New School, New Life, New Feelings

Chapter 12: I'm Not Ready to Give You Up

Disclaimer: See the chapters before this.

I woke in a hospital bed. What was I making a habit out of this now? I sighed and watched the I.V. Drip into my arm. I shut my eyes again willing away the fresh wave of dizziness. The doctors had told me I was severely malnourished and that I could've died. They forced me to eat. Even if it was nasty hospital food. I was a good boy and didn't throw it back up. People came to visit me. My friends brought me my work also and brought it back for me. So I was keeping up with school and my teachers were pleased. It looked like I was making everyone happy again. I could get used to this whole living a lie thing.

Al sat next to my bed rarely leaving when he visited. We talked about everything. He smiled and told me all the gossip over the past two days I was gone.

" Oh, and Roy came to visit with someone the other night. Uh oh, I'm sorry," He covered.

" What," My eyes grew wide.

" Roy came to visit and he had his new... friend with him," Al sighed.

" Who was this knew friend," I tried to feign indifference.

" Some boy from our school. I don't remember his name," Al looked at me.

Damn. It felt lie someone was choking me. I sighed and tried to breath.

" Oh well I am happy for him. I'm glad he found someone who could make him happy," I smiled.

Someone who could be everything I couldn't Someone who deserved him. I was going to die now. My heart was tearing into a million more fragments. Al watched me carefully and decided after a moment that I was okay. I continued the conversation.

They were releasing me today so I could finally go home. That's why Al was here during school hours. The ride home was quiet. I was not looking forward to questions and worried looks. Dad helped me up to my room and tucked me in like I was five again. I fell asleep.

It was five when I woke up. I heard voices and decided to go downstairs. Big mistake. There stood Roy talking to Winry. They laughed and smile. He looked so happy and carefree. I watched as the breeze from the open window made his hair flutter. My chest tightened. I was going to sneak back upstairs when I saw him. The boy came up behind Roy and put his arms around him. He kissed the back of Roy's neck and I felt like I was drowning again. The tears welled up in my eyes and just when I turned around...

" Oh, Ed, It's time for you to eat. Come on down," Auntie Pinako said.

I froze. Shit, well it was to late to turn around now. I walked down the stairs with a blank expression on my face. I sat at the table with my food. Instead of eating I pushed it around.

" Ed, You need to eat. If you don't you'll die," Winry sighed sadly.

" I don't care," I mumbled.

" What," her eyes went wide.

" I don't care," I shouted standing up.

" Maybe I should go," Roy announced.

" No I'm going," I shouted again.

With that I ran. I ran out the door into the cold. My feet were bare and I was cold but I kept going. I couldn't stop not until I couldn't be found.

" Ed," They called after me.

I didn't answer. I didn't turn. I just ran until I couldn't keep going. Then I sat on the ground behind a big tree. I was in the park and it was beautiful. I lay down at the base of the tree and let the moonlight fall on me. My skin was unnaturally pale. I could pass for a vampire.

" Ed," Voices called running past where I was.

I didn't answer again. I sighed and let the cold take me. It was a while before I felt warm arms pick me up and hold me.

" Come on. Let's get you home," A voice sighed.

I smelled the smoke on Havoc's coat as he carried me and assured a worried Riza that I was okay. She patted my forehead and held my hand. I was crying. I didn't realize it until she wiped away a tear and smiled. I sobbed then. They wracked my body as Havoc held me tighter. I had no control and it was like I was a child. My emotions ran wild and I couldn't stop crying.

Once we were at my house dad took me. He put me on the couch and covered me with thick blankets. I had stopped crying and just sniffled now. It felt like my eyes had dried up. Winry took my temperature and Riza made me tea. Auntie Pinako spoke to the doctor on the phone. Al held my hand and dad patted my hair. Havoc took off his coat and placed it over the blankets.

" How could you, Roy?" Riza turned on him.

" What?" He asked.

" How could you do this to him. Then bring your new toy over and flaunt him. He is fragile and you hurt him again. Maybe you were right," Riza shouted.

Roy looked down and opened his mouth.

" Stop," My voice was weak.

Everyone looked at me in shock.

" He has a right to move on. He has a right to be happy and to live for something. I was selfish and stupid. He was right in one thing. He's better off without me. I am broken and no one can fix me," I croaked.

They stared at me as I rolled over to face the back of the couch.

" Go," Riza said.

" Fine," Roy answered.

I heard the door open and two sets of feet leave. Then it shut. I sighed nad decided I wanted to be alone.

" Thanks Havoc, Riza," I hugged them.

I also hugged dad, Al, Winry, and Auntie Pinako. I made my way upstairs and against my better judgement I peaked out my curtain. I was shocked by what I saw. Roy and his new boyfriend were making out. Roy was topless and I knew where things were going. I shut the curtain and tried to stop my heart from shattering any further. I went to my bed and stared at it. The memory of me and Roy came back. My heart raced and my breathing quickened. It felt like I couldn't breath. I couldn't cry either. That hurt worse than anything. I took in a few deep breaths and sat on the bed.

I fell asleep into dreams of me and Roy. We were together and happy. He was everything I needed. I sighed and stared at him but soon enough the picture in my mind faded and I was alone. Alone in my own head. I woke up and sighed again. Gently I put my feet on the floor. I peaked out of my curtain and saw Roy. He was sitting in his bed. His head was in his hands and his shoulders shook. I looked at him for a long time and realized he was crying. He looked up as if on cue and saw me. His eyes met mine for the first time in a long time and I saw everything. The hurt, the betrayal, the agony, the broken human being within. He looked down and then stood up. He beckoned me with one finger and I took it to mean to meet him. Was I ready for this?

I slipped on my shoes and silently walked through the hall to get outside. It was cold when I opened the door and he stood there. I opened my mouth to speak but found no words. Roy looked at me and an awkward silence settled over us. He moved then. His hand cupped my cheek again and he moved closer.

My body reacted. I wanted this. I wanted it so bad but I couldn't. I pushed him away.

" Don't," I muttered.

He looked at me and sighed. I could see the hope in his eyes dwindle quickly. Just as quickly as it had come.

" I won't be your toy. I won't be someone you can throw away and hurt again. What about your new boyfriend?" I asked forcefully.

" It's over between us. He was just someone who I took up on an offer. I am sorry, Ed. Whether you believe me or not," He said.

" I'm sorry can't fix everything, Roy," I growled.

" I watched you suffer and I thought what I was doing was good for you. I thought to get with this guy would help you move on," He confessed.

" So you let him use you," I yelled.

" What do you mean?" He looked down.

" You slept with him," I looked him in his eyes.

" It was part of the offer," He sighed.

" That's great Roy. You ruined yourself to try to make up for your own mistake. I can't believe you. Why did you even come here?" I glare at him.

" Because I'm not ready to give up on you yet," He looked at me.

My eyes went wide with shock.

" I'm not ready to give up on you," He repeated.