A/N: Thank you so much for all the alerts and the few that left me reviews last chapter. I am glad you guys liked it. This chapter was tough for me, and some of you may not like it, but it will lead to bigger and better things. Read and review!

And I die when you mention his name
And I lied, I should have kissed you
When we were runnin' in the rain

What am I darlin'?
A whisper in your ear?
A piece of your cake?
What am I, darlin?
The boy you can fear?
Or your biggest mistake?

Cheers darlin'

Here's to you and your lover boy.

-Cheers Darlin', Damien Rice

BPOV

I couldn't believe that this was really happening to me. It couldn't be true, but it was. I had finally gotten what I had wanted all these years and I push it away from me? You are probably wondering what the hell is wrong with me right?

I stood there, still in a state of complete shock. It had all happened so fast I was almost convinced it wasn't real. That is until I saw that Edward was nowhere to be seen and Alice was heading in my direction with a horribly concerned look on her face.

One second I was dancing with Edward, the happiest I had ever been the next he tries to kiss me. Then I freak out because I don't want our first kiss to be a drunken one, not to mention one that Edward doesn't even truly desire, and he's gone before I can even defend myself or give a logical reason for why I rejected him. I mean, Edward totally didn't really want to kiss me; I know this for a fact. Alcohol does weird things to people, effects their hormones in funny ways. There was no way he could have really wanted to kiss me, right? Then why did he react like that? Probably because he is not used to rejection, seeing as how girls usually throw themselves at him when he attempts to kiss him, duh.

Alice reached me in my comatose state. I briefly noticed people looking at me and whispering but I didn't give a flying shit what anyone thought. I also noticed at this point that I was crying, silent tears, but still clearly crying in front of a roomful of my peers.

She ushered me straight out of the gym and into an abandoned hall. I didn't even know I was walking. Thoughts of recent trauma victims that Charlie talked about from his cases came to mind, how they often couldn't remember things that happened right after the tragedy due to the shock. This is how I felt as I somehow ended up near a set of lockers with Alice and wondered how I had come to be there.

"Bella, Bella? You have to tell me what happened honey or I can't help you," Alice said in a quiet voice as she held me.

I sunk onto the floor and she followed suit, dropping down beside me. I hugged my knees and finally turned to her.

After recounting the story the best I could remember, a look of understanding, then anger flashed across her face.

"Bella, you did the right thing. Well, at least by not letting him actually kiss you. Edward is so stupid for getting drunk tonight, I am going to kick his ass," she hissed in response.

I just continued to look at her, hoping she could give me some kind of explanation as to what the hell happened, and what I should do now.

"Bella, I think Edward really wanted to kiss you, I saw how he looked at you all night. So don't go thinking that it was all because he was drunk. I'll admit that he most likely got up the courage to try something because he was drunk, and that it may not have happened tonight if he wasn't drunk, but that didn't mean it wasn't something he wanted."

I shook my head, not believing her. I couldn't, after so long of believing that Edward didn't want me in any way other than as a best friend, it just wasn't easy for me to accept that maybe things had started to change. I wasn't good enough for him anyways.

"He may have looked at me like he wanted me tonight Alice, but he probably looked at like, eight other girls the same way. He was drunk, and when Edward drinks his hormones go into overdrive. You know this as well as I do, he just wanted what was easiest, what was right in front of him at the moment. I saw how drunk he was, and I know that he didn't really want me," I said softly.

Alice smacked me in the back of my head, and I looked at her in amazement. Only Alice would smack her best friend when they were crying.

"Bella, what am I going to do with you. Edward didn't look at ANY other girls all night. The only girl he even noticed was at the dance was you. You are crazy if you can't see that, but it is absolutely the truth."

"Alice, even if that is true, it's like I said, he was drunk and wanted the easiest thing in front of him. He even said he could tell I wanted him. What guy wouldn't try to make a move on a girl if he knew she wanted him?"

"Oh Bella, Edward just isn't like that, you should know that better than anyone. He would never use you like that. Maybe other girls, but not you. He cares about you way more than that."

I sighed, she just didn't understand me. When Edward was drunk, he was almost like a different person. He didn't remember things, and he made moves on people he most certainly wouldn't have if he had been sober. This was just one of those times, and I just happened to be the lucky girl this time. As much as I really really really wanted to believe otherwise, I couldn't. I knew Edward, and I knew how he usually acted from experiencing it many times. I couldn't even count the number of times after a party that Edward would come to me, whining because some girl was bugging him due to the fact that he had made out with her while drunk.

It hadn't happened in a while, but still...

"Fine Bella, I can see that you just aren't going to accept what is right in front of you. I'm sorry for what happened tonight, but I feel that you seriously need to talk to Edward tomorrow. And I really suggest coming clean about everything. It's going to ruin your relationship if you don't handle this the right way. I know you are terrified of losing him, but not telling him could make that happen sooner than telling him."

When I didn't respond, she jumped up and pulled me up with her.

"C'mon, we are leaving. That ass better not have gotten Jazzy to drive him home, or he's going to pay even more than he already is."

I followed her, still lost in thought, as we went back into the gym and found that Edward had indeed asked Jasper to take him home. Alice was absolutely livid, and she grabbed Emmett's keys from him after manhandling him and threatening his life if he didn't comply. It amazed me when Emmett actually looked scared of the tiny little girl threatening him.

But one look at me, and he instantly dropped the keys into her hands and gave me a sympathetic smile. Rose just grimaced at me and I could hear her muttering something about hanging Edward's balls from a string.

I felt bad that they were all getting so mad at Edward, he hadn't really don't anything wrong. I certainly wasn't mad at him, so I don't know why they were. It was probably because I got myself hurt again from this stupid love I had for Edward Cullen that I just couldn't get rid of. They weren't really mad at him, just mad that he didn't love me back and that I kept getting hurt. That's what I assumed at least.

Alice was unusually quiet on the ride to my house, except for the mutterings I heard under her breath to herself.

She was right; Edward and I needed to talk about this as soon as possible. I decided I would just play it by ear. If he acted like he had really wanted to kiss me then I would tell him the truth, otherwise I would play along that yeah, he was drunk, and yeah, it was crazy that he had tried something with me. I just hoped I would be able to hide my pain from him, that didn't seem likely. I knew I was being a huge coward, letting him make all the hard moves and making him have to put himself out there. I wondered if I would ever have the courage to actually be brave enough to just do what I had needed to do for a while.

We arrived at my house, and Alice let me go inside alone after I pleaded with her that I just really needed some alone time.

I went upstairs dodging Renee and Charlie who had already gone to sleep, and put on my sad mood music, wallowing in my misery. I was entirely pathetic; don't think I didn't realize this.

I must have fallen asleep like this, because the next thing I knew, the sun was shining through my window and hitting me directly in the eyes.

I went to the bathroom and did my morning duties. Somewhere in the middle of brushing my teeth, I looked in the mirror and remembered the horrific night that had occurred. Funny how easily I had repressed the memory already. I groaned as I thought about how I was going to have to confront Edward today and tried to think about how I would do it. I was absolutely terrified. This was my best friend in the whole world, it shouldn't be this hard. I would be fine.

I took my shower, finally changing out of the dress that I had still been in from last night. When I was done getting ready for the day, I looked at the clock and saw that it was already 12:30pm. Damn, I never slept that late. I grabbed my cell and saw that I had a record thirteen missed calls. I took that as an ominous note to how my day was going to go. Once again, how much more sorry for myself could I be?

I looked down the list and saw that three of the calls were from Alice probably making sure I talked to Edward today since they were all from this morning. One was from Rose, one from Emmett, and to my shock, all of the remaining eight calls were from Edward. All of them from this morning, the last had been just five minutes ago while I was in the shower.

With my heart racing, I considered calling him back, and was just about to take the cowardly route of texting him when I heard a pounding at my door. My heart dropped through to my stomach and down to the ground. I looked down at my feet, expecting to see it sitting there. As I stood deadly still, I heard my mom answer the door and greet him. I heard him offer her a brief greeting before asking if I was upstairs and bounding up the stairs. It took him a few moments to finally knock on my door. I wondered if he was just as scared to have this conversation as I was.

When I opened the door finally, my heart was beating erratically again. Seemed that's all it did lately. He was standing there looking a nervous wreck, running his hands constantly through his seriously disheveled hair. I almost laughed at how messy it was a tribute to how many times he had run his hands anxiously through them this morning.

He was looking at me and pain was evident in his eyes. My heart started to swell with hope that maybe he really did want me and that I had caused him pain by rejecting him last night.

"Bella, I am so sorry. So sorry, I just don't even know what to say right now to make you forgive me," Edward said so softly that I could barely hear him over my pounding heart.

When I didn't say anything, he continued.

"I should never have taken a sip of alcohol last night, it ruined everything. I can't even believe that I tried to make a move on you. And then I got mad at you about it and left? How ridiculous is that? I am the world's biggest asshole. Not to mention worst best friend on the planet. It is kind of funny though, right?"

My heart froze, and it felt like glass breaking into tiny shards and stabbing me all over. I grasped my body to somehow hold myself together after hearing the dreaded words that I had expected all along. I almost choked out a bitter laugh at the thought that he thought I may find this amusing in any way. I guess if I were truly just his best friend who didn't care for him in that way than I most likely would have found it amusing that he had gotten drunk and tried to kiss me. Right now I wish that were the case. I don't know how long I stood there in pain before I pulled myself together, remembering that I wasn't supposed to be showing him how much he had hurt me with his words, his actions, his playing with my emotions. Of course he had no idea, so I couldn't blame him. It was my own damn fault. I put on my straight face and hoped that I hadn't shown too much of what was going on inside me.

Judging by Edward's face, I hadn't done a very good job.

"Bella?" he asked in alarm. "Bella, are you okay? Oh gosh, you hate me. I know I probably made you feel like you were just any girl last night since you know how I am when I drink. Oh, I'm so sorry. I don't know how this even happened. We were having the most amazing night, and then I went and fucked it all up. Will you ever forgive me?"

I stared at him trying to figure out his logic of what had happened last night.

"Bella, don't you for one instant feel like any of the other girls that I have pulled this shit with. You mean so much more to me than any of them. I'm so sorry if I made you feel cheap in any way, I seriously hope that isn't how you feel? Can't we just forget all this? Please?" he pleaded with me.

Now I understood. He thought I was angry with him for treating me like his other whore girls he had hooked up with while drunk. He wanted to make sure that I knew, while he didn't really want to kiss me last night, I didn't feel cheap, that he actually cared about me.

Just not enough, I thought bitterly. I resigned myself to just playing along that I was amused by the whole thing. I just couldn't possibly tell him that I was in love with him after all of the things he had just said to me.

"Edward, of course I forgive you," I mumbled while looking at the floor. I was shocked when my voice came out not shaky like I had expected. "I mean, it was sort of funny I guess when you tried to kiss me," I said, trying a little too hard to act like none of this mattered to me by throwing out a joke. Classic Bella defense mechanism.

When I looked back up at him, he looked immensely relieved. This made me happy, because I had taken away his pain. He pulled me into a hug, and I reveled in the feeling of being close to him, no matter how it hurt me emotionally.

"How can I possibly make it up to you?" he asked, still holding me in a bear hug.

I thought about this, and couldn't come up with anything other than making him spend all his time he could with me, and no one else.

When I didn't answer yet again, he pulled back slightly, and looked at me like he didn't quite believe that I was over this. Duh, Edward!

I stuck my tongue out at him, and he was easily distracted from thinking about that any more.

"First, I am going to drop on my knees and kiss your feet for how amazing you are for forgiving me, though I know for a fact that you haven't forgiven me completely yet. I can see it in your eyes, something is still wrong. I'm going to fix though Bella; I will make this up to you I promise."

He looked very serious when he said this, and I believed him. He really would do anything to try and make me happy, not stopping until I was. Too bad he would have to go on forever attempting, because I would never be truly happy unless he decided to fall in love with me too. Too bad he had no idea what it took to make me content.

I really needed to just get over him.

A/N: Ok, first of all don't hate me because Edward is still a freaking dumbass. He is just starting to even consider Bella as a possibility for a love interest, it doesn't happen overnight right? He is still stubborn and wants to believe that his feelings aren't what they appear to be. It will happen eventually so don't freak out please!