A/N sorry it took so long for this update! if you review more I promise to update again soon :)
As Alex and Gabby sat at the kitchen table eating their Chinese food there was a soft knock on the door. Alex raised her perfectly arched eyebrow at Gabby. Gabby just shrugged as she wiped her mouth with a napkin and walked to the front door. She looked threw the peep hole and saw Emma standing there anxiously.
"Hey." Gabby said opening the door. "Now isn't really a great-" but Gabby was cut off by Emma pushing past her and into the apartment.
"You have been ignoring my phone calls all afternoon and after your meeting I was worried about you. You can just ignore your best friend." Emma declared dramatically as she made her self at home in the living room. The fact that Emma felt at home in the Benson's apartment never bothered Gabby. Emma and Gabby had been friends for years and Emma often saw Olivia as a second mom, but right now she was dealing with a lot of stuff and she just didn't want to have to explain herself to Emma and Alex.
"Gabby" Alex called from the other room. "Who's here?"
Emma hopped off the couch instantly and looked timidly at the door as Alex appeared. "Oh." Emma said shyly. "Hi Ms. Cabot."
"Hi Emma." Alex said politely, looking at Gabby for some discreet signal of what to do.
Gabby gave Emma a pleading stare. "I, uhmmmm, I…." Emma stuttered, finally realizing that she was interrupting something. "I just stopped by to say hi. I'm leaving now. I'll call you later Gabs." Emma gave Gabby a quick one armed hug as she headed back towards the front door. "Bye Gabby, bye Ms. Cabot." Emma called closing the front door behind her.
Gabby locked the front door and returned to the kitchen table to find Alex already sitting back down waiting for her.
"Sorry about that." Gabby mumbled eating a piece of sweet and sour chicken off her plate.
"It's fine! She was worried about you. I understand." Alex said smiling. Gabby was quiet and didn't look up from her plate as Alex continued. "I was worried about you too."
Gabby felt her stomach tighten at the simple words Alex had just spoken. "Can we not talk about this now?" Gabby pleaded.
"Of course." Alex replied simply staring at Gabby who was now just moving her food around her plate. The two women sat in silence for a few minutes. Alex noticed that tears had begun to form in Gabby's eyes but she choose not to say anything.
After a few painfully silent minutes Gabby suddenly shot up. "Excuse me" she said her voice shaking as she ran to the bathroom. Gabby hastily closed the door and slid down the bathtub sitting in a ball. She pulled her legs up to her chest and let the tears fall fast and furious. She had no idea what set her off but she knew she wasn't feeling like herself. Her breathing became more rapid and shallow; suddenly Gabby was feeling extremely warm. She let her neck rest on the cool porcelain of the bathtub, a desperate yet failed attempt to cool herself off. She had been sitting in the bathroom for at least five minutes and she wasn't feeling any better. Her head had begun to spin and Gabby was now shaking violently. Her breaths had become few and far between and she was starting to feel panicky. Without actually registering it Gabby heard a soft knock on the bathroom door and she attempted to answer but all that came out was a squeaking yelp. This noise frightened Alex so she opened the door slowly to avoid startling Gabby.
Alex's eyes went wide on her head as she saw Gabby's face. It was white as a ghost; there was sweat beginning to bead up on her forehead. Alex dropped down to the floor and pulled Gabby in close. Gabby was shaking violently, crying and having a difficult time breathing. Seeing Gabby like this scared Alex like no other. "Shh." Alex whispered to Gabby. "Breath. Gabby I need you to take deep breaths for me….. Gabby please." Alex begged. Gabby breathing wasn't getting better and Alex could feel Gabby squeeze her eyes shut and lean into Alex. Alex held Gabby whispering encouraging words and reminders to breath.
Gabby's breathing began to level out and the shaking had settled since Alex had begun holding her. There were still tears running down Gabby's cheeks as she leaned back into Alex's chest trying to relax. "shhhh." Alex whispered. "It's alright. Gabby you're ok. I'm here. Shhhhh."
After a few silent minutes Gabby spoke again. "I'm sorry." She stammered. "My-my panic attacks normally aren't that bad. I'm really sorry."
"Shhh" Alex said holding her close. "It's ok. I understand ok. We don't need to talk about this now. I just need you to breathe ok?" Alex felt Gabby nod beneath her. They sat in the bathroom until Gabby's breathing finally was back to normal. Alex looked down at Gabby and softly suggested, "Can we go to the couch?" Once again Alex felt Gabby nod beneath her. Alex stood up and offered her hand to Gabby. Gabby slowly stood up, trying to regain her balance. Alex led her to the couch, "I'm gonna make us some tea ok?"
"uh-huh" Gabby said curling up underneath her favorite blanket. Gabby closed her eyes and focused on her breathing. She hated having panic attacks they were scary and overwhelming, and this had been one of the worse ones she had ever had.
After five minutes Alex returned with two steaming cups of chamomile and honey tea. She handed one to Gabby as she sat down on the couch beside the teenager. Gabby held the cup close to her face and took a breath of steam.
"Sorry you had to see that." Gabby offered quietly.
"Gabs, its fine. I knew something was wrong when you left the table so abruptly. I had to make sure you were ok."
They were quiet for a few more minutes before Gabby spoke up again.
"They normally aren't like that. I can normally manage, but-" Gabby sighed as her voice trailed off.
Alex understood that panic attacks were hard to explain to someone who had never had one so she prompted Gabby by saying, "I understand, I have an anxiety disorder and I used to have really bad panic attacks."
Gabby looked at Alex in shock, "really?" she asked softly.
"Would I lie to you?" Alex asked smiling.
Gabby shook her head, "well I am glad you came in when you did, my breathing was getting worse and I was really scared."
"I know." Alex said taking a sip of her tea. "I am glad I was able to help you."
The silence came back and Gabby felt obliged to say something. "so…..uhm…. about last night…." but Gabby stopped talking.
"Sweetheart, you've had a pretty rough afternoon we don't need to talk about it now ok?"
Gabby nodded but began to speak anyways, "I don't really want to talk about it but I feel like you deserve at least the thirty second story ok?"
"Whatever you feel comfortable talking about I am here to listen." Alex replied.
Suddenly Gabby's words were spilling out. "Basically, I have a bad habit of throwing up when I get super anxious or nervous. Sometimes I make myself throw up sometimes it just happens. It's not like an eating disorder or anything because I don't do it to get skinny but I still do it and it's not ok…" Gabby's voice began trailing off as she finished her sentence, and she avoided all eye contact with Alex by staring deeply into her now empty cup of tea.
"Gabby," Alex said her voice shaking slightly. "I understand. I really do."
Gabby didn't respond she didn't even look up, "no you don't," she whispered softly.
"I do. I swear." Alex began fumbling for her words. She wasn't sure if now was an appropriate time to say something but Alex needed Gabby to know that she did truly understand. "I'm going to tell you something ok, just so you fully understand how much I can empathize with you ok?" Gabby nodded and Alex continued. "When I was in high school I went through the same thing you did. The exact same thing."
Gabby slowly turned her gaze to Alex. "You used to force yourself to throw up?" Gabby said her voice laced with fear and shock.
"Yes." Alex replied simply.
A/N please please please review if you want more!
