Disclaimer: I don't own D. Gray-Man

Chapter 12: November Rains

"Allen, are you going to a friend's house tonight?" Mana's voice sounded strained, almost. As if he were trying hard not to laugh—or to cry.

"No. I don't have any friends." Allen muttered, curling up tighter in the dark corner he had taken to.

"Why not?" Mana's voice sounded hesitant, as if he didn't want to hear the answer. So why was he asking? Allen bit his lip, holding back his anger for the man.

"They say I'm a freak, and that I'm a cry baby. They say I should have just stayed where I come from, and that you were a fool for adopting me. that I'm just more trouble for you." It was true, Allen knew. He was only a burden on Mana. Yet…yet… "I don't want to leave you! I don't care if I'm a burden! I wasn't to stay with you forever, Mana! I want to be able to call you father! I don't want to go back to the streets!"

There was a long silence, and the young boy began to wonder if Mana had left. Carefully, he pulled his head out from under his arm, and was thoroughly surprised when he saw Mana right there, sitting beside him. A tear was rolling down his face. "I know, Allen. I wont let you. Please… forgive me for bringing you into such a place…"


"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yes, ma'am." I muttered, looking anywhere but at the kind woman's eyes. My fingers were still running along the edge of the coffee cup as I absently kicked my feet under the woman's kitchen table, and quiet snickering came from directly beside me from the devious redhead. I felt like reaching over and smacking him for getting us in this situation. However, despite my embarrassment at having a complete stranger check my whole body for wounds and her giving me tea, I think the worst part about it was the teenaged girl who was maybe a year younger than me.

She was cute, in a sort of punk-goth way, her hair the same shade as Lavi's, and probably the same length if Lavi were to straighten his hair and let it hang in his eyes. She had a sort of bored look on her face, although she had previously been laughing at me. It wasn't this look that made it the worst part, though; it was the fact that her eyes had never once left my face since she had found me in her yard.

It was easy to tell why I had mistaken the girl for Lavi at first; they looked nearly identical. She even had the green eyes. I supposed if Lavi took off his eye patch, put on some heavy black eyeliner, straightened his hair and got a little smaller with a woman's chest, then I would be looking at twins. Of course, Lavi's features were still a lot more masculine than hers.

"So, tell me again why you ended up in the back yard with so many bruises?" The woman asked, her green eyes questioning. Besides their eyes, the two women looked nothing alike. The older woman had light brown hair, tied into a ponytail that still reached to the back of her chair. She had a few wrinkles on her otherwise young face, and it looked like she would never be able to scowl the way her (daughter?) was.

"Allen's a major klutz," Lavi said cheerfully, reaching over and ruffling my hair. I scowled, glaring at him, but I could tell by the way he was completely unaffected that I probably just looked like I was pouting. Huffing, I crossed my arms and looked away. I caught a brief glance of the girl—she was staring at Lavi now. Thank god.

"You pushed me." I muttered. Immediately the girl's attention returned to me, and the amusement was back. I felt a little creeped out by her gaze, and kept my head down to avoid it. What was her problem?

"Now, now, Allen. I never pushed you. You were just standing too close to the edge when I gave you a playful shove." Lavi (attempted) to correct. I once again wanted to smack him. "I'm very sorry, ma'am, for the trouble. I will of course do anything you like to show my apology." Lavi's face became a sincere (but not really) smile, and I swear if this were a cartoon he would have roses and sparkles surrounding him.

"Oh, no, don't worry about it." The woman waved absently, her attention returning to me as if Lavi had said nothing. If there had been roses and sparkles before, it turned into a dark night with bats. The redheaded girl, however, was looking at him. Of course, I was pretty sure it wasn't with admiration, but rather with humor. As if she were saying those kinds of things didn't work on her mother. "Will you be needing anything else tonight?"

"Uh…what do you mean?" I asked, not at all in a manner where it suggested I had thought she meant dirty things. Lavi, however, being the immature person he was, snickered.

"Oh, this and that…" It looked like Lavi was about to choke. "Anything you need at all, dear." It was obvious the woman had absolutely no ill intention, and didn't at all have anything dirty in mind, but Lavi's choking was making my face red as thoughts came involuntarily.

"N-no…it's fine, really." I whispered, looking down. I wasn't sure I could look the woman in the face. Now, the girl was laughing too. She looked better when she laughed; I didn't feel so creeped out.

"Mom, maybe you can give them a ride home?" She cut in, her voice also reminding me of Lavi. Her voice was a higher pitch, much more feminine, but wasn't Lavi's voice almost feminine anyways? I swear, she was getting more and more like Lavi. I was starting to wonder if maybe she was Lavi's twin sister that had been hidden away.

"Of course! Why didn't I think of that?" the woman asked, standing up. "Why don't we get you some more tea and some food before we leave, though? After a tumble like that, I'm sure you'd like some refreshments."

As if on cue, my stomach rumbled. My face reddened more. "Thank you…" I muttered. The woman left the room humming happily, and I looked up hesitantly. I found Lavi staring at me incredulously. "What?"

"You're eating…more?" He asked, looking at me like I was some kind of alien.

"Well…yeah." I said, grinning. "After all that dancing and that fight with Kanda, I'm kind of hungry…"

"You're insane. You ate like, half of that table of food!" Lavi exclaimed, leaning up close to me. I blinked, a little uncomfortable with the closeness. I could feel his breath tickling my face. "Hmm…maybe that mark really does have something to do with your appetite." I blinked more rapidly. What on earth was going on through his mind now?

"For your information-"

"That mark has nothing to do with food." The girl cut in, and both Lavi and I jumped in surprise. She was speculating us closely, looking like a psychiatrist pretending to suck in everything her patient was saying. She even had her chin resting on her finger locked hands. A brief image of Mr. Burns flitted through my head.

"You know it?" Lavi asked, suddenly eager. He leaned closer to the girl. I let out a breath I hadn't realized I had been holding, relaxing a little.

"No. I just know it has nothing to do with food." The girl said, shrugging and leaning back casually. Lavi looked thoroughly disappointed. "Anyways, you guys came from that huge party at…whatever his name's place?"

"Yuu? Yeah. I organized it." Lavi said cheerily, raising his hand. I raised an eyebrow and pulled it down. He gave me a patronizing look, but the girl once again interrupted.

"I almost went to that." She said, almost absently.

"Why didn't you?" Lavi asked, turning away form me. He seemed to have paused for a second, as if pondering whether he should or not, but I took this as my imagination.

"Not allowed. I'm home schooled, so I don't know anyone here, and as a result my mom says it's too dangerous for me to go to a party because I might get made fun of…or something along those lines." She shrugged as if it were no big deal, but a sudden understanding crossed Lavi's features. I, however, was looking at her with solemn respect. Home schooling wasn't necessarily the easiest thing to go through…

"Allen! Pay attention when I'm talking to you or else we'll never get past this stupid book, and then I'll be the one who has to explain to Mana why you don't even know the story line to Charlotte's Web."

"Yes, Master…"

Yes, home schooling definitely wasn't the best thing in the world.

"So that's why I've never seen you around before!" Lavi exclaimed, "I was wondering why I had absolutely no idea who you were. There isn't a face in the high school that I haven't seen and memorized before!"

"You've memorized the faces of everyone in our school?" I asked, cutting in. Lavi looked at me for a mere second before returning his attention to his look alike.

"Yeah, another requirement of the old man's." Lavi said simply. "So, what's your name?"

"Deli. Even though it's spelt D-E-L-I, it's actually pronounced Deeh-lie. My mom made it up when she was unable to think of anything and saw the deli sandwich she had been eating while nursing me. I guess it's an okay name, original and stuff, but I guess I wouldn't mind a normal name either…" she looked like she could talk about her name for a lot longer, but her mother came into the room, carrying a tray of squared sandwiches and another tray with more tea on it.

Being courteous, I stood up, reaching out to help her, but she gave me a frowning look and shook her head. "No, no. You're our guest, you don't need to do anything. Young man, could you please grab this tray?" Lavi looked like he was ready to faint, but he stood up nonetheless and grabbed the tea tray. I stifled a laugh while Deli gave her mother a disapproving look. The woman looked like she, too, wanted to laugh.

"Thank you so much for your hospitality," I said kindly, and a little to irk Lavi. He gave me a sharp glare, as if saying 'yeah, for you', and I gave him a cheeky grin.

"This is no problem, dear. We usually get strays like you on Halloween night. It's amazing how many people have fallen down that hill." Lavi and I both blinked in surprise.

"That's why I thought it was so funny," Deli said offhandedly, picking at her nails and completely ignoring the sandwiches. "I get a kick out of how, every time, every year, it never fails for there to be someone who's fallen down that hill."

"Is it always in your yard?" Lavi asked, and Deli shook her head.

"No, we've only had two incidents. However, you usually hear the talk the next day around the neighborhood. It's just that kind of place." She shrugged, and continued working at her nails.

"Yes, it's really rather a pity that so many teenagers are that dense," the woman sighed, resting her chin on her hand. She was staring at me now, a light frown on her features. In order to avoid her gaze and keep from having to talk, I stuffed two of the sandwiches in my mouth at once. Lavi gaped at me, and shook his head when I held out a sandwich to him, looking disgusted. Shrugging, I stuffed that one in my mouth, too. The woman laughed. "Oh, such a hearty appetite!"

"I'm not sure giving him all of that is a good idea…" Lavi said slowly, watching me with a mingle of disgust and concern. "I think he might throw up."

"'O I won'!" I said around the food, and Lavi winced when a little of the food flew at him. Flicking it away, he looked at me with a pointed look.

"Look, there's no such thing as super humans and super appetites, okay? By now your stomach must be completely bloated, and if you eat another one of those sandwiches after everything you've already eaten tonight…" but it was too late. As I swallowed the last of the three sandwiches, just to prove him wrong, I took a fourth and stuffed that one into my mouth.

I was hoping to be gross (having forgotten I was a guest in someone's house and that both women were staring at me with worried expressions), opening my mouth and emphasizing every chew while he talked, but as I swallowed another piece of sandwich, I could feel the disgusting feeling someone experienced when their food wanted to come back up.

I only had time to cover my mouth before all the sandwiches I had eaten, including the unfinished fourth, let themselves pour into my hands. The sticky, warm, chunky feeling of vomit covered not only my hands, but my arms and shirt, dribbling down my chin grotesquely. However, I was unfinished. The smell, so terrible, and the sight of the chewed, acid-covered pieces of sandwich seemed to activate my gag reflexes.

Unfortunately, I didn't have time to cover my mouth this time (although that wouldn't have been much help), and soon Lavi found himself drenched in my stomach fluids.

There was a very long, very nasty silence, in which the vomit continued to dribble down my face, hot and sticky and with the worst smell in the world. The taste was revolting—I almost wanted to throw up again. Vomit dripped from Lavi's shirt, arms and legs onto the floor, and he was staring down at himself with a blank look, as if he had not yet fully comprehended what had just happened.

And then there was very loud, very deliberate laughter. I turned my head, stomach fluid and chunks of various foods flying from my face onto the table, and I stared at the two laughing women incredulously. Lavi, also, seemed to wake up. He was now staring in disgust down at himself instead of staring blankly. He seemed to be having a hard time not gagging.

"I think…you two…need a shower…" the woman gasped, clutching at her chest. I looked back towards Lavi, who was now full out glaring at me. I fully agreed.

("…")

"I'm so, so sorry…" I whispered. I had resorted to whispering a while ago, after the woman (who I had discovered was named Alice) had chided me for saying sorry so many times. The purr of the car was the only sound besides my constant whispering, Deli riding in the front with her mother and Lavi half asleep, leaning on me.

I guess it was expected. It was well past midnight now, and it had taken some time for the showers and for our clothes to be washed for us. We had ended up talking and arguing and chasing each other around all over the house (which had been slightly embarrassing, because both of us had only been wearing towels, although I had been wearing a housecoat), and even I was starting to get a little drowsy.

"It was quite the laugh, so I forgive you." Alice said in the front, looking in her rearview mirror at me. I was poking Lavi's head, watching as his eye slowly drifted closed and then opened again whenever I poked him. He didn't seem to really realize what I was doing, or that he was leaning on me, for that matter.

I wasn't sure if I was uncomfortable or not with the current situation. Sure, the fact that I had to lean over in order to keep from straining to sit up had my arm digging into the door, but Lavi was unbelievably warm and, well, soft. His body meshed with mine almost perfectly, his head fitting my shoulder exactly right and his arm not at all digging into my side. As I poked him again, my arm around his shoulders since my other was pinned against the door, I wondered if Lavi would be okay with this if he were actually awake, if he would actually do this willingly.

Then I mentally hit myself for thinking like that.

It wasn't until three pokes later that I realized his eye was no longer opening, and with a heavy sigh I gave up, letting my arm drop completely around him. The feeling that ran through me then was odd, and it hit me so suddenly that I almost gasped aloud.

"So, where exactly was your house?" Deli asked, turning to look at us. She stared at our position for a moment before a small, secretive smile crossed her features. I blushed.

"It's just up ahead, keep going straight…" I muttered, looking away from her knowing gaze. Yet…what exactly did she know? I had an idea, but the thought was quickly shoved away.

"What number?" Alice asked, glancing back again.

"536." I said quietly, and looked down at Lavi's face. He looked so peaceful, as if nothing in the world could phase him. Was he really that tired? I wanted to touch his face, to see just how smooth it was, to make sure the person before me was real…slowly, deliberately, I reached for his face, not fully realizing what I was doing until the car came to a sudden stop. Quickly, I dropped my hand, looking away from Lavi's peaceful features.

He looked so much more different than when he was awake.

"Sorry about that, I didn't see the number until the last minute." Alice said, giving a small laugh. I blinked, looking out the window, and sure enough there was my house. I once again looked back at Lavi, swallowing nervously and trying to forget what I had almost done. Should I wake him up so he could sit up properly? Should I try and get out without waking him?

"This…is the right house, right? For the two of you?" Deli asked, looking back. I looked up, trying not to look guilty, but when I realized what she had said I quickly fixed my features into a kind smile. For the two of you…?

"Yes, this is." I said. "Could you…uh…help me get him into the house?" I don't know what I was doing, but at that moment it seemed like the only thing to do. Deli smiled, opening her door and getting out. She opened my door for me, holding Lavi in his leaning position while I slipped out. Together, we gently pulled Lavi out of the car, and he barely stirred as I held him up, my arms wrapped completely around him.

"Here, give me one of his arms." Deli said quietly, taking one of his arms and, with it, half of his weight as she draped it around her neck. Quickly, I draped his other arm around my own neck, and shook Lavi's shoulder gently. If I was lucky, and if he was tired enough, he would wake up just enough to be able to walk a little while still thinking he was dreaming.

"Hmm…?" Lavi's eye didn't open, but his head lifted slightly. "Wuzthetime?"

"It's past midnight." I answered for his benefit, smiling. "Do you think you could walk for me?"

"Hmm…" Lavi hummed gently, and suddenly stumbled forward. Deli and I were quick to support him, and together we stumbled forward into the yard, Lavi taking weak steps as we supported all of his weight. It took a little time, but eventually we got to the door, and I was thankful that Master had decided to leave it unlocked tonight.

As we opened the door, Lavi began to mumble incoherently, his face scrunching up in sudden pain and agony. Was he having a nightmare? Deli looked at him with slight worry, and I gave her a quick, reassuring smile before she could ask any questions. I didn't want her staying here, and I didn't want her touching Lavi any more…

Though the thought shocked me, I didn't take it back this time. That look of pain on his face had raised something in me, and I refused to pretend anymore. "It's okay, I've got him."

"Are you sure?" Deli asked, giving me a doubtful look. I just smiled again, a little more tersely, and she just shrugged, letting go of Lavi completely. The sudden extra weight made me stumble a little, but I was quick to regain my balance. "Just don't murder him by accidentally dropping him down the stairs or anything."

"Yes, of course," I said with another smile. It was much warmer this time, now that she was no longer touching Lavi. "Thank you so much for tonight, and I hope to see you around some time."

"Yeah. I'll see you later." With a small wave and a smile, Deli turned and left, shutting the front door quietly behind her. The sudden silence was eerie, but I ignored it and instead tightened my grip on Lavi, dragging him towards the stairs. The sound of Deli and Alice driving away told me I was completely alone.

Yes, I was completely alone, I realized. Alone with Lavi. Because Master's snores were unheard, and every light was off. Master was out celebrating Halloween in his own way tonight.

Straining under Lavi's weight, I stumbled through the darkness, going purely by memory. "Lavi, we're going up the stairs now," I said quietly when I felt the first stair. Lavi gave a small sound of comprehension, and I cautiously took a step up. When Lavi (very weakly) followed me, I took the next step. We continued in this manner, Lavi continuing to talk incoherently. Every now and then a whimper would escape his lips.

It took much longer to reach my room than it had to get Lavi inside the house, but this was expected, since I had no light and no Deli to help me. opening my bedroom door as quietly as possible in the current circumstances, I brought Lavi to my bed, and thought of this morning (or I suppose it was yesterday morning now), when he had said he wanted to paint my room green.

If it was with him…then maybe I would…

I put Lavi on the bed, flicking on the lamp I had recently bought in order to stay up late to read, and worked on taking off his shoes and hoodie. My cheeks flared as I touched him, holding him close to me in order to pull the hoodie off, and I tried to ignore the butterflies in my stomach. I thought only girls were supposed to get those.

When Lavi was shoeless and hoodie-less, I pulled the blankets off and laid him down, then carefully set the blanket back on the bed so it was completely covering everything but his head. His face was a lot more peaceful now, the mumbling becoming less and less recent. Entranced, I sat on the edge of my bed, wonder filling me that he, Lavi, was actually sleeping in it.

And then, the first coherent word came from his lips. "Angela…"

My heart skipped a beat. Angela? Who was that? Did Lavi have a girlfriend, or…? I shook my head, reprimanding myself. What did it matter to me? Just because I got a little protective over who I considered my closest friend didn't mean I had to get all worried about him having a girlfriend. Yet, I had a funny feeling that I shouldn't have suddenly been feeling…jealous.

Realizing that it really was well past midnight, and that I was completely exhausted, especially after dragging Lavi around, I heaved a heavy sigh and rubbed my face. Knowing it would be a bad idea to slip into my own bed right now, I turned off the light and left my room, closing the door behind me. Tonight, I suppose I would have to pull a Master.

("…")

"Oi, idiot boy, get off the couch!"

I opened my eyes slowly, the sting of daylight making me raise my arm. "Whossat?"

"What do you mean, who's that? Stupid brat…" slowly, as my thought process came back to me as well as my sight, I began to realize who it was.

"Master? Why are you in my room?" I asked, my voice a little rough from sleep and from all the yelling I had done yesterday. Wait…yesterday? What had happened yesterday?

"What the hell do you mean? You're in the goddamn living room, on my goddamn couch! Now get off of it before I smack you!" Master barked, and I blinked a few times as the words sunk in. Then, quickly, I sat up and looked around. Sure enough, I was in the living room, the curtains (oddly) opened and a rare day of sunshine outside. Today was the first of November.

"Oh! Lavi!" I gasped, standing up and running out of the living room. Master's voice followed me up the stairs as he complained about teenaged boys who couldn't even get up the stairs after drinking (I wanted to tell him I had done nothing of the sort, but I had a feeling that he would end up asking me questions or not believing me if I did). I burst through my bedroom door, not sure what I was expecting to find, but was filled with relief when I saw that Lavi was still there, sleeping soundly in my bed.

However, my bed was a mess. Apparently, Lavi was not a still sleeper.

With a small sigh, I dragged my feet to the edge of my bed, sitting down promptly. Now that I was (obviously) sure that Lavi was still here, I would allow myself to feel tired. I wasn't sure what time it was, and I didn't feel like turning to look at my digital clock to find out, but whatever the time was it hadn't been enough time since I had fallen asleep.

It had taken me at least two hours to fall asleep on the rather comfy couch, filled with thoughts about the party and our visit with the two odd, hospitable women, and about all of the odd things that had been happening to me lately. I found it hard to believe that all of this had started just because I had woken up on a Saturday morning thinking it was Friday. As a result of thinking of these things, though, I had gotten much less sleep than Lavi had (and was still getting).

My thoughts were disturbed when Lavi suddenly rolled over, kicking me. Apparently, Lavi was also a very light sleeper when he wasn't still absolutely exhausted, because as soon as he touched me he jumped awake. He stared at me blankly for a few moments, as if he still thought he were dreaming, before slowly his face became a mask of horror.

"Oh my god! Did we…?" He looked around frantically, every moment his face becoming more and more terrified. I frowned in confusion, wondering what on earth he was thinking, when he suddenly turned to look at me sharply. "Are you still a virgin?" he asked, completely serious, and my cheeks reddened completely.

"Y-yes! Don't ask such absurd questions!" I cried out, standing up. Lavi's face flooded with relief, confusing me. Why would he ask…? "Oh god! No, no, no, no, no! NO!"

"What?" Lavi asked innocently, now completely relaxed after having confirmed that we…that we…

"All I did was bring you to my house because you were sleeping and couldn't tell them where you lived and I didn't know where you lived and you looked so peaceful and I wanted to be nice and I wanted you in my bed and oh my god I can't believe you thought of that!" I burst out, cradling my head and pacing my room frantically as I tried to get rid of those thoughts.

"You wanted me in your bed?" Lavi asked, looking completely confused and a little smug. My cheeks turned completely scarlet.

"That's not what I meant!" I quickly defended, but unfortunately that was what I meant. I hadn't meant to say it, though. The words had just come out of my mouth in a run on sentence and I had completely lost track of what I had been saying. Now, I had realized my precious mistake.

"If you say so…" Lavi shrugged, throwing what little of the twisted blankets that were left on him off of him. He stood and stretched, then gave me a sly smirk. "So, wanna cuddle?"

"GET OUT!"

("…")

Great. Just great. Master liked Lavi. He thought he was funny. He thought Lavi could be some good to me. Just…bloody…wonderful

"And he didn't even do the dishes properly last night he was so out of it!" Master was saying as I poked absently at Tim, who was my only true companion now.

Two whole weeks Lavi had been coming over to my house to talk with Master under the false pretense that he was visiting me. Two weeks I had been humiliated about letting a guy sleep in my bed. Two weeks of having everyone from the Club giving me funny looks and understanding smiles. Understanding what, though? Was it understanding of how Lavi could manipulate the people you're living with into torturing you even more, or was it…something else?

"Well, I guess that's probably because I told him to be ready for the party that's happening tonight," Lavi said, and I paused in my poking of Tim. That was right, Tykki was having a house party, and Lavi was forcing me to go. When I had gotten home last night in high hopes that Master would forbid me to go (after having successfully made sure Lavi was busy for the next few hours), I had been sourly disappointed when he had full heartedly agreed…with Lavi.

"Yeah! Go to a party! It'll do some good for you, maybe make you less of a wimp. Maybe then I wont mind you so much."

Hah, mind me? I was the one who had to mind him. Stupid redheaded lion drunkard…Tim bit my finger. I yelped, and then realized I had probably poked the machine too hard, though I wasn't too sure how Tim was supposed to feel that. Then again, Tim also had a completely human mouth, and seemed to have his own personality, as well as the ability to grow and shrink at will.

"So where is this party? Are adults aloud?" Master asked, and I rolled my eyes. Ugh. He was so disgusting, wanting to go to a teenagers only party. Besides that, what as with that buddy-buddy tone with my Lavi?

I paused, thinking over that last part. It wasn't much of a shocker now, now that I had grown used to it. I found myself often calling Lavi mine, ever since the Halloween party, and had long since stopped trying to stop myself from thinking it. After all, there was no point trying to lie to myself, was there?

Yet I knew I was still trying.

"Oh, look! It's already five! We have to be there in about an hour. Come on, Allen, let's get you some good clothes to wear…" I glared sharply at the redhead, daring him to try and make me put anything on that I didn't choose myself. Besides that, why should I have to dress up for a party where someone was most likely going to end up throwing up on me?

"I can get my own clothes, and who even said I was going?" I had been saying this since Lavi had arrived, trying to make it clear that I didn't want to go to this party and therefore I wouldn't, but so far it hadn't worked.

"Well, fine then, go get dressed, but be quick about it. We have to pick up Yuu and Lenalee, too." Lavi said happily, obviously amused by my pitiful attempts of trying to say no.

"Shut up…" I muttered, unable to think of anything else to say as I left the room, Tim on my shoulder. I entered my room, plain as usual, and sat on the bed. "What do you think, Tim? Should I bother going to a stupid house party? Do you think I should lighten up a bit?" Tim just stared at me, like usual, unable to say anything. I let out a sigh. "Why bother asking you? Gah! This is so stupid! Why is Lavi making me do this…?"

Tim flew off my shoulder, going for the closet, but I ignored him, burrowing my face in the blankets of my bed. I thought of Kanda, who I had recently taken a (reluctant) liking to, since he was the only person who didn't seem to be making fun of me for letting Lavi sleep in my bed. I had a funny feeling Kanda had done something similar many times before.

Lately, I had been hanging around Kanda, following him around the school with my head down and my hood up, neither of us ever talking and a tense silence always there. He never sent me away, though, for which I was thankful. For some reason, Lavi never approached us when we were together, like we had some kind of unapproachable barrier around us. He seemed almost…bitter, whenever he saw us together.

Sometimes I wondered if it was just because he was being selfish and didn't want us to be around each other because Kanda was his friend, and I wasn't supposed to be making him my friend because we were from two separate versions of his life. Kanda was the one who Lavi confided in, I was the one he used to escape.

Then I just thought I was being stupid and would cast it away. Those weren't Lavi's feelings, they were mine.

Something dropped on my head, and I sat up, surprised to find Tim hovering there. I looked down at the thing that had fallen off of my head, and blinked rapidly. "You want me to wear this?" I asked, holding up the red and black striped shirt, long sleeved and a nice, flexible cotton that fit snuggly to my skin. I had bought it because it was on sale at the only clothing store in town, and it would be a waste to not buy any long sleeved shirt that was on sale.

As Tim flew around the room, I took off the black long sleeved shirt I was wearing and put on the striped one, adjusting everything after having successfully put it on. I stared at the shirt and how it fit, wondering why on earth Tim would want me to look like some dark punk or emo kid. Shrugging, I looked to Tim, who flew back into the closet and came back a moment later with a pair of my tighter fitting jeans, and I sighed.

"Tim…I'm not some loner kid…don't go making me look like one of those guys that girls drool all over just because they look moody and mysterious." I muttered, grabbing my white hoodie. Tim hit me on the head with his tail. "Ow! What was that for?!"

He dropped the pants on the bed, and then took my hoodie in his teeth, pulling on it. I let it go, and Tim immediately dropped the hoodie, instead coming straight for me.

"H-hey! Go away! What are you doing?!" I yelled out, trying to swat him away, but he grabbed a firm hold on a large stand of hair with his teeth, yanking—hard. Yelling out, I fell sideways, right onto the bed, and right on top of the pants. "Okay, okay! I'll put them on! It's your fault if people start making fun of me, though!"

I had a feeling that the little bob Tim did was a sign of triumph. Had he been watching too much TV or something, trying to make me look like this?

A few minutes later, I was looking at myself in the mirror, wishing I didn't have such a pushy robot for a pet. In my opinion, I looked absolutely stupid. The jeans were way too tight, a lot tighter than I remembered them, and this shirt showed too much of what was underneath. Also, leather gloves really didn't go well with an outfit like this.

"Allen! are you ready?" The voice was right outside the bathroom, and I jumped. Scrambling to make it look like I had just finished going to the washroom, I flushed the toilet and turned on the tap for a few seconds, then opened the door cheerfully. Lavi blinked down at me, looking over my outfit before a sly smile took over his features. "Nice look."

"Sh-shut up…" I muttered, blushing. Lavi shrugged, patting me on the top of the head.

"It looks good. You look like all those kids that girls love these days. Who knows, maybe you'll score something tonight."

That definitely wasn't what I wanted to hear.

("…")

Too loud. That was the first thing I had decided when I had arrived here.

That, and one party was good enough for me to last a year.

Two parties in two weeks was too much.

Lavi, however, definitely thought otherwise. I watched in disgust as he was sandwiched by two of the girls who went to our school, moving in such ways that if I were in his position, I'd be either blushing or trying to get them away from me. Beside me was Kanda, who looked just as upset as I did about the party. Lenalee had long left with her friends, smiling and laughing.

"Why're you even here?" I asked lamely over the music, and Kanda suddenly snapped to attention. A hint of red appeared in his cheeks as he looked away from wherever he had been staring. Curious, I followed where his gaze had been, but the only person I recognized in that direction was Lenalee.

"Because the stupid rabbit wouldn't let me do anything else." He replied, looking away from me. "He said he'd…" Kanda trailed off, shaking his head. "Just shut up, stupid bean sprout."

My teeth snapped together. "It's Allen!"

"Yeah, whatever. Bean Sprout sounds better." Kanda snapped, and then stood up and walked off. Well, there went that escape.

"Hey, you wanna dance?" I blinked in surprise and looked over, and was even more surprised when I found the pirate girl from before. Her eyes were trailing after Kanda, and I wondered if she had been waiting for him to leave all this time. Smiling, unsure of myself, I stood up and looked down at myself awkwardly. As if she knew what I was concerned about, she leaned over and said into my ear, "You look cute as a loner."

Blushing, I stepped away from her, looking down at the (now rather disgusting) ground. "Thanks," I muttered, though I didn't think she could hear me.

"My name's Mei Ling, by the way." The girl said, giving me a bright smile. "You might want to move…I think that guy's going to spill his drink…" I looked over, where a man was precariously leaning over the counter, but his drink wasn't anywhere near him. Confused why she would think he would knock it over, I was about to turn back to the girl, but suddenly the guy fell over, right onto his drink, and I only just avoided it.

"Ah, sorry man!" The guy said, giving me a smile that didn't really say he was sorry as he picked himself up and wiped up the drink. Mei Ling was looking at him disapprovingly, and then gave me a small smile.

"See?"

"How'd you guess that?" I asked, furrowing my brow. She tapped her temple.

"Psychic," she winked and then held her hand out. "So, do you want to dance?" I stared at her hand for a long moment, frowning and weighing my options. Should I even bother trying to dance when I knew I couldn't at all? Hadn't she caught on to that at the Halloween Party, when I had stumbled all over her feet? "You don't have to, if you don't want to, you know." Her hand faltered, closing before falling back to her side. She was giving me a concerned, slightly worried smile.

"Oh, no! I…I can…" I could tell she saw that I was being reluctant, and she gave me a small smile.

"Don't worry about it, it's fine." She said gently, and was about to turn away, but I quickly caught her hand. Her cheeks burned bright red, but she stayed put.

"D-do you…uh…want to have a drink with me?" I asked lamely, letting go of her hand. I didn't want to make her feel bad. Immediately, her face brightened.

"Sure!" She said, and looked at the chairs surrounding the bar. The two that were empty were covered in beer from the guy who had spilled his. "Uh…do you maybe want to go somewhere else?"

"Yeah, alright." I said, not even thinking about it. I turned to the bar, waving the bartender over. I was a little nervous—this was my first time drinking. The bartender came over, and I turned back to Mei Ling. "What do you want?"

"Uh…Budweiser's good. Wild Cat's a little strong, but that's good, too." She shrugged. "I guess we should probably stick to slightly lighter, though, so Budweiser."

"Two Budweiser, please." I thought my voice was going to crack. What was I doing? I didn't drink! Especially not when I lived with the meaning of alcoholic. I glanced over to where everyone was dancing, and saw Lavi looking at me. I gave him a timid smile, but he didn't return it, instead paying attention to the two girls who were, surprisingly, still sandwiching him. I felt like throwing up.

Either that, or going over there and tearing those two girls' hair out.

"Uh…are you okay…?" Mei Ling was waving her hand in front of my face, and when she looked over at where Lavi was dancing, she gave me a small frown. "Starting fights isn't really a good idea."

"How'd you…?" I began, but she just tapped her temple. I gave a weak smile. "Where do you want to go?" I asked, having realized that she was already holding one of the beers, the other sitting on the counter waiting (was it really?) for me.

"You wanna go upstairs? I think every other seat down here is taken. This guy must be really rich to have his own bar and bartender…" Mei Ling said, looking around the house in awe. I didn't find it half as fascinating as Kanda's huge house, where he even had a spare piano. That place was also much more peaceful, and wasn't the home to a sadistic creep.

Thinking about the piano made me think of a recent conversation I had had with Kanda.

"Hey, why do you have a piano in your house?"

"Why were you in there?!"

"I walked into it when I was trying to run away from a couple of crazy fourteen year olds."

"Keh. Whatever."

"That's not an answer…"

"What does it matter to you?"

"Well…it's kind of weird for someone like you to have a piano room, so it must belong to your mother, right?"

"…"

"What?"

"It's my father's."

After that, I was unable to get anything else out of the stubborn, feminine boy. He had just glared at me and told me to shut up, saying that if I bugged him anymore then he wouldn't let me follow him around like some kind of puppy anymore. Though I hadn't liked the puppy comment, I had obliged. I didn't want to be alone.

"This looks nice." Mei Ling said, pointing to the inside of what looked like a guest room. It was the classical set up, with the usual paintings of pleasant scenery and a single color scheme, which for this room was a forest green with a blue-green mixture. The bed was enormous, and looked like it was as soft as if it was completely made of feathers and pillows. Like an excited five year old, Mei Ling ran up to the bed and jumped on it.

Laughing lightly, I stepped into the room, closing the door behind me. A small love seat was in the corner, the same forest green as the blankets and the walls, and I took a seat there. It was probably as comfy as the bed was.

"So what's your name, anyways?" Mei Ling asked, no longer having to yell. The music was extremely muffled, the only sound being the amazing power of the bass for this stereo system. This house was definitely sound proof.

"Ah, I guess I forgot to introduce myself, huh? My name's Allen." I said, smiling. "It's nice to meet you, Mei Ling."

"Pleasure's all mine," she giggled. "I'm surprised someone like you goes to our school, though." The way she was looking at me, I thought she meant my eye, but was relieved when she continued. "I mean, you're like a model or something. The only people I thought were that gorgeous all go to that stupid club, and are all completely unapproachable." Her face turned dark for a moment, and then she suddenly looked worried. "I mean, I don't think they're bad or anything…! I know you go to that club, or else you wouldn't be with Yuu Kanda, and I know that Lavi and Lenalee are really nice and everything, and…oh…I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to offend you!"

"Don't worry about it, really." I said, waving it off. "I'm not offended at all. I only just joined the club a couple of months ago, so I'm still pretty new to it. I'm not really accustomed to the way they do things yet." Had it really already been two months? Where had the time gone?

"Still…I'm really sorry…I didn't mean to offend you…" Mei Ling whispered, biting down on her lip. I would've said more, maybe tried to get a real conversation going in order to take us out of this awkward situation, but the door suddenly burst open, the music almost deafening. I wasn't really surprised to see two people making out as they backed into the room, but I was surprised when I saw that it was Tykki, the blonde haired girl he was currently sucking the face off of completely wrapped up in his limbs. They stumbled and fell on the floor, and laughter erupted from them.

"Maybe we should leave," I whispered, standing up and preparing to go around the couple, but Tykki looked up at that moment, and as soon as he caught sight of me his eyes turned malicious. Instead of saying anything, his eyes strayed to the door, and I followed his gaze, unsure of why there was a sudden constricting feeling in my chest.

There, across the hall, was Lavi, wrapped up in one of the girls he had been dancing with. Such strong emotions ran through me at that moment, and I felt like running into the bathroom and throwing up. Maybe that would get rid of the churning in my stomach and the burning hate I felt not for Lavi, but for the girl.

"Hello, boy." Tykki's voice brought me back from my burning hate, and my eyes snapped to him. I tried to compose my features, which probably looked ugly at that moment, but I was unable to constrict these feelings. "You look…irked."

"Allen, are you okay?" Mei Ling asked, still on the bed. Tykki looked to her as if bored, and rolled his eyes. As if she were a doll, he pushed the blonde off of him. She didn't seem to notice, now staring at a wall. Her whole face was red, and it was obvious she had been drinking a lot that night. What time was it now, anyways? How long had we been here for?

"Girl, she looks like she's going to throw up, why don't you take her to the washroom." It was not a question, it was a demand. Mei Ling looked Tykki in the eyes hard for a long moment, before suddenly backing down, turning a pale color. Without a word, she got up and helped the blonde out of the room.

Tykki stood, slow and deliberate, and shut the door behind them with a deafening click. The music cut off immediately. I got one last glance at Lavi before the door shut, and more hatred burned in me. This time, it was followed by betrayal.

It was getting harder and harder to deny it now…

"So, are you enjoying the party, boy?" Tykki asked, his words almost purring like a cat. How could his voice still sound so pleasant when he was so evil? "Or are you feeling…alone?" He knew what he was doing, that much was for sure. "Of course, you should have known Lavi would eventually start to ignore you. After all, you're just his toy."

You're just his toy…

"Shut up." I whispered.

"You're a pretty useless boy, you know. After all, aren't you the cause of their deaths?" Tykki whispered, coming closer to me. I said nothing, closing my eyes. Their deaths were not my fault. They weren't. Tykki's voice was now directly in my ear, his breath tickling my lobe. "All Lavi sees in you is amusement, something to play with until he grows bored…you're nothing to him, not even worth a dime. Why pay attention to you, save you, if all you are is a stupid…useless…murderer?"

"Shut up…" I said, louder this time. A lump was growing in my throat. Mana…Mana…Mana…I didn't kill you, Mana!

"Oh, are we getting somewhere now?" He was enjoying himself way too much. "Did you know, that boy, that friend of yours…Narain…he never even got a proper burial, and his best friende never even he didn't even come to say goodbye to him after his death. Of course…how do we know it wasn't your fault to begin with?"

"Shut up!" I yelled out, backing away. I opened my eyes, fisting my hair and shaking my head in denial as I stared at Tykki, trying not to let him become blurry, trying to hold back the tears that were now threatening to fall. How could he possibly know about Narain? How could he possibly know anything about me, or my connections to any of these people?

"I never legally adopted you, you know, Allen. Technically, you don't exist to me…"

I had no connection to Mana, or Cross, or Narain, or any of them. My name was not on paper on anybody's legal documents. I didn't exist to Mana…I didn't exist to him…

"Of course, that's only on paper, because I'm not sure I would ever be able to say you don't exist to me. Right now, you are my everything. It's impossible for anyone to say you don't exist."

Yes, I did, and I had to exist to Lavi, too. Even if I was just his tool right now, if I worked hard enough, couldn't I become something more?

"Why don't you just give up? Why don't you just…disappear? Wouldn't that be better for everyone? No one likes you. They all want you gone. Don't you realize that?" the door opened, and someone poked their head in. Who was that?

Fou?

To her, yes, it would be much better if I didn't exist, because I had hurt her…but even so, didn't the fact that I was able to hurt her mean that I was important? If I was able to make such feelings stir inside of her, didn't that mean that I was at least important to her?

She had left, closing the door behind her, but it had not been a look of bitter resentment that she had left with. In fact, it had been the first time in a long time that she had shown any sort of concern for me. She had left with an extremely worried expression. Was she going to go and get Lavi…? No, I didn't want him here.

The fiery hate that rose up in me at that moment, the image of Lavi wrapped up in that girl in my head, was the reason I was able to suddenly look at Tykki, full in the eye, allowing all of the rage to pour out of me. "SHUT UP!" I yelled, releasing my hair and running at him. The door opened at that moment, three people running inside.

I wasn't too sure what happened next, but there was a lot of flailing limbs. In all of the confusion, I felt my first connect with someone's face twice, and it was Tykki's voice that cried out each time. Satisfaction filled me despite the fact that my hand ached from connecting with his face, and when I was finally separated from the confusing tangle of limbs, I got a look at what I had done.

Tykki was being held back by Fou, who looked extremely grim, and blood was dribbling down his nose. There was a small black circle already forming around his right eye, and even more satisfaction filled me. Then I noticed that someone was holding me back. I fell limp, so that they would know that I was no longer going to try and attack anyone.

"Jesus, Allen, what the hell were you thinking?" And then I stopped cold. It was Lavi. Lavi was holding me back, my back against his warm, comfortable chest. My teeth snapped together, and I pulled away.

"Leave me alone." I snapped, shoving away from him. I didn't look at him as I left, passing by Kanda, who had been the third person to enter. He watched me go with a grim satisfaction, and I felt like slapping him. What did he know?

"Allen…?" the call was weak, half-hearted. I didn't look back as I left the room, not even when Fou called my name louder than Lavi, and I didn't stop. I shoved past everyone in my way, even when I saw Leo and Jean, who both suddenly lit up when they saw me. For a moment, I thought of chiding them for being under aged for this party, but left it alone, not in the mood. If I talked to anyone right now, it was very possible for them to end up like Tykki.

When I got outside, I took a random direction. I didn't even pay attention to that. All I did was focus on settling my anger. I think it was the fastest I had ever walked.

What right did Tykki have to talk to me about Mana? What right did he have…to talk about Narain? Narain…the only one who had been able to understand my feelings after Mana had died. We had become mutual friends for our own reasons, and no one bothered us in our grief. It was all for the better, in the end.

I found myself walking towards a convenience store, the lights all on and a neon 'open' sign lit in the front window. I felt the inside of my too tight pockets for any money, and pulled out a toonie. Two dollars was enough, wasn't it? At least for a one liter pop or something.

The door jingled as I entered, a pleasant sound compared to the vehement thoughts swirling around in my head. With a brief, sharp nod to the clerk, I hurried to the end of the store that held the drinks, being as brief as possible as I looked for what I wanted. Something cheap, less than two dollars, and something that I liked.

"Hey, didn't think I'd see you around here." I jumped, looking round, and was surprised to find none other than Deli. She was smiling at me, but it quickly turned to a frown when she saw my expression. Though she looked so much like Lavi, it was a relief to see her face. She didn't know anything about the high school, or about Lavi or Tykki or Kanda or Lenalee or Fou. She was an outsider, like me, but she wasn't being so suddenly shoved into everything.

"Hey," I said weakly, and then looked back at the drinks. I looked down at my measly toonie, frowning at my lack of choice. What I actually wanted, a Sobe, was well over two dollars.

"Only a toonie?" Deli asked, frowning. I smiled weakly again.

"Yeah, that's all I really have…" I sighed gently, and Deli smiled.

"What do you want?" She asked. I pointed to the Sobe bottles sluggishly, and Deli opened the door to the bottles and grabbed one. With a small smile, she walked off, and I quickly followed after her.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Buying you a drink. Is that a bad thing?" She asked innocently, and looked me over. "Nice outfit, by the way. We look like twins."

That was true enough, except she still looked more like Lavi. She was wearing a black, small hoodie, unzipped and showing a black and purple striped shirt, a pair of black jeans even tighter than mine on. "You really don't have to do that…" I muttered as we reached the counter. She just shrugged, placing the drink on the counter and giving the clerk a small smile.

"I feel like it. Besides, it's not like I see anybody I know very often. Especially not someone my age." As she paid for my drink and her own items, she kept her eyes focused in front of her, not looking at me. She didn't even look at me as we left the store, into the rather chilly air.

"Thanks," I whispered when she handed me my drink. This time, she did look at me.

"You're welcome, silly." She said, ruffling my hair. My cheeks reddened.

"How am I being silly?" I demanded, shoving her hand away. She laughed.

"You're acting all shy, when I saw you running around my house in a housecoat and throw up all over my table. I don't know, I guess I just kind of expected you to act a little less formal after all of that." The smile she gave me, so cheerful and annoying, reminded me of Lavi a little too much. I looked away, staring hard at the sidewalk. We were standing in front of the store, both slightly leaning away from each other.

"A-are you going home?" I asked, trying to pretend I had seen something interesting.

"Nope. My mom's gone for the next few days on a business trip, so I don't really have anything to do. I decided going out for a stroll in the middle of the night seemed like fun, so…here I am." Deli waved her arm out in a circle, then placed the hand on her hip. All I thought was, Lavi would do something like that.

I needed to get Lavi out of my head.

"Hey, do you want to do something with me?" I asked, looking up into her face again. I focused only on the differences between her and Lavi instead of the great deal of similarities. I needed to concentrate.

"Yeah, sure, what'd you have in mind?" She looked a little surprised by the sudden notion, but not at all displeased. In fact, she looked like she could jump around and do a silly dance she was so happy.

"Actually…I don't have anything in mind. I just need to do something." I shrugged sheepishly, giving her a small grin.

"Oh, well, in that case, why don't we just walk in a random direction until we find something to do? There must be something worth doing even this late at night…" She didn't look at me as she said this, instead looking around as if the answer would be right there. "How about we start walking in that direction?"

"No!" I snapped, going rigid. When she gave me a slightly frightened, surprised look, I was quick to regain my composure. "Uh, let's not go that way. I just came from that way. There's nothing over there." Though she gave me a suspicious look, she shrugged and turned around.

"Alright, then we can go this way." She stated firmly, heading off with a sturdy march. I smiled, running after her.

"You're pretty good at that." I said, examining how straight her arms were, and how they went exactly breast-pocket high. It was like watching someone from the army. Her steps were measured and sturdy as well.

"My mom made me go to army school for a year, but when I complained too much she pulled me out and started home schooling me. She said it was her only choice, since I was too much trouble for any kind of public or private school." Her arms stopped swinging back and forth, and her pace became less measured as she changed into a casual walk.

"Army school? Sounds tough." I said absently, looking around at the houses. Deli laughed.

"I guess, if you're easy to intimidate and stuff. The only reason I didn't like it was because I couldn't have my hair a certain length and I had to wear a stiff uniform instead of my own choice of clothing." I couldn't see how she could complain about stiff, considering how tight her current clothes were. "I made a few friends, but my Officer in Command or whatever you call them had a real grudge against me for stealing her boyfriend away."

"You did something like that?" I asked incredulously, looking at her again. She didn't seem like a boyfriend stealer. Then again, to steal a boyfriend you didn't really have to do anything, they just had to like you more.

"Well, not on purpose. We just started talking, since we had the same time to do look out on a field trip, and after that we started hanging out. We never did anything, he never even asked me out, we were just really good friends. Gradually he just stopped hanging out with his girlfriend so he could hang out with me, even though I told him not to." Deli was still so carefree, not even a hint of guilt or sadness or nostalgia. She remained completely unaffected by her story, as if she were just telling a plotline for a movie.

"Did you ever…want to?" I asked, not really comfortable with the question but still curious.

"Me? Sometimes, but it was just that usual longing teenagers can get for someone else's touch. I didn't really like him like that. He was just someone cool to hang out with. He, however, seemed to really want that kind of stuff. He tried to make a move on me three times. It was pretty funny, too, because the first time he tried it was at the school dance, and we were all dancing in the…"

Just that usual longing…

Did teenagers usually have a longing for someone else's touch? Was that all it was, just a longing? Could you feel it for anyone? Did it happen if you were around someone for too long?

"Agh! Too many questions!" I cried out, cradling my head in frustration. How could so many questions be derived from one stupid little statement?

"What do you mean? About the school? The dance? Or how the hell he was able to actually get his hand on my ass?" Deli asked curiously, and I blinked, dropping my hands immediately. I had forgotten she was telling her story. I hadn't even heard a word of it.

"Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt, please continue." I said, giving her a quick, what I was hoping to be reassuring, smile.

"Okay…" she sounded doubtful, raising an eyebrow, but when I continued to smile at her she just shrugged and continued on with her story. This time, I made sure to listen to what she was saying, giving the appropriate responses where necessary. She didn't stop for a long time, describing all three of the incidents, though I was sure she had ended up going into a fourth explanation, or just retelling one of the incidents. The whole time I got the feeling she was just trying to keep me happy.

I was a little surprised when I realized we had gone into a long silence, and had long since stopped walking. When had that happened? Hadn't I just been sympathizing with her about perverted boys? "Uh…what are we doing?"

"You didn't hear a single word I just said, did you?" Deli whispered, looking away from me. A small smile was on her features. A sad smile.

"Of course I did. You were just telling me about the camping trip, and…" but I trailed off, noticing the way her smile suddenly became stretched and strained.

"No I wasn't. I was talking about you." She whispered, turning away from me. "I was talking about your face, and the way your facial expressions always change whenever I say Lavi's name," she said, a little louder. "Anyways, this is good, isn't it?" For a second, I thought she meant something completely different, but then I noticed that she was pointing to an outdoor pool. We had somehow made our way to one of few hotels that were here, and currently every light was off and the pool was closed.

"Uh…" What did I say? Just go along with her sudden subject change, or apologize for not paying attention?

the way your facial expressions always change whenever I say Lavi's name…

"Well, it'll probably be a little cold, but since it's a pool and not a lake it'll probably be warm enough." Deli continued, as if I had not said anything at all. I smiled lightly.

"Alright, sure." I whispered. The smile she gave me was genuine, and I found it easy to smile with her this time.

"Come on, then. First thing's first; we've got to climb the fence." She pointed happily to the fence, which was well over our heads, and I frowned. I didn't particularly like things like this.

"Ladies first." I held out my arm in a butler like fashion, giving a small bow. Deli giggled, and I was surprised when she headed for the fence with a running start, jumping onto the metal wires and pulling herself up then over the fence and onto the other side. It was like watching one of those movies where everyone was chasing everyone over fences.

I climbed the fence a lot slower than Deli had, but made it over nonetheless, finding Deli already half undressed. I blushed, automatically turning away from her. "Don't be so timid, Allen." Deli called with a giggle, and I winced. Maybe she was a little too open for me. What else was I supposed to do? She was getting undressed, and she was doing it in front of a complete stranger.

My going on a whim was starting to seem like a very bad idea.

"Come on, you've got boxers on under those pants, don't you?" Deli asked, suddenly beside me. I jumped, and looked at her, but was quick to look away again. She was only wearing her under garments. The was a loud, exasperated sigh, and suddenly she was unzipping my hoodie, taking it off for me.

"I-I can do that myself," I muttered, unsure of what I was doing anymore. I wasn't used to things like this. Any other guy would probably be in heaven right now, but all I felt was awkward and out of place. I hadn't really expected Deli to be this kind of person, and how that it was turning out this way I was really starting to wish I had just gone home instead of asking if she wanted to do something.

"Alright, if you say so," Deli gave me a small smile, backing up a little and watching me. I felt a little too self conscious with her staring at me like that, and turned away. She laughed. Trying to be quick, I pulled my shirt up, but it was so tight that it didn't really get very far before I had to adjust my position. I pulled my arms through the sleeves instead, taking it off that way, but when I heard the loud gasp I realized my mistake.

Not only my mistake in letting her take me to a pool, but my mistake in even thinking I could do anything with someone without something like this happening and everything being ruined.

"Wh-what happened to your arm?" Deli gasped, and I turned toward her awkwardly, feeling the blood rushing from my face. A sudden terror filled my chest, and I found it difficult to breath. Her face was absolutely terrified, and there was a hint of disgust there. "Was it a fire…?" She seemed hesitant to ask, as if she didn't actually want to know; she just wanted to leave. The grotesque, blackened arm I had received clenched its fist, and the long, disgusting nails that grew on it dug into the palm. No blood came out.

"No…" I whispered, and her face grew more disgusted and less terrified.

"You know what, I think I need to get home…" She whispered, and ran past me to where her clothes were. I watched her as she scrambled to throw them on, not moving an inch. How stupid could I possibly be? Slowly, the emotion drained from me. Wasn't something like this expected in the end? I wasn't normal, I wasn't worthy. I wasn't the person who got friends or led a normal life. I was destined to be miserable, and cursed.

After all, I had been the one to make that fate for myself.

I was an idiot for letting anyone get to me, to let myself think I actually had friends and that everything would be alright. Of course I still had this curse, this dark cloud looming over me, never to disappear. I had been a fool to think that it would all just vanish. Just because of a happy smile and the illusion of friendship, I had cast aside this curse as if it were nothing, I had forgotten it.

I would never forget it again.

Deli's face, so terrified and disgusted, would most likely stay burned into my memory.

It was a while before I realized that I was wet, and that I was alone. Was it raining? Yes. Almost numb, I pulled my shirt back on. It wasn't like that would do much, though. I would probably be sick in the morning, but that was the least that I deserved for forgetting who I was. Slowly, like a machine, I made my way to where Deli had thrown my hoodie, picking it up and then heading for the fence. I didn't even pull myself up an inch before I gave up.

My body went limp, and I leaned against the fence, my forehead digging into the cold, wet wires. A stream of water ran from my forehead down to my nose, where it then fell onto the grass, plunk, plunk, plunk.

Death.

Death.

Death.

The sound of the rain hitting the pavement mixed together with the memory, a memory of death and despair.

Mana.

Mana.

Mana.

The sound was somehow comforting, despite the fear that tingled deep in my stomach from the memory of that night, so long ago now. The night that I had received this arm, that I had been cursed, that I had learned so many things yet lost so much knowledge of the person I loved most.

Because it had all been burned away by those penetrating, dead eyes.

The sound of the rain hitting against the water in the pool was louder than everything else, and I lifted my head deftly, looking at the surface of the pool. The water hitting it was like a shimmer of light, the only light among all else, not even the street lights entering my vision anymore. Only the pool was in my vision now.

And it slowly began to turn red.

And redder.

And redder.

And redder.

I wasn't sure if I screamed or not, and I wasn't even aware that my body was on the ground, that I was staring blankly at the pool, which was so, so red.

I was aware of nothing. I couldn't think. My mind had halted, blank with fear and agony and rage beyond imagination.

And then, a ray of light from the heavens, shining down on me, judging me.

Or was that a flash light? Had a security guard come? Slowly, my mind began to bring reality back to my vision, the pool no longer such a deep red, the light from the street lamps barely visible through the thick rain. It really was pouring. I was completely numb, and for the first time I was aware of how unbelievably cold I was.

"Allen, is that you?" And then a surge of happiness shot through me like a bullet. I almost smiled, laughed, danced. Why did that voice make my heart speed up so much? Why did I love the sound of it so much? Why did it suddenly seem like everything would be fine?

No, go away. I can't forget any more. I can't.

But the sound was so intoxicating!

He betrayed you!

He was himself. He was Lavi. Lavi was Lavi and there was nothing in the world that I would rather him be. Not even Mana. No matter what he did, it was him, and even if I didn't like it, I didn't want him to be anything else.

"La…vi…" I whispered, and found the strength to push myself back up. The beam of the flashlight got closer, until Lavi's worried face came into view. Immediately, his expression turned to one of relief.

"Allen!" He cried out, running the rest of the way until he was right in front of me. He looked just as soaked as I did.

"Lavi…?" I muttered, cocking my head to the side. "Why're you here?"

"You idiot!" Lavi snapped, but even though he sounded angry his face broke into a smile. "You ran off like that and when I called your house Cross said you hadn't come home, so I had to come and find you! I was-" but here he stopped. His smile faltered, and his voice turned slightly bitter. No one but me could have noticed that it had. No one; except for maybe Kanda. "Everyone was worried about you."

"Thanks…" I muttered, blushing as I realized that I had made a mess. By now, Lavi was crouching down so that he was level with me. "Did you come alone?"

"No, Fou and the others are out looking in other places. I only knew to come here because Deli said you were this way. She looked pretty shaken, so I came as fast as I could…Allen, what's wrong?" But I couldn't answer him. Deli's name had reminded me of what had just happened. For a brief moment, I had gone back to the Allen who had friends, I had been so intoxicated by Lavi's voice, his face, his emotions…

"I think…I think I want to go home." I whispered. Lavi frowned.

"I would think so, too. It's pouring out here. Jesus, you're going to catch pneumonia or something if you stay out here. Come on." Lavi stood up, and held his hand out to me. I stared at it, contradicting myself in an internal battle, until I raised a hand and took his firmly. I took heavy notice of the fact that I was wearing my gloves; no matter how much I couldn't allow myself to get lost in my friendship with him, no matter how harsh my fate may be, even if I already knew that I could never truly be Lavi's friend, I still didn't want to see his face in such a state as Deli's.

"Thank you." I said again, allowing him to drape my arm over his shoulder. Together, we walked the long way around to where the gate to the fence had been opened. Lavi didn't explain this, but I didn't bother asking. "Why didn't you put a coat on or something? You can't lecture me about getting pneumonia when you're in the exact same state as I am."

"Huh?" Lavi asked, looking at me blankly. I knew he had heard me, but I was guessing that he just wasn't going to let me worry about him.

"Thank you." I said again, instead of persisting in lecturing him about a jacket. Lavi just smiled, tightening his arm that had made itself around my waist. I couldn't really remember when he had done that. Thankful, more than he could ever know, I leaned a bit more weight on him, allowing my sudden exhaustion to take over.

We walked for a long time. After a while, I began to lose track of what street we were on, and soon I was completely lost, but Lavi continued on his course firmly. The rain was so thick that I wasn't sure how he was able to know where he was going. The silence between us was both awkward and comfortable, where I felt like I needed to say something but at the same time felt like it didn't really matter if I did. I was a little surprised that it was Lavi who actually broke the silence.

"Hey, Allen…who's Narain?" The name sent a cold shiver of fear down my spine. Had Fou told him, had she been listening longer than I had thought?

"He…used to be my best friend." I whispered, closing my eyes. It would help if I couldn't see Lavi's face. "I didn't meet him until after…Mana died. I can't even remember how exactly we met, but we got along immediately by some weird connection that I can't explain. Later, when we were talking, I learned that his sister, the only person he had left in the world, had died recently, just like Mana.

"I think it was after that that we became inseparable, always standing up for each other and making sure the other was always okay. We never really talked, like you and I do, or hang out and do fun stuff, go out to an amusement park or on hikes or anything like that. We just stayed at one or the other's house, or went for the same walk along the same trail.

"Eventually…Narain got sick. He got sicker and sicker, and there was never any signs of him getting better. He had it worse than I did, see? I was used to being alone, with no family members, no one to confide in or talk to, and I still even had Master, even if he is a shitty example of a guardian. Narain had no one. He was living off of the money left to him from his grandparents, and support from child services and welfare. He refused to get adopted and live with strangers. He was completely alone…except for me…

"I couldn't do anything for him. What words of comfort could I give someone if I couldn't even comfort myself? I would just feel like a hypocrite. So instead I just watched him grow sicker, and I had even been the one to call an ambulance when he collapsed in front of me. I never saw him after that. The last memory I have of him was him being strapped into a stretcher and put in an ambulance. All he did was thank me."

I couldn't say anymore past the tears that were falling. Thinking about Narain was too painful. Whenever I thought of him, I thought of myself, and thought of how that should have been me. Narain should have continued living. It also reminded me of how selfish I was, and how lucky I was. I still had someone, no matter how cruel he was, yet Narain had had no one. And I hadn't even gone with him to his death bed, hadn't even visited him while he was in the hospital. I had been too scared.

And I couldn't possibly tell Lavi this. I would be too ashamed.

"So you did have a life before this, huh?" Lavi's voice was light, joking, and completely different from what I thought it would be. How could he be so casual when I had just told him how my best friend had died? "Well, I guess I should have expected that. I mean, you couldn't have been completely alone for the past however many years since Mana's death."

The way he said Mana's name so casually, it was oddly comforting. Any one else and I would have slapped them, but hearing Lavi say his name so easily and lightly only made me comforted. I felt like he was trying to say everything would be okay, instead of putting his name to shame and dishonoring it. Lavi wasn't that kind of person, after all. Not to me.

You give him too much praise.

I did, didn't I? Even though only a couple of minutes ago (was it a couple of minutes or a half an hour?) I had been saying I couldn't get too close to him, I couldn't allow myself to get lost in friendship again so I wouldn't forget, I found myself telling Lavi a secret I had never told any one else. Why?

It really was impossible to ignore it now. Why not just embrace it, love it, stop being ashamed of it? There was nothing to be ashamed of. After all, it wasn't like this was something anyone could control.

"Well, we're here." Lavi said, and I looked up. We were in front of his jeep.

Lavi…towards you…

"Did you have any drinks tonight?" I asked, half jokingly. Lavi smirked.

Towards you, I…

"Only one, and it was only because one of those girls forced me to. Man, were they ever close! I was starting to get really annoyed, but whatever. I can't ruin my reputation now, can I?" He winked, obviously joking, but I felt a little better. He hadn't liked them being so close.

No matter how much I try to deny it…

"Well, I guess one drink is okay." I shrugged, then blinked. "Oh yeah! I forgot about Mei Ling! I hope she's okay…I didn't even open that beer…"

I'm pretty sure…

"You were going to drink? And score with a girl? Wow! Man, I wish I could have seen that!" Lavi laughed as he watched me get into the passenger seat. I watched him go around the jeep, watching as the rain saturated his already soaked, deep red hair. The entire time he went around, and as he got into the jeep, his smile never left his face.

I love you.

End Chapter

A/N: YAY! Happy birthday to me! Happy birthday to me! Praise me, for I have done it! And early, too!

Oh yes, there's a couple of things I wanted to mention. 1. I'm sorry Deli wasn't an original character, but there is no one who is pretty much exactly like a feminine Lavi, so I had to do an OC. There was no other way I could portray the character I wanted for this chapter in order to get the right reactions out of Allen, especially for the pool scene, because even though I didn't write it and have Allen conscious of it, I think you all should get the feel that the entire time he was with her he felt like he was somehow with Lavi.

2. I hope the party wasn't too much. I kind of felt like it was, but after reading through it I decided it worked, and I hope you thought it worked, too. I had a lot of trouble mostly with the scene with Tykki…Oh, and if you're wondering, all of my writing is off the top of my head, and absolutely nothing is planned out except for random ideas that pop into my head during class, so I still don't even know half of Allen's past, and most of Lavi's. Sorry. I hope you liked that I added Narain in there, too. XD

3. For those of you who didn't notice or know, I started a thing called Fate: Intermissions. The only thing it really has similar to this story is Lavi and Allen and their times together in this story. Nothing from the intermissions (which only have one chapter, or maybe two, from any random cross over I choose) will be mentioned or thought of or foreshadowed or anything in this story. They're just silly, random one shots that I'll write whenever I feel like writing something different for a bit. If you'd like, check it out. The first one isn't the best, just a test to see if anyone will like it.

One last thing: REVIEW! I love them, they make me happy inside. Plus, it'd be an excellent birthday present. XD