Icarus Falling

She saw Zoe's name flash across her phone and resisted the urge to ignore it. She was hurt, hurt that it took Zoe this long to contact her. It had been almost four hours since the party went haywire and her mother and Rashida tried to stick a knife in her relationship with Zoe. They were supposed to be stronger than this…this getting angry at one another and doling out the silent treatment. "Hello," she answered despite it leaving an ill taste in her mouth. The music surrounding her was too loud and she could barely hear what her wife was saying.

"Taylor…Taylor…where are you?" Zoe questioned louder each time. "Babe…"

"Hold on, let me step outside." When Taylor was outside, she put the phone back up to her ear. "What's going on Zoe?"

"I wanted to tell you that I have a room at the Keating hotel. It's the only place that had any rooms available…" Zoe rattled off quickly. Just hearing Taylor's voice brought on the insatiable urge to burst into tears. No matter how many tears she shed this evening, it was never going to feel like enough, she realized. "Can you just come now …please?"

"After four hours, Zoe?" Taylor said softly. "It's nearly midnight now…"

"Taylor…are you coming? Because I'm about to go to sleep…"

"Well, go to sleep, Zoe," Taylor pressed the end button before her wife could say anything else. She headed back inside the music and gin-soaked bar and took her seat back at the small table in the corner. "Sorry, Zoe called," she informed the person across her. "I'm sorry I called you so late…I tried Lena and she didn't answer, and Zoe hadn't been answering either."

"So I was your last option?" her father asked calmly, watching the ice melt and the glass of Scotch sweat in his highball glass. He watched his daughter contemplate the question for a moment before he smiled. "Calm down, Taylor…it's okay. I'm your dad; you can call me whenever."

"Yeah, but you had to take a cab over here…"

"Taylor, you are my little girl. I would have taken a plane to get to you," Stewart assured her. He took a drink of the Scotch and sat back in his seat.

Taylor watched the ice in her water glass shift. "I think I'm going back to Lena's tonight."

"Is Zoe at Lena's?" Stewart questioned casually. He was never much for prying, but he could tell something was off with Taylor's mood.

Taylor balled her lips up gently and looked down at her hands. "No…she has a hotel room at the Keating. The whole Rashida thing…" her father nodded his acknowledgment of the situation. "Dad," Taylor said softly. "I think I'm really bad at it…"

"What's it, Taylor?"

"Being a wife…being in love," Taylor fiddled with the straw in her glass. "It just all feel so foreign; so unexplainably terrifying and I just screw it up."

"Sweetheart, you haven't screwed anything up…you just had your first fight," Stewart smiled warmly. He hated that his daughter felt any turmoil, but he knew all too well how difficult marriage was, and this was only a speed bump on Zoe and Taylor's journey. "Your mother's family hated me… they thought I was a skinny white boy that wasn't nearly good enough for their perfect daughter…"

"When was mom perfect?" Taylor couldn't help but laugh at the notion.

"She was perfect to them, sweetheart," Stewart laughed along with his daughter. "The point is, Zoe's family likes you from what I understand, and we like Zoe. Dana is just stunned by the fact that you got married without us."

Taylor listened to her father, something she could truly say she rarely did with anyone, and tried to digest his words. "So it hurt you too?"

Her father tried to smile, but it failed him. "It would be impossible not to feel hurt, Taylor. You fell in love and got married without so much as a word to your mother or me. I know we haven't been close since you were about ten but…"

Taylor frowned noticeably, "Daddy, we've always been close," she corrected him.

"I have to admit it doesn't feel that way Taylor," he finished the rest of his drink. "You know, I don't like the taste of alcohol."

"Neither do I, not even wine…"

"You get that from me…and your eyes," Stewart smiled. "I drink when I'm stressed."

"Lena and I stress you out," Taylor laughed, watching two guys and a girl take the small stage at the front of the bar. "I miss my bass," she frowned.

"Do you still play?" her father asked curiously, almost embarrassed that he didn't know the answer right off. His daughter had been so in love with her music before she had gone to Harvard and now he didn't even know if she played the damn thing.

"It's in our bedroom…at the end of the bed, taunting me," she admitted softly. "I can't pick it up most days…it makes me feel lost; like I should be something different and now it's too late to go back." Stewart nodded, strangely enough, he knew the feeling. "Do you remember when you used to read me bedtime stories?"

Stewart raised an eyebrow and just nodded, waiting for his daughter to continue. He hadn't started that until Taylor was in school, because unlike Lena, she hated reading. So right before bed, every night, he would pull out a book of mythology stories that he had gotten when he was a young boy. At first, Taylor downright resisted even listening to the myths, but soon she was interested and engaged in the stories. This lead to other fairy tales and bedtime stories and before long, although she didn't love reading, she would do it with her father.

"I remember how much I hated the story of Icarus; it was the worse story of Greek Mythology to me. I mean, his dad gives him a great pair of wings and gives him very easy instructions and he ends up drowning."

"Okay," Stewart nodded, "we can take that from the story." He was suddenly glad that Taylor was excellent at math. "But you have to admit, I'm sure Icarus was happier flying than being on the ground. His wings melting and the subsequent drowning was an accident."

"I didn't even get off the ground; that's what's really pathetic," Taylor rubbed her temple. "I was never going to be a musician; so I guess mom was right about that too. She's always right… and it kills me that she thinks she's right about my marriage."

Stewart didn't want to push, but had to ask. "Is she right about you and Zoe? Because I don't think she is…" when Taylor didn't say anything, Stewart continued. "Taylor, why did you marry Zoe; because you love her or because you want to prove someone wrong?" Before Taylor had a chance to answer, he did so for her. "You love her, Taylor."

"Yeah, but she acts like she doesn't know that," Taylor informed her father.

Stewart shrugged. "Taylor, you've never been very open with your emotions," he noted calmly. "Sweetheart, go to your wife and talk to her."

Taylor looked at the clock above the bar. It was just turning midnight and she was exhausted, but didn't want to face the music. "Let's just sit here a little bit longer…" she suggested, sitting back in her seat and waiting for the music to start.


Lena found the act of thinking about moving from Stef's bed and actually doing so a bit after midnight, was easier said than done. She stretched again, trying not to focus on the fact that Stef was focusing on her and sighed. "Don't look at me like that," she murmured rolling onto her side to shield herself a bit from Stef's glance.

"Look at you like what?" Stef asked genuinely not understanding the surveillance she had placed on her girlfriend. "I just want you to relax, love," she cooed softly. "You could try calling her again," Stef suggested after her previous comment hadn't seemed to have worked. "Or you could just call Rashida and make sure Taylor isn't with her…"

Lena sat up in bed and frowned. "Maybe I should go, look for her," she said pulling her curls back. She knew Rashida well enough to know that she was staying at the Keating Hotel, it was her favorite. "I mean, I know Rashida is at the Keating…" Stef nodded, trying not to feel hurt by the fact that Lena wanted to leave her bed. Lena sensed as much, and smiled. "Stef, I'm not trying to leave you…I just need to know where my sister is."

"I can understand that," Stef nodded. She wrapped her arms around Lena's waist and pulled her closer. "But, sweetheart, I'm sure she's fine. You said she could handle herself, right?"

Thinking about it for a moment, Lena kissed her girlfriend's cheek. "Thank you for keeping me sane." She allowed Stef to pull her back down and settled in her arms. "She won't be with Rashida," Lena's rationalized, feeling bad about assuming the worse about her sister. "She loves Zoe so much…I've never seen her in love before."

"You don't think she was ever in love with Rashida?" Stef questioned.

"Taylor has a way with women, and Rashida has a way with people; so it's very likely they just crashed into one another…" thinking about the statement she had just made, made her cringe. The thought of Rashida and Taylor in bed was enough to make her cringe. "I've never seen Taylor the way she is with Zoe though. She's so caring and open…I guess you can say."

"I assumed she was more like you …"

Lena shook her head, "No," Lena corrected her. "Promise me you won't ever shut me out, Stef. Like when you are feeling something, or need something, just let me know, okay? I love you so much, and even the thought of losing you…"

"Lena, calm down, you are never going to lose me. And of course, I'll always be open with you." Stef leaned over and kissed Lena softly. It hit her like a ton of bricks, the fact that she didn't want to wake up beside anyone other than Lena Adams for the rest of her life. "I think we should move-in together, Lena."

Lena's eyebrows furrowed and she thought about it for a moment. "What about Brandon, and Mike for that matter."

"Brandon loves you and Mike…he doesn't control how I feel about you, Lena. I want to feel like this every night and every day, I want to know that I'm coming home to the two people I love more than life. Think about it at least," Stef could hear the desire for this in her own voice.

Lena's brown eyes searched Stef's. Her parents were already furious at her sister for getting married, what were they going to think about her moving in with her MARRIED girlfriend! But all of that mattered to Lena right now, as much as their opinion had impacted Taylor's decision. "Yes," she smiled softly. "I would love to move in with you." There were only allowed a few moments of bliss before Lena heard her phone ring. She sprang up and grabbed the phone off of Stef's nightstand.

"Taylor," she breathed a sigh of relief to know that her sister was safe, but not knowing who she was with still hung in the air. "Where are you?" she questioned quickly.

"I'm with Daddy," Taylor seemed annoyed by the question. "Where are you?" she bantered back quickly.

Lena took a deep breath and tried not to be angry with her sister. This was just the way Taylor behaved. "How did you come to be with Daddy?"

"I called him, after my sister that said 'call me if you need anything,' didn't answer after like 100 tries," she stated dramatically. "Anyways, I'm heading to the hotel now…Zoe and I will get our things tomorrow morning. You're home right?" she was fishing, doing so seamlessly and doing a great job at it. She had definitely learned some things for Dana Adams.

"I will be there by the time you and Zoe show up," Lena avoided the real answer.

"Hmm," Taylor said. "Okay…" she had gotten her answer. "Until tomorrow then…" she was poised to hang up but her sister's voice stopped her.

"Are you okay, Taylor?"

"Relatively," Taylor answered nonchalantly. "Have a good night, Lena, and Happy Birthday." Lena could hear the line go dead on the other end and placed her phone back on the nightstand.

"So she's fine?"

"Taylor is always fine," Lena sighed curling back up in Stef's arms.


The night clerk had one of those looks that guys get when they thought about two women together. "Room 153," he geeked out, remembering vividly the young woman who had left a key for her wife a few hours earlier. He found himself impressed by the caliber of wife that showed up for her.

Taylor lowered her eyes lids and gritted her back teeth. "Thank you," she said sliding the key from the counter and into her pocket. She wanted a shower and sleep, and her wife…The elevator ride was uncomfortable, because she had been there before. It was Rashida's favorite hotel…the first place she had ever taken Taylor and now the thought of it made Taylor's stomach clench in knots. The feel of Rashida, felt as distant and foreign as the sun, yet that night, the following nights lay imprinted on her brain. She rubbed her neck uncomfortably again and shuttered.

She had stayed at the bar a little bit longer, not just to be with her father, although it was nice; but to fortify her anger with her wife. Why didn't she trust her! She had questioned herself. But that knot in her stomach told her that she couldn't be angry with Zoe. Coming face-to-face with someone her wife had made love to would have killed Taylor. She slipped the key into the reader and heard the door click before unlocking and allowing her entrance into the hotel room.

The room was dark and cool, but Taylor could feel the heat rise around her. She was nervous, no petrified for reasons she couldn't articulate. Her wife was curled up gently on "her side of the bed," and snoring softly. Taylor didn't want to wake her, for more selfish reason than not, and tried to silently strip off her pants.

"You came," she heard her wife say groggily. Zoe ran her hand through her short black hair. "It's late…"

"After midnight," Taylor finished for her. "I'm sorry I woke you." Zoe clicked on the bedside lamp and her blue eyes settled on her wife. Taylor walked over to the bed and to her wife. "You've been crying," she digested. Zoe ran a fingering across her cheek, but didn't say anything.

After a while, Zoe asked, "Where have you been?"

"At a bar with my father," Taylor answered quickly.

"You didn't talk to your mother though?"

"I don't have anything to say to her…"

"Baby, she's your mother."

Taylor rubbed her head in annoyance. "Why do you care about her and my relationship, Zoe? She was rude to you and disrespectful about our marriage…I'm not going to give her the time of day anymore," this was a vow, the type that Taylor didn't make often so Zoe recognized the seriousness.

"Taylor I know that…I feel that. But it doesn't take from the fact that she is your mother. If you just tell her how you feel, maybe it would help," Zoe suggested.

"I don't wanna talk about this…I think I'm going to just take a shower…"

"See…and there it is!" Zoe said in an 'ah-ha' tone. "You shut down…on me, on your mom, your dad, your sister.

"What do you want from me, Zoe? You know I love you!" Taylor raised her voice unintentionally. Her hands went to her head in frustration.

Zoe couldn't hold on to her tears any longer and they broke the crest of her eyelids. "I want you! But I don't think I'm ever going to have you…not all of you and that's not enough, Taylor."

"We've had this discussion Zoe," Taylor held onto her emotions a bit longer. She could feel herself losing her resolve, but she hated to cry and even more, she hated to cry in front of people.

"Yeah we have…" Zoe agreed. "We have talked about it over and over, but we never change. I feel like I'm chasing someone who doesn't exist. Maybe…" Zoe paused for a moment, unsure if she should say the next thing, "maybe, Rashida can deal with that. Having your body, but not your emotion, but not me." She grimaced when Taylor took a step back. She wanted to hurt her wife, make her feel exactly how her emotional rejection constantly made her feel, but now Zoe was regretting her words. Because the look in Taylor's brown eyes said that Zoe had finally gotten through, but where did that leave them?