he said, with a tremor in his voice.

"You're the mage who poisoned the arl!" I exclaimed.

"Yes. I am Jowan. I assume Lady Isolde told you about me. " His eyes were filled with remorse. "I'm not proud of it though. I was hired to do so. Lady Isolde had no idea when she took me in to tutor her son."

"Why did you do it then, Jowan?" I asked. "Were you having an affair with Lady Isolde? Did she ask you to do this?"

I had heard from Owen that his daughter told him such rumors, not just that, but she was dabbling in blood magic as well.

"NO!" Jowan exclaimed. "Lady Isolde is a faithful woman and she loves her husband. It was Teyrn Loghain. He told me that Arl Eamon was a threat to Ferelden. He said that if I did this, he would deal with the Circle. You see, I'm a maleficar."

"A blood mage!" exclaimed Alistair. "This can't be good."

"Well, I never would've guessed," Morrigan said, sarcastically.

"Yes. It's true," Jowan admitted, still remorseful. "I dabbled in the forbidden arts and I was condemned to death. That's when the teryn came to see me." He paused for a moment. "But, you have to understand: I'm not responsible for the creatures or the killings in the castle. I was already imprisoned when that happened. Lady Isolde demanded I undo what I had done, I thought she meant poisoning the arl. She accused me of summoning a demon to torment her family, but that's not true. I tried to tell her I had nothing to do with it, but anything I said wouldn't appease her. She...had me tortured."

"Why did Lady Isolde hire you exactly?"

"Connor started to show signs. She sought an apostate to teach him in secret so he could hide his abilities. If anyone found out, he would've been taken away to the Circle. A mage, even from a powerful arl, cannot inherit a title."

"And Arl Eamon never knew about this?"

"No. She was adamant that he never find out. She's a pious woman. Having a mage for a son was...shameful. I taught him some magic, but he can't even cast a minor spell...perhaps what happened had something to do with the monsters. With the Veil torn, spirits and demons could infiltrate the castle."

"So, Connor could be possessed by a demon?"

"Yes. Mages are the most vulnerable to them, especially those who first experience magic. They're drawn to us from the Fade. I'm pretty sure it approached him when he was sleeping. Look, I want to help if I can. I never wanted this to happen."

"He wishes to redeem himself," said Leliana. "Surely, everyone deserves that chance, even in the Maker's eyes."

"I don't know," said Alistair, reluctantly. "He is a blood mage, but this is an unusual situation."

"He could be of use to us," said Morrigan. "If not, I say set him free. Why keep him prisoner here anyway?"

"Are you mad?!" Alistair exclaimed. "Setting a blood mage free? You can't just do that!"

"Is it better to slay him? Punish him for the choices he made? Is that Alistair that is talking or the templar?" Morrigan argued.

"I say it's common sense," Alistair snipped.

"ENOUGH!" I yelled. I was getting sick of Morrigan and Alistair arguing. "Look, Jowan. If you wish to redeem yourself, then we will see what happens. In the meantime, you should stay in your cell. It's not safe. I will speak with Bann Teagan about this, but it will be up to the Arl to decide your fate."

"Very well, milady," he said. "I will wait here then."

We left the dungeon and proceeded on.

"I cannot believe it!" Alistair exclaimed. "Connor is a mage? Who knew?"

"Why can't mages inherit a title, Alistair?" I asked.

"It's Chantry law: magic exists to serve man, never rule over him. Surely, you know about this."

"The Dalish have our own gods, Alistair. We do not follow the Chantry." I smirked. "Are you going to arrest me for being a heretic, Ser Templar?"

Alistair laughed. "Don't worry about it."

We ascended the stairs, encountering more walking corpses, which we took down. Soon, I found a terrified young woman, cowering in a closet.

"Please! Don't hurt me!" she shrieked.

"Calm down, I'm not going to hurt you." I assured her.

She relaxed and looked up. "Sorry. I thought you were...monsters. They're everywhere. My...my name's Valena, one of the arlessa's maids."

"Valena?" I asked. "Owen's daughter?"

"You know my father?" she exclaimed. "How is he?"

"He's fine. Run while you can. I cleared a path for you. There should be a secret entrance at the end of the hall."

"Thank you, milady! I will go to my father at once." She took off running.

Once we reached the main hall, we found Bann Teagan dancing in crazy, unnatural way, doing flips and somersaults. A little boy with red hair began clapping his hands delightfully. He was about ten or twelve, he had blue eyes like Teagan...yet, they looked sunken and possessed, cold and soulless. His cheeks were grey and sunken like they were decomposing.

"So, this is the woman, Mother?" said Connor...yet it wasn't his own voice. It sounded deep, distorted and unnatural. A boy would certainly not sound like this. "The one who defeated my soldiers?"

"Y-yes, Connor," Lady Isolde stammered, terrified.

"Now it's staring at me, Mother! I can't quite see what it is."

"It's an Elf, Connor. You've seen Elves before. We have them here in the castle..."

"Ah yes!" Connor turned his attention to me "Knife-eared bitch, how dare you show your face here! I ought to cut off your ears and feed them to the dogs. I know they would relish them. I did it with the servants and the dogs chewed for hours." The demonic voice laughed.

I hated that word. That filthy, disgusting, degrading word! I used every ounce of my will to restrain my anger.

"There's so much anger inside you, mortal," he continued. "I can sense it. I know you want to drive your blades into me and rip me apart, don't you? You should." It paused. "Yet...I sense something else...is it desire for a man? One not of your own kind perhaps? This one?" He pointed to Alistair.

How? I blanched. How could this be! I kept my feelings at bay about Alistair. I felt so exposed, humiliated. I wished the ground would open up right now...Alistair was standing RIGHT there and heard. I felt the rage rising ever since that demon exposed my inner secrets.

"I know how much you want to wrap your slender legs around this man..." Connor taunted.

"Fuck you!" I spat, venomously.

The demon chuckled, maliciously amused. "Oooh! Sounds like fun! I can arrange that."

"Connor, please! Don't hurt anyone!" Lady Isolde begged.

Suddenly, Connor clapped his head, shaking it as if he were waking up from a dream.

"M-mother?" he stammered, very confused. The innocence in his voice sounded more like him. "What's happened? Where am I?"

"Oh! Thank the Maker!" Lady Isolde sighed, relieved. "Connor? Can you hear me?"

"GET AWAY FROM ME, STUPID WOMAN!" the demon voice bellowed. Lady Isolde's mouth dropped open with a look of horror. "You are beginning to bore me!"

"Please, Grey Warden!" she implored to me. "Don't hurt my son! He's not responsible for this."

"This the evil you spoke of, Lady Isolde?" I exclaimed, pointing to Connor.

"NO!" Lady Isolde sobbed. "It was the mage! He's responsible for this! He summoned the demon. Connor was just trying to help his father."

"It was a fair deal!" Connor hissed. "Father is alive, just as I want him. Now, it's my turn to take the throne and summon the armies to conquer the world. Nobody gets to tell me what to do anymore."

"Nobody tells him!" laughed Bann Teagan. His voice sounded strange like he was being controlled. "Nobody!"

"Shut up, Uncle! I told you what would happen if you kept shouting!" Connor spat, irritated. He turned towards me. "Let's keep things civil, shall we? This woman wants an audience with me. What is it you want from me?"

"I came to stop you, demon!" I said, bravely.

The demon laughed. "Really, Elf bitch? I'd like to see you try. You wouldn't last."

I didn't answer.

"Connor, please!" Lady Isolde said. "Don't be this way."

"Stupid woman! Ever since you sent those knights away, you've deprive me of fun!" spat the demon, acidly. "I crave excitement. And this knife-eared whore ruined it by saving that fucking village. She will pay for her mistake!"

Suddenly, Connor took off in a run. Soon, Bann Teagan and the knights attacked us. Lady Isolde screamed, cowering in a corner. We fought them for a moment...soon, Bann Teagan cried out.

"Stop!" he yelled.

"Teagan!" cried Lady Isolde, sobbing.

"I'm fine," he said.

"Why did you hide this, Lady Isolde?" I said.

"I was afraid that the evil would hurt Connor. I was not going to lose my son. Not to magic!" she was near tears.

"What could possibly be terrible about your son being a mage?"

"Magic..." she admitted. "It runs in my family. They did...terrible things..."

"Do you realize what you have done, Isolde?" Teagan hissed angrily. "You've brought doom upon your family and all of us. How could you do such a thing?"

"I...I didn't think..." she sobbed. "I was trying to protect Connor."

"What do we do now?" I asked. "Surely, Jowan could explain. He is still in the dungeon."

"I will bring him up. Mind you, if he resists, I will not hesitate to kill him," Teagan stated.

He disappeared with some knights for a moment to return with Jowan.

"You're very lucky to be alive, Jowan," Lady Isolde stated angrily.

Jowan explained that the demon inside Connor needed to be eliminated: killing him was the best and direct way. However, he could let a mage confront the demon in the Fade without harming Connor. With blood magic, he would draw life energy from someone, which required all of it. Lady Isolde was more than willing to give up her life to save her son. It didn't sound right to me.

"Blood magic!" spat Alistair. "How much more evil can this get?! Two wrongs don't make a right!"

I didn't like blood magic as much as the next person. "Surely, there must be another way!" I insisted.

"Well, we need lots of lyrium and mages," said Jowan. "I don't have access to that."

"Surely, the Circle would be willing to help," I suggested.

"Yes! Excellent idea, Lillianth!" said Alistair. "One of the treaties is for them anyway."

"The Circle is but a day's journey from here," said Bann Teagan. "Hurry if you must! We probably don't have much time."

"We'll leave now," I said. "With your permission, Bann Teagan, may we search the castle for supplies?"

"Take what you need. But do not linger for too long."

While exploring Redcliffe Castle, I found a desk at the end of the hall. Inside one of the drawers, there was an amulet that had cracks in it: it looked like it had been carefully glued back together. The chain was broken and there was a strange symbol on the medallion.

I remember I had an amulet...with Andraste's holy symbol on it...

Surely, this had to be Alistair's mother's amulet. He described it to me. But, was the symbol correct? I pocketed the trinket in my pouch.

Once we made camp and rested for the evening. We would leave for the Circle Tower on Lake Calenhad by dawn. I didn't want to be near Alistair after we confronted the demon. I was humiliated. I could barely look at him. I went to an isolated corner of the camp, hoping to find a quiet place to gather my thoughts of what happened.

I could only imagine Alistair's reaction when he heard the demon expose my secret so cruelly. I didn't want him to know I had such feelings for him...and yet, I couldn't. It was considered very wrong to have such feelings, in the eyes of the clan. For so long, I have be taught that humans have wronged us for centuries. The ones who drove us away from our lands for refusing to submit to their ways. Yet, I have to admit that surely there had to be humans who didn't think poorly of us. There were some views and traditions of my people I did not quite agree with, not that I would've ever expressed this out loud with the clan.

"Lillianth?" said the voice of Leliana. "Are you alright?"

"Is...Alistair with you?"

"No. I'm alone. You seem very upset. Alistair is worried about you though. Usually you two talk all the time."

"This I can't," I said.

"You can talk about it to me if you want. We're friends, no?"

I was glad that something like this I could talk to a woman for once. I don't think Alistair would understand, least I know. Plus it was too embarrassing.

"How did the demon know?" I said with a trembling voice. "I tried to keep it buried so deep that I hoped to forget it."

"If my assumption is correct, the demon we confronted may be one of desire. It's a very powerful and unholy thing. They see our most inner and desperate desires and use it to their advantage. Surely, the Circle mages will know more about them."

"I feel so...humiliated, Leliana. I wish Alistair wasn't there to hear it."

"I'm sure Alistair wouldn't believe the demon's lies." Then she looked at me. "Unless...do you really feel that way about him?"

I swallowed, feeling my cheeks flushing with shame. "I...I care about Alistair, yes. But I can't have these...feelings for him."

"But, why not? You two are very close and you're Grey Wardens."

"I shouldn't...especially for a human. It's...not normal."

"What is normal, Lillianth? You're not just a Dalish, you're a woman. It's perfectly fine to have feelings like this."

"I know, but even dallying with a human is unacceptable in the eyes of the Dalish. If I even did such a thing, I would be permanently exiled...and shunned by the other clans. It's very humiliating." I swallowed.

Leliana looked at me, very concerned. "Are you planning on returning to your clan once the Blight is over, Lillianth?"

"Duncan said I might not."

"Well, if that is so, therefore you are free to do as you wish, no? I think if you feel this way about Alistair, then you should tell him."

"But...I barely know him."

"Barely...?" Leliana exclaimed. "I've heard you two, those long sleepless nights, talking by the fire. Plus, you seem to enjoy each other's company. I say, let these feelings blossom."

I smiled. "I...it's something to ponder over, I suppose. Thank you, Leliana. You are a treasured friend."

"Why, thank you, Lillianth. I am honored to be one. Come. Let us eat dinner lest Alistair hogs it all."

We laughed, walking back to the campfire. I sat with Leliana by the fire, fingering the amulet.

"Leliana?" I asked. "Would you recognize a symbol of Andraste if you saw one?"

"Of course." Leliana replied. I showed her the amulet. "Yes! This is the holy symbol of Andraste. Where did you get this?"

"I think this belonged to Alistair's mother. I found it in a study at Redcliffe. But, don't tell him, please! I want to give it to him. I just wanted to make sure it was."

"No worries," said Leliana. "I'm sure Alistair would appreciate it, Lillianth."

I crawled into my tent to sleep once I was finished eating dinner. I had more nightmares about the darkspawn...the archdemon...and Tamlen, still screaming for me to save him. I went to the campfire, alone. I stared at the fire, fingering Tamlen's bracelet. I saw Sten, still standing there, wide awake and still as a tree.

"Don't you want to rest, Sten?" I asked.

"I need none," he answered, stone-faced.

I shrugged. Talking to Qunari was a bit pointless since they answered in short sentences or words, plus they were a bit unsettling. I walked around the camp, trying to get my mind off of Tamlen. I went back to the campfire to find Alistair sitting there as well. Of course, being Grey Wardens...I guess we never sleep. He looked like he was talking to himself or something...

"Can't sleep either?" I said. He nodded, hiding something in his pouch. I shrugged it off. "Honestly, do we ever sleep?"

"Well, they say the nightmares are worse for Grey Wardens who join during the Blight. Some are just more sensitive than others."

"What else changes after the Joining?"

"I asked Duncan the same thing and all he said was, 'You'll see'."

"He didn't want to tell you?"

"It's not that. I gather it's not a pleasant topic. Well, the first thing I noticed was an increase in appetite. I used to get up in the middle of the night and raid the castle larder. I thought I was starving. I'd slurp down every dinner like it was my last." He laughed. "My face...all covered in gravy. The other Grey Wardens would stare and laugh themselves to tears."

"Really?" I said, raising an eyebrow. "I certainly haven't felt that."

"Oh, please, Lillianth!" he rolled his eyes. "I saw you wolf down food the other day...and I thought 'hmm, good thing she gets a lot of exercise.'"

"What can I say?" I shrugged. "I'm a growing girl."

"I'll say..." he smirked. "Not that I...noticed or anything...I didn't mean it like that...please don't punch me! I bruise easily." He held up his hands to protect himself.

"Feel free to look, Alistair," I laughed. "Just like you did earlier when I climbed that tree."

"What?! I did no such a thing!" he exclaimed, blushing.

"Oh, please! Any man would've done the same thing. You got my hip in your face and a pair of legs, you're bound to stare at something."

"No, no, no! I wasn't looking at...anything..." he stammered, clearing his throat and rubbing his neck, gazing upward.

"Right. Just like you were staring at my breasts when we were horse-playing?"

"You...oh! Maker's breath, Lillianth! Honestly! You make me feel like a pervert!"

"Oh, relax, Alistair. I was just teasing."

He chuckled. "Anyway, back to our current discussion: you know about the nightmares. When we sense the darkspawn, we tap into their group mind, I guess that's what you call it. Some Grey Wardens never have trouble sleeping, which is rare. Others never sleep in their entire life. Yet, once you reach a certain age, the real nightmares begin. That's how a Grey Warden knows their time has come."

What did he mean? Time has come? This surely couldn't be good.

"I don't understand."

"Oh! We didn't have time to tell you that part. Well, in addition to all the wonderful things about being a Grey Warden, Lillianth, you don't have to worry about dying from old age. Give or take, you got thirty years. The taint..." he became serious, almost saddened. "It's a death sentence. Your body won't be able to handle it. Once the time has come, the Grey Wardens go to Orzammar and fight one last battle rather than wait. It's tradition."

I thought about the day I got tainted...how Duncan saved me...how Keeper told me my illness nearly killed me...I realized that...I was going to die, eventually in that amount of time. I stared at the fire, hugging my knees. I wondered what would've happened to me...if I hadn't been saved...I could only imagine Tamlen...what had happened to him...

"Lillianth, are you alright? You look...sick." The worry lines formed on his forehead, full of concern.

"I'm fine," I assured. "I just...never wondered that. I...feel..." No words came to me: I was overwhelmed with outrage, anger, confusion.

"I know. I felt angry too when I found out. But Duncan said to me, "It's not how we die. It's about how we live.'"

"I'm not afraid of dying, Alistair. I almost did once. You know the story how I was tainted, right?" He nodded. "Anyway, after Duncan brought me back to the camp, the Keeper...I guess, she healed me. But, Duncan said it was only temporary. What I really want to know is...what happens when...you're not treated right away?"

"When the taint is left unaided, from what I heard, you turn into...a darkspawn monster."

"You mean, Tamlen could...?" I felt sick again.

"I'm afraid so." He looked saddened.

I felt the tears coming again. I couldn't imagine what kind of monster Tamlen had become. Was he really alive? Duncan said that we wouldn't find him. I kept having dreams about him and hoped I wouldn't have to see him again. A permanent reminder of my failure.

"So...eventually, after thirty years, I could..." I swallowed.

"Something like that. The Joining just delays that. Better to go to Orzammar than wait it out."

"Why of all places Orzammar?"

"There's plenty of darkspawn in the Deep Roads, Lillianth. The oldest Grey Wardens go there for one last glorious battle. Not that there's a shortage during a Blight. The dwarves respect us for that." He started to tear up a bit. "You know, Duncan...he started having the nightmares. He told me that in private. Said it wouldn't be too long before he would go himself. I guess...he got what he wanted."

"He will always be remembered, Alistair," I said.

"That's true. Ending the Blight...it should make this all worthwhile."

I knew Alistair had gone through the Joining six months earlier than I, which means his time would come. I would be alone once he left. I mean, I knew eventually, the Grey Wardens would be rebuilt and I would make new friends...but Alistair was...special, I suppose. I liked him from the moment I met him and to lose him would be devastating.

"Promise me something, Alistair," I said.

"Certainly."

"Promise me when your time has come...that you will take me with you to Orzammar. If I'm going to die, I'd rather not do it alone."

Alistair's hazel eyes shined. "I would be...honored, Lillianth. Thank you. I promise I will."

He touched my shoulder, which sent tremors through my body. I flushed, staring at Alistair.

"Thank you...and I feel the same way. You're a true friend, Alistair."


Excerpt from Alistair's Journal

Well, that was certainly disturbing on all levels. I couldn't believe that Lady Isolde was hiding such a secret...and poor Connor, possessed by a demon, spewing obscene, hurtful things. I cannot imagine how Lady Isolde felt.

Yet, to hear it say how Lillianth had such feelings...really? I know I don't trust demons at all, but I wondered if it was true. I know that I had feelings for Lillianth, yet I wasn't sure how to approach her about it. She certainly had to feel so beyond embarrassed.

Once we made camp, she took off to an isolated part of the camp, leaning near a tree. I thought about talking to her. I know she and Leliana were good friends, perhaps she would know.

"Should I talk to her, Leliana?" I asked.

"No, Alistair," she said. "I will. This is something women should discuss only. I think she's upset enough."

Leliana went over to where Lillianth was talking. Best if I don't be nosy. I watched as the two girls talked: Lillianth looked so upset, nearly crying. I guess it would be best that I don't bring it up. Though...I couldn't help myself that I had feelings for Lillianth. I've had them ever since we first met. She made me laugh, we cried together...talked all those late nights by the campfire.

Perhaps...once it was right. I took the rose out of my pouch. It was still alive and flawless as if I had first picked it in Lothering. I practiced what I was going to say to her...each sentence stupider as the next.

"Can't sleep either?" said Lillianth's voice.

I stashed the rose in my pouch in hopes she didn't see it. I wanted to give it to her when I was ready. Once again, another night of sleeplessness and talking by the campfire. I liked these moments. I treasured them very much.

When I told her what happens to Grey Wardens when they get older, she seemed a bit bothered...not about dying though, more about what happens when the taint was untreated, like what happened to Tamlen. I couldn't imagine how she felt, knowing that her friend...someone she cared about would turn into a horrific monster. Hugging her knees, she stared at the fire, silent in contemplation.

Yet, what really tugged my heartstrings the most was her one request: that I would take her to Orzammar when my time came. She wanted to die with me in the Deep Roads. Such an honor! I would be glad to die alongside my fellow Grey Warden...that I...cared for, Blight and all.

She smiled, thanking me.