It was nearing the end of summer and, in no time, Gilbert and Francis were already back in California. Part of Antonio missed his friends; it was difficult only seeing them on Skype and the holidays. The other part of him was very relieved. He wasn't sure how much more flirt/teasing he could take between Gilbert and Lovino.

The summer had been nice. Certainly a lot more eventful than any others. But, as school neared and the stores were slammed with frantic families buying crayons for their rising kindergarteners, and moody teenagers brought along for the ride to grab a notebook or two for their own classes, Antonio was beginning to feel like normalcy might be within reach again.

The first day back was like a breath of fresh air. The halls were bustling in a way only the very beginning of a fall semester could cause. Some students wore new clothes, like the start of school was some important event they had to look sharp for. Antonio looked down at his own clothes - jeans with a small blue paint drop toward the bottom that no one would really notice, and a plain red t-shirt - and decided his first impression on his teachers would be about what they really should expect from him.

Antonio got to his homeroom and greeted the many familiar faces, many who he hadn't seen since the previous semester and some he'd only seen fleetingly. Anyone other than Lovino and Emma he'd seen during the summer had either been at that one party or we're back in California now.

When he sat down in a seat, picked totally at random to be honest, someone had already materialized in front of it, one of those familiar faces from the summer.

"Hey, Toni," Emma greeted sweetly and casually leaned on his desk. Antonio smiled up at her, the normal stone of guilt dropping discreetly into his gut.

"Hi, Emma. Having a good morning?" he asked conversationally. They talked for a bit before the bell rang and their teacher requested they all take their seats. The relief outweighed Antonio's guilt for a brief second.

Homeroom didn't last for long, which Antonio took as a good thing. His conversation with Emma had left him a little emotionally drained.

So much for "a breath of fresh air" and "normalcy."

His next class he didn't have with Emma. And, more importantly, he most certainly did have it with Lovino.

At the thought, the stone in his gut grew heavier, but Antonio ignored it. He hoisted his bag, ready to get where he was meant to be. But, if he had been anticipating salvaging any of that normalcy he was so ready for during first period, Antonio was very wrong again.

There was something off about Lovino.

He couldn't put his finger quite on what, but the way Lovino was acting - it was different. Off.

So he watched him in the other classes they shared too. The whole day, Antonio couldn't put his finger on what was so different. Until they met up at their tree after school.

"Lovi, what was that thing about a semester project Ms. Jones was telling us about?" Antonio asked. They had had Ms. Jones last year as well and it was one of the classes Antonio actually enjoyed. He was looking forward to the project, even if it sounded a bit hefty on the grade point average.

"Hm?" Lovino hummed, not having caught the question, and Antonio looked over. Lovino was leaning against the tree, scrolling through his phone on some app. Antonio repeated his question and, again, there was a hum from his friend. This one very noncommittal, accompanied by a shrug. "Dunno. Didn't really hear."

That was when it clicked in Antonio's head. What had been so off about Lovino. What he just couldn't put his finger on because, to any outsider it may have looked like a normal day for the boy. But Antonio knew better. He knew his best friend.

"You weren't listening?" Antonio asked, and it wasn't the kind of question that should have been accompanied by a massive lump of dread. Still, Antonio knew how seriously Lovino took his studies; even if it was only the first day.

"Not really," Lovino answered easily and Antonio looked at him with wide eyes. Lovino peered up from his phone. "What?"

Antonio swallowed and looked away. It was only the first day of school, right? And he was always telling Lovino not to be so hard on himself… not to take everything so seriously. Still, this did nothing but throw red flags up all over his mind.

Antonio shook his head, looking away. "Nothing."

-/-

Antonio didn't want to make a big deal out of it. Really. But his eyes wouldn't stop wondering to the desk in front of his. Or beside his. Or wherever Lovino happened to be sitting that class period.

Antonio refused to believe it was bothering him. He did note, though, that Lovino wasn't doing anything at their tree after school. Antonio hadn't touched his timer since last semester.

He was maybe a bit paranoid about the matter, but, as a week eventually went by, Antonio spent less and less time taking notice of Lovino's study habits. Soccer practice was getting back into full swing, having taken the first week of school as break to split their summer practices and semester ones.

Things were busy again between practice and homework and Antonio relaxed, comforted by the thought that Lovino probably just wanted alone time to study. Or had finally realized that his previous habits were way over the top. There was nothing for him to worry about.

… or maybe not.

It was the third week of school and Antonio was walking home from practice when Feliciano caught up to him.

"Oh, hi, Feli!" he greeted with a wave. "What are you doing here?"

Feliciano smiled and waved himself, turning to walk with Antonio back to their respective houses. "I actually came to talk to you!"

Antonio furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "Really? What about?"

"Lovino, dummy!" Feliciano answered and Antonio wanted to laugh. Of course.

Then, realization hit and Antonio asked, "Wait, what's wrong with Lovino?"

Feliciano's shoulders slouched just a bit at this. So slight that, if Antonio hadn't known him for years, he might not have seen it. "I was hoping you could tell me."

At Antonio's concerned eyes, Feliciano must have realized what exactly he'd said, because he jumped up and waved his hands. "Not that anything has to be wrong with him! I just- well- he's acting different."

Antonio bit his lip and looked on ahead. "So you've noticed that too."

Feliciano nodded. "Yeah. He's always in his room and he's not even studying when he does so. Just, on his phone or listening to music. It's funny, isn't it? He's acting like a normal teenager and that's what makes us all worried."

Antonio snorted at this, but Feli continued.

"And he won't even eat dinner with us anymore! I mean, Dad doesn't a lot either, but, when he does, Lovi always just takes his plate upstairs. I think he and Dad are fighting."

"Fighting?" Antonio asked, unable to believe his ears. His thoughts went to the conversation he'd had with Lovino not too long ago, when his father had kicked him out of the house.

"Yeah. I don't know what about. Lovi won't tell me anything. But it's obvious they aren't on good terms right now," Feliciano explained, then looked up at him. "Could you talk to him? I know he'll talk to you."

Antonio paused, his feet momentarily losing forward motion without his head really interfering. Instead, it was preoccupied thinking about this.

Then, he nodded. Of course he'd talk to Lovino. He hadn't much talked to him the past few weeks other than in class, but they were still best friends. It was Antonio's duty to figure out what was up with him.

"Thank you so much, Antonio!" Feliciano exclaimed and enveloped him in the all-encompassing hug that was his specialty. By this time, they had stopped in front of their houses. There was nothing much else to say, so Feli waved goodbye and they both went in.

When Antonio got to his room, he remembered there was no practice Friday and considered visiting Lovino at their tree. He nodded to himself and switched his CD player on.

He could wait until Friday. After all, it was only a few days away.

-/-

The next day, Antonio was talking with Emma in homeroom when a sudden fear gripped him by the gut.

"So, are Gilbert and Lovino, like, a thing?" Emma asked, leaning into his desk conspiratorially. Antonio's throat went dry, like any other time the two were brought up in one context.

He scratched at his ear, trying to play it off. "Um… I'm not really sure. Gilbert's back in California now, so…"

"I mean, if they really like each other they could do a long distance relationship, right?" Emma asked, not realizing that with every word, a piece of Antonio's heart was chipping. Antonio mentally shook himself and gave an unsure smile.

"I don't really know. Sorry," he said with a shrug. A curious look crossed Emma's face and Antonio could imagine why. Gilbert and Lovino were both his best friends, so why didn't Antonio know?

Antonio was wondering the same thing himself.

But another train of thought also crossed his mind on the subject.

I like Lovino. Antonio thought to himself. It was easy enough to acknowledge once he'd first gotten it through his head in Oregon, and eventually been consoled in the knowledge after that trip.

But I'm still with Emma.

It wasn't the first time Antonio had thought about it. How unfair he was being to Emma. He had thought about it quite frequently during the break, in fact, but hadn't done anything about it.

This was for a number of reasons. At the top, going to hang out with Emma had always been a great excuse to get away from Gilbert's and Lovino's flustered and shy advances on each other. But now that was no longer a problem and he still couldn't bring himself to change anything about their relationship. He couldn't shake the thought that he had been using her.

Their relationship was a constant, which was nice. It almost seemed normal now that they had been going out for five months - almost half a year. That fact alone made Antonio both more comfortable and uncomfortable with the arrangement they had. Man, and he thought life was less complicated nowadays.

He knew what he was doing was unfair to Emma and he really wanted to fix that. Emma didn't deserve this; she was a good person.

That didn't make it any less difficult.

The fear entangling his insides was centralized around this knowledge and, as he gazed at Emma's bright eyes, eager to gossip, a thousand thoughts whirled in his head.

"Hey, Emma-" he started to say. Then, the bell rang and their teacher called them to attention. Emma gave him a Look, one that looked annoyed by the bell's interruption and screamed, Ugh. Talk after class.

Then, she turned to the front and Antonio was left with the words stuck in his mouth, words he wasn't even sure he knew himself were.

Except, he might know what he had been about to say. And it definitely was not something to be said in a busy homeroom class at the start of the day.

So, when transition from homeroom to first period began and Emma turned to him to ask what he'd been saying, Antonio shrugged.

"Nothing important," he said, then got up from his seat to leave.

-/-

What did Antonio feel for Emma? What did he feel for Lovino?

Emma… Emma was safe. Constant. Reliable. He knew exactly what a relationship with her would entail, both between each other and the thoughts of their peers. He knew how to hold her hand, how to kiss her. He knew her.

And, as much as he knew Lovino too, there was plenty to learn if he ever took the dive to try a relationship with him.

Antonio didn't know anything about what a relationship with Lovino might be like. What would everyone think? How would they hold hands, how would they… kiss?

These things, in theory, were simple. But Antonio had only ever kissed Emma before and he severely doubted all kissing was the same.

Was it?

But… did Lovino even like him like that? What was he doing thinking about kissing when the attraction might not even go both ways? Would admitting his feelings just ruin their friendship?

Antonio swallowed nervously thinking about it. Their friendship was precious to him. They were closer than anything. They'd grown up together, they'd shared secrets with each other, good times and bad. How would feelings get in the way of that? How awkward could Antonio make it all by confessing?

It was better to just not. To keep it all in. To let things go on as they were. As they should.

Antonio had Emma. And Lovino… Lovino had Gilbert.

Still, how fair in all of this was it to stay with Emma? Even if Antonio never planned to advance his relationship with Lovino, how could he, in good conscience, stay with someone when he was constantly thinking of someone else?

Antonio thought back to the words he'd almost said in homeroom. What if he said it? What if he just… let it all go?

Hey, Emma? I think we should break up.

Would it hurt her? Would it hurt him? Would she hate him? Would he hate himself for having ruined something so pleasant between the two?

He could acknowledge that what they had wasn't… special. It was convenient. It was stable. It was nice, but it wasn't it.

Would things be better or worse if they broke up? Antonio really did enjoy her company - they could make great friends even if they weren't tied romantically. But would that be what Emma would want? And would Antonio merely become lonely after?

Antonio looked forward, at the back of Lovino's head. They were in history and neither boys were paying a lick of attention.

This wasn't about Antonio's loneliness though, was it? It was about being fair to Emma. It was about doing the right thing.

Because, with these feelings he had for Lovino, he couldn't be fair to her by staying in this relationship.

Maybe it was time to do the right thing.

-/-

It was Wednesday and, after practice, Lovino had decided to come over late. It was almost natural how easily he and Lovino spoke to Francis and Gilbert across Skype.

"You know what sucks?" Gilbert asked through the screen and, not stopping to let anyone even ask what? went on. "We're on our Shakespeare unit in Lit and Arthur won't seem to shut up about it."

"What play?" Lovino asked, curious and with little of his normal faux indifference.

"A Midsummer Night's Dream," Francis was the first to respond. "And isn't it a dream?"

"It's a waste of time," Gilbert grumbled and Antonio didn't miss the flat stare both Lovino and Francis shot at him. Antonio snorted.

"Bottom is just so dramatic," Francis carried on. "If the drama department puts it on this year, I am trying out for his role."

This time, Lovino snorted. "At your level of extra, you'll get the part."

Francis gasped, dramatically placing a hand over his heart. "Did Lovino Vargas just pay me a compliment?"

"I wouldn't take that as a compliment," Lovino quipped, yet turned just the slightest of reds anyway.

"I never thought I'd see the day," Francis continued, ignoring Lovino's protests and Gilbert's chuckles. The three went about like that and Antonio smiled, heart light with them all around each other again. He may have been relieved for school to start back, but he never could go long without his friends.

Antonio heard his phone vibrate on his desk, where he'd left it with his math homework when the video call had come in. Figuring the argument could go on even without him there for a minute or two, Antonio got up to check it.

Sitting down at his desk chair, he slid up the screen and clicked the message. His insides wove into tangles when he saw who it was from, but decided to shake his adrenaline spiked mind. It was only Emma. He liked Emma, remember?

Emma: want to get ice cream after your practice tomorrow? I'm staying after school myself for tutoring.

Before he could think too much about it, Antonio typed out his reply and sent it, setting his phone back on the table and returning to his friends.

He still had to tell Emma. He had to tell her the truth. He had to be fair to her.

And he decided he would do it tomorrow.

Antonio: sure

-/-

"I'm thinking about trying this new recipe," Emma commented once they'd sat down with their ice cream. She ate a tiny bite off her spoon, having elected for cup instead of cone. Antonio, meanwhile, was already having trouble keeping the treat from melting all over his hands. August was too hot and Antonio had not thought this through.

"Recipe?" Antonio asked, distracted by licking around his scoop and the encroaching thoughts that had been hounding him all day.

"Yeah, so it goes like this," Emma said and it didn't take much for her to go off into the intricacies of a challenging new pastry. Antonio listened, lips quirking up just so as he watched her talk.

Emma really was a fun person to be around. Antonio loved to listen to her and talk with her. She was passionate and kind and strong-willed. She'd make whoever she ended up with very happy.

A sadness weaved into Antonio's heart, but it wasn't at the prospect of letting Emma go. No, that was one thing he'd accepted, maybe even before he'd consciously done so. What made Antonio sad most of all was that he could possibly lose this after today.

Antonio wouldn't change his mind, but he really hoped it wouldn't ruin their friendship.

After ice cream and the two had started on their way home, Antonio finally pulled himself together and stopped, facing Emma. She went only one pace farther when she noticed he wasn't walking with her and paused as well, turning in her tracks.

"Antonio?"

"I think we should talk," Antonio said and was surprised when his voice came out without crack.

Emma bit her lip and nodded, stepping closer. "Okay."

It was silent between the two for a full minute. Emma was considering him with curious eyes, but did not speak up. She somehow knew that she had to give him time - that whatever this was, was important.

So Antonio sucked in a breath and said it.

"I think we should break up."

Antonio held his breath, awaiting her reply. He wasn't sure what he was expecting. Indignance? Tears? Surprise? Disappointment?

Instead, it was none of those things.

Instead, Emma said, "Okay."

Antonio's eyes shot open wider, regarding the girl across him in bewilderment. "What?" he breathed, sure he had heard wrong.

But Emma just shook her head and shrugged. "I said okay. I mean, I think we both kind of saw this coming. We get along, you know, but I don't think romance is something we've got going here."

Antonio was silent again, searching her face. She was calm, put together, maybe a little put out too, but understanding. So Antonio said the only thing that came to mind. "Oh."

At this, Emma laughed, just a short burst of humor, but it was enough to unravel the tension that had built between them. "Yeah, oh," she teased. "But… still friends, right?"

Antonio blinked, unable to believe his own ears, until he snapped out of it and couldn't help smiling too. "Yeah. Friends."

Emma nudged him, coming to stand next to him again so they could continue their trek homewards. "Alright, but don't blame me if I'm a little awkward at first. This may having been coming from a mile away, but we were still a thing. It'll take some getting used to."

Antonio laughed a little and the sound surprised him. Still, it didn't stop him from saying, "As put together as you are about this right now, I'd be surprised if you're more awkward than me about it all."

"We'll have to see about that," Emma said and, somehow, the rest of the way home wasn't awkward in the least. Somehow, it felt like everything Antonio had been preparing himself for, was fine.

-/-

The next day at school was… a little awkward. Because it was a high school, news had gone around that Emma and him had called it quits almost immediately and, even though Emma was still amicable and talked to him as usual, it did come with an "everyone's watching us" vibe.

And Antonio could feel it too. In the halls. In class. When he talked to Emma or Lovino or anyone else. It was uncomfortable and Antonio kind of wished people would just stay in their own business.

People asked him about it too.

"I heard you and Emma broke up. Sorry, buddy."

"Did you and Emma really break up?"

"Who called it quits? Was she at least nice about it?"

For one thing, wow, did no one think he had the guts to do the breaking up? For another, he barely talked to a lot of the people who approached him about it. How did they even know in the first place?

"You should stay out of other people's business," Lovino snipped at the most recent gossip who'd leaned over to Antonio's desk. The girl shot him a narrowed look, but backed off. Lovino rolled his eyes and went back to doodling on a piece of notebook paper.

Antonio leaned forward to both check out Lovino's sketches and thank him in a low whisper. "Thanks for that. Whatcha drawing?"

Lovino shrugged and continued his scribbles. Antonio pursed his lips, but continued either way. "Hey, so I don't have practice today. Wanna hang in the park?"

At this, Lovino's pencil stopped. He looked over his shoulder and Antonio could have sworn there was the faintest smile at the corners of his lips. Then, he turned back around like nothing had happened.

"Yeah, let's do that," Lovino responded.

-/-

Antonio had promised Feli he would talk to Lovino today, but he'd almost forgotten when Lovino pulled a deck of cards from his backpack and they started a game of Go Fish.

When he remembered, he was just about to ask for fours, but instead asked a different question.

"Hey, Lovino?" Antonio asked, lowering his cards a bit, but taking care that they stayed facing away from curious eyes.

Lovino looked up too, probably hearing the change in Antonio's tone and peering over his own cards.

"Yeah?" he asked, lifting a single inquisitive brow.

"Um. That… thing… hasn't happened again," Antonio tried, gesturing with a hand as if it could indicate exactly what he was talking about. "Has it?"

Lovino leveled him with a deadpan stare. Then, he laid his cards down on the grass. "What 'thing,' Antonio?"

"You know," Antonio elaborated without really elaborating. He didn't want to say it for some reason. "The thing."

"Antonio," Lovino warned, crossing his arms and Antonio bit his lip. Okay, maybe a few more details…

"When you come here sometimes… you told me about it before school was in session again and I was really worried, but you said it's fine and-"

"You mean when I get kicked out of the house," Lovino said bluntly and Antonio paused. Then, he nodded, looking sheepish. Lovino leaned back and shrugged. "It happened once about a week ago, but I just came here to cool off. I'm just staying out of my dad's way mostly. If it's not convenient, he won't ask."

Antonio's eyebrows furrowed. "Last week?" he asked. "You should have called."

At this, Lovino just shook his head. "Trust me; it won't happen much anymore. He thought I was wasting a lot more time when I was hanging out with Gilbert."

Antonio bit down on his lip, mind coming to a sudden halt at their friend's name. It wasn't the conversation he was meaning to have. He should really stay on topic. But Antonio couldn't help but ask…

"So, you and Gilbert…" he said, eyes darting to their tree, then the sky, then down to the grass. "Are you guys still talking?"

It wasn't, directly speaking, what he was trying to say, but Antonio was skirting around all sorts of conversations that day.

"Yeah. I mean, we Skyped the other day in your room, remember?" Lovino said, and it was so naive for a Lovino comment that Antonio momentarily mistook him for his brother.

"But do you guys still talk apart from that?" Antonio asked. Meaning: are you guys together?

Lovino leaned back, distributing his weight onto his arms and regarding Antonio. "Text sometimes. We aren't dating, if that's what you mean."

Antonio almost visibly startled at the confession, but, instead, channeled all his extra energy into straightening out the cards in his hand. He took way too long to reply, if he was really going to reply at all, so Lovino spoke up again.

"Since we live across country and neither of us were really willing to put in the time to Skype date, we just decided to not."

"Oh," Antonio said, then realized he should probably say more. "Yeah, that makes sense. So, you guys are just friends now?"

"That'd be the term for it," Lovino said nonchalantly, but Antonio could hint traces of amusement under it.

"Guess we're both single Pringles now," Antonio commented nervously, then silently cursed himself.

"Guess so," Lovino said and looked back at his cards. "Now, are you gonna take your turn?"

Antonio really hoped his face wasn't burning when he finally asked for those fours.

-/-

Antonio couldn't get it out of his head. Especially now that they were laying so close together, on their bellies under the shade of their tree. Lovino had his phone stretched out in front of them, playing some TV show Antonio had picked at random.

The sun shined through the bows above them and it hit off the phone at times, nearly blinding Antonio, but he didn't complain, especially not when he really wasn't watching the show at all.

The sun wasn't the only thing that reflected on the screen's surface. When it hit the perfect angle, Antonio could see Lovino's face too.

There was no way he could confess now. No way.

They had both just gotten out of relationships (or whatever Lovino and Gilbert had been). Antonio couldn't jump to conclusions. He didn't know if Lovino could like him that way. Maybe he still liked Gilbert. Just because they called it quits for distance purposes didn't mean everything surrounding the two had rolled over and died.

I could ruin what we have. We're best friends. Lovino may not like me. I just got out of my relationship with Emma. He-

His thoughts were cut off abruptly when Lovino spoke, low and so close to his ear. Antonio blinked and realized he had been leaning forward, forward, forward.

He could feel Lovino's breath dance across his skin when he spoke.

"Antonio," he murmured, gaze flicking from his eyes to his lips and back again. "What are you doing?"

"Oh," he said, own breath a mere puff and mesmerized by the sight before him. They were so close. So close…

Then, the sensation of his lips feathering across Lovino's caught his breath and his mind caught up to him.

What am I-

He didn't have time to finish that thought before Lovino had pressed onward, leaving any traces of doubt Antonio may have had behind. Antonio shed rationality and uncertainty, leaving only room for the non-existent space between the two. His head was spinning, but his body was alive. His senses opened up, but all they could feel was Lovino Lovino Lovino.

Antonio had brought a hand up, cupping the other boy's cheek. Lovino had scooted closer.

The kiss was short in Antonio's mind, not ready to pull away, but, as soon as they caught their breaths, Lovino looked at him and he looked at Lovino.

There was bewilderment there. Surprise. Hope burning a blazing fire between them.

"Lovino-" Antonio said, a cocktail of emotion creating a hurricane in his chest, but, before he could make anything else out of his words - his very hopeful words, a hope so dizzying that he could have reached out and brought the other boy in to hold tight - a light jingle sang from his pocket.

Antonio blushed to the tips of his ears, but he reached into his pocket. Lovino was stunned momentarily, before his shoulders hunched up sheepishly. He looked away to let Antonio take the call and all Antonio could do was mutter an embarrassed, "Sorry."

Antonio averted his gaze and looked to the caller ID. He clicked answer immediately.

"Hey, Mom," he said, hoping his voice was level enough that she wouldn't think the call was unwanted. Or that he was off in any way.

But, then, she spoke.

"Antonio," she said, and his heart stopped at her voice. All other thoughts were briskly set aside as he focused solely on the call. "Could you come home when you are able?" she asked, voice wavering just slightly. She shook it off, but the tension was still there. "It isn't an emergency… Just when you can."

And Antonio knew there was only one thing he could do - one thing he would even consider when his mother sounded like this.

"I'm coming right now."


CV: Things were going too well; I'm sorry.

Alright, a couple things bc I love to abuse the author's notes...

I wrote most of this last week during hell week of study, so, somehow, this deviated from my outline. Yeah, that kiss? Wasn't supposed to happen. But I'm keeping it. You also got more Brit Lit bc I got this book for Christmas and am in love with Hermia (though I didn't actually talk about her here).

Also, I have to ask, did one of you like my post about Hear Me last night? It was such a stupid little post, but I get really psyched about little things like that, so it really helped encourage me to get this editing done. Thank you, random citizen!

And thank you everyone who reads this, favorites, follows, comments! You guys keep me going (as slow as that might be)! Thanks so much and I'll see you in the next chapter!