ULTIMATE DISCLAIMER IN PROFILE AND CHAPTER 1!
ULTIMATE WARNING IN PROFILE AND CHAPTER 1!
AU, OOC, SLASH. Yes, there is some milder SLASH in here. You read it right. :D
Hey, guys! I can't believe I haven't updated this story for quite a while. I know there are others, who have stories with less frequent updates, but I just feel bad for waiting this much. So, I decided to jump a little forward with the story, maybe I'll have more ideas that way.
Oh, and there's some more feminine!Sam in here. Hope you'll like him like this!
So, have fun with this chapter, and I'm sorry for keeping you waiting this long! Enjoy!
A few days went by, until Sam was back to normal. The dog behavior ended after a good night's sleep, but they were still glued together for a couple of days. Finally, Sam seemed to get over his anxiety and Dean and Bobby helped him to fight it. Now Sam didn't have a problem with Dean leaving him behind, but only if he stayed in town. Luckily, Bobby hadn't asked the older Winchester to do anything traveling-related.
One morning, days after the whole incident, Dean was awoken from his peaceful sleep by the nagging feeling of another presence next to him. He tried to ignore it, chalking it up to his partial wakefulness, but it just strengthened. Even though the birds were singing happily, the room was filled with an eerie silence. Dean thought about reaching for his trusty knife under his pillow, but then he remembered that he forgot to put it there. At last, he convinced himself to open his eyes and take a peek at the intruder: he was greeted by a pair of black pupils right in front of his face, maybe an inch away.
Caught by surprise, Dean screamed in fright – it was a manly scream, ask anyone – and began hastily crawling away from the demonic-looking eyes. In his haste, he forgot that he was lying on his bed and tumbled down from it onto the floor with a loud THUMP!, pulling down his blanket with him. He quickly evened his breathing then cautiously sat up, peering over the mattress. What he saw made his eyes widen comically.
A huge animal was lying on its back on his bed, four legs up in the air, long, bushy tail thumping on the mattress in a fast rhythm. Small whimpers broke out of its shaking body and its head was turned away. Dean watched incredulously and a bit fascinated as the animal calmed down somewhat then turned his head back to him, hazel-green eyes glittering in amusement. With a whine, it started whimpering again, rolling onto its stomach and burying its head under Dean's pillow, holding the light object in its place with its front legs.
Dean then realized what it was: it was a big German Shepherd, its fur completely chestnut-brown with a big black patch on its back running along its spine and covering its sides. And then something else occurred to him: judging by the tail-wagging it was having a good time. The whimpers sounded almost like… laughter! A light bulb went off in Dean's head.
"Sammy?" he asked in disbelief. The dog came out of its hiding place and started happily panting, barking at the name. "What the hell, Sam?" Dean exploded furiously, scrambling up to his feet. "You know how I hate someone watching me in my sleep! It's freaky, man! And get off my bed! Bad dog!"
When he was straightened up, he met with a tilted head and… was it a raised eyebrow? It was the perfect picture of the dog-version of 'You're joking, right?' That was when he realized what he'd said.
"Can you turn back?" Dean asked changing the subject. His question was answered by the real Puppy-Dog look. "Come on, Sam, we already discussed that you're adorable, but I'd be glad if I can actually understand what you want to say."
Sam rolled his eyes then the air shifted around him and soon a very human Sam was sitting on Dean's bed with an innocent smile on his face. A blush appeared on the younger man's cheeks as he quickly covered himself with the sheet. Dean snorted at his prude brother and quickly fetched him a set of clothing. While Sam was dressing up, Dean changed into his own clothes.
"Since when can you change into a dog?" Dean asked when he joined his brother on the bed.
"Well" Sam shrugged shyly, picking at his tail in his lap, "I was thinking about the time when I was in human form with a dog's mentality, so I tried the opposite… And it worked…"
"So you can turn into a dog with yourself at the wheel?" Dean deduced from his brother's words.
"Pretty much, yeah…"
Dean nodded then a thought occurred to him.
"Just be careful with that!" he said with a smirk. "I'm sure you don't want to catch fleas." His smirk grew at Sam's annoyed Puppy-Bitch-Face, but that just made him go further. "Maybe I should buy some shampoo for that just for precaution. And one of those satellite- dish collars or whatever they are, so you won't scratch yourself too much…"
His words were cut off by a soft growl and Sam's body slamming into his, knocking both of them onto the ground. They began a mock-wrestling match, their laughter filling the room, and it soon ended with Sam on top, a victorious grin on his face.
"I won!" the boy exclaimed, but then Dean flipped them over with a simple move, leaving Sam with a shock: he was using his inu-strength to keep his brother down!
"No, Sammy" Dean panted with his own smirk. "I can always kick your ass."
They lay on the floor like that, Dean on top, Sam under him, trying to catch their breaths, and in Sam's case, gather his thoughts. At that moment the sunlight filled the bedroom, dusting the room with its golden powder. As Sam watched it brighten, his breath was caught in his throat at the sight above him. The sunbeams reflected on Dean's blonde tresses, giving them a wonderfully bright golden color, while some other beams emphasized the freckles on his brother's handsome face, most of them gathered on the perfectly straight nose.
Unbeknownst to Sam, Dean had the same thoughts on his mind, when the sun decided to look in on them. He just noticed the beautiful shade of green in Sam's irises, mixed with a little bit of light brown, creating some interesting shapes and swirls around the pupils. Some chestnut-brown hairs were reaching into the boy's eyes. As he brushed them away tenderly, he realized that Sam had his bangs again. Following the boy's locks with his eyes and fingers, he noticed that they reached Sam's waist and they had waves in them. The golden beams of the sun gave the locks a silky glow, outlining every single hair. Then he felt something interesting under his arm that was wrapped around Sam's waist: the boy was thinner in that area.
Sam's subconscious realized that his hands were free now. One hand lifted up to Dean's head and his fingertips caressed the side of that gorgeous face, from hairline to jaw. Sam never realized how attractive his big brother was. His mind screamed at him that he shouldn't do this, that it was wrong, but his heart was fighting against that with tooth and nail, all the while whispering to Sam that this was good, that he needed this. Then his father's words resurfaced from his memories:
'…don't stop yourself to live as you want because of me and of the fear of disappointing me. I will always be proud of you, and I'm gonna approve everything that you're comfortable with! Don't forget that!'
With those words his mind's protests were soothed away. However, he had another concern now: Dean. Sam didn't know how his brother would react if Sam asked him to be more than a brother to him. He had to test it out. With that determination, he flipped them over again, gently this time, and looked into those astonishing jade-green pools looking up at him nervously. Sam leaned down and pressed a soft kiss onto Dean's forehead, his only intention just to calm Dean down.
However, as he began leaning back, he felt a hand on the back of his neck stopping his movement. Gazing into Dean's eyes, he felt pressure on the same place, and those eyes just came closer and closer…
Feeling the full, soft lips against his own thinner ones was like the final step into his home. He felt the spark of electricity start up the fireworks, as the full lips started moving against his own. As Sam matched the movements, he felt his body relax into Dean's body, giving the opportunity for his brother to deepen the kiss. When their tongues finally met, Dean swiftly flipped them over, pinning Sam under himself, and tightened his hold on the slim waist. Fingers buried into chestnut-brown waves, caressing the soft locks lovingly, while Sam's hand wandered down the other's spine, sending a shiver down on it.
They were occupied for quite a while, but the need for air raised its head, so they had to separate. Dean was the first to open his eyes and he was lucky to catch the blissful expression on his brother's face. After a moment Sam looked up, as well, gazing back into dilated pupils in the middle of sparkling jade-green irises. As they slowly collected themselves from the mind-blowing make-out session, Dean realized what happened and he felt a storm start up inside him. He slowly lifted himself up from Sam and sat back, while his brother slid out from under him to do the same. His brain froze when he witnessed Sam's graceful movements, as the boy pulled his knees up to his chest and brushed his long hair over his shoulder, playing with a lock with both hands. Sam's cheeks were colored with a blush and his floppy ears were flattened from nervousness.
Suddenly Dean jumped up, not ready to deal with his emotions right now. He had to calm himself down somehow to understand what the hell was going on with him, with both of them. So he grabbed his jacket and the keys of the Impala, marching towards the door.
"Where are you going?"
The terrified question halted Dean's steps and he turned back to his little brother. The boy was pale from fright, gazing at his sibling pleadingly, begging Dean not to leave him alone.
"I just… need to think" Dean replied softly. "I won't be too far. Don't worry!"
Sam seemed to think this through then he nodded in understanding. With that Dean flew out of the room, not stopping until he reached the Impala and not noticing in his haste Bobby's worried gaze from the garage, when he shot out of the yard with the car.
Dean was driving around town for an hour now, just cruising the labyrinth of the streets, not really seeing where he was going. Soon he noticed the waning of houses and realized he was in the outskirts of the town. Seeing the sign of the town's limit, Dean stopped and pulled over just before he reached it. He made a promise to Sam that he wouldn't leave town without him again, at least until he's better with the separation. It seemed stupid that he would stop just in front of the sign, like there was a line on the road that he couldn't cross without someone catching him. But this promise was important to Sam, therefore it was important to Dean, too.
Dean cut the engine off and leaned back in his seat with a weary sigh. His head fell back onto the headrest and his eyes closed, while he took deep breaths to calm his racing heart and thoughts down. However, as soon as he plunged himself into darkness, the picture of Sam's blissful expression flashed in front of him, seared into the inside of his eyelids. He felt himself grow hot, especially on his face and… somewhere where he hadn't thought that he could grow hot, considering the situation.
He quickly opened his eyes and straightened up, shaking his head to chase the disturbing thoughts away. He had to think with a clear head, he had to concentrate on his own emotions about this, not some animal-like lust towards his little brother. Little brother!
Dean leaned his head on the steering wheel in devastation. There was something seriously wrong in his head. It was one thing to pine after his own brother and want him to be more than that, but the fact that he was considering it? That takes the cake. He banged his head into the steering wheel, ignoring the short protest of the horn.
Suddenly, the night of his father's visit came forward from his memories.
'It was the night of the funeral. Dean had a hard time trying to fall asleep, even though there was their old friend, Bobby Singer down the hall with his trusty shotgun next to him, and his own silver knife was resting under his pillow. Sam was safe in the room after Dean's, guarded by two of the best hunters in the whole world. With these thoughts he turned onto his stomach and just started to drift off into a hopefully restful sleep, but his mind was pulled back by a foreign presence next to his bed. His arms tightened around his pillow, fingers closing around the hilt of his knife, but a deep, amused chuckle made him freeze.
"Looks like I taught you well" came the familiar voice, tinted with a little pride. Dean quickly turned around and met with none other than John Winchester, slightly younger than the last time Dean saw him… Like on the photo at the funeral…
"Hello, Dean" John spoke again, a smile on his face, eyes pinned to Dean's widened ones, reminding him of Mary's every time his son looked at him.
"Dad?" Dean sat up and cautiously slid back, not knowing what to think about the sight of his deceased father. In the back of his mind he already started to review every possible weapon he had in his room, planning different routes to get to them safely and with minimal injury.
"It's alright, son" John said and slowly, not to spook his eldest into defense, reached down to the bed: his fingers went through the mattress.
"You're a ghost" Dean exclaimed, already narrowing down the weapons and planned routes to the appropriate ones in his mind.
"Sort of" John replied. "I got permission for a visit. To both of you."
"Sammy, too?" as Dean gazed into the hazel-green eyes of John, so much like his little brother's, he realized that John was no threat to any of them. John nodded and sat down onto Dean's bed, next to his boy. "Dad, I'm sorry, I should have been more cautious…"
"Dean" John lifted a hand to silence his son. "It wasn't your fault. We didn't know the Devil's Traps were useless. It was my own choice. My only thought was your safety when I gave you the Colt. You did a good job." Dean felt his father's hand on his cheek, although John didn't exactly touch him, his hand was maybe a millimeter away from his skin. He felt tears gather in his eyes, but he held them back. "I'm so proud of you, kiddo. I was always proud of you, even though I was really hard on you, and I never stopped." Dean nodded with a sniff.
"Thanks" he whispered and he saw that it pained John. The older man knew it was very rare that he praised his son, so Dean always cherished those moments, showing his appreciation with a timid 'Thank you'. This was no exception.
"Dean" John turned serious. "Now that the demon is dead, you're safe, but it doesn't mean that your job is done."
"I know" Dean answered. "It's never done. I wouldn't even think about quitting anyway."
"Good" John smiled. "Sam will need you soon. Something big will happen and you have to be there for him, no matter what. But don't let yourself stray away from your own decisions and own wants, just to make Sam happy. You gave up so much for us, you deserve your own happiness. But promise me that you will help Sam through this!"
"I promise" Dean nodded. "But what's gonna happen?"
"You'll see soon. It's gonna be big and hard for Sam, but it's not bad in any way, alright?" Dean nodded again and John let out a relieved sigh. Suddenly he glanced up at the ceiling then with a smile he turned back to Dean and pulled his oldest into a tender hug. Dean let himself relax into the strong arms, actually feeling the loving hold and his father's soothing caress through his hair. He felt himself tremble slightly, as a couple of tears slipped out of the grip of his will.
"Shh, kiddo, you're okay" John murmured into his son's ear, rocking him slightly. "You don't have to worry about me now. I'm with your Mother in a beautiful place. We miss you both and love you very much."
"Love you, too, Dad" Dean choked out, slowly calming down. When he felt his body settle down and relax, John stroked his back one last time and pushed him away.
"I need to go now" John stood up, ruffling gently Dean's blond tresses. "I want to see Sam, too, and I have a limited time down here. Goodbye, son."
"Goodbye, Dad" Dean answered and John disappeared with a white flash. Dean slowly lay back down and took deep breaths to calm down. He heard soft voices in the next room, and he slowly drifted off to sleep, only to be woken by Sam sneaking into his room, seeking comfort.'
Dean shed a couple of tears at the memory, still missing his father terribly. Straightening up from the steering wheel, he wiped his face down, sniffing against the sobs trying to break out of him.
He remembered his promise well. Not a day went by without it flitting through his mind at least twice. That was why he ran away, why he was sitting here in the car, thinking this whole situation through. If he had stayed back there with Sam, he would have given into the instinct to do everything to make Sam happy. But now that he was away from Sam, he could take every viewpoint into account, including his own needs and desires, his own happiness.
Did he want what Sam offered to him? What Sam wants? Did he want to be together with his little brother, who was raised by him, since their father was busy with hunting? He loved Sam, he always did, just not to that extent. Or at least until now…
That kiss with Sam was nothing like any other make-out he experienced since his carrier as a ladies man. That kiss was like reaching home, like he'd lost a part of himself, leaving a gaping hole in its place, and with that kiss he could finally fill it. Sam was always important to him, and that hole appeared at the time Sam left for Stanford, he realized. Even though they held contact and spoke every time Sam could tear himself away from studying and his friends, it wasn't enough to fill that hole, which was almost the size of the Grand Canyon. Even when Sam returned from Stanford, it wasn't enough.
However, now he felt his heart lighten from the knowledge of Sam staying with him, and that hole disappeared again, healing his soul, shattered by being left behind. Sam healed him, with awakening a desire that Dean had never known he had: the desire to mean much more to Sam than a brother and wanting Sam to mean much more to him than a brother, as well. He didn't really understand these emotions, but he knew he wanted to feel them. Not to make Sam happy, or not just because of that, but to be happy himself.
With that realization, he started the engine, made a U-turn and hurried back home, stepping on the gas in excitement.
Bobby heard the Impala pull up in front of the house, and a moment after the engine died down, Dean flew through the door.
"Hey, Bobby" Dean greeted quickly, breathless from hurrying. "Where's Sam?"
"I guess upstairs" Bobby answered and Dean dashed away and up the stairs. The older man just shook his head and returned to the tome he was studying.
Dean ran down the hallway to his room, hoping to find Sam in there. When he opened the door, he was frozen by the sight in front of him.
Sam was in there, lying on his bed, sleeping peacefully. He was on his back covered up to his hips. One hand was resting on his stomach, while the other was next to his head. The long fingers were curled up loosely, the lengthened nails giving a surprisingly feminine look of the hand. As Dean stepped closer, though, he felt a smile pull up the corner of his mouth and his cheeks grow hot again. Sam's tanned face was framed by those long, beautiful locks that were covering the boy's upper-body, decorating the sight with the waves in them. It was as if Sam was lying on the soft sand in the ocean, the water cascading down his chest. His smooth skin was still flushed after all this time from their kiss, long lashes caressing it when they fluttered at the pictures in Sam's dream. The soft, thin lips were pulled up into a slight smile. In other words, Sam was absolutely gorgeous in Dean's eyes.
The older man carefully sat down next to Sam, not wanting to wake the boy yet. He noticed the floppy ears, resting on the pillow and the tip of the bushy tail peeking out from under the cover. Dean just watched the stunning sight in front of him, shocked that his brother was so beautiful and he never even noticed it. He had the urge to press a soft kiss onto the thin lips, but instead he just trailed the tip of his finger down the side of Sam's face then caressed the flushed cheek with his knuckles.
Sam let out a quiet groan at being disturbed in his sleep, but when he looked up sleepily, his smile brightened, greeting his brother with that. Dean couldn't hold himself back: he leaned down and pressed his lips tenderly to Sam's. The boy's hand lifted up and cupped his cheek and as Dean pulled back, Sam caressed the skin with his thumb. Dean stroked the boy's wrist, just gazing into the hazel-green irises.
"Everything okay?" Sam asked worriedly, his voice gentle and quiet.
"Yeah, Sammy" Dean replied in the same tone. "Everything's perfect."
TBC
So, did you like it? And my feminine!Sam? (I say it's mine because I don't think Kripke's/Gamble's Sam will ever look like that. :D)
Please, Read and Review! And hopefully:
See you soon!
