There was a hint of anger in Miroku's eyes as he listened to Inuyasha continue on with his rambling. He didn't let him know what he thought about everything, though. What was the use in trying to convince Inuyasha otherwise when he already had his mind set? He was determined.
His eyes were glinting with confidence as he spoke. Girls were swooning over him as he walked down the hallway, but Inuyasha paid no attention to them today, for he was too busy speaking of Kagome. "Yeah, she likes me, I'm sure of it! You were wrong, lech, she's in love." Inuyasha spoke proudly to Miroku who had crossed his arms in annoyance.
"Inuyasha," Miroku's calm voice began, causing Inuyasha to roll his eyes as if he already knew what Miroku was going to say. "You can't do this to her. There's no doubt in my mind that Kagome likes you, but what if you hurt her? You care about her, don't you?"
Inuyasha rolled his eyes again, looking angry. "Of course I care about her. She's helping me get back with Kikyo, after all," Miroku rolled his eyes at Inuyasha. "Everything's going to be just fine. I told her what she meant to me, and she's okay with the fact that I don't like her romantically. I've told her that I can give her friendship, nothing else. I don't know why the hell you're so worried when it's not even your problem, anyways."
"You're in love again." Miroku stated simply, causing Inuyasha to stop in his tracks. For a second, all Inuyasha could do was stare at Miroku in wonder and utter shock. The world had stopped for just a moment, and then it all came crashing back to him. He immediately pressed his lips together in a tight line, and felt anger take over him. He didn't know why he was angry because of those words, but he was. His heart was beating faster, his mind went blank. He looked at Miroku in disgust, and Miroku looked straight back at the hanyou as if he wasn't phased.
"How dare you?" Inuyasha said quietly as he started moving again, walking up to Miroku. He didn't want to cause a scene again, though, so he kept his voice low, yet menacing. "You can't say that, Miroku! You know that Kikyo's the only one."
Miroku shook his head at his friend that he loved so dearly. Maybe now wasn't the time for Inuyasha to come to terms with his feelings, but he needed a warning. "You do love her. She accepts you, and I know that when she's around, you don't worry about Kikyo as much. Sure, maybe you like experimenting to get her jealous, but you can't lie to me and say that Kagome doesn't make you happy, or that you only do those things to her just because Kikyo's around. I know that you do it when she isn't around, too. You care about her."
Inuyasha looked away, shaking his head. He wasn't angry anymore, he was scared because he didn't want that to be the truth. He looked turned away from Miroku. "It can't be. What we have is beneficial for me and Kikyo. I don't love her, Roku, I can't. Maybe I'd like to spend one night with her, maybe I do like kissing her and she makes me feel better, but you know that I love Kikyo. What the fuck is wrong with you, huh?"
Miroku began walking away from Inuyasha again, angrily this time. "There's nothing wrong with me! It's more like there's something wrong with you, Inuyasha. She knows that you're using her. But you don't really need to, because you have her and she's so much better than Kikyo, and you know that. You're going to continue hurting her by telling her that you're only using her for help with Kikyo, and then, she's gonna walk away, and once again, you're going to lose someone that meant something to you because of your damn stupidity. Stop being so dense. If you don't love Kagome, or at least admit to it, she'll find someone who does," Inuyasha stood there, looking at him stupidly. Would Kagome really leave? "And by the way, Kikyo's not here today, Inuyasha. Give Kagome some well deserved attention, she needs it."
He walked away from Inuyasha with that being said, and Inuyasha stood there, in a daze. Kagome couldn't leave him, not even after everything was all said and done. He wouldn't let her.
XXXXXXXX
"So, how are things between them?" Sango asked as she took a sip of orange juice out of the small carton. She looked into his eyes, expecting an answer. She put the carton down, rested her elbow on the table and leaned her head into her hand as if he was going to tell the most interesting story in the world.
Miroku shook his head, adverting his attention to the empty milk carton that sat before him. "He loves her. I can tell he does, but you know how stubborn Inuyasha is. He still believes that he's in love with Kikyo."
Sango scoffed and shook her head, looking over to the two who sat together. Kagome was smiling as Inuyasha whispered something into her ear. He leaned in to give her a kiss on her cheek, and Sango found herself gaping at the two before turning back to Miroku. "He's scared, Miroku. Your words terrified him. He doesn't want to fall in love again because he's scared that he will get hurt," Sango spoke quietly as she turned her attention to the two again. She watched in astonishment. He had never been like this with Kikyo, she wouldn't allow him. "I'm actually surprised that he's even paying her attention after what you said to him. I think that he loves her, too."
Miroku nodded, giving Sango a small smile. "He does. Kagome won't hurt him, but I don't believe he can see that."
"What can we do? What if he hurts Kagome?" Sango asked quietly, a frown on her face.
"I'm not sure, Sango. If he really loves her, then he'll try not to, I guess. I have hope for them."
"Yeah, me too."
XXXXXXXX
"Inuyasha," Kagome called out softly and shyly. He sat still beside of her, his perfectly sculpted god-like face looked concerned. It had been a good morning so far, even if she had caught him acting a bit off at times. His head snapped towards her, amber eyes meeting her big brown ones. Like so many times before, it felt like she'd got all the breath knocked out of her. "Are you okay? You've been acting…weird today."
He nodded, but said nothing. He turned away again, his eyes focused on the words in the textbook, although he read none of them.
She would've been lying if she'd told herself that he wasn't acting weird. Kikyo wasn't here today, that was weird. But he had still kissed her multiple times this morning. That wasn't really weird, considering that they admitted to liking each other's kisses, but maybe it was weird because for one of the few times, they weren't putting on a show for Kikyo. She didn't know if she liked it or not. It scared her. It scared her because sometimes, there was all of this want inside of her for all of those kisses to actually be real, but they weren't. But were they now? What were they, exactly, if the kisses weren't for Kikyo to see? Did Inuyasha really desire it, or did he just do it to do it, to be a jerk, to make her like him even more?
About liking him, she really didn't know how it'd came along so urgently. To be honest, he had intrigued her from the beginning. She tried to avoid using the word 'love'. It scared her to death.
Kagome sighed, wishing that he'd say something, anything. She put a hand on his shoulder, and he jumped and shrugged her hand off of him. Kagome gaped at him as she felt hurt sore through her. What was wrong with him?
She was praying that he wouldn't break her heart.
"Sorry." She apologized, a blush on her cheeks. Her heart had dropped. Why was he like this? One minute he couldn't leave her alone, and the next, he was cold and distant and it was almost like they hated each other again.
"Whatever." Came the simple, cold reply, his words like ice. They broke her.
She nodded, turning her head away from his face so she could look at the textbook. Kaede had assigned them to be partners, write an essay about something historic. She flipped through the pages, though she wasn't really focusing on the words. Her eyes had watered but she refused to let her tears slip. She knew Inuyasha would smell them, and that'd make him even more angry. She didn't know what she'd did. She bit her lip, turning through the pages fast as if she was actually trying to find something to write about.
His hand stopped her. "Stupid girl, you're not even looking." He pushed her hand away, shifting the book over to him. She watched him as he searched, his eyes focused on the words in the textbook. She didn't know how he was so calm when she was upset. After turning for a minute or two, he finally came to a halt. He nodded his head as if he was accepting it, then shifted the book over to her, looking at her as if he expected her to accept what he had chose, too.
Kagome looked at the page, gasped. It was about the Feudal Era Japan. Her grandfather had told her stories like this all the time. She all thought that it was a bit crazy, but it interested her.
"Are you just gonna sit there and look stupid or what?" Inuyasha asked her impatiently.
Kagome looked at him, her eyes narrowed. "Why is it always like this between us?"
Inuyasha rolled his eyes and crossed his arms, the ears that sat atop of his head twitching slightly. He obviously didn't want to talk about things. "What do you mean why is it always like this between us?"
God, he fired her up. And she didn't miss that stupid smirk on his face when her face reddened from anger. "You baka! You're acting exactly how you used to! I thought that maybe you would have changed at least a little bit, but I was wrong. W-what…what about this morning? You were fine, and you were actually acting like you cared. What's going on, Inuyasha? What did I do?"
Oh god. A familiar smell crashed upon him. It was her tears. She was about to cry. He looked at her, a frown on his face as he watched her pout and her eyes get big and glossy and watery. He bit his lip, looked away from her.
"You're in love again."
Miroku's words came crashing back to him. He frowned, wondering if he should tell her about Miroku's accusations or not. Wouldn't that just make things awkward between them? What Miroku had said to him was making things difficult. He wanted to stay away from Kagome, yet he didn't. He wanted her to stay because she meant so much to him that it scared him.
He refused to say that he loved her. Sure, maybe he liked her, thought she was attractive in her own way despite her resemblance to Kikyo. He respected her because she gave him a chance unlike Kikyo did. Maybe Kagome would be better for him, but maybe he didn't deserve her.
Love was a big word to use, something that shouldn't be thrown around as if it was nothing.
A whack on the head smacked him out of his trance. Kagome had finally let her tears escape, the first one falling down onto the textbook, wetting the page slightly. "Never mind, Inuyasha! Just don't say anything!"
As she was about to get up and move to another seat, Inuyasha gripped her hand tightly, then forced her to sit back down. More tears fell, and she jerked away from him, covering her face with her hands. "I hate you!"
Inuyasha rolled his eyes, knowing that she meant the exact opposite of what she was saying. "Listen, stupid, the whole point of this plan was to do all of that shit when Kikyo was here. Noticed how she isn't here today?"
She looked up at him, biting her lip as more tears slipped. His heart melted and he froze. "That…that doesn't help. You told me that you weren't using me, but you are. You're a liar, a manipulator, and a player. I know it'd be best to forget you after all this is over, but I don't really want to."
He was still frozen, but he felt anger set sore. How dare she act like she knew what he was feeling?
"Am I not good enough?" Kagome bit her lip again.
Silence.
"I'm sorry, Inuyasha. I just hoped that maybe things would be good for a while, but they won't. And I guess it hurts because all those times you've kissed me, I though that something would actually be real. B-but…that's not real either. I'm sorry."
He felt more anger course through him, but even though he was angry, he tried to be calm and reply, knowing she needed an answer. He didn't know exactly what to say. "How can you be so stupid? I've said that I care about you plenty of times. Haven't I showed it a million times?" He paused, breathed in. "I'm trying, but I don't know what you want. I know that I still want a friendship because I respect you. And I guess that I've gotten close to you. I know that I care about you and I want to protect you from anyone who wants to harm you," Kagome scoffed, he obviously didn't know about his precious angel Kikyo. "I don't know what else you want from me, Kagome."
His words weren't going to be enough this time. She crossed her arms and turned away from him. "You don't care, you only care about Kikyo." She mumbled quietly, sure that Inuyasha wouldn't hear her.
Unfortunately, he did.
He slammed a hand down on the desk. Loud enough to make a point, quiet enough not to cause that much attention. "Kagome-" He started, only to growl when she interrupted him. "Leave me alone. Let's just hurry up and write this essay. I need to be away from you."
He growled again, shaking his head. He didn't want to lose her. "Kagome-"
"Leave me alone." She said menacingly. He winced, already feeling his ears droop.
He realized that just friendship and fake kisses wouldn't be enough for her anymore, and sometimes, he felt afraid that it wouldn't be enough for him, either.
XXXXXXXX
Inuyasha sighed, glad that the day was over. He'd avoided all of his friends. Miroku walked beside him quietly, his hands tucked in his pockets. Sango wasn't far behind. Her car was somewhere near theirs.
Suddenly, a though came into Sango's head. "Hey, Inuyasha, have you seen Kagome anywhere? She sneaked off before the bell even rung to signal school was over."
Inuyasha scoffed and shrugged his shoulders. "Who fucking cares?"
"Oh, what happened now, Inuyasha? I thought you two were doing good! You certainly were this morning." Sango said, a smile on her face as she leaned in closer to observe Inuyasha's blushing faces. He pushed her away softly, not wanting to explain it to anyone.
He was tired of people telling him he shouldn't love Kikyo, Kagome was the better choice. He was tired of Kagome saying that he didn't care. He was tired of people trying to tell him what he felt.
"It's nothing." Inuyasha mumbled quietly, crossing his arms, his eyes going downcast. Miroku and Sango shot each other confused looks.
He didn't want to remember the way she looked up at him, her bottom lip quivering. He didn't want to remember the smell of her tears, knowing that it was all his fault. It was his fault that she cried. He didn't want to ruin her. She was far too perfect to be destroyed or kept by someone like him. She was hurt because he couldn't give her what he wanted. She'd called him a liar, a manipulator, a player. The thing was, he wasn't trying to be. Not ever since she was around. It's been weeks since he'd slept with a girl, and he wasn't sure why. He wanted to say that Kagome was worth it. Hell, sometimes he felt as if he wouldn't mind being with her. But Kikyo was the one he loved, right? He didn't want to let go, because once he did, maybe she'd finally come back to him. He didn't know if he would choose Kagome over Kikyo. And even if he did, he would never admit it to anyone, not even himself.
Sango wished Inuyasha good luck before she slid into her car. She gave Miroku a quick hug, and Inuyasha watched them smiling at each other as if they knew something that nobody else in the whole world knew. He envied them. Why couldn't Kagome understand that he couldn't give her a relationship? He knew she'd leave soon. Everyone did.
Miroku's calm voice interrupted his thoughts. "You okay, Inuyasha? You can tell me what happened."
Inuyasha paused, drew in a breath. He needed someone to talk to. He was thankful for his best friend. "I'm scared, Miroku. And I think she is, too. I can't be in love with her if I have Kikyo, right? I'm so close, I can't start having feelings for her now. That'd just ruin everything."
"Kagome's the better choice. Giver her a chance." Miroku said, his eyes sympathetic.
Inuyasha growled. "And that's another thing, too. I'm tired of everyone trying to tell me what I should feel. If I don't love Kagome, then there's nothing that anyone can do to change that. I don't love her!"
"You're lying, and I hope that one day you wake up and realize that Kagome's the one who hasn't left you yet."
"I'm not lying," he spoke defiantly. "I'm not. You can't comprehend what I feel, Miroku. Things could be worse, but that doesn't change the fact that I have what I have. I'm scared of losing her. She means something to me but she can't understand that. It's like she won't believe it until I tell her I love her, which I don't."
Miroku kept his cool. "Why are you so afraid, Inuyasha? They're just feelings. Do you really think that Kagome judges you for being hanyou? No. Kikyo did. Kikyo didn't stay by your side like Kagome does. She's not going to leave you if she loves you."
"She doesn't fucking love me!" Inuyasha took a hand to his forehead.
"Keep doing that, and you're going to seriously injure yourself, dog-boy."
"You don't fucking understand, Roku." Inuyasha shook his head.
"You're the one who doesn't," Miroku shook his head as he watched Inuyasha pull a cigarette out of the carton. "Give me one. You not being able to comprehend things is really getting to me. Pass it to me."
Inuyasha looked at him in suspicion as he cautiously offered him a smoke. Miroku took it greedily, waiting until Inuyasha finished lighting up the stick until he lit his up. "I thought you didn't smoke. You're a fucking saint. What's the world comin' to?"
Miroku let out a chuckle. "Like I said, you're stressing me out." They were leaning against the tree that was outside of the school now. It was chilly, but neither of them minded as they continued to smoke.
"Bleh," Miroku mumbled. "These things are horrible."
Inuyasha smiled. "You were the one who wanted it, saint."
A comfortable silence settled between the two for awhile. Inuyasha took a long drag of cigarette before he exhaled the smoke, delighted in the swirls of smoke the cigarette had made.
"Give her what she wants, Inuyasha, so you can be happy too." Miroku spoke up, interrupting the silence. Inuyasha looked away, knowing exactly who he was talking about.
"You love her." Miroku said again. It was as if he got pleasure from saying that, from seeing Inuyasha's confusion.
He didn't get angry anymore. He just…thought. Thought about everything. He couldn't find out what he felt for her. "I'm not saying I do or I don't anymore, because either way, you won't leave me alone about it. The thing is, I can't be with Kagome because my feelings for Kikyo are too strong. I can't give her what she wants. She deserves better than me."
Miroku sighed. "You're going to break her if you don't end this now. You'll destroy her."
"If that's what I need to do, then I'll just forget about her." Inuyasha said simply, throwing his smoke to the cement before crushing it with his boots. He didn't dare look up, but kept his eyes focused on the cigarette that had lost it's flame, laying crushed on the ground.
"You really think it's that easy?" Miroku scoffed. "It's not. You can't forget about someone who means something to you so easily. You say you love Kikyo, but you're really dense when it comes to relationships, girls, and densest when it comes to actually being in love. You say you're good with girls because you can pry them into your bed and then make them disappear the next day. You're going to keep pulling the same old shit, and you're not going to be able to lie down in this bed you've made. You can't even remember the name of every girl you've kissed or had sex with. You won't be able to save yourself."
Inuyasha let out a laugh at his friend's words, though he didn't find anything funny at all. He found it all entirely true and he didn't know how much truth he could take. "Are you referring that Kagome may possibly be able to save me, Roku?" Inuyasha laughed even harder. "That's got to be the funniest shit I've ever heard. This is real, not some half-ass story someone writes about life and love. This is the real deal, and nobody gets what they want and we just have to deal with it. You say I can't save myself, maybe I ain't ready to."
Miroku laughed, although he too didn't find anything particularly funny. "Maybe it'll be too late when you're finally ready. Learn to make up your mind, Inuyasha. I don't want to see Kikyo ruin you, and she is. I've seen that woman drive you completely insane. No matter how much of a bad person you think you are, you don't deserve any of that. You love Kagome, and that's the truth whether you choose to accept it or not."
"Whatever. I'm done talking." All he had left to do was look for Kagome. They were definitely running late.
"If you ever need someone, you know I'm here." Inuyasha nodded at Miroku as he slid into his car, and he waved goodbye to his friend.
He had a lot to think about. He wanted to get home as soon as possible.
"Kagome?" Inuyasha bellowed out, looking around the lot.
No reply.
He didn't know where in the hell she was.
He knew that she wasn't inside of the school, and she couldn't have taken a ride home with anyone else. He searched around for a bit more, before finally, his nose recognized her scent.
Wait…
He sniffed again. There was the scent of a male's arousal mixed in with her scent too. He stepped closer to the car where the scents were coming from, and what he saw had caused his jaw to drop.
It wasn't a clear view, but he was sure that it was Hojo and Kagome. She was smiling to him about something, and he suddenly felt jealousy rack through his body. It was like a disease spreading quickly through his bones. His eyes were wide in disbelief, his heart missing a few beats. Her face was getting closer to Hojo's, his hands down to her hips. He growled in envy.
Her face only seemed to get closer and closer, and he watched in concern and jealousy as there lips came closer, centimeters apart. And then he watched all the space between their lips disappear as Kagome leaned forward to kiss the boy's waiting lips. It was like diving head-first into a bed of glass. Everything was silent except for the pounding in his ears. But through the pounding, he heard his heart break. It was like a snap, like something that was bent had suddenly broke. He was done.
It only lasted for a few seconds though, but it didn't change the turmoil that he felt inside. She kissed him. She kissed him first, and he kissed her back. She wanted it.
He walked back to his car and sat there, sure that she'd come out soon. He didn't know why he cared about her when he shouldn't. He should let her go home by herself, not care anymore, or let Hojo drive her home since she was so involved with him. She liked him, right? It bothered him to know that Kagome liked Hojo and not him. What was wrong with him?
In his opinion, those lips were his. And he wanted her kissing him, not anyone else. But she did, and there was nothing he could do about it. He loved Kikyo, not her. She was just someone who was temporarily helping him with his not so small problem. He needed Kikyo back. But never had he felt jealousy hit him as hard as it had today. It was him that had kissed her so many times, felt all those emotions that she gave him when her soft lips descended upon his. Hojo didn't deserve to feel what she made him feel. He wanted those feelings to stay between him and Kagome.
It was about five minutes until she came. She slid into the car with a smile on her face, not daring to look at him. She looked out of the window, her eyes sparkling with happiness. He scoffed.
"How was the kiss, Kagome? Did he kiss you better than I did all those times?" Inuyasha asked in anger and a hint of pain. He wanted nothing to do with her, and he had planned not to speak with her. He couldn't help himself though.
Kagome's head instantly shot over, and her wide eyes met his hurt ones. "Y-you saw that? Inuyasha-" He interrupted her. "I don't want to talk to you."
"You can't do that!" Kagome said suddenly. Inuyasha didn't smell any of her tears, just anger, which was also clear on her face. He gave her a confused, disappointed look. He was too busy arguing to even think about driving her home right now. He was going to finish whatever the hell she started it.
"And why the hell not? You were fucking kissing him! I saw it with my own two eyes!" He looked at Kagome in disgust, and she looked back at him, not in fear of his anger anymore. The emotions had burst, anger swimming around in her brown orbs.
"Kikyo wasn't here today, Inuyasha!" Kagome spat at him, her eyes locked on his in anger. This time, she wasn't going to melt staring into his beautiful amber eyes. "Do you know how horrible all of this makes me feel? I needed a break! I don't understand what's the deal if I'm happy with him."
He looked at her, his lips twisted up into a snarl. He let out a frustrated growl. "Are you saying all of this is over? That you give up? What the hell are you saying, Kagome? You're not the only one who's feeling horrible! I feel horrible because there's no way to be with the girl I love!"
"You're so stupid, Inuyasha!" The young damsel bellowed out with him, her voice cracking. She was about to break down. "There is a way to be with her, you're just too thick to see it! You say you're using me to make her jealous. Stop trying to! You're only hurting her more! And stop using me! Stop fucking with my feelings just because you're unsure about your own! You're making yourself miserable. It's your fault you feel horrible. I don't see how Kikyo even dealt with you!"
Kagome was about to step out of the car, but he stopped her movement, grabbing her arm. "You're not walking home by yourself, Kagome. I'll drive you now." He growled out viciously.
"No!" She jerked away from his touch as if it was like fire. "I'm fucking tired of you! You'll end up having a wreck if you drive because I'm bound to hit you!"
"And how do you fucking think I feel, seeing you and Hojo all over each other?" Inuyasha screamed out at her loudly, causing her eyes to water and her eyes to go wide.
In just a split second, she was glaring daggers at him again. "I wanted…I wanted to see how it felt," she replied to him quietly although her eyes were still cold. She looked away from him. "He was an outlet. You hurt me. I don't know where I stand in your eyes, and I needed someone to make me feel okay and happy again."
His eyes soften, and hers did too. "I make you sad?" He almost sounded guilty. She shook the thought out of her head.
"No."
"Then what is it? Is that the only reason you were kissing him?" He asked softly.
"The fact that you love her tears me apart," She told the truth. She was tired of lying. They were her feelings. If he didn't care, then maybe she'd find someone who did other than him. Maybe, hopefully. "I'm done."
He was quiet for a while, his ears drooping. He started the car, started driving. After all, they had calmed down.
"What did you mean you're done?" He spoke up again, trying to cover any fear that was in his voice.
"I'm not saying that I'm leaving you now. I am after this is over. I think that it's best if I don't stay around," she explained quietly, looking out the window, hoping he'd drive faster. She wanted to be away from him. In her eyes, the longer she was around him, the worse things would get. "So I don't want a friendship after all of this is over. It's best we just keep our distance, Inuyasha."
He seemed more concerned about her plans that Kikyo at the moment. "I'm sorry." He choked out in fear of losing her.
"No need to apologize," Kagome said smoothly. "It's all okay."
"I-it's not okay!" He said fiercely. "I know I make a million mistakes on a daily basis and I act like I hate you, but you can't leave!"
"I am," She said back, just as fiercely. "I'm not going to deal with this any longer. I don't understand you!"
"What the hell don't you understand, Kagome?" He sighed, smacking his forehead.
"I don't understand why you act like this is so real when it isn't! You're not my boyfriend!" Kagome said dramatically.
As soon as the car stopped, she stepped out quickly, and so did he.
"No more goodnight kisses, no more anything. Don't make me feel all of those emotions when all of it isn't real. I'm not going to put up with it anymore." Kagome said, walking up to the door, happy that her mother wasn't home yet. She grabbed her key and quickly unlocked the door, only for Inuyasha to set a foot inside, too. She sighed in annoyance.
"Don't." He said, trying to grab her hand as she started to her room. She shrugged away, so he followed closely behind her. She stood at the entrance of her door as if she was trying to stop him from going on.
She pointed downstairs. "Out. I don't want to see you anymore!"
He simply ignored her, moving forward, making her back away carefully. "What the hell are you doing, Inuyasha?"
"You're mine, and I won't allow that. You don't get to leave me, Kagome." He was close to her now, so close that the feel of his warm breath was on her neck. She leaned into him, against her will.
"We're not together, Inuyasha," Kagome whispered into his ear, only causing him to lean in closer, his nose inhaling her scent. "Why are you being like this?"
"Because I'm not going to let someone I care about leave me."
With that being said, he leaned forward and captured her lips with his. His lips moved against her with everything he felt for her. It was glorious and so wrong as he felt the wondrous and scary feelings return to him. He hoped that she'd get the message that she was his, and no Hojo was allowed to touch her any longer. She was his property.
It all ended when she shoved him away though, her trademark blush on her face as she looked at him in anger and disgust. "Get out, and leave me alone!"
He stepped forward, his face now scrunched up in anger. "Why are you being such a bitch?"
Kagome shoved him away again. "Because you're nothing but a two-timer, Inuyasha. You love Kikyo, not me. What we have isn't real."
It was funny how it hurt him even a little bit to hear her utter those words to him. Then he thought about it. He didn't know what Kagome was to him.
"You really want me to leave? And you really think that this isn't real?" He grabbed her hand and jerked her towards him, an angry look on his face as he roughly took her hand and placed it near his heart. It was beating faster than ever, and Kagome's eyes widened. "Can't you see what the fuck you do to me, wench? You say I'm stupid, well you're the stupid one. I don't know exactly what it is that's there, but it's something new to me and I'm not just going to give it up if that's what you think. It's wrong, so wrong, but so perfect. Can't you understand?" He whispered harshly, looking straight into her eyes. At this moment, nothing else mattered but her.
"I don't, I really don't," she pulled her hand away from him, her eyes angry. "What do you feel for me? You've gotta feel more for Kikyo. After all, you're the one that's so hell-bent on being with her again. I don't know what you feel for me, but as soon as I'm ready to let go of you, trying to forget the way you make me feel, you come back and make me feel it all over again! And I'm so tired of not knowing where I stand in your life, Inuyasha! You love Kikyo, and these things aren't supposed to be happening! I just…I want you to be happy. You make things so difficult."
He let out a quiet chuckle as he stepped closer to her. Soon, her back was against the wall, and she found herself encompassed by his arms against the wall so she couldn't escape. The things she wanted to say to him to hurt him left her mind when he leaned in closer and close, planting a kiss on her neck. Her back arched against the wall, and she found herself leaning into his touch. "Inuyasha." She whispered quietly to him.
"The way you make me feel, even Kikyo can't accomplish that. You should know that I'm a complicated person, but so are you, bitch," he chuckled, and she closed her eyes, feeling his warm breath on her again. "I don't deserve you, but neither does Hojo. If I make you feel this way, then why be with him?"
"I-I told you," his proximity was making it difficult for her to speak or grasp her thoughts. He leaned down to give her neck another kiss, and she let out a low moan, pulling him closer. "He's an outlet. You don't love me."
He growled but didn't move away. Her eyes finally opened, slowly and carefully. She frowned at what she saw. He couldn't get mad because she was telling the truth. He didn't love her and he never would and she was tired and broken from waiting on something that was never going to happen.
"Look at me," she was surprised that he didn't smack her hands away when she lifted his face up so she could meet his eyes. Her mind was all soupy, and she felt herself unsteady on her legs. "Don't make things so confusing. It's the truth, Inuyasha. Don't lie to yourself. We can't keep doing this. You're hurting her, and I don't deserve to be an option. Hojo doesn't treat me like I'm an option. I don't feel used by him."
He still wasn't moving. His breathing felt erratic on her neck, and she could sense his anger. "You really like Hojo? I can ask you the same question, bitch. Just where the hell do I stand?"
He finally looked up to meet her eyes. And suddenly, it all came to her. She immediately wanted to kick herself. She loved him. Why hadn't Sango or Miroku told her something to save her? She suddenly felt mad at herself. All she could do, really, was stand there frozen, her eyes wide at the new realization. How could she fall for a man who loved another woman? How much more stupid could she be?
"I asked you a question!" Inuyasha said, shaking her by her shoulders. "Do you love Hojo? What do I mean to you, Kagome?" he asked a little bit more quietly. "Tell me!" He whispered almost desperately to her.
"I don't know," That may have been true before, but it wasn't now. She knew exactly how she felt about him. And she was completely mad at herself for it. "You're the one who told me that you can't give me what I want. I'm not going to tell you how I feel for you if you don't feel the same."
He backed away, and she knew that he was hurt. "Inuyasha-" she started out, only to be interrupted by his angry voice. "I'm leaving."
All she could do was look at him and nod. He shook his head in a manner of disappointment before he walked out of her door, her life. So she stood there and looked at where he had just left, and she began wishing that he was here again. But wouldn't that be wrong? He loved Kikyo and she didn't want the girl trying to think that she was taking her place. They deserved each other. Inuyasha deserved someone as perfect as Kikyo. They were perfect for each other.
So she laid her head down on her pillow, biting her lip to keep from breaking down. And she couldn't help but think if there was a way out of the mess she had gotten herself into. She didn't want to be in love. But somehow, she knew that there wasn't any resolve for the kind of pain she was feeling.
She was feeling love. And she was pissed because no one could save her from loving Inuyasha, not even herself.
A/N: I know you all are probably going to hate me for this chapter, but hey, Inuyasha's just realizing that he loves her. Lemon will probably be the next chapter or the one after that. Things will get patched up soon, and then something else bad will happen, but I promise you they'll be together in the end, so chill guys. I know I haven't been updating. My life is more dramatic than this story, but I'll try to post again soon. You guys are amazing! I never thought I'd get this many reviews. Sure, some people get a lot more, but this is amazing for me. Thank you all! Review, please. Criticism is accepted!(:
