Author's Note: As always thank you so much for all of your kind words! Some of you were also asking if this story would have a happy ending. To this I honestly say I don't know. I'm kind of just thinking it up as I go. I have no idea about how long it's gonna be or anything. What I do know is that I just LOVE angst. ;) So yeah, the story's gonna continue to have some heavy moments but I'm not against happy moments or endings at all. I'll just have to see how things progress and decide how things end once I get there. Read and Enjoy!
Rachel had no idea how long fifteen minutes could feel. That's how long it takes for her to slip out of Beth's room. Not wanting to seem strange about it she had stuck around, pretending to care about Brittany being able to put both of her legs behind her head and Beth confessing to having a huge crush on Mr. Schue. Finally, under the guise of needing some water she hastily slips out of the room.
"Hurry up Rach, it'll be your turn again soon!" Beth calls after her.
"Ok!" Taking a deep breath, Rachel takes the stairs two by two as she tries to figure out what she will say to Quinn. She wants to apologize but…what if Quinn doesn't even care? Sure they had "slept" together last night but they hadn't gotten around to talking about what it meant for them. What if Quinn's having second thoughts? What if the blonde is secretly relieved at seeing her and Santana kiss because then she would be off the hook? Rachel stops short of the kitchen, gnawing on her lip as her brow creases with worry. Maybe she shouldn't say anything at all.
Stepping into the kitchen she is silent. Quinn is at the sink, her back to Rachel as she washes dishes. Rachel studies the older woman appreciatively. Her cable knit sweater has ridden up, exposing a small patch of skin at her lower back. Rachel remembers how soft Quinn's skin felt beneath her fingertips and all she wants to do is touch her again. Taking a tentative step forward, Rachel falters again from announcing her presence. What if? What if? What if? She can't stop doubts from plaguing her.
Quinn looks up from her dishwashing and her eyes catch Rachel's in the reflection of the window above the sink. Embarrassed Rachel can't bring herself to move. The blonde doesn't move either or stop what she's doing. The only indication she's seen the younger girl at all is a slight raise of an eyebrow. Rachel can't help but admire that. Quinn is just so cool, so collected most of the time. It's like she has everything figured out. Well…almost everything. The only time she's ever seen that exterior falter is when she's with her. It's something Rachel has come to hold close in the past few days, this special layer of vulnerability that the blonde only peels back for her. She has to wonder if Quinn resents her for it.
Turning off the faucet, Quinn wipes her hands clean on a dishtowel and turns to face Rachel. Her body leans casually against the countertop, hazel eyes never leaving Rachel's. Her expression is calm, deliberately blank and the brunette thinks she would give anything to be able to read her mind. Seconds tick by in silence and it finally feels like too much. "I…I came to get a glass of water." She blurts out. Silently Quinn turns back around, opening a cupboard and taking down a glass. She turns the faucet back on and holds the cup under the stream of water.
Coward, Rachel thinks to herself. She wants to apologize so badly or at the very least bring the kiss up but she's terrified of where the conversation might lead. It all feels so real, looking into those hazel eyes. Suddenly there's so much for her to lose. How did that happen? She hears the faucet shut off again. Quinn turns back around, extending the glass out to her. "I'm sorry, it didn't mean anything," Rachel blurts out. And once she starts, she finds that the words spill out of her quite easily. "You see, I've never been a part of one of these Cheerios girls' nights before but apparently Beth, Santana and Brittany believe that truth or dare is a big component of the night. And Beth also seemed to think that wine was necessary for the night too thought I probably shouldn't be telling you that part. Anyways, I think it's because of the wine that the truths and dares started to get a little…out of hand. And the next thing I know Brittany dares Santana to kiss and make-up with me because she's been quite awful to me in the past. I'm quite sure she thinks the euphemism must be taken literally and she wasn't going to be happy until Santana and I had actually kissed each other and for…reasons that are really nobody's business, Santana wants to stay on Brittany's good side. So, finally Santana snapped and kissed me. Even though, I must say, she is quite skilled it's not something I've ever wanted to experience and definitely don't want to repeat. And you happened to walk in at the most inconvenient time…" Rachel finally pauses to catch her breath.
The whole time Quinn's eyes have never left hers. The blonde sets the glass of water back down the counter. Her gaze wanders down to Rachel's lips and it's only then that Rachel notices the way her hand clenches and unclenches the edge of the counter-top, like she's holding something back. A sigh escapes her lips and she mutters something under her breath that sounds a lot like "screw it" before pushing herself off of the counter. She moves towards Rachel, reaching out and hooking her by the waist, pulling her close. There is complete silence, Rachel barely allowing herself to breathe. Quinn's eyes are so focused, lapping her up with a greedy intensity. It's hard to maintain her gaze in the same way it's hard to stare at the sun for too long. The blonde's free hand reaches out and gently strokes the pad of her thumb down her jaw, sending shivers through Rachel's body. Then gently, deliberately, Quinn kisses her.
Rachel's heart explodes with emotion. Stunned, she finds herself unable to move. This kiss is different from the others, not so much desperate as it is….what's the word? Maybe there isn't one. All she knows is that it seems like Quinn really wants her to feel it. While one hand cups her face, the other grips Rachel's waist, holding her protectively as Quinn pushes her backwards until her back hits the wall of the kitchen. The solid feel of the wall is comforting. Rachel thinks that at the very least now she won't fall over. Tentatively her hands reach out to Quinn's waist, brushing over the belt loops on her jeans before gripping them for extra support.
Closing her eyes, Rachel allows herself to revel in the older woman's touch. Quinn's kisses match her so well. Gentle but strong, quietly passionate in the most graceful way imaginable. The blonde's hand slides from her cheek down to her neck, stopping at her pulse point. Rachel knows it's hammering under her touch. Those devilish lips leave hers and she can't help but let out a small groan of protest, earning a dry chuckle from Quinn. She's not wanting for long though, the lips replacing the hand at her neck. The brunette inhales deeply, tightening her grip on the belt loops. She's quite certain that if she doesn't hold on for dear life she'll float away. Teeth nip tentatively at her skin, making Rachel squirm in the most delightful way. Her body arches into Quinn and she can feel all of the blonde's curves against her. Even with a layer of clothing between them the feeling is addictive.
Quinn feels it too, a whimper escaping her lips as her hand skims down Rachel's body, past the side of her breast, down her rib-cage until it finds the hem of her shirt, slipping under it. Once underneath the hand retraces it's path, slower this time, reveling in the feel of skin. Rachel can do nothing but try and keep herself upright as her stomach twists itself into the most excruciating knots. Her eyes squeeze shut, focusing entirely on Quinn's hand. It makes a lazy trail up her stomach, sliding across the plane of her abdomen with a slow deliberation. At this point Quinn's lips have left her neck. Rachel can't bring herself to look but she imagines the blonde's eyes trained on her, pupils dilated with lust as she focuses intently on the task at hand. Lost in thoughts of Quinn's face Rachel doesn't' even notice that Quinn's hand has worked it's way under her bra until she feels a palm graze over her nipple. Her knees actually do buckle this time but Quinn hold hers up with a steady arm, pinning her more securely to the kitchen wall. A deep moan escapes her lips but Quinn saves her again, kissing her and swallowing the moan whole. The blonde takes advantage of the moment, slipping her tongue between parted lips. Her hand stays where it is, gently cupping the brunette before beginning to move her hand is a slow circular motion.
Nothing that feels this good can be a bad thing. That's the only coherent though Rachel can manage. Her body is trembling, practically spasming under the blonde's touch. Her mind state is somewhere between hazy and euphoric. Any lingering thoughts over whether or not Quinn cares about her seem so stupid now. She's never taken drugs, never had the desire to in the least but she imagines this is how the best drugs must make a person feel, like they're floating high above themselves, above all the pain and sadness and complication that normally weights them down. Quinn's touch takes her away from all of it.
Rachel wants to, needs to make Quinn feel the same way. Her own hands finally release the belt loops. Shakily they slide up under Quinn's shirt and over velvety skin. Winding around to Quinn's back she traces the slight grooves of the blonde's muscles thinking only of what a perfect specimen the woman truly is. Quinn eyes flutter shut at the touch. She breaks their kiss and bows her head against Rachel's shoulder as she takes long, labored breaths.
"It's so strange" she says, turning her head to speak softly into Rachel's ear. "I haven't felt jealousy over someone in a long time but seeing you kissing Santana… I couldn't handle it. It felt like I had been set on fire."
Rachel's face breaks out into a wide smile, her brown scrunching at she shakes her head. Quinn Fabray is the jealous type? She hadn't thought that a confident, beautiful woman like her even knew the meaning to the word. It was almost too adorable for her to handle. She places a kiss in Quinn's golden hair rubbing circles against her back. "You don't have to be jealous. There's only one person that I want to be with."
Her words seem to breathe new life into the older woman because she finds herself being kissed once more. Quinn's hands now slide from her breasts down her body, leaving a trail of chills in their wake. She stops at her stomach, though her fingers still slip dangerously close to her pajama bottoms. It seems they've reached an impasse. Rachel wants to scream at her to keep going, guide her hands lower with her own, something, anything to bring attention to the heated center of her body. But Quinn is clearly struggling. The blonde pulls back, her eyes meeting Rachel's pointedly. "I…I don't know…"
Don't know what? Rachel thinks. It should be simple shouldn't it? They're just two people who want each other. Nothing complicated about that, She thinks that maybe Quinn just needs some encouragement. Rachel slides her hands out from under Quinn's shirt. She's about to place them over Quinn's when the sound of footsteps thundering down the stairs bring them both back to reality. Rachel feels like she's about to have a heart attack. Quinn is across the room in seconds but not before Rachel sees the fear in her eyes. Quickly she sits down at the kitchen table. She just needs to act natural and everything will be fine, she tells herself. For someone who wants to be on Broadway someday this should be easy.
Beth bursts into a kitchen, out of breath from rushing down the stairs. Turning to Rachel she pulls Rachel's chair out a few inches. "Rach what the hell? You've been down here forever."
"Oh…really? I had no idea. I've just been you know, talking to your mom."
"Ew, why?" Beth looks from Rachel to Quinn. "Sorry Mom, you know what I mean."
"Beth you better not be down here to get more wine. Two bottles is too much already. Don't think you're going to get off the hook for that."
"Ughh did you tell her Rachel?"
"What? No I didn't mean…"
"Beth, darling, you seem to be under the extremely incorrect impression that all adults are idiots. Let me tell you, this isn't the case. Rachel didn't have to tell me anything. The only reason I didn't say anything is because I wanted you girls to have a little fun. It's been a really hard week."
"Whatever Mom, can you pleeease save whatever punishment you have for me until tomorrow? Just let us have this one night and I swear I'll do anything you tell me without any complaints."
"I highly doubt that but ok." Quinn gives her daughter a small smile.
"Yes! Thanks Mom. C'mon Rach, the night is still young! Brit is gonna teach us dance moves." Beth pulls Rachel up out of the chair and drags her from the room, the brunette getting one last glimpse at the blonde before returning upstairs. Why did there always have to be something between them? Why did it have to be something as big and important as Beth?
Rachel really puts her acting skills to the test that night feigning interest in Beyonce dance moves and multiple rounds of 'Never Have I Ever.' When Beth finally passes out and Brittany and Santana decide they want to go to bed it's all Rachel can do to restrain herself from jumping for joy.
"Brits and I are gonna go freshen up in the bathroom, k?" Santana takes the blonde's hand and guides her out of the room.
Sighing Rachel, picks up the stray kernels of popcorn off of Beth's bed before sliding a pillow under her head and covering her with a blanket. Smoothing the sable hair out of her friend's face Rachel watches her sleep for a second.
"I'm sorry Beth," she says quietly. No matter what she does there's always going to be some part of things that are wrong. She wants Quinn more than anything but after the way they both had to hide from Beth in the kitchen. It was awful. Turning away she tries tidying up the room as best she can just to be doing something.
It feels like a while has passed so Rachel goes out into the hall. She's at the door to the bathroom when she notices it slightly ajar. Poised to knock she suddenly hears whispers coming from the other side. Glancing upwards she can see inside through the sliver in the door, her brown eyes widening. Brittany is perched on the counter next to the sink. Her legs and arms are wrapped around Santana and they're kissing. It's not particularly explicit but Rachel is still shocked. Hearing about them hooking up all the time and then seeing it for herself are two different things entirely. They stop kissing, Santana pulling away but still looking at Brittany. Her smile is wide and her eyes are sparkling. Rachel's never seen her look like that before. Brittany is looking at the Latina with a similar gaze. Rachel smiles and shakes her head. They really do belong together. Maybe some people just fit.
Quietly she walks back down the hall, turning into the guest room. She paces the room back and forth for a few minutes. She wants to fit with Quinn so badly. She thinks, knows that the same way Brittany and Santana make each other blissfully happy, Quinn is only person that can do that for her. She hears the two girls exit the bathroom, giggling as they re-enter Quinn's room and shut the door behind them.
It's then that she makes up her mind. Leaving the guest room she tip-toes her way down the hall, all the way to the end. Pausing at the door she knocks quietly. After a few seconds she hears Quinn's muffled voice on the other side. "Come in?" Rachel lets herself in and shuts the door quietly behind her.
The room is dark. She can only just make out the shape of a bed in front of her and a figure sitting up on the right side of it. "It's Rachel," she says, though it's kind of obvious already. Without waiting for a reply she climbs up on the bed, crawling until she's straddling the blonde's legs over the covers. It's the bravest thing she's done in quite sometime and it takes all the nerve she has to keep herself rooted to the spot. "I know things are messed up, ok? I do. Beth is so important. I don't really want to talk about her though. I don't want to talk about anything. I just, I know I want to be with you. We fit." Leaning forwards she seeks out Quinn's lips in the darkness and gives her a quick peck.
"We…fit?"
"Yes, that's what I've decided. Like puzzle pieces. That's all I wanted to tell you. Well, that and I…" At this part she hesitates, shyness finally taking hold. She's never been this vulnerable with anyone. A deep breathe helps to soothe her nerves. "…I don't want to sleep alone." She rolls off of Quinn, curling up on the other side of the bed, not sure what to do.
Quinn says nothing. She doesn't have to. She just reaches out and pulls Rachel to her, mimicking their same sleeping positions from last night. Feeling Quinn's arms around her again sends warmth shooting through her entire body. She snuggles into the blonde and allows her eyes to fall shut. The last though she has before drifting off to sleep is that they really do fit perfectly like puzzle pieces.
