Author's note: Thank you to all the reviewers! I truly appreciate it- it makes me feel like I'm writing for more than just my own dry amusement. I decided to cut this chapter in two because I could...kidding but in all honesty I got tired editing and decided to edit the other part another time when life isn't so bloody hectic.

I swear the other day I told my friends that I'm just so tired of being tired right about now. That being said hope you enjoy, it's sorta but not really an interim chapter for the next chapter. Mistakes are ALL mine, I was really tired.

For Brenda293 who is truly a sweet person.

Disclaimer: Wild by Troye Sivan on repeat can do all sorts of crazy things to a person, thus the final completion of this chapter.

IIII

Never knew loving could hurt this good...

"Did you at least kill the vampire while you sunk me further into bankruptcy?" Integra asked dryly, her admonishing tone lacking some of its usual bite. Not surprising since her eyes were red rimmed and her nose stuffy. Even from her castle Sir Integra could not avoid the seasonal cold.

Alucard made a show of crossing his arms over his chest. "I find myself insulted, when have I not killed the target?" he asked smugly.

Integra glared at him. "Is that a rhetorical question or are you just being annoying?" she asked him flatly.

"His name was Ivon and it was one time!" Alucard exclaimed in his defence. "That vampire was from a golden age... a relic of the past!"

"He was creepy and fed on infants," Integra snarled.

"To be fair he didn't kill them," Alucard reminded her.

Integra rolled her watery eyes as she made for a tissue. "Tell that to the frightened mothers," she said her voice muffled by the tissue.

Alucard frowned. "You really are sick..." he mused bewildered.

His master tried to shoot him a withering glare, but with a tissue held up to her nose and eyes watery it lacked its usual erotic chill.

"Your knack for pointing out the obvious never ceases to amaze me," she said coldly.

"I thought this was a cry for attention but even you can't fake those puffy red rimmed eyes."

"And why would I be crying out for attention?"

"Well," Alucard began with a smug grin.

"That was a rhetorical question," Integra quickly added but it was too late.

"I have been somewhat distracted these couple of days." Breaking George was literally taking up all his free time, that and having to remind the Police Girl not spill the beans on a constant basis.

"So this soothing atmosphere I'd been experiencing was due to your absence in my life?' Integra asked with mock shock, before smirking and adding, "That was definitely not rhetorical."

"Duly noted," the vampire deadpanned, but was far from discouraged. "I know various thoughts must have crossed your mind as to why I was keeping myself scarce... no doubt you were worried about the extra padding in your suit."

"What extra padding?"

The vampire looked confused. "Wait, what are you were underneath?" he asked.

"Not that it's any of your business I'm wearing my underwear and bra," she replied tightly.

Alucard gaped. "So the extra weight is really just... you?!" he exclaimed eyes wide.

Integra's nostrils flared and a saner man would have noticed the danger and fled, but by now it was pretty obvious that Alucard's sanity was another relic of the past.

"So is that what happened to Walter," he mused aloud. "I haven't seen him, had no idea you'd eaten the poor chap... though I'm only upset you didn't invite me to your feast."

"I did not eat, Walter!" Integra snapped. "And I am not fat!"

"Integra if those suspenders weren't elastic they'd be in pieces," Alucard stated flatly. "But weight gain should be embraced - I for one appreciate a woman with curves," he added with a lecherous grin.

"Get out."

"You honestly need to learn to take a compliment."

"Leave."

"It was an honest mistake how was I to know that in my absence you were gorging yourself with food?!"

"Right now!"

"That sounds vaguely like a song I've heard the Police Girl listening too..."

Integra decided at that point to simply ignore him. Eventually he would get bored and leave. Or not. "What in God's name do you think you are doing?" she asked bewildered as she watched the vampire casually remove his jacket before beginning the slow process of unbuttoning his shirt.

He smirked as he slid off the shirt. The fact that Alucard's toned lithe body was impressive was definitely not the reason why she felt suddenly hot. She had flu, her body was feverish obviously.

"I love how not once you asked me to stop, almost as if secretly enjoying the show..." he taunted.

Integra doesn't know how he managed it, but he seemed to glide towards her as he walked up to her desk. No doubt a vampire thing.

"I've learnt that nothing cures a flu faster than a bit of heat," he said huskily as he stood before her. "Who am I kidding you're probably getting 3rd degree burns as we speak."

"Or antibiotics," Integra deadpanned.

The vampire king rolled his eyes just as Walter's customary knock sounded on the closed door.

"Come in, Walter," the young knight called, shifting her reports to the side to make room for her tea.

When Walter walked in, Alucard could tell by the grim look on the butler's face that he brought with him unsavoury news. Call it a seventh sense – he has a sixth sense... he is dead after all – or just him being his usually overly perceptive self. But Alucard saw a cloud of doom and if the aged retainer was at all shocked by discovering Alucard half naked in his master's office he gave away nothing.

Walter was professional like that.

"What is wrong, Walter?" Integra asked sensing the same cloud of doom.

The Angel of Death cast an accusatory glance at the No Life King. How someone can manage a hobble and righteous indignation in one go was a complete mystery to Alucard. Walter made a show of clearing his throat before serving the tea then proceeded to hand over the newspaper that had been tucked under his arm.

"Whatever it is, I probably did it but for good reasons," Alucard hastily said because Integra's eyes were narrowing and her lips were thinning rapidly. She ever had that expression when she was reading news about him accidently killing bystanders or blowing up things.

After a long tense silence whereby Walter sniffed, Integra continued to read and Alucard tried to look contrite but still gorgeous and innocent, Integra eventually placed the paper down. She took ten deep breathes before rising to her feet, placing her palms on her desk and glared at him. "Explain!" she all but roared.

"I have the right to remain silent," Alucard automatically quipped. He had long since learned not to directly answer to a wrong he might or might not have committed until Integra showed her cards.

Integra flung the newspaper at him which he gracefully plucked from the air before it could reach its intended destination – his face. Dragging his eyes away from the beautiful fury that was Integra he turned to the front page article.

"I know you have something to do with this!" Integra accused.

Alucard would've rolled his eyes but it had taken him the better part of the morning to get his hair to look just the way he preferred it and he didn't want it ruined because Integra became trigger happy and shot him in the face.

Scanning the article he inwardly snickered. There had been no need to bribe the "eye-witness" Shelly into divulging to the police that earlier that day she'd seen a young busty blonde with George Archfield before his sudden disappearance. But Shelly was only doing prostitution part time until she got an agent and became the next Madonna. Alucard was nothing if not sympathetic to the plight of ambitious young people.

"Why is this even relevant to me?" he asked after a time in his most deadpan voice. "I don't even know this man..."

"That is a lie!" Integra snapped. "I've brought him around here before, just the other day!"

Alucard yawned. "You will need to be more specific than that... like was it sunny or partly cloudy?"

Integra nearly lost it then. Her face looked like it was ready to explode, but rather than answer him she turned to Walter. "Walter will you please excuse us for a moment?" she asked calmly a far contrast to the tone used against Alucard.

When Walter had thrown enough gleeful and self righteous looks at Alucard he eventually hobbled out the room, leaving them alone.

"Alucard, did you have anything to do with Sir George's disappearance?" Integra asked in a strained voice.

Alucard struck a thoughtful pose, crossing one long leg over the other. "I find myself offended that you would think I would stoop to such unworthy conduct," he said coolly.

"You've done it before."

"So what?" Alucard asked with arched eyebrows. "Just because a man is a serial killer does that mean he is likely to kill again?"

"Yes!"

"I'm not a serial killer Integra..."

"But you are a serial kidnapper driven by his demented mind and jealousy!" she accused hotly.

Alucard decided he had enough sitting down, as he stood to his full height. "I think you need some rest... you are beginning to sound like a crazy person," he said flatly.

Integra's eyes literally glowed then. "You are the crazy person!" she hurled back. "And when I find out that you are involved in this, there will be hell to pay!"

"What type of hell are we talking about?" he asked thoughtfully. "Let's say hypothetically I was involved... on a scale from one to ten how mad would you be with ten being fuming mad?"

"I would expose you to new tortures that even your evil mind hasn't imagined," Integra hissed leaning over her desk.

Alucard audible gulped. "Stop, before you get yourself kissed," he warned because Integra was pushing buttons she knew got him all worked up.

"And just when you think it couldn't possibly get worse... it will!"

It was all too much, the threats, those glaring blue eyes and chapped lips. He was bound to fail. Before Integra could hurl her next threat he had literally pulled her from the other side of the table before pressing her against the very same table and capturing her lips in a hot searing kiss.

Integra clawed at his hair, biting his lower lip eliciting a moan. Alucard was in heaven.

"This doesn't change the fact that I'm going to lose it when I find out," Integra managed breaking free to catch her breath.

Alucard gripped her thighs all but bruising the flesh beneath the material. "Stop talking dirty and let me kiss you," he hissed before capturing her lips once more.

Feedback as always is much appreciated though definitely not a prerequisite for the next update.