AN: WARNING: this is where the graphic depictions of violence warning comes in, so take heed if that's not your thing! in this chapter there is mention of torture and description of injuries resulting from it


it feels impossible

"Doctor Marco says you will be healed in a couple of weeks." Riza put forth the reassurance to Havoc in an attempt to pull him from the well of despair he was falling into. To be perfectly honest, Riza felt like giving in and spiralling in there with him, but she didn't have the energy. After returning home two days ago her time had been consumed with staying with Havoc and watching over him. She couldn't be anywhere else, not when he had done so much for her already. Plus, they had gone through almost every traumatic and harrowing event of their lives together it had become tradition to share it with one another.

"Any news?" he asked, voice monotone.

Riza shook her head. "No word on the Elrics just yet. We just have to sit and wait." Havoc scoffed.

She almost tripped over the mention of their names. After the attack there had been no word from the brothers and Riza found herself worried sick. Grumman had sent out scouting parties to try and find a trace of them, but the groups turned up nothing. Naturally, after Bradley's assault they were lying low and the Keep was on lockdown, save for those searching for the missing assassins. Fewer people leaving meant less ground being covered. It was going to take so much longer to find them that it would have before.

There was a quiet, fearful, murmur that they had joined Mustang, but Riza was quick to dispel that thought. Edward would rather set himself on fire than side with Bradley. They all knew that. Edward voiced his opinion of the man loudly and regularly.

Havoc remained silent, opting to only stare down at his legs beneath the blanket. Riza knew this was incredibly difficult for him. They worked with their hands. The ability to wield a blade the way they do gave them purpose. Grumman had plucked them from obscurity in the mines and given them a reason, given them something to fight for. This was all they had both known for the last ten years. This resistance propelled them forward to working for a better world. If Havoc couldn't actively involve himself in it then he would think all was lost.

Marco said it would take weeks for the break in his arm to heal and then another month or two of rehabilitation to repair the muscles. That was far too long, according to Havoc. It was too long for him to sit and do nothing.

He had never been one to sit idle and strategy was not his strong point. Riza knew all was not lost, far from it, but convincing Havoc that was going to be an effort in itself. This was just a setback. They would work it out. They always did.

Riza sighed and leaned back in her chair. "I'll go and see if Grumman has finished with Marco and he can gauge how well your arm is doing."

"Just leave it," he muttered, eyes not lifting from the bed. Riza paused and turned to look at him. His right hand was clenched into a fist by his side, trembling.

"No."

He twitched and Havoc slowly raised his head to meet her gaze. "What?"

"No. You don't get to give up. This is something we can overcome."

"My arm is broken, Hawkeye," he growled.

"I'm aware of that." Her reply was calm.

"Marco said I could lose it because of the damage. The whole ceiling fell on top of me, it's a wonder I didn't lose it already."

"It will heal. Do you remember what you said to me in the mines?" she asked abruptly. "On that first night we met each other?"

Havoc winced. "Riza." His voice begged at her not to bring it up and at a time like this, she didn't really want to. However, those words had gotten her through the worst of her crushing despair. It was time he heeded his own advice.

"Do you remember?" she urged. No answer. "You told me I don't get to give up. Not while there are others depending on me." Havoc took a shuddering breath. "And I depend on you, Jean. More than you could ever know. I need you by my side in this fight."

"I'm useless now," he whispered bitterly. "Just leave me behind."

"Never." Riza's reply was fierce, anger spiking in her at the thought of him giving up. No, he didn't get to give up because Havoc hadn't let her give up all those years ago. "Your situation is only what you make of it. Now you can lie in this bed and wallow in your self-pity for days on end or you can make plans for the future and rest up. Your choice."

"You're acting as if this is nothing!" he exploded, face contorting in anger. Riza didn't even flinch at the ferocity of his words. "Marco said he would make the decision tomorrow about cutting it off. This isn't just a simple break! I can't fucking be an assassin if I only have one arm!"

"With an automail arm you can." Havoc opened his mouth but had no reply. "If it comes to it, you can get yourself some auto mail." Riza face softened finally. "I need you, Havoc, I always have. You keep me sane, you keep me grounded, and you make me happy, even after everything we went through. I can't win this fight without you." Riza swallowed down the pressure in her throat as she watched Havoc's own eyes water. She walked slowly back over to him and gripped his good hand tightly. Letting loose a breath, she shared her feelings with someone for what felt like the first time in her life. "I won't win it without you. We've put too much into this, sacrificed too much, to give up now." She squeezed his hand, wiping away a tear on her cheek. "Marco said he can heal you with alkahestry, although it will take time. It will be hard but I will be with you every step of the way. And when you're ready, I'll be waiting for you on Bradley's doorstep, ready to end this with you."

Riza left a speechless Havoc in his bed as she strode from the room to find Grumman. She would do everything in her power to help her friend. It was about time she returned the favour. Her hands were trembling as she opened the door. Her chest felt lighter after getting those words of her chest. They were the truth, every last one of them, she had just never said them to Havoc before. They both knew how they felt about the other. They shared a bond that was closer than friends, deeper than siblings. Through their trauma they had found a saviour in each other.

Actually telling Jean Havoc just how much he meant to her was liberating and she actually felt content for the first time in a long time.

Apparently her little speech worked because when she returned from her talk with Grumman – her "brief" talk turned into an even longer one and two hours later she was back by Havoc's bedside – Marco was already there with him, along with Falman.

Three days later Riza was aimlessly wandering through the Keep while Havoc slept when a commotion drew her attention to the front gate.

"It's the Elrics!" the guard shouted from their watch post in the large trees in the front garden. Riza's heart jumped into her throat. She sprinted outside along with Fuery who had been keeping her company. "They're carrying someone!"

The night air was cool on her skin. She peered through the darkness to the gate as it opened, not really knowing what to expect as the pair stumbled through. From her first assessment they were unharmed. Both looked exhausted but frantic. The gate closed tightly behind them, additional guards materialising out of nowhere as they began their watch to see if they were followed.

"Oh, Ed! Al!" Riza cried in relief, her emotions running away with her, but she didn't care. She had worried about the teenagers non-stop since they had disappeared. Riza just hadn't wanted to admit how much she had cared because the thought of something happening to them terrified her. Ever since that talk with Havoc her mind had been flooded with the same feelings she'd had for years but had always squashed down. Letting them run rampant in her mind and letting herself actually feel was a new and incredibly terrifying experience.

She was strong enough, now, to acknowledge them. A couple of years ago she would have crumpled and given up because if she let just one thing through, the flood gates would open and there would be the possibility that her memories from the mines would pour through with them. Riza didn't think she would ever be ready to face them again, but she had learned to live with them. Perhaps extracting bits and pieces would help her heal.

"Mustang needs help!" Ed cried and Riza noticed they were dragging a body between them. Each had a hand under his arms, legs having long since given up, and feet dragging along the ground as the brothers moved.

"What?" Fuery asked, voicing the question Riza couldn't. Her heart was still in her throat.

"We got him out," Ed declared. "We got him out but the damage had already been done. He passed out about twenty minutes ago just after we shook the officers following us."

Riza crouched as they lowered Mustang to the ground, physically unable to hold him upright anymore. She helped them move his body and gasped as she set her eyes on his face. While they moved Roy's head had been bowed towards the floor.

There was a large cut at his hairline, partially obscured by his matted hair, which was also thick with blood in places as it touched the wound. Blood trailed down his bruised and blotched face, trickling down his neck and disappearing into his filthy looking shirt. The skin around the cut was red and puckered, the edges jagged and rough. Riza knew a wound like that and it was done to inflict pain.

He had been tortured.

It took everything in her power not to vomit on the grass beside her.

One eye was completely swollen shut and he had been struck on the face multiple times. There were two old cuts on his left cheek and one on his right, which looked like it had been split open again more recently. His lips were split too, the skin cracked. His whole face was black and blue, speaking of a recent beating. His other exposed skin, his hands and his neck, were not much better.

Looking back down the path, she noticed spots of blood creating a trail down to the gate.

"He has broken ribs too so be careful when you move him," Al warned weakly, leaning heavily on his side. "And his fingers."

Someone beside Riza lifted him gently and she watched, still too stunned to move, as they carried him away from her and to the infirmary.

What… What had Bradley done to him?

Riza was up from her knees in a shot to follow them. Her only focus was the tortured man who was being carried away from her.

Havoc started awake as they burst through the doors. He yawned and mumbled about the noise but stopped when he saw Riza.

"What's going on?" he asked. There was no recognition in his face as he peered at the man on the bed next to him. Riza's chest tightened. Was Roy really beaten so badly that Havoc didn't recognise him?

"Get Marco," Riza barked as she rounded to Roy's side, crouching by his head. Someone had tortured him. Whoever that was they were going to pay. When Riza found out who there would be no force on earth that could stop her.

When she first set eyes on his face it felt as though someone had punched her in the gut. His state looked so much worse in the candlelight. That vomit crept back up her throat.

"Who is it?" Marco asked, rubbing his eyes tiredly.

"Mustang," Riza choked out.

Marco froze, eyes peering into the bed before his mouth fell open in shock. He swore and without another word the doctor got right to work.

"Mustang?" Havoc questioned in disbelief. He looked like he was ready to vomit too.

The pair of them had seen death. They walked hand and hand with it on a regular basis, but this… This was so much worse. Their deaths were quick. Someone had literally beaten Mustang to a bloody pulp and, from the state of him, within an inch of his life. This was done simply to maim, not kill.

Roy groaned as Marco began to work. Riza's attention snapped to his face. He begun to fight, albeit feebly, against Marco's movements.

"Roy?" Riza called to him, placing a hand gently atop his head. She couldn't hold his hand. Whoever had tortured him had broken both his thumbs and middle fingers, probably as a precaution and so he couldn't do flame alchemy. Riza hated how clinically she was thinking about this, but she knew if she didn't, she would break right there and then. "Roy," she tried again, this time right into his ear. Judging by the way his body was fighting he probably thought he was still with Bradley. She gently brushed his matted hair off his face and he eventually visibly relaxed. Riza didn't try to think about how long this had been going on. He has been missing for five days… Riza shook herself, repositioning so she was comfortable by Roy's head. She knew she wouldn't be moving from that spot for a long time. All that mattered right now was he was here, and they needed to work fast to save him.

"Riz…" he groaned. A whimper left him as Marco's hands travelled across his torso. Broken ribs. Riza shuddered.

"You're okay, you're safe. We've got you. I've got you."

"I'm… sorry." His speech was broken. Apparently it was a great effort to utter even the simplest of words.

"Don't worry about that," she reassured him, tears falling down her face. One of Roy's eyes opened and Riza gasped in an attempt to bite back a sob. "You're here now."

"No," he groaned, eyes falling shut once more. Seeing him in this state… It hurt Riza more than he could ever know. "Plea… Forgive me."

"I do, Roy." At this point she would forgive him for anything. She just wanted to stop his suffering. "I forgive you."

"I… I…"

"What?" Riza asked desperately, her emotions edging towards hysteria.

"Please… Plea…"

His body fell slack and his eyes fluttered closed.


i hope you enjoyed this one and i'm sorry roy D: