Disclaimer: I do not own diddly squat of Harry Potter and related elements of the Potterverse, etc, etc. What a tragedy.
Author's Note: As mentioned in the earlier chapter, this is the second-last chapter of Too Much Left Unsaid. I hope you readers have had as much fun reading (and reviewing) it as I have writing it. Nice, helpful reviews make me happy (hint, hint).
Sorry for the extremely, extremely last posting of this chapter, people! My internet crashed and I was booted off any other computer which had access. Plus, when I finally got a smidgen of access, kept posting error messages that they were unable to upload my chapter. Talk about a conspiracy of technology!
This chapter is dedicated to SwishAndFlick31, pstibbons, ProperT, harry'n'hermione4ever and MiKaYGiRl. With love, as always.
Hermione pursed her lips, opening the door wider for him to enter. "You're here early," she remarked acidly. "Jessie's not even awake yet."
"I didn't come here only to pick up Jessie."
She folded her arms and shot her best McGonagall glare in Harry's direction, causing him to shudder involuntarily. For a moment, he felt like a Gryffindor first-year caught out of bed on a night time stroll, facing the wrath of Head Girl Hermione Granger. The feeling was in no way diluted by time.
"Then?"
The basilisk-like tone of her voice cut him to the quick. Every time he tried to talk to her, to attempt to penetrate her emotional defences, she would attack him viciously with her biting, hurtful words, ever increasing the guilt, sorrow and regret which he carried in his heart. It was times like these Harry could hardly believe that this bitter young woman had been his best friend, confidante and lover.
"We need to talk, Hermione," he said gently, fighting down the pangs in his heart.
She marched over the door and opened it, standing beside the open doorway with her chin raised and her eyes flashing fire. "There's nothing left to talk about," she said sharply, her cold hazel eyes fixing him with a piercing gaze that seemed to bore right through his heart. "Please leave."
He stood firmly, his eyes locked with hers, neither wanting to be the first to back down in that test of will. Harry's emerald greens flashed first, daring her to throw him out physically since he was definitely not going to leave out of his own free will. Hermione's hazel browns seemed almost to darken into black, before taking on a steely glint. It was apparent that none were willing to give way to the other.
It was Harry who eventually broke the tension, the anger on his face almost instantly melting away as he ran a hand through his hair, his new nervous habit.
"Why don't you believe me, Hermione?" asked Harry softly, pain evident in every syllable. "What is it you want me to do? How can I prove to you that I never wanted to hurt you?"
She said nothing, at last breaking eye contact and her gaze coming to rest on the window sill.
"I want you to leave," she said at length, her words shattering Harry's heart into a million shards. "Don't destroy what I've built again here. I want to go back to the way we were for this past five years."
"What?!" Harry staggered back, vainly trying to withstand the heavy blow Hermione had dealt him.
Hermione was looking back at him now, sadness etching her face. The afternoon sun caught her tears, turning each into a sparkling diamond as it rolled down her cheeks. The harsh rays also illuminated a few wrinkles he had not seen before. The past five years had aged her, making her old beyond her years.
Harry knew, in his heart of hearts, time had marked him worse than it should have. A fresh pang stabbed his chest at the suffering he had involuntarily caused her. Never mind the emotional torment he himself went through, that was his due punishment for his own thoughtlessness.
He ran a shaking hand through his hair yet again, mind reeling at the consequences of the solution she was choosing. Hermione was asking him to go back to his lonely little apartment, to go on with the path of self-destruction he was rushing along before Ron and Ginny pulled him away. To make matters worse, he would not get to watch his daughter grow up. If nothing, Harry Potter was a determined and stubborn young man who did not let go of things easily. Jessie and Hermione were two of those things.
Before he had found Hermione, Harry had promised himself that he would not allow himself to destroy his own life. Her and Jessie's re-entry into his life had thrown everything into turmoil, awakening emotions and feelings long suppressed and hidden in some dark corner of his soul. They were not about to be banished so hastily. Harry knew then what he wanted, what he had searched for his entire life.
"Do you know what I want? Or have you been too selfish to consider it?"
She made no reply, perhaps shocked by his abrupt attack on her. Nevertheless, the look on her face betrayed the fact that she already knew, and had always kept it in mind.
"I want to give Jessie a family. It's what I promised myself many years ago. I would never let any child of mine grow up the way I did, devoid of love and affection. Do you want her to grow up fatherless? Have her come home in tears because her friends jeered at her broken home?"
Hermione's continued silence assured him that she was listening.
"I used to cry myself to sleep every night as a boy, bullied and teased mercilessly by my cousin and his gang. Home and school were both hell to me. Now do you understand why I never wanted to go back to Privet Drive? I never told you and Ron the extent of the cruelty of the Dursleys towards me. What you both knew was only the tip of the iceberg."
Harry paused, fighting back the lump in his throat caused by the reawakened memories. Hermione's beautiful face danced before him, the image blurred by the tears that had welled up in his eyes. Squeezing them shut, the tears trickled down his cheeks, bringing Hermione back into sharp focus and revealing the pain on her face. Harry steadied himself, clenching his fists and took a deep breath before continuing.
"Once, when I was four, a distant relative of mine sent me a teddy bear. It was one of the few toys of my childhood. Naturally, that bear and I were inseparable. Dudley got jealous because I seemed so happy with just one ratty old bear while the entire house was filled with his toys. One day, he snatched it away from me and ripped it into pieces while my aunt and uncle looked on."
His voice had faltered midway through the story and dwindled away altogether at the end. Harry stopped, his chest feeling like it was being constricted as he relived that painful memory once more. She looked at him, eyes filled with sympathy, remembering her own pampered childhood as the only child of two affluent dentists.
"My years at Hogwarts, meeting you and Ron, they represented a golden age in my life. The three of us experienced so much together. The day we realised we were both in love with each other was the happiest of my life. I thought I had everything, despite the constant threat of Voldemort hanging over my head. Tell me, in your heart of hearts, do you really believe I would cheat on you with Romilda Vane after everything we've gone through?"
Hermione was looking away from him now, eyes sparkling with unshed tears. Slowly, almost imperceptibly, she shook her head.
Harry's heart leapt as the truth of what she was telling him sank in.
"I never doubted you for a second, Harry," she whispered, making his heart stop with the shock of that revelation. "I…I was just too ashamed to come back."
"Once I had calmed down from the shock of seeing you…like that, I realised you would never do anything to hurt me. I ran away not because I believed you cheated on me. I was ashamed of myself for ever questioning your love for me."
She swayed gently, back and forth, as though she had lost her balance from releasing a revelation so massive and Harry's hands itched, longing to catch her and hold her to him. Hermione's face seemed lighter now that the secret she had been nursing for five long years finally saw the light of day. She pressed on, seemingly invigorated.
"I came here to punish myself for doubting you by giving you up. I was supposed to live alone but I realised I was pregnant with Jessie."
Harry stared at her, digesting this new information while she refused to meet his eyes. Unnoticed by Hermione, he took a few steps forward towards her.
"I never stopped loving you." The last words came out in a whisper and she looked up into his eyes, realising with a start that he was standing right in front of her, his face full of tenderness and love.
"So did I."
Hermione felt a pair of arms curling around the small of her back, pulling her towards him firmly but gently. She welcomed his embrace, throwing his arms around Harry's neck and burying her face in his chest, her fingers entangled in his silky hair.
Enveloped in his hug, she felt a gentle pressure on her chin, tilting her face upwards. Harry was smiling, the soft, gentle smile she so often saw in her dreams, the smile that made her feel like she was the only person in the world that mattered to him.
"I love you," he murmured, hand moving upward from her chin to caress her face. "And I always have."
Bending his head, his lips met hers in a warm and tender kiss. Hermione kissed him back, one hand still in his hair, the other resting on his chest, feeling the rapid beating of his heart. The kiss deepened gradually, their hands roaming over each other's bodies, frantically trying to get closer still.
They parted reluctantly, the need for oxygen finally getting through to their inflamed minds. Harry's warm emerald greens met Hermione's hazel browns, a look of pure love and understanding passing between them and she leaned into his chest, surrendering herself to him.
"I love you too," whispered Hermione as he rested his chin on her head, both still locked in their embrace.
They were most rudely interrupted by an insistent tugging on their clothes.
"Mummy? Daddy? What are you doing?"
They looked down to see an astonished Jessie, mouth hanging open and eyes agog.
Harry laughed, scooping the little girl up to join in the hug, nestling her in between Hermione and himself.
"Falling in love all over again, Jessie," said Hermione softly, exchanging a long look with Harry.
The little girl was unmoved by the beauty of the situation.
"How? By doing that mouth thi – eeuww!!"
Harry and Hermione leaned over while Jessie was still vainly articulating the sight she had seen earlier and shared a kiss. Upon hearing her violent outcry, they separated and burst into laughter. For the first time in five years, it was real.
Author's Note: They finally got back together. Yay! Sorry for the long, long delay in posting. My internet was down, plus I had to use a school computer to do this and it's terribly difficult to write the last bit when a nosy old librarian is watching you like a hawk. How we writers suffer for our craft…
There will be an epilogue coming out soon, just to wrap up some of the loose ends yet unaddressed in this story. Until next time, dear readers!
With love,
The Pumpkin Pie Princess
