"Well, at least things can finally go back to normal now." Gruffi marched back to the home tree, his inner walls strengthening again. He stumbled over a tree root, and almost fell, but ignored it. Gusto followed him inside, shaking his head sadly. He knew how much he cared. He could see how this was going to play out. Gruffi would act like he didn't give 2 gold crowns about Marri leaving, but Gusto knew better. He didn't understand why he was doing this to himself. Did he think Marri didn't love him? Because it was obvious she did. Even if she had left. Even if she might never come back.
"We bounce like springs! We bounce in the spring! Every year we gather here, to bring you all a little cheer! We are...The Magnificent Spring Bouncers!" The gathered crowd cried out in delight as Peppi waved his arms dramatically. He gestured to the little makeshift stage, where Happi and Talli stood. The clown and acrobat went into motion immediately. Talli tumbled around Happi, who held a giant net.
"Well, lookie here!" Happi exclaimed. "If it isn't a butterfly! Well, darned if that's the biggest butterfly I ever did see! Imma gonna catch it!"
Behind the stage, Marri winced at Happi's country bumpkin accent. But it also made her smile. She had missed this, and a part of her was glad to be back on the road again. Even if she saw Gruffi everywhere.
The night before, right after they had gotten into town, someone had come running into their camp. By the dim light of the moon, Marri's heart had skipped a beat. Had he really come all this way for her? But she soon saw that this gummi was someone else. He had run over in a blind panic with urgent news about his mate. She was down in the small village, and she was about to give birth to her first cub. He had somehow heard that Marri was a healer. She reassured the man, who, despite his fearful stuttering, seemed level-headed and strong. During the short trip down into South Gumpton, she kept stealing glances at him. She realized it was ridiculous, but she couldn't help it. If she had stayed with Gruffi, they might have had cubs. And the way this bear was reacting (his name was Luddi) was pretty close to how she imagined Gruffi would react. He was fidgeting; trying to hide how scared he was. Sometimes he'd make a silly remark about how the moon looked, or about a certain tree they would pass. The rest of the time he kept clearing his throat awkwardly. When they were almost to the village, he started questioning her credentials.
"Are you sure you've done this before?"
Which she would reply patiently with:
"Lots of times. Don't worry, Luddi."
"But what if the baby doesn't...you know...come out…?"
"I'm here to make sure it will. Cubs are born all the time. It just takes patience and a great amount of strength." She patted Luddi's shoulder gently, and he leaned into her, gathering support. Her heart cried out for Gruffi again. Why did I leave you? Are you feeling how I'm feeling? Does this hurt you as much as it hurts me? Can we really keep living apart like this?
She kept trying to shake these thoughts off. She had left Gruffi, and he wouldn't be following her. His home was the Glen. He didn't need her as much as she needed him, and she had to face that. She couldn't wander about like a lovestruck child. She had to forget about him.
But just when she thought she had it under control, something would trigger thoughts of him all over again.
She'd stayed with the laboring mother until it was morning again. Luddi hadn't been with them, but she could hear him pacing outside the door. She knew that he wanted to be there, but couldn't bear the pain and distress of his mate. When Marri was getting fresh hot water and more clean cloth, he rushed towards her.
"How...how is she? Is everything…?"
"Everything is fine, Luddi. I expect a new little cub in this very hour, okay? So just sit tight." She'd smiled at him, watching his broad shoulders relax a bit. In reality, things weren't fine. The mother was very tired, and there had been quite a bit of blood. But Marri had the situation under tight control. She'd brought her plants, and a few good droughts of these had slowed the bleeding and given the she-bear more strength.
An hour after sunrise, a baby boy had been born. He was unusually large, and Marri had spent the next half hour doctoring up the mother. As she was leaving, Luddi put a hand on her shoulder. Clearing his throat, he'd shyly thanked her. His smile looked unpracticed, and like Gruffi's, it reminded her of the sun breaking through the clouds. She'd smiled back, her heart aching yet again.
Now all she wanted to do was dance. Waiting for her turn, she watched Salli on the tightrope. She didn't care how many times that girl did it, it always made her stomach clench. She cared for the young acrobats like they were her little brother and sister. The whole troupe was her family, and she tried to stick with that idea in her head. Who should she choose? Her family, or some bear that she had met two and a half seasons ago that had accidentally stolen her heart? The answer should be easy. Shouldn't it?
Peppi stepped up on the stage amid the applause for Salli. He cleared his throat loudly.
"And now...we are very proud to present you with a special act. From the Berry Tribe, we give you our very own healer and leader of our Troupe. Please welcome Lady Marion Berry, and watch her as she dances her way into your heart!" Marri opened the curtains a crack, sliding in behind Peppi. As he glided off the stage with a flourish, she was suddenly there. Colorful smoke bombs went off around her (Happi from his perch above a tree) and a giant drum boomed, vibrating like thunder in the distance. The audience gasped, and she whirled into motion. She let all of her thoughts swirl around her like the orange and yellow silks she wore, and she spun. She gave the audience all of her love, all of her anger. Her fears, her passion, and her pleasure. She let all of it come out from her body, moving with the rhythm of the earth. The drum pulsed, and the sitar vibrated. She spun faster and faster, her heart like a hot coal in her chest. Tears slid down her face, but she was smiling. Wild, free and hopelessly alone. My love...my only love. I will never forget you. I can still feel you everywhere… Her hands grasped at the air, her feet skimmed over the wood. Her voice sang out in a single, mournful note. She keened out in anger, grief and wild determination. She would keep breathing, even if every breath felt like fire in her lungs. She would keep living. She had to.
The piercing pain searing through his hand brought him back from his thoughts.
"Aw, son of a bridge burner! Ahhha…" Gruffi did a little bouncing dance, flailing his hand. He'd drove the nail into it pretty deep, but luckily, not clean through. This time. He continued to swear, searching for his emergency kit. It seemed to take forever to find it. The pain shot up and down his hand into his arm, and he growled to himself. He'd been unfocused before, but this was ridiculous. He couldn't afford any more setbacks, and now that his hand was injured, it would take that much longer. Sunni's wedding was in three days, and he'd been working like a maniac on his gift for her.
He opened the box of bandages and salves. He gasped, feeling an entirely different pain. Arranged in a neat row were three tiny pouches that hadn't been there before. Marri… He bent forward to examine them with his good hand. The other fell to his side, pounding with his heartbeat and dripping blood onto the workshop floor. Each bag held something different. There was heal-all, which cleaned wounds and made them heal faster, yarrow, which was for slowing down blood flow, and thyme, for easing pain. He wanted to smile and cry at the same time. She was everywhere. He just couldn't forget the pretty gypsy lady, no matter how hard he tried. But you have to, you old fool. She's gone. And she's not coming back. He shook his head and stared at his hand. He wondered if he'd need to stitch it. He didn't look forward to taking care of himself. He wasn't that great at it. He sighed deeply and headed toward the kitchen, where there was at least hot water.
When he got there, he was startled by a younger lady bear. It was Anni, the girl that had helped Cheri and Minti save Marri's life. She was still here with her family. They were the gummis that had escaped from the goblin rescue. Gruffi sighed again. He would have to let her help him. The very idea made his stomach turn. She was nice and gentle...but she wasn't Marri. He hadn't had a lot of contact with she-bears in his life physically, and he wasn't looking forward to being touched by her. Even Grammi would have been a better choice. At least he was used to her.
"Oh!" Anni exclaimed. "I'm sorry. I was looking for… Are you… alright?" Her eyes were bright with worry. She was about the same age as Sunni, and she reminded him a bit of her. He smiled sheepishly.
"I uh...had a little accident with the hammer…You know how it is…"
"My goodness! Sit down and let me get you... oh! You have a healer's kit already. How resourceful!" He nodded, trying not to make it look sad.
"I'll boil some water first…" She had too much energy, and she fluttered around the kitchen like a butterfly. It made him nervous.
"Don't worry about me, I'll survive." He sighed again. "Now, what did you say you were looking for?"
"What?" She whipped around, her eyes overly shiny. He clenched his jaw, trying to be patient. The pain in his hand was making him uneasy and a bit cross. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly.
"When I came in here, you said you were trying to find something. Anything I can help you with?" He really didn't feel like helping her, but it was distracting him from the awkwardness of this whole situation.
"Oh! I was looking for the potatoes…" She trailed off when he arched an eyebrow at her. Then she backed into a cupboard and jumped. He realized with horror that she was scared of him. He swallowed and tried to be gentle with her. Silly female… He thought.
"If there aren't any more potatoes left in here, they're in the storage pantry. Down the hall... that way." He jerked his thumb behind him.
"Oh. Well, that makes sense." She blushed and looked away.
"Hey, no need to be embarrassed. This warren's pretty big and it takes awhile to…" His voice faded out when he saw her shoulders shake. Great gummis! Was she crying? Over potatoes? This couldn't be happening…
"I...I don't know if I can ever...get used to it here… I miss my old home...But it...it's gone…" She sniffled. Gruffi had to re-establish how old she was in his mind. She must be younger than she looks. Getting all emotional in front of someone that she barely knows. Great...this is just what I need… But he felt sorry for her, and felt his ears go back in sympathy. He stood up from his chair and approached her. She was standing over the water pot, which was starting to boil.
"Listen…" He made his voice soft. "This is place is...well, it's safe. And you can call it home, if you want… It's supposed to be a way-station for the moment, but there's plenty of room-"
"Really?" She spun around so fast that she knocked into his arm. It sent pain shivering down into his hand. He let out a yelp and backed away.
"Oh! I'm so sorry!" She nearly screamed. Gruffi was starting to get dizzy. He didn't know how much more he could handle of this girl. She was unpredictable and moody. It made his heart ache for Marri all the more. Then he bit back a curse, angry that he was thinking about her again. Stop it, dammit. You're being a fool.
"No, that's...just...I'm…" He fell into the chair, suddenly feeling like was going to be sick. He was starting to break out into a sweat.
"Here, I'll help you." She removed the pot from the stove and slowly placed it on the table. Then she opened the little box with Marri's herbs in it. He bit his lip when she pulled one of the pouches out.
"Ah, heal-all. Perfect." She smiled cheerfully. She dropped a couple of pinches in the water, then looked through the other bags.
"These look like Healer's pouches."
"Uh...yeah. They were Marri's." His voice choked on her name, and he hoped to the Ancients that she didn't notice. Her eyes went to his, and his stomach clenched. She knows.
"You really miss her, don't you?" Her voice sounded sad, but not in a meaningful way. It was on the surface. She didn't truly care if he missed her or not. He closed his eyes, not sure if he could take anymore.
"Can you...just...take this damn nail out? I've got work to do." His voice came out extra gruff, but he was tired of pretending. It was his own namesake, anyway. He was known for being a gruff old bastard. Might as well show her his true colors. As long as she didn't cry again. If she did that, then he was pulling the blasted thing out with his teeth and getting the hell out here. But instead of getting upset, she suddenly went cold. She dipped a piece of cloth in the water, splashing it around more than necessary. When she pulled out the nail, she yanked with such force that he bit his tongue. Then she wrapped the poultice of herbs around it, a little too tight. Dang...This girl's mood changes faster than a rolling cartwheel. She's trying to kill me.
"There. I'm done." Her tone was frosty. "You can get back to work now." She turned her back on him then, and swished her way out of the kitchen.
"Hey, look. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have-" He stood up, but she was already gone. His head whirled from standing up too fast. He stuck his head in the pot and hurled. Gee, Marri… He thought wearily. Thanks for the herbs. Really. I appreciate them. This is just my own personal way of thanking...oh, curse this damned stomach of mine…
Marri lay on her back in a nest of blankets, her mind lost in the stars. She watched their slow wheeling in the heavens, her thoughts turning with the same speed. Whenever she couldn't sleep, getting caught up in her own feelings, she just lay under the stars. The vastness of it all made her pains and pleasures seem insignificant, and it helped her sleep somehow. Tonight it was cold, and she burrowed deeper in the blankets. She wondered if she would be covered in frost in the morning. She would wake, shivering with frozen fairy dew on her eyelashes and hair. Then she would rise like some ancient snow queen… A soft voice interrupted her inner ramblings.
"Marri, darling…" A dark shape bent over her, barely visible in the pale moonlight.
"Hey, Starri…" She whispered.
"You will freeze out here, dear one. Come back to my wagon. I can make you some tea and Spici can lay between us…" Marri smiled at the thought. Back when she was younger, she used to sleep with the two of them like brother and sister. They were raised together, and she always felt at home with them. But ever since Spici made Starri his mate, it was a bit awkward to sleep with them anymore. Especially since her own wagon was close to theirs, and she listened in on their soft moans and whispers deep in the night when everyone else was asleep. Recently, it made her think of Gruffi (again!) but she didn't resist those thoughts at night. It was too tempting, and she was just too lonely not to take advantage of those fantasies. She remembered how warm he was in that pile of leaves, in the sunshine. The way he tasted like cinnamon. She shivered under the blankets.
"I'm fine. It's not that cold out here yet. I just want to watch the stars. They help me sleep, remember?" She sighed.
"Marri…" Starri knelt down next to her. When she put her arms around her slim body and shuddered, Marri drew up the corner of her thick woolen blanket. The heat escaped, but came back when Starri slipped underneath and pressed her body against her childhood friend.
"What is it?" Marri asked after awhile. She was already letting herself drown in the stars again.
"I need to speak to you about something important."
"Right now?" She murmured sleepily.
"Yes. Right now. It cannot wait." Starri sounded absolute. Not frightened, but serious. Marri turned her head toward her. Her violet eyes searched Starri's silver ones. They weren't glazed over yet, but her tone warned of it. She could go into a trance any moment now. Marri was tired. She wasn't in the mood to be "Seen". All she wanted was to think about Gruffi looking up at the same stars as her. As if reading her mind, Starri whispered:
"It's about Gruffi Gummi." She said his full name with dignity, like he was a Great Gummi. The name seemed to hover in the air above, full of weight, like it would drop down on them.
"What about him?" Marri's eyes narrowed. Was this bad? Was he in trouble? Her friend took a deep breath, gathering her thoughts.
"There are things I should have told you about him when we were still at the Glen. But I was not sure how to approach the subject with you. That bear of yours...he is…"
"He's not mine, Starri. Don't talk about him like we are mated. We-"
But Starri kept going like she hadn't said anything.
"He is full of very much promise. I feel Destiny on him." She stressed the word, and Marri knew it carried importance like Seeing did.
"His Leadership burns in him like the fire of a forge. His Energy is unstoppable." The Traits, Marri thought. Every gummi bear had them, and Starri could see them all at what she called "First Meeting." Marri herself had her own traits. Sympathy, Love, Healing, and Calm. Starri had seen her Love when they were children, and the rest came to her as she grew older.
"He also has a great deal of Strength. Yes…" She whispered. "Heart Strength, and there is the Gentleness. Not many Strong bears have both. Only if they have the Kindness as well-"
"Starri." Marri sat up. "Why are you telling me all this? I know, okay? I fell in love with his Traits. I could see them just as well as you can." She turned away, an angry tear running down her cheek.
"Why are you torturing me with this? I can't...have him…"
"You will." Starri said this firmly, not doubt in her mind. Marri turned toward her.
"What? What do you-"
"The Leadership has shifted, Marri. You are no longer obligated to us."
"Starri…" Her heart beat fast in her chest. Who…?
"Happi." She answered her inner question.
"He has come forward. I could feel his Strength and Leadership burning inside of him. He's been hiding it for a long time, but it's there. He will look after us, dear Marri. You do not have to dream anymore. You can go and be. You can do." She was sitting up now, smiling. Marri sobbed into her hands.
"Starri…No. I can't…"
"Why not, sweet one? What is this wall you are building? It is not very sturdy. And I think…" She trailed off, and Marri looked into her eyes.
"I think a strong bear with a talent for building sees this weakness in your wall. He can tear it down for you. You do not have to be afraid." She pulled Marri into her arms.
"But…" She heaved sobs into Starri's silver hair. "I've been hurt before. With Raffi. And…"
"Gruffi is not Raffi. His Spirit is much warmer, much stronger. I feel great things in him, and you…" She pulled away from her, looking at her firmly in the dark. "You are part of it, my friend. You are part of his Spirit now. I feel the two of you stretching across to each other, but you will not tear. He is waiting for you. You must go to him. You must start your new life."
"But...I can't believe...why didn't you tell me these things before?"
"It was not yet time. All things have their time, you know that. You had to be apart first before you could reach out to each other. You had to empty your hearts before you could fill them with love. Now it will be pure. Not you will know without doubt."
"Without doubt? Starri, I left him. How can he not doubt me?"
"You will come back to him. He is your mate, and you are his. I know it as well as I knew Spici was mine." She laughed softly. "And I knew that since I was Finally Four." Marri laughed with her.
"This is crazy. I can't just leave everyone."
"It is not for good. We will see each other again."
"Are you sure Happi wants-" Marri was cut off as her friend looked at her sternly.
"Marri, when have I ever been unsure about my Sight?"
"Well, not since you were very small."
"And that was many seasons ago. I am very sure about this. If you do not go to him…"
"Wait, what? Will something bad happen to him?"
"I feel something will. He needs you. Believe that. He does not need much, but he needs you."
"When should I-"
"Daybreak. You will declare Happi his Leadership with the sign and the pendant. Tomorrow at daybreak. And then you must leave. Your Gruffi is going to that wedding in Ursalia. You must go by Quick Car to catch up with him. The rest is up to you, dear one."
"Quick Car? I barely know how to use one of those. I mean, Razi showed me how to use the brake once, but how will I know where to go?"
"There is an entrance near here, and there are maps carved into the walls."
"Hey, since when did you learn so much about them? We've always traveled by caravan-" Starri was smiling.
"Spici has become a bit of a Quick Car enthusiast since we were at the Glen. Gruffi taught him quite a bit. Tomorrow, my Spici will show you where it is and how to get to Ursalia. It is north, up in the Scottish Isle. It is far, but will not be by Quick Tunnel. You should get there in half a day. That girl Gruffi spoke of, Sunni, her wedding is the day after tomorrow. You must hurry." She smiled at Marri again, looked at her intensely for a moment, then nodded.
"It is all in your hands now, Marri."
"You say it as if the very future depends on me. It's kind of creepy, Starri."
"The future depends on everyone. We all make choices. This world is like a Great Tapestry. Every person has their own weave. Humans and Gummis. We make it what it is. But if you tangle the threads, it is hard to unwind them." Marri frowned. There was no way she would be able to go to sleep now.
"Now I don't even know if I can wait until morning."
"Sleep, my friend." Starri ran a dark hand through her hair, and she lay down right away, yawning.
"But…"
"Sleep well and be refreshed with new purpose in the morning. I bless you with good luck and speed."
That same night, Gruffi felt strangely on edge. He hoped that flighty girl had cleaned his wound right, and he wasn't getting rabies or something. How did you even get that? Well, I'm not frothing at the mouth yet, but it could happen. He felt like he should be somewhere else besides the Glen. Calm down, you idiot. You're leaving for Ursalia tomorrow, and you need sleep.
But his heart was restless. He was suddenly drawn outside. He wasn't sure why, but he just needed to be out there. The forest trees towered above him, and he found himself climbing one. He went slowly, his mind in a dreamlike state. He didn't even feel the pain in his hand anymore. He just kept going up, until he was at the top. When he burst through the leaves, he was greeted with a brilliant display of stars. He took a sharp breath. He'd never seen them so clear and bright before. At least not since he was a cub. He could even see the white clusters that looked like clouds. He wasn't sure what that was, but it was beautiful. It was like a path through the heavens. Peace of mind suddenly washed over him. He smiled, and remembered how Starri was before she left. How she had given him positive energy. He felt like she was with him right now. He felt Marri too, and for once it didn't make him sad. He looked at the stars for a long time, until he started to shiver from the cold. He felt connected to Marri more than he had since she left, and his heart felt light. Maybe there was a chance for them after all. Nothing was set in stone.
When he came back to the home tree, he found himself wandering towards her old room. She had stripped it clean of all of her clothes and plants, but it still smelled like her. He stared at the footboard for awhile, with Sunni's bunnies. She was getting married. She wouldn't be sleeping in this bed ever again. It made him feel sad, but also triumphant. He had raised her the right way. The Gummi Way, he thought. She had a true heart, and was very kind. He knew she would love Buddi with all her heart, and be a good mother. He was about to leave the room, when he noticed something draped across the headboard. It was bright orange. How had he not noticed it before? When he got closer to it, his heart stood still. It was a long strip of silk. There was a pattern of stars on it. Marri… She wore scarves everywhere. Around her waist, in her hair. He teased her once about it.
"Isn't a scarf supposed to go around your neck?"
"It can go wherever you want it to go, silly bear."
"Wherever I want it, hmm?"
"Yes."
She'd thought he was going to say something flirty, but he'd used his hands instead. He'd slowly unraveled it from her waist, keeping his eyes on her. He remembered how the warm silk had felt on his hands, and how she moved with him, helping him pull away layer after layer. Then he'd blushed. There was no way it would have fit around her neck.
"See?" She smiled.
"Well," He'd grunted. "Maybe if it wasn't so damn long you could…" Then she'd bent over and kissed him softly, and he ended up winding all that silk up in her hair.
He smiled to himself, remembering it. Pulling the scarf down from the headboard, he knew it was the same exact one. It was a fiery orange, with yellow stars. He lifted it up to his nose. It smelled like her. It smelled like both of them. Fresh berries and cinnamon. Marri...I wonder where you are right now. South Gumpton? Or up in the stars somewhere. I know I felt you up there. Did you feel me too? He shook his head. He'd never felt so much in his whole life, and it was starting to get overwhelming.
When he reached his bedroom, he still had the scarf wrapped around his hands. It flowed through his fingers like water. He remembered the silk robe that he had worn in old Xiang-Wu. He'd always wondered how silk was made. He climbed into bed, clutching the fabric close to him. Alone in the dark, he wrapped it around his throbbing hand, then buried his nose in it. It almost felt like she was there...
