Things Better Left Unvisited:

Exactly What It Sounds Like, Mates.


If there's one animal in the world I'm afraid of, it's bees and hornets. They are singly efficient and lethal. They are both mindless and possessing of an ungodly level of computer-like calculation. At the same time. THEY ARE BORG. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE.

Unless you are a sweet, talented mousemaid, for some reason.

It's happened in several Redwallish situations: The brave heroes stupidly ignore the line on the unnecessarily poetry-like map that clearly says "Don't go this way. You will be stung to death by bees." and go down the path that smells suspiciously like flowers and sunshine and honey. They are paying SO LITTLE ATTENTION THEY PRACTICALLY WALK RIGHT INTO THE MASSIVE BEEHIVE THAT IS INVARIABLY THERE. All seems lost for the heroes as the wasps or bees or hornets or what have you begins to swarm, sadistically stinging the innocent Redwallers (or Noonvalers) whenever they try to escape the buggity embrace.

Until... Rose (or whichever beautiful mousemaid happens to fill her role) begins to sing like a pretty little birdie, calming the bees... somehow... and freeing her friends from the horrible insects' plan of murder and torture.

But bees can't hear. Sound actually irritates the sensitive vibration-sensing hairs on the bees' bodies. This sends them into pre-programmed "attack mode", just like any other untoward or unexpected vibration would. Rose and her pals would DIE HORRIBLY.

Unless something else was afoot...


*How It Really Happened*

Rose rounded the corner to see Grumm Trencher, Martin and the hedgehog Pallum being slowly swarmed by bees, thousands of them. The three malebeasts did not dare to move, as the hivemind would then surely issue their death orders. Rose was terrified, but she knew what the old urban legends had said: If she could just use her nice voice to sing a pretty song the bees would leave, right? Music soothes the savage beast, right? Or the emotionless killing machine swarm with no morals or thoughts, only directives?

"So la ti do!" she sung stupidly, attracting some of the bees which prepared to shut her annoying mouth, "Fa fa mi so! This must work, urban legends said so!"

As she pranced about trying her best to sing a good enough song, a bottle of perfume, Eau De Hornette Hormonne, slipped out of her traveling pack and shattered, sending a seemingly colorless, odorless cloud over the entire group. All the bees turned off, their primary operating units shut down. Rose grinned stupidly.

"Oh, hooray! It worked!" Martin clapped her on the back and resisted the urge to make out with her even though he's obviously smitten.

"Right you did! No way it could've been anything else! Because we don't know what science is!"

"Hoi, hurr umm oi zurr daown oi yurr, boi okey!" Grumm gabbled unintelligibly. The others pretending they knew what he was saying as they skipped off into the sunset.


And... scene. That's how it happened.


More may follow. If you like, you may leave an as-of-yet unanswered bit of unusual Redwall yore as a suggestion, but it is more than likely I'll cover the grand majority of oddness and unmentioned unmentionableness.