Author's Note: Thank you so much for all the support :). Honestly appreciate it! For anyone wondering when Snape will 'confess', just be a little more patient. The entire plot has been written down and nothing will take too long. Thanks for reading. Don't forget to review!
Unspoken Wishes
Chapter Twelve
"Progressing"
Severus's eyes were glazed as he surveyed the cracks in the ground, trudging down the street.
He had been feeling terribly sentimental for the past several days, the guilt overwhelming him until sleep was a rare commodity most nights.
He couldn't do this any longer. He couldn't keep playing this game. He couldn't do this to her.
Severus felt like breaking something. Why did he always have to be such a fool? Such a pitiable idiot, falling for people he had no right to love. First it was Lily, with her stunning looks and popularity, someone Severus should have known could never be his...and now it was Evans, her sister...with her long blonde hair and blinding smile...
"Argh!" He clenched his fists. He didn't love her, dammit. Not even close. He had just stopped loathing her, that was all. And their "relationship" was just a game, every single kiss.
But he didn't want to play it anymore. He may not loathe her but he loathed the sight of her tears, despised them more than anything. He could just imagine her face when he told her he had been using her...using her to get to her sister.
'...The way you looked at me like I was dirt, but looked at her like you would die for her, do anything for her."
He felt ill. His hands were trembling. He took deep breaths to steady himself.
Was it odd that he hadn't been feeling that enamoured of Lily lately? Wasn't craving her presence, her hand in his? He had spent so much time and energy with Evans that he had almost forgotten about his initial purpose.
These days, instead of longing for Lily, her bright green eyes and cascading red waves, he was continually craving the chance to see Evans, craving the chance of her light pink lips on his, the chance to see her blue eyes, the chance of seeing her smile, which resembled Lily's so much but was something of it's own accord. They hadn't met in quite a couple of days...had she forgotten about him? Did she want to avoid him? They hadn't gone for a single day without meeting before.
He sat down heavily on a nearby bench. It was getting dark, as well as chilly.
Severus hated these bubbling feelings inside his chest. He was not in love with Evans. He wasn't, he couldn't be. He was just feeling sorry for her. Sorry he was doing this to her.
In fact, why the hell did he care if they didn't meet? What the hell was wrong with him?
To be honest, the less he saw of her, the better. His lustful, childish feelings would have time to dissipate.
XXX
Petunia had her hands clenched around her cup of tea. She couldn't seem to think of anything but Severus all day.
They hadn't met since she had poured out her heart to him and she had kept the distance between them for a few days, wanting to sort out her feelings...but now she wanted nothing more than to see him again, if only to see his face.
She could imagine Severus smiling at her in that small, shy way he did when he forgot himself...and it made her heart lift.
XXX
Severus stirred his coffee lazily, yawning. He had bought the coffee powder from a store with the leftover money he had earned at the apothecary. It had been a good decision.
He was in a very, very odd mood today. He had woken up feeling completely different about Evans. Now instead of wanting to keep a distance, he wanted to destroy all boundaries altogether. He wanted to meet her.
The rational part of his mind told him it was just lust, coupled with sleepiness and irrational morning feelings…but, well, he didn't quite care. He wanted to see her desperately, and now.
He put the spoon down and moved away from the counter he had magicked up.
He combed his hair and put on his outdoor coat, then, without thinking, headed for Evans's house.
XXX
Petunia knew it was him the moment she looked out of her window.
Tall, thin, wiry, and dressed in dark clothing, who else could it be?
Severus made a motion with his hand, calling her over. He was standing on the street, out of view of her other family members, and her heart swelled when she saw him, a huge smile growing on her face.
She didn't even think about it; she rushed to her closet, pulled out new clothes, and changed in record time. After combing her hair hurriedly, she rushed down the stairs and made for the door.
It did not escape her notice that Severus had called for her from her window, something she had once wished he would do to her...when he had accidentally mistaken her room for Lily's.
Nor did it escape her notice that Severus had also done something he used to do with Lily long ago. Petunia could never forget the way Lily squealed with excitement whenever she saw him standing outside, rushing out of her room and down the stairs to meet him.
She finally opened the front door, cheeks flushed, and walked over to him eagerly.
His face lit up when he saw her and he smiled slightly, once again making her heart skip a beat. It was very difficult to stay calm near Severus.
"Evans," he greeted.
"Severus," she went forward and hugged him hard, without thinking about it. He smelt of herbs and Autumn, just like he always did.
She felt him stiffen then say softly, "It's just been a few days,"
"Felt like forever," Petunia murmured.
Severus pulled back and gazed at her with a look she had never seen on him before. She went warm all over when she realised it was lust. At first she was unsettled but then her cheeks went red. Lust? For her?
"Evans…" He said in a husky voice, his eyes hooded and his breath warm. Without warning, he suddenly kissed her, making her stumble in surprise.
She felt herself going red all over, as the overwhelming sensation left her unable to do anything but kiss him back, feeling like she was floating off.
It was not a soft kiss. It was harsh and passionate and bloody amazing. She had never been kissed this way before, and was surprised by how amorously Severus was behaving, something which was very unlike him.
He was always calm, restrained, steady. Now he seemed like he couldn't get enough of her. It was extremely flattering and made her feel a little dizzy.
He suddenly broke off and pushed her gently against a tree, his face close to her's.
He was about to lean down and kiss her again when Petunia managed to squeak out, "Severus...we can't. Not here. Anyone could see. Lily could look out the window and catch us. Let's...let's go somewhere else,"
He looked briefly dismayed, then nodded.
"Alright, come on,"
XXX
What's up with him today? Petunia thought as she quietly followed him to a place outside the neighborhood. He's never like this. I'm always the one kissing him. And he seems so desperate. For me. How can that be?
Severus stopped. There were standing in a very green secluded area, not very far from the Playground.
He sat down under the shade of an oak and she shyly sat down next to him.
They engaged in some catching up, for conversation's sake. Awkwardly, they made up for the days they hadn't met by asking about menial things, pretending the scene of a few days before hadn't occurred.
"So...how have things been these past few days? Anything interesting happened?" Severus asked, after about fifteen minutes of idle chatter , his gaze still far from innocent.
"They've been okay. But no, nothing really happened...it's been really dull without you, you know? I missed you," Petunia admitted softly.
Severus's eyes filled with desire at her words. "I missed you too," his voice was soft as he leaned his face closer to her's. Breath shallow and very surprised at his words, Petunia started to speak before being kissed so deeply fireworks exploded behind her eyelids. At first the kiss was soft and languid, almost like he was requesting permission, before the pressure increased and he nearly leaned over her, Petunia's elbows being pressed into the grass.
Light-headed, she clung to him desperately, arms round his neck, as he sighed and pushed her right into the grass, onto her back, her hair getting messier by the minute.
Unconcerned, she continued to kiss, the most amazing one she had ever experienced in her life, his hair falling over her, obscuring the side of her face.
When Severus finally drew away, several moments later, looking startled with himself, Petunia felt like she had been on a roller coaster and it had just slowed down. She felt absolutely, thoroughly kissed, a glazed look covering her eyes. That had been...intense.
Severus was still looking startled and he backed away, shame filling up his eyes and making him go pale. He tried to speak but the only sound he could summon was a choke.
"Severus…?" Petunia felt her pulse quicken once more, but not in a pleasant way this time. She pushed herself up from the ground, brushing blades of grass from her hair.
But Severus was now looking distraught and looking anywhere but at her. "I..I'm sorry...I…" He opened his mouth and then closed it, swallowing and looking tense and nervous. "I didn't…"
Petunia's eyebrows shot upwards as she began to feel a little anxious. "Severus? What's wrong?"
"I don't know what came over me," his expression was pained. He looked at her pleadingly, as if willing to make her understand. "I just…"
Petunia felt herself go red with anger. She felt cold all over."You just what? Was that just an accident?"
"No, I didn't m-"
"Then what, Severus?" She could feel furious tears burning in her eyes. "Was it a mistake?"
He stared at her blankly, then swallowed, and reached for her.
Petunia leaned away, eyes still narrowed. "Maybe I should just go," she made to stand up, though her heart had fallen to her feet.
But Severus grabbed her hands and pulled her down again.
"Evans, wait," he pleaded. "That's not what I meant. I meant I've never been so forward with you before. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable,"
Petunia frowned. "What?" She looked bewildered. "Of course you didn't, Severus. I was surprised but...you didn't,"
"You didn't mind me pouncing on you? I thought you'd be upset,"
"I enjoyed it," Petunia went a bright shade of pink. "It was really...earnest."
Severus flushed briefly, then said nervously, "I'm not used to doing that. I think it was because of not seeing you for…"
"Nearly a week?" She laughed, closing the gap between them and kissing him on the cheek. "I'm sorry for getting defensive, Severus. I didn't mean to shout at you."
"No need to apologise," the grip on her hands loosened.
"I still feel bad,"
"Don't," he said. She leaned her head on his shoulder.
"You could kiss me like that again, you know? Anytime you want. I…" She trailed off awkwardly. Idiot.
She felt Severus shift beneath her, but he said nothing. She could almost feel his shock.
XXX
They went to the creek, later.
Severus had found it as a child and it had been one of his favourite places ever since. It was unpolluted and beautiful, contrary to the river running through his neighbourhood. He had really wanted to clear his head after that spontaneous kissing and this place seemed as good as any to go to.
Severus still felt the need to apologise for the rough way in which he had kissed her. He felt guilty about it, not only because it had been uncharacteristic of him and he had lost control, but also because he was moving further and further away from Lily.
Evans clasped his hand eagerly, and a strange feeling went through him. They stared in unison at the bubbling creek, an eery turquoise with pebbles littering it's surface.
"It's beautiful! I never knew t…"
"I discovered it long ago. I thought it would be a change from the Playground,"
"It's beautiful," Petunia whispered again. They stood still watching, Severus looking for something to say.
There was suddenly a scuffling sound from the bushes. Evans flinched and Severus's hand flew instinctively for his wand. They waited. After a few moments, a slight ginger cat emerged from the bushes, shaking leaves from its back. Severus glowered at it.
"Oh!"
Severus suddenly recognised the creature as Lily's old tomcat, it's tawny coat brushed and sparkling as if it had been recently groomed. It hissed at Severus.
"What're you doing here?" Petunia asked softly as she bent down and gathered it in her arms. The cat relaxed.
"It's always unsettled me," he commented as Petunia petted it behind its ears.
"Come on, Severus. He's adorable."
"You like cats?"
"Quite a bit," she smiled. Another feeling shot through him, like electricity.
As Evans began to pet the cat, Severus watched, in fascination, at the spectacle, the cat in her arms, her tenderness, her head tilted to one side as her hair spilled sideways, glinting gold in the sun. And something clicked inside of him. Something big. His throat went dry. He couldn't help but stare at her as the feelings grew and grew in his chest…
"Severus?"
He blinked, then coughed nervously, "Er, yes?"
Petunia stood up, the cat in her arms. "Do you want to hold it?"
"No," he said immediately and the cat bared it's teeth and swung a paw at him.
Severus narrowed his eyes warily and backed away as Petunia giggled and let the cat down. It raced away.
XXX
They were sitting together, staring at the creek as they made small talk.
Severus felt like his heart had been ripped in two. Fine, he admitted it. He was torn between the two sisters.
Torn between Lily, his ex-bestfriend, his first love, the reason he had hooked up with Evans in the first place, done all of this for. She was beautiful, she was vivacious...but she was also not interested. She loved Potter now, while she loathed the sight of him. Maybe she would never forgive him. Maybe she would. But things would never be the same between them.
Evans, on the other hand, was his childhood enemy, a Muggle, one of the people he had loathed and sworn never to forgive. But now...he couldn't help it. He was starting to grow fonder and fonder of her. And she already adored him.
It doesn't matter what I want. It'll never work out. Things like these never do.
One of these days Severus had to come to a decision. He couldn't carry on using her. It was either let her go, or nothing.
He couldn't help but feel half-hearted about Lily now. Everytime he closed his eyes to envision her, a picture of her and Potter, close together and madly in love, popped up instead. But thinking of Evans was worse, because then it reminded him each and every time just how pathetic he was.
XXX
Severus's presence was extremely comforting and Petunia wished she never had to leave.
It had finally happened–she had gotten over her childhood grudge and fallen completely, irrevocably in love with Severus Snape. A part of Petunia was proud, another part was shocked.
She looked at him through the corner of her eyes. His smile made her heart feel like bursting and his touch made her feel hot all over.
But one thing was still bothering her; the secrecy. Sure, there was a thrill in sneaking out to see him, keeping him a secret, kissing him and knowing that if anybody found out, it wouldn't end well...But it couldn't last forever. She wanted to be with Severus officially, without hiding it from Lily and her parents, but she didn't know if Severus wanted that. Which made her feel very insecure. Horrible thoughts rushed to her mind but she pushed them away. How could he be using her when his kisses were so pure, felt so honest? When his softened eyes looked at her sometimes? But she could never tell with Severus. Severus Snape was unfathomable and mysterious, and that was what drew her to him and what made her feel extremely on edge around him at the same time.
XXX
A couple of days later…
Severus woke up that morning to the sound of an owl banging at his door.
He groaned and sat up, rubbing his head.
After about five minutes, he managed to get to his feet. Trudging over, he opened the door and grabbed the letter off the bird's leg. The owl flew away.
Yawning and padding over to his magicked counter, he began to brew some coffee. While making it, he opened the letter and read it.
After about ten minutes, he wasn't making coffee anymore. Utterly distraught, he read the piece of paper again and again to make sure there had been no mistake.
...asked us and wants your answer now…
...War starting…
...Needs all the help he can get…
...time to make a decision.
Severus tried his best to stay calm. His level best. But he couldn't. His hands were pale and shaking and a sense of foreboding had settled in his heart.
This is it. The end.
Severus felt ill. He couldn't back out now. He had planned this with them, promised his schoolmates his allegiance...if he withdrew, he was not only a coward but a dead coward. For he did not think for one second that they would take his rejection slightly.
XXX
In the end, he sent a formal letter back, after several rewrites, of his acceptance.
He couldn't sleep that night. Anger lay on the surface, and so did bitterness and worry, but even worse was the guilt and regret.
"You won't join, will you?"
"No."
He had betrayed her. Lily didn't even come to his mind at this moment. Only Evans's timid question and her smile when he had reassured her shone behind his eyelids.
So what? What was she? A Muggle! Just a Muggle! If he continued to keep any ties with her they were both goners.
You can't leave her yet. Just make your decision...then you can deal with this issue and end it.
No matter how hard it is.
Severus was not a crier, but that night he came very damn close. His fate had been decided, was now resting in the hands of The Dark Lord. He had not only betrayed his childhood best friend, but Evans as well.
He wasn't sure why that hurt him as much as it did.
XXX
Severus awoke the next day absolutely furious with himself and with everything. What was he, but a fully-fledged Death Eater now?
He didn't bother with breakfast. Something else was bothering him. He needed something to distract him, something to take his fury out on…
He remembered his planned meeting with Evans.
He saw her near the entrance of the gates and a fire burned within him, rising and rising. She was dressed in a deep blue blouse, and a white skirt. Her blonde hair was in a ponytail, pulled back, and her almond-shaped eyes seemed bluer than ever. Severus felt the fire blazing even higher.
"Sorry I'm late," she smiled at him when he neared her.
"It's fine," Severus looked at her longingly. The anger and bitter regret which had still not dissipated was causing Severus to feel an increasing urge to just pin her against the gate and kiss her senseless.
But he opened the gates calmly, and they went inside.
"Severus, are you alright? You seem...put out,"
And he was, but he did not doubt for a second that it would last with her there. "It's nothing," he couldn't look her in the eyes. He wanted to kiss her and release his tension but this time he felt rational enough to desist…just long enough...
"Are you sure?" She tilted her head to one side, looking at him intently.
"Yeah," he mumbled.
"Can I cheer you up?" She asked softly, stepping over to him and kissing him very softly on the lips. Severus caught his breath as his world reduced to that spot there.
Don't, he told himself.
But a larger part of him wanted to respond, wanted to respond quite a bit.
His hands went to her shoulders to steady her, and he felt a slight jolt when Evans's arms went around his neck. He was still in control of himself until she deepened the kiss, her hands tangling in his hair...
Severus kissed her hard, taking out all of his frustration and anger on her, tasting her like she was a drug, a remedy for the burning feeling of guilt inside him…unconsciously, he pushed her against the trunk of a tree, the tree with the infamous broken branch. He could feel her writhing a little beneath him. Merlin, she was irresistible. This was bliss…having someone to take out your frustrations on…having someone to yourself…
"Evans….." He sighed mindlessly, before realizing her lips had stopped.
XXX
Petunia had been in heaven, had been more light-headed than she had ever allowed herself to be, but the sound of his deep voice calling out her last name suddenly made her lose all interest whatsoever. She stilled, breathing hard.
She hadn't minded Severus calling out her last name, had found it attractive when he said it in his silky voice, but now, with them so close and intimate, with her arms around his neck and him pushing her against a tree and snogging her, she rathered he used her first name.
"You know," she grumbled, before she could stop herself, pulling away her lips slightly. "You could call me Petunia,"
She felt him start, draw in a bemused breath. She looked up to see him looking surprised, stepping back.
"What?"
"I wish you'd call me Petunia," she could feel her resolve slowly weakening...she was nervous, and Severus's eyes were still slightly wide. "I mean...after all we've done,"
"But-but why does it matter?" He asked, still startled.
"Because we're friends, Severus," she didn't bother mentioning that they were quite a bit more than friends. "You can't call me "Evans" forever,"
Severus's cheeks had a faint pink tinge on them, and he sighed, looking away. There was a silence and Petunia wondered if she had made a mistake. A while later, Severus looked back into her eyes, and said slowly, "Does it mean that much to you?"
"Yes," she admitted, later flushing at her admission.
"You won't let it go?"
Petunia bit her lip. She shook her head decidedly.
Severus closed his eyes. "Urgh..." He muttered. "Alright. Whatever,"
Petunia gasped. "Wait...you mean it?"
"Lets see-"he muttered grumpily before being cut off as Petunia lunged forwards and hugged him, feeling euphoric.
"I love you, Severus," she declared, as she whispered in his ear. "I really do,"
