Arthur walked in, face blank, eye's wide, and he looked very troubled, as he collapsed in one of the chairs at the dining table. Merlin, in the middle of picking up odds and ends in Arthur's chambers, while Arthur and Gwen had taken a walk, which Gwen had suggested, that was odd for her, and Merlin tired to act like it didn't bother him. Which was not odd for him, and really, rather hard to do. Arthur leaned forward and put his face in his hands.
"Are you going to continue being mysterious over there and wait for me to ask what's the matter?" Merlin asked, stepping toward the table. "Or shall we wait a bit longer?"
Arthur shook his head, not looking up, he rubbed his eyes with the heals of his hands and sighed. "I don't know what to say..."
Merlin began to get worried at this point, he walked over to the table. "What did she want?"
"She wanted to ask my opinion about something," Arthur explained. "About a child..."
Merlin suddenly felt like it was rather hard to breath. "Whose child, Arthur?"
"Mine."
"She's pregnant?" Merlin asked, heart on the verge of breaking, he could feel it in his chest, tearing. "I didn't even know you two were..."
"We're not," Arthur answered, and Merlin was confused now, confused and for some reason, near tears. "She wants to have a baby, she thinks it will help our relationship, if we have something we both love to bond over."
"But you are not going to...?"
"No, I am," Arthur answered quickly, he seemed to notice Merlin's distress now and shrugged. "This won't change anything between us."
"You will have a baby, Arthur...a real, proper family, I'll just be..." Merlin shook his head, and could think of hundred dirty words to call himself. "There."
"I can honestly doubt that," Arthur smiled at him. "You were never, and will never be just there."
"When does she want to start this?" Merlin gave Arthur a dirty look. "I want to make sure I have enough time to properly vomit, and not walk in..."
"Tonight, and stop being a child about this, honestly."
Merlin didn't say anything and returned to his work. Arthur tried to change the subject, but Merlin otherwise ignored him, and this went on for awhile. Merlin, he knew he shouldn't be mad. But it was one thing, kissing and touching...when the man's wife was not giving him these things, but now she would. And Merlin couldn't help but think Arthur wouldn't want him anymore, and this is why Merlin shouldn't have gotten involved in the first place.
"Are you really going to be mad at me for this?" Arthur asked, after a good amount of time. He still hadn't moved from his spot at the table, Merlin still wouldn't look at him. "It wasn't my idea, it isn't my fault."
"I'm not mad..."
"You won't even look at me, Merlin. I know when you're angry."
"I'm not..." Merlin muttered. "But do you even want to have a baby?"
"I...don't know, I need an heir. I need to at least try everything I can to make my marriage work," Arthur explained. "You have to understand that, this isn't a personal choice, I have to think of my kingdom first."
"It's what makes you such a great king," Merlin said, bitterly. "I'm happy for you..."
"You are not," Arthur said, and Merlin could tell he was smiling fondly at the back of Merlin's head. But he refused to turn around and see it. "I promise it won't change between us, it's not as if...Guinevere and I will magically fall back in love."
"Magic is outlawed, so I would guess not," Merlin said, snippy, and headed for the door. "I have to go do something for Gaius."
"No you don't..." Merlin heard Arthur say, but he ignored it, again, and headed out of the room. He was right though, Merlin didn't have to do anything for Giaus, he didn't even go to his chambers, he just wandered...
Days passed, and the baby making began, Merlin supposed, he wouldn't stay in Arthur's chambers long enough to find out. In fact, in the mornings, for the last two days, he sent servants under him, up with The King and Queen's breakfast. He wasn't mad at Arthur, it wasn't that, though, that was what Arthur thought. And Merlin felt bad about that, but he just couldn't stand the thought of Arthur touching him after he had done the same with Gwen. Not that there was anything wrong with Gwen, and it was much more appropriate for him to touch her than Merlin, but the thought...it made Merlin sick, he couldn't be the other person in the relationship, this made them, and what they were doing, wrong. As wrong as Uther had been, and Arthur spoke of how he didn't want to be his father so often.
He wouldn't take Merlin to bed because he couldn't betray his marriage anymore than what he already was, but how did only kissing make it any better? No, if Gwen wanted to work on their marriage, then she would kiss him. Not Merlin.
Merlin had no choice but to go and retrieve the dishes from The King's chambers, he didn't want to. There were so many things he would rather do, like fight any beast thought of, be stabbed, and on. But he had no choice, it was his job. He never wished to have another one more. It was the evening, and what better time than this to make a baby? Merlin felt his stomach turn at the idea, and he knocked once, which he never normally did, before he entered.
"Come in!" came Gwen's happy voice, and the hate that filled Merlin scared him so much for that second, that he had to stop, and didn't enter the room. He has to push away the horrible thoughts in his head, the anger he felt for this woman, the thought that if he had just let her die in the forest, if he had convinced Arthur not to marry her, the thought that if she just left now, and stopped pretending everything was fine because now, suddenly she wants a baby, and that the last year Arthur hasn't walked around with a constant broken heart, no...he had to push all those thoughts away. Gwen was his friend. And although she had everything he could possibly want, he would continue being her friend.
"Merlin?!" Gwen said, with a bright smile, as she pulled open the door. "I said come in, didn't you hear?"
"No, I was-" he shrugged, he had no excuse. She walked back into the room and he followed. Arthur was no where to be seen, and it hurt Merlin to think that this was a good thing. "Where's...?"
"He went to speak with the boys about something," Gwen said, happily. And Merlin noted she did sound genuinely happy, the most happy he had heard her in months. This should make him happy, but it didn't. "They are going drinking tonight and I'm pretty sure Arthur is setting a few rules, since they have a training session tomorrow morning." Merlin nodded, and began picking up the mess of plates and crumbs from their dinner, he didn't want to talk, he just wanted to get on with it, and get out, before Arthur returned. "Where have you been lately?"
Merlin shrugged, "Around..."
"I think Arthur misses you, it's not like you to be so distant."
"Yes, well...I have a lot of work to do."
Gwen laughed at that, "You are only a servant..."
Merlin stopped, setting down the plate and looked back at her. "What?"
"I mean, I used to pretend I had a lot of work to do too, just so I wouldn't have to tend to unpleasant things," Gwen smiled brightly. "We are unpleasant to you, aren't we, Merlin?"
"Well...sometimes," Merlin breathed. Gwen's smile didn't fall at that.
"I'm sorry, I wish we hadn't argued like that in front of you, but it shouldn't happen again, we're getting so much better. I can feel it."
"You really think a baby is going to help all that?" Merlin asked, and Gwen's eyes popped open a little bit.
"Arthur told you about the baby?" she frowned. "I told him not to tell anyone we were trying..."
"I guess...I'm not just anyone."
"I suppose not..."
(A/N: I think Merlin made good points in this one. And you know, sometimes you try not to be like someone but you can't help it...in a lot of ways Arthur isn't like Uther, but in some ways he is. And I think that was really explained in this chapter. And I'm not saying it is Arthur's fault, it's a hard situation to be in, for both Merlin and Arthur...and even Gwen, and it really depends on if it really will get better or not, only time can tell. I hope you enjoyed tho!)
