Chapter 12

The world is not what our five senses can present, its way beyond our power to think. Who knows, there might be other senses unlike sight or touch, other ideas where our wisdoms blocks such abstraction. With this restricted mind, trapping ourselves to self loath sometimes. But, I was a living human, selfish in core, only hoping Reid's soul would remain trapped here forever, so I can be with him all the time.

I lifted myself to go downstairs where Emily was freaking around in the kitchen, preparing the dinner. She saw me and send a beautiful smile my way.

"Garcia is on her way" She said while lifting a giant dish from the sink over to the stove.

"Want anything to drink?" She asked while examining her fridge now.

"Do you know where dead people go after they leave?" I asked still excited with all the energy Reid blew into me. She stopped whatever she was doing and eyed me with concern.

"Morgan-it's like-they- Is this a trick question?" She asked tilting her head a little.

"Maybe death is not as bad as we think" I talked while smiling, still revising the time few moments ago. She remained quiet, probably thinking I'm all hyped up with distorted mind.

"I'd like to think it's way better than here, let's leave it to that" she got back to preparing the dinner. She took out some cold juice.

"Help yourself" she smiled as I poured some for me in the glass. When I will die, I won't be able to taste such things anymore. So, I took each sip carefully, enjoying how each taste bud encoded the taste, as if I was doing this for Reid. So what if he had no tongue to taste, I could be that tongue for him. That was the spark, I could almost hear the bells playing in my ears, welcoming a new life within me. I could understand why Emily was giving me weird looks, I was doing what no others could think of doing.

I had to live, for him, so he could do all the things he still dreamt of doing but had no time to. I will be his portal to earth if he is heaven to mine. Maybe, there is still a way to go on.

It was unfair on my behalf, thinking so small of the world. There were still more left. So what if Carl got him kidnapped, sold, beaten and killed. He was back to me now. Its true I couldn't touch his cheeks, or feel his rich skin but I had his soul with me. And, today it made me happy again like how it did before times were lonely.

"Lost somewhere?" Emily asked finally giving in to her curiosity.

"I'm glad I chose to come out" I told her.

I decided to give her a hand with the work when Garcia too arrived with loads of teddies in her arms. She excitedly claimed one for each member of the team as a memorable gift. Although, we needed no reminders but those bears were too cute to not keep.

Then, she hugged me so tightly, for so long as if I was lost for years and just had returned home, I could feel her tears soaking my shirt. It just made me realize how far I had gone from all of them, from my baby girl. She finally let go and wiped her tears away.

Although, she was the crying shoulder for everyone around us, seeking her bright personality to soothe us but she needed someone to hold her too, to ask her to free her grief hidden under all the colors and bling. I helped the girls get the place ready for others to arrive.

JJ, Will and Henry came next. Both were so glad to be together again, last time this happened was when we were on search mission working together. Hotch came in with Jack. He had grown up a lot now. With them here, Rossi finally got here loaded with drinks of his fine choice. The man had retired and moved to another city to write his next book: True Genius, True Hero, dedicated to Spencer Reid. Everyone were on their own pages, trying to recover but still wounded.

What I didn't know was that Emily even called my mom and sisters over for the dinner. The moment they knew I was out from the center, they rushed a flight here not missing a chance to meet me. They entered through the door, throwing all bags on the floor and rushing towards me. My mother wept on her way, banging into furniture and finally clashing with her lost son. Now, holding in her arms her baby so mentally unstable finally with the most powerful eternal power, motherhood. Her warm hug tried to pick up the broken pieces of her child wrapping him in love, a power so overcoming. I didn't knew I had miss her so much. She had visited me before but I had lost interest in all things. The reunion was much needed now. Next, I met my sisters, their eyes so much in concern. I had failed them all.

Soon, the dinner was served and this time we all sat together on the dining table once again cherishing the times of our lives. I knew we all missed one person, who could be with us on the table too spilling facts about anything we ate, the historical background or the statistical probabilities. One person could make such a difference that each and everyone on the table had been changed in one way or another. We were all little broken but now much more powerful to have survived it. Life should be celebrated, memories should be made because time will just keep on passing.

"I wanna share a toast to the success of today's trial" Hotch lifted his glass and we all joined with ours.

"To a doctor we miss dearly, to his successful life and wonderful contributions for mankind, cheers" And the glasses clinked together.

It had been long since I ate anything other than the center food. The careful tasting of dinner rejoiced another aspect of me, calling me to old times.

The evening approached another side when Garcia presented each team member with a teddy bear with a team picture on it. I got mine and held it in front of my eyes. The bear with a picture reminded of such good old times. It had to fill me with tears which I happily drank away. She gave two small teddies to the kids brining smiles to all faces.

"And this last ones for our Genius" she placed the teddy on an empty couch. And that's when I saw him again, holding the teddy in his laps even though it was on the surface. I couldn't believe my eyes seeing him amongst us. Reid looked my way so happy to have got his piece too. Wonderful, was all I could think of. I kept my eyes on him as he so desperately looked at everyone else's face. I knew he had missed us all, too much to tolerant. Sam Elliot may had crippled him for a year but he still longed for the love his family provided.

All guests unaware of such presence were just doing their own things, but my eyes were on him as he gently rose up and walked around, listening to conversations, from one person to another. He seemed amused. He even sat beside Rossi posing as if hugging him. I laughed a little. His adorable self was the joy I just needed, the only company missing was now here. My life was complete.

After a while he ran around the room, swirling around passing thru things and people, making my eyes question the reality. He, then waved at me pointing towards the dining. I got up to leave with him to the table where leftovers were still placed. He sat on one of the chair.

"Don't talk or other's will think you're crazy" He said eyeing all the food around. I nodded happily.

"Hmmm, so Emily made this chicken, does it taste good?" He asked. I shook my head at his innocence.

"It's tasty!" I replied and all of a sudden everyone turned around to see me. Reid's eyes widened.

"SUhh! I told you not to talk" he put a finger on his lips. I turned back facing others.

"I was merely complementing Emily's cooking" I tried to clear myself up. They didn't seem too convinced but let it go and I turned to see Reid had disappeared. I shifted around to find him again. I knew he was here somewhere but choosing to still remain hidden. Of course, Reid would not let any opportunity go by to tease me. Although, I didn't want to go back but upon my mother's request I did.

People would talk but I couldn't hear, they would laugh but I couldn't. Despite all, I felt a renewed form of life back in me but the sorrow had me weak. The pain that had accompanied me for more than a year wouldn't go by in a day. I knew Reid was in a better place now, away from Elliot, away from all worldly dangers but he was still away from me. I couldn't touch him or hug him. My eyes and ears felt over stimulated doing all the work alone. But, the memories made as humans were unforgettable.

I knew, Reid was here temporarily. He wanted to go away and was okay to leave all of us behind. Did his soul feel betrayed? Why wouldn't a dead person want to stay where he belonged once? Maybe the answer lied in the desperation I sensed in him earlier.

How can I say how this world had treated us? My destiny was to live but without him. People had tormented us in all ways possible but in our hearts the flame of hope kept burning. Today, amongst all lives, I still longed for the dead soul.

Finally, the evening gathering ended. I chose to go back to the therapy center where I was staying despite all of them insisting not to go. I felt safe there. Derek Morgan have a long way to recovery. I changed back and there the nurse came with the bedtime medicines. I took them and placed them aside while spreading my blanket around.

"Morgan?" I heard Reid and immediately turned to see him walking toward me. He was here too.

"Tomorrow you're going to help me, right?" He said. I smiled widely not believing at first that he was back here.

"I don't know a way to put a soul to rest" I explained.

"Others might, you can ask expertise in such field" he suggested.

"Like a priest?" I provided an example.

"Maybe..." he almost whispered. I sat on my bed inhaling the feelings of pure relaxation. I then pulled his dairy pages out and showed it to me. He smiled.

"I didn't wanted you to read them" He said. I looked down looking at the words for the thousandth time.

"Before sleeping, I would always read a part of it" I explained.

"So you could have nightmares?" he asked while giggling. I returned a glare.

"That's all I had of you" I said. Reid saddened.

"I made you sick. Look at you, how crazy have you become possessing over materialistic things. It's like you literally worship me. You weren't like that before" He concerned.

"Yah, I'm wasted. My mind does nothing but think about you and what happened to you. For past one year, I spent every day searching for you, saying your name like a mantra, feeding myself only one purpose. But, when it all ended it felt as if I have nothing left to do" I sadly explained.

A nurse ran in the room staring at me worriedly. She shook her head in disbelief.

"Sir, who are you talking to?" she asked.

"It's none of your business!" I bluntly replied now staring back at Reid. He seemed mad.

"That's no way of talking!" Reid scolded. I couldn't ignore him.

"Sorry" I apologized to the nurse.

"No problem but are you okay, do you need someone to talk to?" she asked.

"Don't sympathize with me, I'm not alone" I said trying not to show too much bitterness. She nodded and went away murmuring.

"I'm not happy to see you like this" Reid rebuked. I remained quiet.

"Quit running after me! I'm dead! I was once part of your life but not anymore. Get me out of your head before it rots" He ordered.

"I can't" I simply said shaking my head violently. And, then it happened...Sometimes, that made no sense, altering my reality into pieces that made no sense.

The whole room turned bloody in my eyes, and the spirit suddenly darkened around me, and soon the beautiful innocent face turned monstrous. It felt surreal. And, abruptly, I started to hyperventilate, feeling scared, as if really I could die in moments.

"Reid! What's HAPPENING?" I asked now backing off from the horrible scene in front of my eyes. It was too long, I was too tired, too sad. It had to end. The monstrous blackness started to surround me, howling the life out of me. All around me the scene was fading out in darkness and my screams were becoming clearer and clearer...louder and louder.

"QUIT RUNNING AFTER ME!" The howl sounded. Reid's spirit might be trying to scare me away, so I could forget him. I shook my head and the darkness completely engulfed me leaving me screaming. I was becoming one with the spirit, losing my connection and dying. My body couldn't take it anymore, the death being so near.

And, I finally woke up...panting from a long nightmare.

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