Chapter Twelve – Despair

Elladan was very quiet during their ride. As the sky became steadily darker, so did his thoughts. At first they started happily, remembering the times he had spent with his brother, in times of peace in Imladris. But soon he started remembering just what had happened to his home, and what had happened to Elrohir. Every time he shut his eyes, his mind relived those images of his brother's final moments, his home burning, as though they were burnt to the insides of his eyelids. He choked back more tears as he thought of the fact that he was never going to see his father, or his twin brother, ever again. He had always done things with Elrohir, but now he was gone, leaving Elladan behind. And Elladan had never felt more alone in his life.

"Are you ok?" asked Glorfindel, who was riding with Elladan. The wounds he had sustained were not poisoned, and despite nearly being gutted, he was healing remarkably fast. As soon as these words had left his mouth, he regretted them instantly.

Elladan didn't seem to hear him.

"Elladan, what's wrong?"

Elladan started. "How did you know something was wrong?"

Glorfindel smiled. "Well, a number of reasons. We've just witnessed our home burn to the ground, your brother and father have both died, it was a fair guess. But I suppose the biggest clue was that you've continued riding, despite the fact that the rest of them stopped to set up camp five minutes ago back there and you failed to notice."

"Oh," said Elladan apologetically. "Sorry..."

"It's all right. Just... Can we go back to them now?"

"Yes, of course. Sorry."

When they arrived back at the camp, they found that everyone was eating quietly. Nobody was saying much, horrified by what they had seen at Rivendell, and the arrival of the only remaining royalty and the injured captain didn't magically spark the camp out of its reverie. They noticed that Legolas – or Saladrion – had set aside two plates for them. Glorfindel happily set about eating the only substantial meal he was likely to get for several days, but Elladan just sat with the plate on his lap.

"Eat," said Legolas. "It'll make you feel better."

Elladan glanced disdainfully at the green eyes that were looking encouragingly at him from under the blue hood. "I highly doubt that food is going to do that."

"I promise you, it will. Now eat."

Elladan didn't reply, but put the plate back onto the floor and got up and walked away. Several soldiers cast him dubious looks as he walked away but he didn't care. Legolas sighed and got up to follow him.

"Can I finish that?" asked Glorfindel before Legolas left, pointing to the half-eaten plate of food that he had left behind.

Legolas glanced at the now-empty plate that lay next to Glorfindel with astonishment, before shaking his head with disbelief and walked away.

"Wait, is that a yes?" Glorfindel called, but to no response. So Glorfindel shrugged and picked up the plate. "Oh well."

Legolas completely ignored Glorfindel. He was more focused on catching up with the disgraced prince. Rather like me, he thought.

"Elladan!" he broke into a run, before catching his mark's arm. "Elladan, I'm so sorry for what has happened to your home, to your family. I can't imagine what you're going through."

"No, you can't!" snapped Elladan, wrenching his arm free. "You can't, because you don't feel it yourself. You just put others through it!"

"I- I'm sorry?" stuttered Legolas.

"You don't know what it feels like to be totally alone in the world, having lost everything!"

"Excuse me?"

"You let your best friend think you were dead! You don't know what you put him through, and yet you see the hurt in his eyes. And your father... he was devastated by your death, and yet you'll let him go through that. Honestly, I sometimes wonder whether you like putting people through despair-"

"Like it?" yelled Legolas. "Like it?"

Elladan sensed that he had crossed a line.

"Would you like it?" stormed Legolas, and for the first time in his life, Elladan saw Thranduil's legendary ire reflected in his son. "I wish I didn't have to put Aragorn through this, but I have to. I wish I could reveal to the world that I was alive, but I can't, because then everyone who knows will be in danger. I didn't wish to put you or Glorfindel in danger, but I did. And I regret it. I'm totally alone, wherever I go, and I'm met with distrust wherever I go, even by people who I considered best friends. You may not have realised, but this mask doesn't exactly scream 'trustworthy' to people. I just... I just wish..." Legolas seemed to deflate, and the anger slipped from him.

"Are you all right?" asked Elladan.

Tears sprang into Legolas' eyes. "I just wish things could go back to the way that they were. Back to before I was captured, before Frodo and Sam died, before Lothlórien and Rivendell were destroyed, and before Saladrion existed. I wish that none of this had happened."

Elladan moved to comfort Legolas, but before he could do so, Glorfindel appeared.

"Are you two both ok?" he asked. "Only... you weren't exactly being discreet."

"Oh no," Legolas felt worried that he might have blown his cover. "How much did you hear?"

"Only from 'I'm totally alone.' And don't worry, nobody was listening particularly hard."

Elladan glanced pityingly at Legolas, before walking back to the camp. Glorfindel watched him, and moved to follow him, only stopping when he realised that Legolas wasn't planning to do the same.

"Are you coming?" he asked.

"Yes, just give me a minute alone, I'll come soon."

Glorfindel nodded understandingly. "Alright then."

He left Legolas alone, hurrying after Elladan to explain that somebody, no idea who, had stolen his plate and that plate was now completely empty. Legolas thought about what Elladan had said to him. He's right, he thought. I'm putting people through so much. Everywhere I go, Sauron follows, leaving a trail of destruction in his wake. I'm responsible for the deaths of so many friends. I'm the selfish one, not Aragorn. This is all my fault.

His thoughts went on like this, eventually coming back to one single thought.

Life isn't like this.


Four days later...

The army that had left from Rohan finally came upon Mirkwood. Nobody was particularly happy by the sight of it, and everyone was scared of the dark mountain of Dol Guldur that loomed over the forest. Aragorn glanced dubiously at the mountain, noticing at the top the black fortress that cast a shadow across the mountain.

Saladrion, however, was the only person who was not dismayed by the sight that Dol Guldur loomed ominously over them, and led them by paths that none of the others had seen before, steering them clear of the mountain.

"How did you know this was here?" asked Théoden to Saladrion.

"Oh, I was sent many times to King Thranduil's realm to relay messages between my Lady and the Prince." There was a hint of amusement in his voice that nobody missed, but only Elladan, Glorfindel and Pippin understood, knowing the blatant lie.

The journey passed uneventfully, and it was not long before they arrived at the main settlement. Large walls shielded the homes of many elves, and the visitors were met by a line of arrows pointing at them from above.

"Who are you and what do you want?" came a voice from above.

Elladan looked up and recognised Dallan, who was previously a door warden for Thranduil. "Peace, Dallan," he called. "We come bearing urgent tidings, counsel and aid."

"Oh, Elladan," Dallan said, the surprise on his face more blatant than if it were carved into stone. "I didn't see you. Since when did you travel with men?"

"Since when did you put up walls around the city?"

"Since the death of the prince. You were there when we made the plans."

"No, I wasn't. I'd left by then. Didn't you notice?"

In answer to that, another voice, female this time, clearly audible from the top of the wall, said: "Elladan's left?"

Elladan looked surprised, but Dallan looked exasperated, and excused himself apologetically. Elladan turned around to face the others. Gandalf and Glorfindel, who had his own horse now, looked very amused and struggled to keep their faces straight. This was more than could be said for Legolas and Aragorn, who looked at Elladan for a split second before simultaneously bursting into laughter.

"It's really not that funny," said Elladan crossly, bemused by his friends' reactions.

Glorfindel tilted his head to either side, as though weighing up two sides of an argument in his head, before saying: "Yes it is," which triggered the whole army to start laughing.

Elladan tutted. "Grow up, all of you," he snapped, before turning back to Dallan and his twin sister, Anna, both of whom looked as confused by the entire army struggling to stay upright on their horses as they laughed.

"What in the name of the Valar are they all laughing at?" asked Anna, shaking her head at the sight.

"No idea," said Elladan, glancing furtively at the army, which showed no sign of calming down.

"Right, well," Dallan recovered himself a bit. "I trust you, and this... err... eccentric army, so would you like to come in?"

"Please."

There were steps built on the inside of the wall, but Dallan and Anna ignored them, jumping down the ten-foot drop from the top of the wall to the floor with apparent ease. With less ease, the pair drew back to heavy bolts, the noise of which startled the army into silence. The vast gates swung inwards, revealing a huge city. There were houses built in trees as well as on the ground, mostly out of wood, and a stream ran through the middle of the city. The ground was lush green grass, dotted with flowers of many colours, and the stream stemmed from a waterfall down the side of a cliff directly opposite the city's gates. Upon the side of this cliff were two doors which were guarded by soldiers in sparkling armour, and a winding road was set into the cliff up to them. But however beautiful the city of Mirkwood was superficially, the place seemed depressing. Very few civilians were on the streets, and those who were wore black clothes and gloomy expressions. The place was mostly silent but for the wind and the stream. As Dallan and Anna led them up the path towards the doors, Gimli looked around the place.

"Why is everyone so sad?" he asked.

Dallan remained silent, but Anna asked Elladan in the Common Tongue: "Enlighten me. Why are we allowing a dwarf into our home? Why do we trust him?"

Aragorn realised the instant Anna was using the Common Tongue that she was trying to provoke a fight with Gimli, so as to have an excuse to attack him. Clearly she had prejudices that she would rather not lay aside. "Anna," he said. "Legolas travelled with Gimli for many months and trusted him with his life. Gimli also won the favour of the Lady Galadriel and the Lord Celeborn."

"Really?" said Anna incredulously. "I find that hard to believe."

"Well it's true," grumbled Gimli. "So I will reiterate: Why is everyone so sad?"

"They are in mourning," answered Dallan. "They mourn the death of the Prince."

"Oh," said Gimli, and at once he became gloomy. "Was Legolas popular?"

"It's Prince Legolas to you, dwarf!" snapped Anna. She had not been swayed by Aragorn's argument.

"Anna, calm down," Dallan said to his sister in Sindarin. "And yes, the Prince was very popular. He was kind and where the King was angry, the Prince was patient. He had an extraordinary talent for calming the King down, something which he failed to pass on to anyone. He held a large amount of influence over the King, which he used for the good of all his subjects. He was wise, and tried many times to heal the rift which had grown between us and your people. Unfortunately, diplomacy can only get you so far when your King isn't willing to support the idea, and that idea failed. He was a formidable warrior, and a great captain. He was fair, and on the rare occasion that he was wrong, he would say that he was, unlike his father, who would repeatedly try to shift the blame, usually onto the Prince himself. He loved everything about the land – the trees, the grass, the water, everything, and he would always listen to his subjects, no matter what they had to say. He would have made a great ruler."

Legolas was amused by this description of himself, and struggled to keep himself from laughing again. This was helped by Glorfindel elbowing him hard in the ribs. However, a few minutes later they arrived at the palace and his amusement vanished as he dismounted. His limbs felt stiff and sore, which was unusual. He usually never felt stiff after riding, but he ignored it in the hope that it would go away. The guards opened the doors, allowing the travellers into the palace.

As they walked in, they marvelled at the grandeur of the place. Polished wooden panels lined the walls, and a huge rose window with the crest of Mirkwood in the centre allowed a large amount of light into the hall, which they realised that it had been hidden from view by the waterfall. Trees that grew inside the palace supported wooden balconies on either side of the hall, and each of these were lined with guards. But all eyes were on the throne.

King Thranduil sat on a great throne, carved ornately and set with hundreds of jewels that sparkled green and white, set on a marble pedestal. Once the Elvenking would have looked as grand as the throne he sat on, but not anymore. Slumped across the chair, he was still dressed in the clothes that he had worn on the day he had found out about Legolas' death, and his frail hands clutched at his son's knives, the only memento he had left of his only heir. He looked exhausted, as though he hadn't slept in days, although weeks would probably have been more accurate, and his eyes were red from crying.

To his left stood a beautiful elven lady, dressed wholly in black. Her hair looked like spun gold, yet when the light hit it, it was tinted red. As Galadriel was to the morning and Arwen was to the evening, she was Areya to the afternoon, and had been Legolas' fiancée. It was therefore unsurprising that she looked as distraught as the king, and only a shadow of her former beauty.

As a small representative of Rohan's army entered, the king looked up at them, and Dallan bowed respectfully to his ruler.

"Well," Dallan said. "Welcome to Mirkwood."