"She won't make a sound
Alone in this fight with herself and the fears whispering
If she stands, she'll fall down
She wants to be found
The only way out is through everything she's running from
Wants to give up and lie down." - Stand in the Rain, Superchick
XII.
Elsa huffed for what had to be at least the hundredth time in the past hour. With the release of each breath, a crumbled ball of paper arched through the room landing on the now overflowing trashcan in the kitchen, its fellow brethren strewed around the bin.
Perhaps she shouldn't have alluded to the fact that this song of hers was so near completion when it was actually a chorus scribbled on the corner of the page of a magazine.
Honestly, Elsa knew next to nothing about writing music. The lyrics she could handle; it wasn't much different than writing a poem. The hard part came when trying to sing it instead of simply read it, and to write actual music along with it.
Of course, time seemed to have chosen this moment to be the perfect time for her brain to experience its most severe case of writer's block, as now Elsa was struggling to even write the damn lyrics.
Knowing her bandmates—and Anna—were counting on her, and that their chance in the Rising Stars competition was riding on her shoulders, Elsa shoveled on.
For all of five minutes before another wad of paper was thrown across the room.
"Fuck!" she yelled in accompaniment.
Grabbing her phone from the coffee table, she fell backwards onto the couch and opened up her messaging app.
'Anna. Help.'
Her phone fell to her chest as she blearily rubbed at her eyes. She had to have been working on this for at least the past three hours, yet the only thing she had to show for it was the copied transcript of the song's chorus from magazine strip to actual paper and the sea of paper balls in her kitchen.
A beep from her phone alerted her that Anna had responded.
'What's wrong?' she asked.
Elsa smirked as she typed out, 'I'm dying. Call 911.'
This time mere seconds passed before her phone lit up.
'What?! Shit, are you okay?!'
Elsa couldn't help but chuckle, but didn't allow herself to find too much amusement should Anna actually end up calling the emergency line.
'I'm fine, you goof,' she composed. 'Just having trouble writing this damn song. :)'
'Jesus, Elsa! Maybe let me know you're joking next time before freaking me out and imagining you lying bleeding in a ditch somewhere!'
'That would be where your mind would go. :p'
'Can you blame me? Someone you really care about texts you saying nothing but "help," where does your mind go?'
'The Bahamas. ;)'
Elsa's face was beginning to hurt from how much she was smiling. Anna was too fun to tease. She was also the only one who could ever lure Elsa's playful side out as well; so, having been cooped up for so long, it was having a field day.
She could almost picture Anna rolling her eyes as the redhead texted back.
'Glad I know not to call you if I ever get into trouble. ;) You'd desert me and catch the first plane out of here.'
'You know it. ;)' Elsa giggled.
'I've never seen you use so many smileys before, Elsa!' Anna replied after a few minutes passed with no activity. 'Proud of you.'
'It's all thanks to you, you know.'
'I know. I'm amazing.'
Elsa could only bite her lip to contain her grin as she felt her face heat up.
You have no idea, Anna.
Her fingers danced across the phone's screen without typing anything as she thought about what she was about to do. While teasing Anna had become almost second nature to Elsa, requesting something of the girl still gave her pause. She didn't want to impose her troubles on the girl, but then again…
She really wanted to see Anna.
Ah, to hell with it, she grumbled in her head, fingers actually pressing buttons during their dance this time.
'Do you want to come over?' she asked. 'Maybe help with the song a bit? I'm suffering a bad case of writer's block, and if you're so amazing maybe you can get this ball rolling.'
'Sure!' Anna responded in mere seconds. 'Tell me your address and I'll be right there! I was bored out of my mind here at home anyway. We'll suffer through this together! :D'
Somehow, suffering with Anna didn't seem like it would be a bad thing. Elsa doubted anything could be bad as long as the redhead was at her side.
Putting her phone away, Elsa waited anxiously for her arrival.
XxXxX
Granted, Elsa should have been expecting they would get little accomplished together. Most of their time was spent flirting with each other—Anna's apparent payback for Elsa scaring her earlier—giggling so loud Elsa was surprised no neighbors came knocking, and getting distracted by Elsa's Netflix queue.
Three more hours later and all the girls had written was a simple introductory guitar riff.
"It's official," Anna said with yet another giggle, looking at the paper with the song lyrics and few notes on it, "we suck at writing music."
"Hey!" Elsa cried indignantly. "I'm pretty proud of that chorus, thank you very much!"
Anna rolled her eyes. "Yeah, but I doubt we'll pass the round with a simple chorus from Kristoff while you, Hans and I just stand there on stage like decorations; no matter how amazing it is."
Elsa copied her and rolled her own eyes. "Well, what do you suggest?"
Anna tapped the pencil she had been…well, not really using…against her chin.
"How about we work strictly on the lyrics for now, and then at the next practice we can all collaborate on the actual music?" she suggested. "Might be easier with everyone's input for their own instrument."
Elsa shrugged her shoulders. "Well, why the hell not."
Anna grinned and laughed again, catching Elsa's attention.
"What?" the blonde questioned, elegant eyebrow arched in her friend's direction.
"Nothing," Anna replied, tender smile stretched across her lovely face. "It's just…I never thought this would happen."
Elsa was already blushing at the mere implications of the girl's words.
"W-What do you mean?"
A hand grabbed hers and Elsa immediately latched on like always.
"You and me," Anna whispered. "Hanging out together, writing music, being friends and maybe even more," she added with a wiggle of her eyebrows, eliciting a chuckle and darker blush from Elsa, "everything."
A moment passed where the girls just sat on the couch together, hands interlocked and eyes scanning every inch of the other's face, admiration swirling intensely in the midst of their eyes.
It would have been the perfect time for Elsa to lean in and kiss the girl in front of her; completely cliché, of course, but she had already established that and had no problem with it.
When she saw Anna slowly begin to lean in, however, red flags went up and Elsa was retreating before she knew it.
Immediately, Elsa saw the hurt of rejection fill Anna's eyes and the shadow cross over her cherubic face, and Elsa's heart sank to her stomach as she felt like she had just single-handedly murdered every single puppy in the world.
"I-I-I'm sorry, A-Anna," she began to say, voice shaking its worse in a long time. "I-I-I just… It's t-too su-sudden—I mean, n-not really, but you h-have to unders-t-tand that it-it's me, and-!"
A gentle finger against her lips effectively shut Elsa up. Hesitantly, dark blue eyes fluttered up to meet surprisingly soft oceanic green ones.
"It's alright, Elsa," Anna told her softly, throwing in a smile for added effect. "I'm not mad; disappointed, maybe, but mostly at myself. I went too far, I see that now." Meekly, she went for Elsa's hands, giving them both a gentle caress. "Forgive me?"
Elsa was instantly nodded her head yes. "Of-Of course I-I forgive y-you, A-A-Anna! I'm s-so sorry I'm s-so af-raid, I just-!"
Again, she was cut off by a soft, angelic laugh. Anna's hands went to her shoulders, and it was only then Elsa realized she had actually begun shaking.
"Elsa," Anna tried to get her attention as the blonde focused on the couch while trying to get her body under control. "Elsa!"
Elsa only continued to shudder violently, and Anna noticed her breathing was becoming more rapid and heavy. Anna's heart picked up.
"Elsa," she tried again, looking down to catch the blonde's eyes. They were glazed over and far off, her pupils dilated considerably. "Elsa, can you hear me?"
When Elsa didn't respond and her breathing only got more erratic, border lining on hyperventilating, Anna began to panic. Was she having an attack?
"Elsa!" Anna screamed, shaking her perhaps harder than she would have otherwise. "Elsa, talk to me! W-What do I do?!"
Unbeknownst to Anna, Elsa was unaware to anything going on around her as she was currently locked in an intense internal battle within her. Fighting for Anna's affections while wrestling over the fact that she couldn't open herself up anymore and risk getting hurt, she was at war with herself.
At first, the war started out a mere tussle like kids fought on the playground, but soon enough the kids grew and morphed into men, equipped with rifles and shields as they began charging at each other, each shot of the gun or clang of the shield sending Elsa deeper within. More men appeared in the background, this time armed in full SWAT gear, military tanks at the ready by their side.
Then it became a bloodbath.
"Elsa! Elsa, please!" Anna continued to shout.
She had laid Elsa down fully on the couch, pillow propped under the blonde's head in hopes that would help her breathe—she thought she recalled reading something like this on the Internet somewhere—but it wasn't seeming to have any effect. Elsa was still thrashing below on the couch, now full on hyperventilating.
Anna fisted her hands as she felt hot tears run down her face.
She had caused this. Because she had tried to kiss Elsa, she had sent her best friend into a panic attack.
I'm no friend, Anna thought bitterly.
Now wasn't the time to punish herself though, and she knew that—almost as much as she knew this really wasn't her fault, no matter how much she wanted to put the blame on herself. Now she needed to help Elsa.
Grabbing her phone, Anna dialed 911.
Funny, she quipped, shakily raising the phone to her ear. This all started with this number and now it's actually happening. What kind of cruel twist of fate is that?
When the operator picked up on the other end, Anna quickly stated what the problem was, hoping she was understood through her tears and near manic state herself. The operator must have gotten the gist of what was said however as Anna soon could hear the sound of sirens approaching.
By the time the medics had been let inside, Elsa was in a catatonic state on the couch, her breathing now so light Anna had freaked out and thought she had stopped all together. Jumping into her car, Anna hastily wiped away more tears before tearing off after the ambulance.
She couldn't leave Elsa now.
XxXxX
The doctors took Elsa away down a hallway immediately upon entering the hospital. Anna cried out and tried to go after her, but a nurse had held her back. Her last sight of Elsa was her unconscious on a gurney, air mask over her mouth to aid in her panicked breathing. The medics turned a corner, the doors swung shut, and Anna crumpled to her knees, nearly taking the nurse down with her.
"What have I done?"
The nurse got down on her knees next to Anna as she gently placed her hand on the girl's shoulder.
"Dear, I need you to come with me," the elderly woman spoke softly.
Anna didn't hear her and continued to mumble to herself, hands fisting at the cool tile beneath her.
"This is my fault…"
"I'm sure it wasn't, dear," the nurse said.
"I… I tried to kiss her," Anna cried, not caring if she was getting too personal with the nurse. She wasn't completely here in the moment. "I tried to kiss her. I'm so…stupid."
"I'm sure you're anything but, sweetie," the nurse reassured. "Your friend will be fine. Let's get you checked out for safety measures and then I'll take you to her, okay?"
Weakly, Anna nodded, but as she fumbled to her feet, she let out another cry.
"I need to let her aunt and uncle know…"
XxXxX
Elsa blinked and slowly things came into focus. Pale yellow walls, an IV in her arm, machines beeping at her side, and a nurse scribbling on a chart at the end of her bed were what greeted her.
She couldn't remember exactly what happened, but she was fairly certain she hadn't been anywhere near a hospital.
"Wha-?"
The weak cry from her lips alerted not only the nurse to her conscious state, but the man in the room as well.
"Oh, Elsa, thank goodness!"
Turning her head—made heavy from the apparent drugs in her system—she blinked again and found her uncle leaning forward in a chair at her side.
"U-Uncle Kai?"
Her uncle smiled, reaching out to grasp her hand.
"How you feeling, kiddo?" he asked.
"How did I get here?" she asked, rubbing her temple with her free hand. "What happened?"
Kai looked away briefly before looking back to her.
"You had a panic attack, honey; a bad one," he explained. "The doctor said you were catatonic upon arrival."
"B-But…"
Elsa trailed off as the past few hours slowly came back to her: trying to write her song, texting Anna, Anna coming over, Anna leaning in to kiss her, her pulling away, a botched, profound apology…
Anna…
Anna!
"Where's A-Anna?" she asked.
Kai glanced towards the door to her room. "She's sitting outside with Gerda," he told her. "She won't come in."
"W-Why not?"
Kai smirked, although it was gentle. "She feels guilty. Apparently this has to do with a failed kiss?"
Elsa blushed and turned her attention to the baby blue sheets she was covered with.
Crap; her aunt and uncle had no idea how far she and Anna had come and this was how they found out?
"I… I meant to call you, r-really," she mumbled.
Kai chuckled and reached over to ruffle her hair. "Kid, you don't owe us any explanation; you're twenty-one years old. While I am slightly worried that you ended up in the hospital because of whatever is going on, the fact that Anna is beating herself up over whatever happened speaks volumes."
Elsa smiled softly at that. "It w-wasn't her fault, really," she tried to explain. "I just… You know how I am, Uncle Kai. I got s-scared; petrified, really."
"Because you didn't want it to happen?"
Elsa shook her head and blushed.
"Because I did," she whispered.
Kai smiled knowingly before releasing her hand.
"Would you like to see her?" he asked. "If I can get her to come in?" he added with a chuckle as an afterthought.
Elsa just nodded and her uncle bowed before leaving the room.
She could just barely make out voices from the other side of the closed door, but soon that door was thrown open and a flash of red was bounding across the room. Next thing she knew, Elsa was being smothered in a hug, tears being shed on her shoulder.
"Oh, gods, Elsa, I'm so sorry!" Anna cried, burying her face in the gown Elsa was donning. "You have to believe me when I say I didn't mean to put you in the hospital! I was just caught up in the moment and…"
She trailed off as Elsa returned the hug, apparently surprising the redhead on top of her.
Anna looked up at her and her watery eyes widened perceptibly upon noticing the warm smile Elsa was wearing. The redhead blinked.
"You… You're not mad?"
Elsa couldn't help but chuckle. Talk about a role reversal.
"No, I'm not mad, silly," she said. "This was no one's fault."
"But I-!"
"You did what you thought was the next logical step, and you weren't wrong," Elsa told her, hand on her cheek. "You didn't cause anything."
"Then why did you…have an attack?"
Biting her lip, Elsa smiled shyly.
"Because I wanted you to kiss me," she mumbled. "I-I wanted to kiss y-you."
Elsa thought she had never seen anyone's face light up as much as Anna's did in that moment.
"R-Really?"
Smirking, Elsa couldn't help passing up the opportunity to tease the redhead.
"Is it really that hard to believe?"
Now it was Anna's turn to blush.
"N-No…"
Becoming serious once more, Elsa pulled Anna back to her in a hug.
"I want this to work, Anna, but I…need time. I know plenty of time has elapsed, but…it's still difficult for me. I'm trying my best, really, I swear. I want this as much as you do, and when I feel as though I can do so without this or something similar happening again, you'll obviously be the first to know."
Anna nuzzled the blonde's neck and smiled at the warmth radiating from her.
"Well, I'm still sorry for pushing you," she mumbled. "Forgive me?"
Elsa chuckled. "For always and forever."
They spent a few minutes in each other's embrace before Anna pulled back once more, face as red as a vibrant rose.
"What?" Elsa inquired, noticing the shy look Anna was giving her.
"Can I…? Would it be okay if I kissed your cheek?" the girl asked.
Elsa nodded, and within seconds soft warm lips were pressed gently against her cheek, soon working to warm her entire being. The longer the kiss lasted, the redder Elsa became.
When Anna pulled away, she giggled at Elsa's face, acutely aware that she was most like wearing a similar expression of her own.
"A-Anna?" Elsa asked, fingers gliding through copper tresses.
Anna's eyes slowly fluttered shut at the feel. "Hmmm?"
"I… I think I can finally finish that song."
Anna smiled and both girls shared a laugh as they came together, foreheads pressed against each other's, a look of pure love swimming between them.
From outside the hospital room, Kai and Gerda smiled.
*dies from fluff overload*
*dies again because the fluff literally interrupted the plot*
Ah, well; what'cha gonna do? ;)
P.S. I've been meaning to say so for a while now, but… I have a tumblr, so yeah. x-sodenozangetsu-x, give me a follow. Who knows, you might just get some sneak peeks of upcoming works of mine, like the long-awaited return of Sucker Punch! ;)
P.P.S. I'm thinking maybe just two more chapters of ANEN! Thanks for your all's continual support!
