Warning: Extremely long chapter. This is the part I of the only chapter that I'm going to do that has Bella's POV. So length is expected. Flashbacks galore as well as an interesting twist from the present at the end of the chapter will be read in the two parts. I could've done away with this but there have been requests and I guess I caved in because you guys might want to know what's inside Bella's mind.
I also realized that since Bella never said a word in the past 11 chapters that it's time we heard from her so here's a super lengthy account of everything that happened and is happening as seen through her eyes. Enjoy!
"Guys that was Renee." Bella's mother? MY eyes grew in alarm. Something was wrong. Oh please God, no.
"What's wrong Jazz, tell us!" Rosalie demanded, worry covering her words as well.
"She was asking if Bella was still here. She was supposed to arrive there three hours ago. She checked with the airlines and they said Bella wasn't on the plane nor did anyone from the airlines here saw her."
I sunk lower and lower as I heard Jasper talk and froze when he said what I shuddered to hear.
"Bella's missing."
Chapter 12: Bella Speaks: Part I
Bella
I sighed as I watched the autumn leaves fall one by one.
Yellow
Orange
Red
I closed my eyes as I felt the cold crisp air hit my face. I shivered. When I opened my eyes, I watched the melancholic scene before me. Following the leaves slowly hit the ground my heart ached because I was like one of these leaves. It never ceases to amaze me how easily I fell like these leaves.
So natural,
So free,
So expected like it was meant to be…
That was what it felt like… me falling for Edward Cullen.
I lowered my eyes and blew on my hands. It was cold. Really cold.
I shut my eyes tight. I wasn't supposed to be here.
Why did I run away from him? He was there, ready to give himself to me and I was there, ready to give myself to him as well. I only but had to just nod at him. But I didn't.
I couldn't…
So I ran. I ran from the only man who ever understood me without ever prying. I buried my face on my hands and let the tears escape once more. Bella Swan, you're such an idiot. I was so stupid to give up the good thing.
I love him. I really love him with all my being. I was hopelessly in love with him. But when he asked me to marry him, when I was about to say yes reality hit me. I could never say yes to him. I could never say anything to him. I hated myself. I hated myself for my condition. Edward deserved to be with someone better than me. I didn't deserve him. It doesn't make sense for him to love me.
I slumped on my back and looked up at the sky then I allowed myself to remember the first time we met.
I was bored that day so I went for a walk bringing my sketchpad. Jasper dropped my off Central Park and said that he would come back for me after he sold his paintings to a famous art dealer. So walking around the park, I tightened the scarf Jasper gave me for my birthday and searched for a place to sit.
Then I spotted a bench. Ah, now that's better. So I sat down, bringing my legs up then rested the pad on my lap. I flipped to a blank page and scanned my surroundings. I rolled my eyes. All I could see were couples. I don't know why seeing people together irritated me to some extent.
Was it because of my parents' failed marriage? I shook my head. Charlie and Renee loved each other yet Renee wanted a different life from what Charlie offered. My dad let my mother go be happy and right now she was happy with her new husband. Phil made her happy so I was happy. When I last went home, I was glad that my dad was finally seeing someone. He was seeing Sue Clearwater. It was unfortunate that Harry, her late husband died but at least she won't be lonely anymore.
So I guess I really can't blame my parents for this bitterness. It wasn't like I didn't have the opportunities to have relationships. Several guys asked me out. I said yes to some of them, well, I could only count two people I went on dates on – Mike and Tyler from high school. Yet all ended the same way. They never grew accustomed to my silence. They didn't get me. They couldn't understand me so after that I never said yes again.
And of course… I remembered Jasper. My heart ached for rejecting him. I loved him but only as a brother. I don't think I even deserved him. He was too overprotective and adoring that I would often feel so guilty with him like I was a burden. I've always felt like a burden to all the people I loved….
I shrugged all those thoughts away and decided to just sketch the bench in front me. I did not include the happy couple sitting there and made it empty.
A strong gust of wind blew my direction that when I tried to keep my hair off my face, I dropped my charcoal pencil. Bending over, I picked it up then got back to my previous position and continued sketching.
I was oblivious to the fact that someone was standing not too far from me. I thought that whoever that person was would just pass through so I paid no mind.
I continued drawing even as I heard footsteps definitely belonging to a man becoming louder as proximity drew closer.
Then the sound of footsteps ended in front of me and I heard the most beautiful warm voice that felt so rich like velvet.
"Excuse me miss, but would it be alright if I sit beside you? I'm sorry for disturbing you," the voice said politely. I looked up and swathe most handsome face I have ever seen. The man in front me had the greenest eyes that were so deep like a thick forest you would want to get lost in just to feel the green in them and he had bronze colored hair that was messy but made him look all the more beautiful. But I liked most was his kind smile. My eyes widened at this sight of him then I remembered his request.
It was a good thing half my face was hidden under my scarf to conceal my traitorous blush or it would've made me look like I was ogling. I tried my best to compose myself, I blinked then decided to lower my scarf to smile at him and nod yes to his request. I thought I took care of my blush but it never left. Oh goodness.
He looked taken aback, I wonder why? Maybe I wasn't able to deliver the message right. So I blinked again and patted the seat next to me. My heart was of course sputtering at the prospect of someone that looked like a Greek god was going to sit beside me!
He blinked and inhaled sharply. How strange. Then I saw tints of red on his pale face. I suddenly felt relieved that I wasn't the only one who was red.
"Oh! I'm sorry, I got… momentarily distracted, thank you, though." He said quickly. He looked so cute that I couldn't help but stifle a giggle. Wait, I can't giggle. Thank goodness. I smiled at him again and gave another nod at him. I worked on my sketch again, trying to keep my heart at bay.
We sat there in silence. I wanted to peek at him and see his beauty once more but I was too shy and cowardly so I dredged on with my sketch, trying very hard not to think of my handsome seatmate.
But then I felt like he was staring at me. It made me uneasy. Why was he looking at me? There was nothing worth looking at in my direction, was there? I know I might look so sure of myself that he was looking at me but if anything, if he was indeed looking at me, then something must be out of place.
So I looked at him in question and his reaction baffled me even more. He laughed nervously – a beautiful sound by the way, then ran a hand on his messy…oh wash my mouth… sexy hair. Oh get a grip Bella! I blinked thrice trying to chase the yearning to lean in and touch his hair.
"I'm sorry for staring but I was just… fascinated by your seriousness…" he said in that velvety melting voice of his. That was an excuse of course as I knew my silence again triggered this effect like it had always been. Not wanting to cause him embarrassment as well as save myself from it as well, I simply smiled at him showing that it's okay, that I understood.
He sighed in…relief? Now this was a first. Normally people would make use of that opportunity to engage me in small talk but this one… he sighed.
I didn't look away from his face because I saw him starting to fidget and look somewhat anxious. I swear if I could talk I would ask him, "What?" Then he spoke…rather nervously and he creased his brows. "Does it bother you that I'm here? I could go now if you want."
I stared at him and controlled myself from keeping my eyes from bulging in shock at this. He thought he was bothering me? He was doing the exact opposite of bothering! He was in a completely different time zone from bothering!
So keeping my outrage under cover, I closed my eyes and shook my head letting him know that he didn't bother me – ever.
But my nerves were at it again so I immersed myself again in my sketch. I thought that he would go back to whatever it was he planned on doing but from my peripheral vision, he was staring again… intently at that…. my insecurities rose and I didn't know how to react. What is it? I wanted to ask him. His staring was driving me crazy. Why was he doing that? What was he looking at? Was it my sketch? Maybe he was curious or bored. That must be it. He couldn't be staring at me. That wasn't possible.
So I stopped drawing and looked at him. I saw him froze, like he was caught. So I smiled once more to him and handed my pad to him. If he was shocked before, he was doubly shocked now. But he recoils as fast as he shook his head and raised his palms in front of me, indicating a no it's okay gesture. He was just being polite, I thought so I offered it once more as I sighed.
"Are you sure you don't mind? I didn't mean to pry…" he said softly. I rolled my eyes at him impatiently and smirked. You wanted to see this right?
I watched as he looked at my drawing and I smiled when I saw a small smile form on his lips. He looked up at me and smiled.
"It's beautiful. You're good. Thank you for letting me see it." He was so cute! He liked my drawing! I felt my cheeks heat up and smiled at him gratefully. I had to thank Jasper again for teaching me. Jasper…Bless him.
He handed me the pad and I continued. I didn't know what else to do. This was all new to me.
Then he did something I half hoped he wouldn't do. He introduced himself.
"I'm sorry, I was being rude. I forgot to introduce myself, I'm Edward Cullen." He thought he was being rude…but it was he who kept talking while I could only nod in reply…who was rude then?
Edward… it was an old name but it somehow suited him fine – suited his polite tone and gentlemanly ways. So the beautiful man in front of me is Edward.
I shook his extended hand and felt a jolt of electricity run through my body at his warm and soft grip. But I couldn't help but feel sadness as life came bitching back at me. Introductions like his deserved a reply but I couldn't do that. So I looked down letting go of his hand.
I knew he was waiting… expecting me to introduce myself as well. But I can't. Not even if I wanted to. I blushed from embarrassment. I wanted to go now. Maybe I should. I frowned. Life's so unfair.
I was about to get up and leave when he suddenly sighed and stood up and I flushed once more in humiliation. Then he started to walk away.
My eyes widened. I didn't want him to go. I didn't want him to leave. It was I who should leave, not him. But deep down I wanted him to stay with me a little longer. So I tugged on his sleeve and looked at him in question. Where are you going? Please don't leave. Please don't leave…me.
I saw him force a smile at me then he said, "I'm being a bother so I'll leave you to your work..."
My cheeks heated ferociously in embarrassment. For the last time, you… Edward… I wanted so desperately to say that you are not bothering me. I shook my head at him.
He raised his eyebrows in confusion. How can you not see that you've been nothing but nice and I was the one who was being rude?
He said, "No? I assumed when you didn't tell me your name that –
But he got cut off with the ringing of my phone. Okay, I didn't love Jasper right now. Damn.
Completely embarrassed I looked at him apologetically, took out my phone that was blaring Debussy and held out my index finger so tell him to wait a minute.
He smiled and nodded at me. Was there no end to his politeness?
I turned my back from him and answered the call. It was Jasper.
"Hey Bella. Just called to say that I'm parked on the usual spot so if you're ready to leave we can. I'll wait for you here."
So I guess I had to leave now.
I faced him and saw that he politely averted his gaze then when he felt me face him, he looked at me and smiled again. I swooned. But I remembered I had to go. I looked at him really sorry and I was surprised he understood me again. He was wonderful.
"Do you need to go?" he asked hitting the spot. My goodness, he must read minds!
I nodded at him as I sighed.
"You should go then. Thanks for sharing your seat with me." he said with his godly smile that I blushed. He didn't only get me, he understood me through and through. This was very new…and wonderful.
I smiled widely at him and with a nod I started to walk away. I felt suddenly sad to leave this man but I knew that someone like him must be attached to someone else. He was beautiful, sweet and such a gentleman… the one who all girls would think was mythical.
Yes. It's foolish to even think of any prospect of us being together. He deserved someone whole, unlike me. But I had a selfish desire to not to leave him without leaving any indication of the impression he left of me. I didn't want him to think that I was rude to him. I wasn't rude. I was never rude.
Then I remembered something that I could give him.
My name at least so he wouldn't think that I intentionally brushed him off.
So I went back nervously and my heart was hammering again when I saw that he was watching me. I stood in front of him, looking down at my feet, nervous of what I was about to do.
I remembered that in our moment of silence, I actually wrote my name to give to him in reply but debated on doing so because what if he found out about my condition and got turned off?
But doing so now, it wouldn't be as suspicious as a waitress slipping her number as she gave the bill to a gorgeous customer. I internally rolled my eyes at that thought. I was in no way like that. I wrote my name, just my name! Not a number.
Surely that was harmless. He can't find me with just the knowledge of my first name… though I hoped deep down he would… but it would be better if he didn't as I don't see how he would ever accept a mute like me who could never praise his perfection. Yes. That would be better.
I'm just merely returning the gesture as he said his full name to a complete stranger. Surely it was only fair he knew something from me.
So I looked up to see his handsome face again and bit my lip then I placed something in his hand to which he looked at me astonishingly. I took his surprised state as an opportunity to run. So I walked away, throwing a smile at him as I waved good-bye.
Then my scarf flew from my neck but I was too shy to get it back so I left it. I would have to deal with Jasper's wrath later.
While I was walking I saw that he picked up my scarf and search for me but I knew he couldn't see me behind the big tree. Then I saw him open my small note and I saw the most beautiful smile I have ever had the pleasure of seeing.
I saw him smile crookedly as he stared at my note and it sent chills down my body.
I went home with the biggest smile.
Edward Cullen.
I sighed as I finished reliving the memory in my head. I would never forget that day I first laid eyes on him. I smiled remembering how patient he was and how even as a complete stranger, in the longest twenty minutes of my life he had already made a big impact on my life.
He understood me.
He understood me.
I sighed and tears flowed once more. I should never have let things go so far. I should never have left him any mark of me. I should never have told him my name.
Another beautiful memory invaded my mind. The day I saw him standing on my doorstep. He found me. He found me. I would always feel giddy remembering that day. I closed my eyes once more and reminisced.
I peeked curiously from Jasper's elbow and my breath got caught when I saw him standing there with a small beautiful petite woman who had dark hair like him only hers was deep ebony. She had the same pale skin as Edward and I knew… well I hoped she was related to him.
So I tugged on Jasper's sleeve. He shrugged, "I don't know. They're here for you."
But how? Why?
Jasper noted the confusion on my face and looked concerned and puzzled as well.
"Don't you know them? They were looking for you, this is Alice and Edward Cullen…" he said.
I jumped at the name of the one I've been dreaming off all night as if it were confirmation that it was really he who was standing right here. In front of me. Here. Outside my house.
So I ducked from Jasper's elbow, brushed my hair and smiled at him. He looked at me then he quickly ducked down. What? What's wrong? Then I noticed that he was blushing. Then it hit me. I was looking…as decent as Jasper was… Oh wait. Wait. Oh! Holy crow, looking at Jasper and me, anyone would assume that he in his boxers… me in Jasper's sweatshirt….we're…that we… Ugh!
I quickly tugged at Jasper and motioned to our less than appropriate attire.
Jasper looked at me like I grew three heads then realization hit him.
"Oh!" he exclaimed. I'm sorry," he laughed. "This isn't what you think! Bella would like to apologize for being… as decent looking as I am, as she overslept again doing her stuff. We're not… eww, I can't even think that! Ha-ha. Well, being the best friend that she is, Bella let me crash on her couch to escape punishment from going home late." He explained and I was delighted to see that Edward…his face lit up. Was it from hope? No of course not! Must be embarrassed from assuming.
I smiled at him.
"So what brings you here anyway, I take it Bella knows you." Jasper said to him.
Edward explained that he went here to give me back my scarf. I never put any sort of identification on that scarf. How could he have possibly found me?
I took the scarf from him after gesturing that I remembered and took his hand and squeezed it in gratitude, feeling his soft hands again and not to mention – the electricity!
After the theatrics of Jasper scolding me, I realized I was still holding Edward's hand. Jasper and Edward noticed as well so we let go right away and Jasper asked how they found us.
I saw Edward eye Alice. When Jasper introduced them, they had the same last name. So it was either married or related. Oh what a dilemma! I half hoped for the later and half hoped for the former (the reason being that I still think he's too good for me)…no scratch that… I "three-fourths" wished for the latter…
Alice, who had a lilting bell like voice started to stammer. Was it nervousness or the cold? Either way, they should get inside so I tapped Jasper's shoulder and tugged his sleeve and he nodded.
He asked them inside and I panicked as they might think that he lived with me – which was partly true but something I didn't want anyone to misunderstand, especially Edward. Oh, what he must think of me!
Jasper caught on, thank God and excused himself.
I backed up and stepped inside to let them through and Alice talked to me smiling warmly.
"Hi Bella, I'm Alice, Edward's sister. It's nice to meet you."
I couldn't help but grin at another confirmation.
So I led them to the living room and excused myself to dress in something more appropriate.
As I went down the stairs, I caught Edward looking my way. A smile formed on his inviting lips and got caught up in those green eyes of him again that my clumsiness caught up with me.
I tripped and readied myself for the fall but it never came.
Instead, I was looking up at the same green eyes that distracted me… and my heart sputtered at the proximity.
"Are you okay, Bella?" he asked and I saw how intense his concern was in those forest green eyes. I couldn't move. I don't think I'm even sure that I got the question right. All I could do was stare at him and marvel at the how my name sounds when he said it.
He asked again, "Are you all right?"
I blushed once more and I nodded absently, my eyes never leaving his own.
It felt so good in his arms… so safe…
Wait.
I was in his arms. In his arms! I was in freaking Edward's arms! Holy Crow!
I caught a slight tint on his cheeks and with that grin again, he helped me to my feet.
I smiled at him in thank you then bit my lip. This was so embarrassing.
I looked up when he chuckled. "You're lucky you're light as a feather that someone can easily catch you unlike me, when I fall, if anyone attempts to help me, well, that person is bound to be squished."
How sweet of him. He was making me feel better.
I smiled at him again then Jasper went in and destroyed the moment.
After that rather humiliating yet normal banter from my loving best friend slash unofficial brother, we all sat down and Alice began explaining.
I listened to Alice, finding it hard to believe her explanation. Then I peeked at Jasper and couldn't help but smirk inwardly. Only an idiot can't see how into her he was. They were the only ones engaged in the conversation right now.
So I turned my head to look at another spectator whom those two would-be lovers in the making ditched only to find out that he was staring at me again.
Edward was looking directly at me.
I looked at him confused but he just smiled at me to which I couldn't help but smile back at. I blushed and looked down, my heart racing sporadically. How does he do that? I knew I was beet red again and was afraid to look up but I felt that he never stopped looking.
So slowly I looked up at him and saw his eyes burning with insatiable thirst for answers. What was is that he wanted to know? Or was he coaxing me into engaging him in a conversation that I could never give him. He was searching. I knew it. Because I was searching into his soul as well and saw nothing but kindness… gentleness… valiance… determination.
We stayed that way just looking into each other. How I wish I could tell him what effect he had on me. how I wish I could talk to him… know him… ask him questions… engage him… just so I could hear his velvet voice once again and revel in the way he said my name sounding like a soft caress…
But I know I never could…
He must've sensed my sadness that he suddenly frowned. I didn't like it. Seeing him frown. It wasn't right. It offsets his handsome features. His godlike looks didn't deserve to be tainted.
My eyebrows furrowed and my eyes shifted to his curved down lips. I had to set this right so I looked into his eyes once more and smiled at him reassuringly. He smiled back at me and we were immersed once more in a conversation I have been accustomed to master: silence.
It was like we were in our own world where all was understood. No words were needed which suited me perfectly.
But our moment was over when Jasper and Alice were giggling and snickering. We both blinked and looked at them.
They broke out laughing then apologized and I sighed at Jasper's comment. Great.
Then I grinned as I shook my head at them. But I was immediately grateful at Edward when he put those two in place. We weren't the only ones having "the conversation."
I then stood up to get them some coffee and cake. I started to walk towards the kitchen when I felt someone stand and follow me. I turned around and was shocked to see that Edward was following me.
I raised my palms in front of him and pointed towards the direction of my kitchen.
"Bella's just going to the kitchen to make something warm for us." Jasper explained.
I sensed that he was going to offer to help but was startled when his sister jumped up and offered to help.
They were so nice. but they were guests so I smiled at her and shook my head. But Alice was already making her way towards my.
I heard Edward chuckling and he said, "It's no use stopping her, Bella. She'll drag you there if she must."
I smiled widely at her and nodded in defeat more than agreement but I smiled as Alice lit up. She was lovely and cheerfully infectious.
So we went to the kitchen and I pointed to the cups while I got cake. She was a talker, Alice. She kept on telling me about how she loves the place and all and she rambled about getting a place for her own as well.
Then when we got back and they all chatted as I listened.
Then Edward had to ask me what I thought. I couldn't help but frown and he caught that. Not wanting to make the situation awkward, and definitely avoiding revealing my condition, I forced a smile and gave a shrug. I at once stood up and made my way to the kitchen, pointing to the empty plates, not waiting for their reaction.
I heard someone stand up and say, "I'll go help Bella." It was Jasper. He knew what I felt.
Once I reached the kitchen, I placed the dirty plates on the sink and opened the kitchen fridge to take out another box of cake – cheesecake this time and set them on the counter. Dropping all pretense, I frowned and tears threatened to pour.
Then I heard Jasper come in.
"Bella." he said softly yet said it with knowledge.
I smiled at him.
He didn't buy it. he stood across from me as I started slicing the cake.
"Bella, I know something's wrong. And I think I know what this is about."
I looked up at him and smirked, giving him a look that meant I didn't want to talk about it.
But I knew he would have none of it.
He touched my hand softly to stop me from what I was doing.
I looked up into his gray eyes and I saw concern in them. I never liked seeing this. They were concern from love yes, but also guilt, guilt he never even had to have. and obligation of repentance. I didn't want to see them.
I crossed my arms in front of my chest, keeping my eyes steady.
"Bella, we have to tell them – especially him." Jasper said firmly.
I shook my head. No.
"They deserve to know."
I closed my eyes in frustration, touching my finger to my head. No. I couldn't tell them, especially him. I couldn't… I just couldn't… as much as I want to… I can't…
"Bella, I know you like him but you'll both get hurt if you do the same thing like you did with the others." He reasoned.
When he meant others… he meant the guys I met in the Academy in Paris. They didn't know the reason why I can't speak. I never told them why. I never said yes to any of them but they kept pursuing me and I let them be. Hoping… a little that one of them could accept me like this, that they could see past my silence… but all of them… when they found out the truth… left me.
I was nothing but a game to them. A puzzle to crack… that when they finally succeeded, they just left. I thought about what if I just told them outright about me if things would've gone a different direction.
But I decided, enough was enough. Even if they did accept me, I didn't want pity. I didn't want to be overly protected. And I for one believe that if someone loves a person deeply that she or he would not waste a second of showing it and not be embarrassed at all by the display…and the constant thorn on my side… saying it… saying it out loud…
I wanted so bad to say I love you to my mom and dad… Jasper… Rose… Mr. Hale… and to my potential love. Not just through letters, not just through gestures, not just through sign language…
I wanted to say it… really say it.
Because I for one would never get tired from hearing it from people I loved.
So I wanted to see if Edward could like me as me… see if he didn't need my words… see if he was okay with the silence.
But the truth was, I was scared of telling him.
Scared I might turn him off.
Scared that I would never be whole enough for him… when I felt in my heart that I knew he deserved wholeness.
So I looked into Jasper's eyes and slowly shook my head.
Jasper sighed. "Ok. You win. But can't say I didn't warn you."
I nodded and smiled gratefully at him then I took the tray and went back to the living room wondering why Edward was alone.
As soon as I stepped into the room his attention was ultimately attuned to me. he looked guilty thinking he must have offended me when all he ever did was be nice to me.
There was tension in the air but Jasper and I put on a show of normalcy.
Then I saw him gazing at me, his brow furrowed in worry. I could only look at him mustering all the calmness I could.
I was then grateful as Jasper broke the tension and reminded me off my meeting with my new manager. Alice excitedly leapt at me and asked if she could help me get ready. I jumped back and almost tripped but Edward caught me again and my heart sped.
I smiled at Edward in thank you and looked at Alice politely. Then I glanced at Edward. He chuckled. Oh no, I know that look. It was like Jasper whenever Rose would talk about makeovers! I looked at him in horror and Alice caught that, scowling at him.
Then after their banter, Alice half-led, half-dragged me into my own bedroom.
She dressed me up and I was impressed, I looked good! Then when she styled my hair, she said softly, "Bella, you know, Edward is an understanding guy."
My eyes widened. Alice knew.
"I'm sorry, Jasper told me but I promised I won't tell anything. I just want you to know that, with Edward, you don't ever have to be afraid of anything. Anything at all."
I looked down.
"There you go all done."
I looked into the mirror and blushed. Alice was a genius and I smiled at her. she beamed back at me. I had to admit… I looked pretty.
Then Alice hugged me and I almost cried from the gesture. It was what I needed. So I hugged her back.
Then we went down and I blushed as I saw Edward's eyes widen at me. I suddenly felt conscious.
"So? So? Am I good or what?" Alice asked excitedly. "She's gorgeous right? Well, say something?" she demanded. I blinked as she directed that to Edward.
Then my blush grew when he walked towards me then kissed my hand. Then he said, "You look beautiful."
I sighed at that memory. I always considered myself to be plain. Jasper and Rose and others have all complimented me but they were family so they had to say those. But when Edward said that I looked beautiful… I almost believed him… the way he looks at me… I feel beautiful whenever he looks at me… what does he see in me? It still doesn't make sense.
Then I felt my cheeks redden at what happened on the porch that same day when we were all leaving and Jasper and Alice went inside leaving me and Edward alone.
"Finally, some alone time," he said to me and I smirked at him. Then I sensed a sudden change in him. He looked at me seriously.
"Bella, I know you're hiding something from me, " he said. And I panicked a bit.
He took a step closer to me and I instinctively took a step back, watching him.
"But it's okay. You don't have to say anything to me that you're not comfortable doing so," he reassured me and I was even more confused.
But it was his next statement that shocked me.
"I don't know why you're silent but… it doesn't matter. I…like you Bella Swan."
He… liked…me…?
Just like that he said it? My silence doesn't matter?
I blushed at his confession but this even made it hard for me as I didn't know how to react to this. This was too much…too fast. Had he passed my test right away? No. I truly do not deserve this man. How could my silence not affect him? How could he bear it, not being able to hear my response?
I wanted to smile with happiness but I was still agonizing the fact that I can't answer him.
Then he moved closer to me, his eyes so soft and sincere…
I couldn't move. I couldn't even bring myself to look away from those greens. We were so close that I could feel his hitched breathing on my face… caressing me with fighting coolness and warmth. My breathing no better than his and we were here… breathing in what the other breathed out. We would nly need to lean a bit more to…
Then I felt his hand touch my shoulder and made it's way up to my neck and stayed there where I shivered from his touch. Then he cradled my cheek and searched his eyes and they were asking… permission…
Should I grant it?
I wanted it.
But did I need it?
I did.
But did I deserve this? If I allowed this, one thing could lead to another and it would be too late for me. I would fall. And I would fall hard. But it was selfish to love him… it was even more selfish if he were to love me.
But I closed my eyes anyway, brushing away all thought. I really wanted this.
I waited eagerly as I answered the question he asked with his eyes. But it never came. Instead, I felt his breath on my ear and his velvet voice whispering, "Bella Swan, you are the most fascinating creation in the world and I'm completely enamored by you. And…I will make you speak to me in your own words, in your own way, in your own time and I'll be here for you as long as you want me to."
Immediately I was saddened. He shouldn't have said that. he shouldn't have.
Then I watched him pull away, gauging my face. then I remembered. This was for the best. He wanted me to speak to him. In any way.
Though he probably didn't mean t literally speak to him… the message continued to haunt me anyway. He wanted me to speak to him. I closed my eyes once more and continued with the memory.
He smiled widely at me after saying goodbye to Jasper. "Good-bye, and I'll see you soon, I hope. Good-bye for now…Isabella Marie Swan."
Again, I was shocked. When he said my full name it was as if he told me that he can know things even without me saying them. And with that, I knew it was too late.
I'm falling for him.
I'm falling for someone I barely met and spent a few hours with.
I was falling for Edward Cullen.
So when I saw him get into his car I walked over to him and bent down his window. I smirked as I saw that he and Alice were bickering then Alice pointed to me and I think I shocked Edward.
I smiled at him and tapped his window lightly.
I wasn't really listening to him as I focused on keeping my heart steady. I was so nervous about what I was planning to do that I bit my lower lip when I looked down.
Then once I was calm enough, I looked up at him and I was again dazzled by his eyes. I almost forgot what I was about to do.
"Bella, we have to go now. Hurry up!" Jasper yelled from his car.
I glared at Jasper. Damn it. He was the master of rotten timing. But I looked back at Edward and he looked… pissed I think. Well, that made both of us. Then he broke the silence but I cut him off.
"I think Jasper's not pleased you should go now, this could wait til –
I leant down and kissed him lightly on his cheek and ran away, throwing a smile like the day before.
The days after that were nothing short of perfect… well… maybe except the part when I got sick, but oddly enough I loved that period as well.
Each day Edward was with me, I always ended up falling for him more,
Like the day when we took a walk in the park and he fascinated me with his life story. He was such a passionate man and another thing I loved about him was how he talked about his family. He spoke with such love about them. But I was even more relieved when I found out that he was single!
No wait, that was bad. We can't be together. We can't. I can't.
But I wanted to…
I always gushed at the end of out casual encounter, we ended up dancing in the middle of the park at twilight! I loved the way he held me close to his body and I always tingle at the memory of him singing in my ear.
Then the day finally came when he asked me out. Jasper told me to just give him a chance. So I gave up fighting all the negativities and said yes to Edward.
But unfortunately, I got sick. i thought, it must be a sign that I shouldn't be together with him. But the world had other things in mind. I was beyond touched when he went over with his sister and he even brought me soup!
He was so sweet. Just when I thought that my sickness was a sign that we weren't meant to be, that day showed that we really should be together. He took care of me, always being such a gentleman.
Only an idiot can not feel that he truly cared about me. I knew he really does. He went all the way to show me his feelings without pressuring me. I was ready to give up pushing him away and just let him into my life as he was letting me into his.
But that dinner… my thank you dinner for him… changed everything.
That dinner, I was all ready to tell him – rather show him the truth about my silence. I was ready.
I sighed as I went back in time to remember my favorite parts of that day.
AN: Okay, end of part 1. This chapter is already running 16 pages, five more pages from the average and there are still so much to reminisce. I'll update in a couple of days with the next part.
The next part would have the flashbacks of Edward and Bella's "almost kisses" as well as the ones that finally made it! And I know some are dying to know what went on in Bella's head when, as narrated by Edward from the previous chapter, that Bella started pulling away from Edward's touch. But best of all, what went through Bella's mind during the thunderstorm AND when Edward proposed to her. Then I'll shift back to the present where a new twist to the story would ensue.
Oh, I got 20 less reviews on the last chapter from the chapter before that. :[ I hope it's not asking too much if I could get 40 reviews again for this one as it took a whole day to type and I'm still not done. Please review, I work for peanuts here! Thanks very much so far! Love you guys!
Margaux
