Disclaimer: I own nothing. All characters belong to Stephanie Meyer.
Chapter 12-His Return
I needed to get out of this slump before it claimed me again. The last thing I wanted was to be a member of the walking dead for the second time around. I had to come to grips with the fact that Jacob may not ever come back. Peering out of my bedroom window, looking up at the overcast sky, a shiver ran up my spine. Like I was being watched by something unseeable to my eyes. Occasionally I do feel like eyes are on me, but I blow it off as my overactive imagination. Trying to force myself to feel better, I decided to go and pamper myself a little bit. I drew myself a steaming, hot bath, put a little of my favorite vanilla scented bath oil in. Tieing my hair into a loose knot on the top of my head, I noticed the purple places on my neck were fading, where Jacob had marked me as his own.
Slipping my body down into the hot water, instantly relaxed me. The sweet vanilla scent had a calming effect. I decided that I would take a little trip today, maybe to Seattle or Port Angeles, not quite sure which one. I didn't have any friends to go with anymore since I have excluded them from my life for the past several months. I need a good read anyway. I will stop in that little book store, in Port Angeles to see what I can find. Welcoming any kind of disraction, that could occupy my mind, keeping it away from the dangerous corners. I got out after a long soak, dried off and headed to my room.
I pulled on my favorite pair of jeans and a dark blue v-neck blouse. Brushed the knots out of my hair and neatly put it up into a high ponytail, only letting half of it's length hang down. I went over to my jewelry box, opened it up and noticed a pair of earrings that I haven't seen in almost two years now. They were a beautiful pair of sapphires and diamond teardrop earrings. My mom gave them to me on my 15th birthday. I use to wear them all of the time, but haven't seen any use in wearing them lately. My phone was ringing so I hurried to answer it hoping it would be Jacob. "Hello" I was completely out of breath, panting hard." Bella, this is Billy, how are you doing?" I was stumped and didn't know what to say. "Oh, hi Billy, I'm fine, is everything okay?" "Well Jake wanted me to let you know..........." I heard nothing on the other end but silence.
"Billy are you still there?" I heard his strained breathing on the other end. "Bella, they're back!" I sat there stumped, dumbfounded. "Who?..........." and then it hit me like a ton of bricks, I figured out who Billy was referring to. "Are you sure Billy? Is Jake okay?" Waiting for a reply was torture, it seemed like Billy was holding something back from me. "Bella, I am not at liberty to tell you, but I will tell you that I don't know exactly how Jacob is doing, or when he will return. I do have a message for you though, Jake says he misses you, and he will see you soon." My chest felt heavy and burdened with hurt. "But he left me, just like......" I did not finish because the pain was too much, my tears fell silently. I couldn't let Billy know what I was feeling. "Bella, he does love you, and I am sure he will explain everything when he gets back. So just hang on a little longer, okay?"
"Billy, could you tell Jacob that he is no different than him, the way he left me all alone, when I needed him most. Tell him not to bother with me, it's a waste of his time. I am no good for him." Actually I am no good for anyone, a complete waste of air. I am using up oxygen that other people with a life could have. I don't deserve to live. I have no reason to live, I was kidding myself when I thought I could have a chance to make Jake happy. I cannot even make myself happy, let alone someone else. All of these thoughts were screaming in my head, while Billy was saying my name countless times, like he was trying to wake me out of a dead sleep. Gripping the phone so tight that it made my hand hurt, tears falling like rain, "Tell Jacob that he was my sun after the roughest storm, even if it was just for a brief time. But he still gave me a happiness that I haven't felt in a long time. And Billy, tell Jacob not to miss me, and I'm sorry."
After saying all I needed to say I hung up the phone, immediately when I put it back down on the receiver, it rang again, but I did not answer, knowing it was Billy, probably thoroughly worried. But he had every right, because I was even worrying myself with these thoughts. I couldn't stand the thought of even running into him by accident knowing the pain would be unbearable. And to top it off, at the very moment I thought I would be happy again, it was all stripped from me, from another person that said he would never leave me. I have learnt one thing from all of this, that is men cannot be trusted, they get what they want, then they leave you all alone and afraid, to defend yourself in this cruel world.
I WILL NEVER LOVE AGAIN, AS LONG AS I LIVE. I was pretty convinced of this because ending my life seemed like the only solution, the best solution.. Nobody could hurt me again, hell I couldn't even hurt myself anymore. No more clumsy Bella. The atual thought of him returning and why had they returned. So maybe I wasn't hallucinating when I thought I seen his car the other day. I would not leave here without telling Charlie goodbye. He deserves at least that. I would just tell him that I needed to get away, but I would never come back. Maybe I will pay a visit to the Volturi and see if they can help me out, be one of their victims. I doubted very seriously that I could do away with myself. I am to much of a coward for that. I had my mind made up, I would schedule a flight and leave out of here as soon as possible. Hopefully they will have a flight leaving today, before anyone can stop me, or at least try.
I went to grab my keys, and the stash of money that I had put away for college. I am sure it will take every bit of this to fly to Italy. Rummaging in my top drawer of my dresser, totally engrossed in finding my money, "where is it, I know I put it in here." Then I heard his velvet voice coming from behind me in close proximity. I couldn't make myself turn around in case it was my mind playing tricks on me, which was probably the case. But yet I haven't considered the fact that Alice probably tuned into me and seen all of the thoughts in my head play out. I was gripping the side of my dresser with my eyes closed, trying not to faint. My attempt was useless, my head swam, as my vision and hearing left me. I can usually feel myself hit the floor with a loud thud, but this time the only thing I felt is two freezing cold arms hold me very close, and I could briefly smell his sweet scent then the darkness completely took me over.
To my readers, I am sorry I haven't posted in a while. I have been in the process of moving. You all know how much of a headache that is. My chapters might be spaced out for a while, but please hang in there. Please review!!!
