Did this mean that their fighting was over? What was left for them?
-
Zim blinked a couple times before sitting up straight. Why did that bother him? He eyed Dib over a few moments before finally peeling his lenses off, his eyes glistening in what little light there was, relieved to be free from behind his suffocating lenses.
He suddenly felt embarrassed as his eyes met Dib's; those honey orbs meeting his own magenta ones for the first time in what seemed like forever. He felt exposed all of a sudden. Why did that matter? Dib had seen him out of his disguise plenty of times. And yet…there just seemed to be a different type of air around them lately.
Hesitantly, in a gesture to try and hide his nervousness, Zim slipped off his wig and set it on the bed next to his contacts. His antennae perked up in the fresh air.
"There, now stop your insolent complaining, Dib-Stink."
Dib got the really childish urge to mock the irken by mimicking his words with his hand but decided against it. This was serious, for some reason that he didn't yet understand and now that Zim's eyes were real…open and exposed…they always did that, glimmered. Well, maybe not so much glimmered as shimmered? Any speck of light bounced of them wetly, reflecting the whole universe inside those bloody orbs.
He could see himself, see his own eyes staring back at him from the irken's eyes. Zim's entire tone and body sparked something within Dib, just as it always had and probably always would. No barrier between them now to break the glare.
Through it he spoke, thinking his questions and hoping they somehow got across to the moron.'What is a matter with you? What's going on here? What do you want from me? What do you feel for me? Really? Am I just an enemy? JUST an enemy? I don't know about you, Zim but on my planet, we don't kiss our enemies. Unless you do that all the time. With your other enemies. Huh? What the hell is this between us? Why do you care? I thought all you did was hate? Destroy? Fuck you for making me think that maybe you might be more…'
Zim felt uneasy, and shifted constantly on the bed, but never lifting his gaze from those piercing golden eyes. Those golden eyes that seemed to be digging into Zim's very skull and driving him insane.
They seemed even more intent and dangerous than usual. They seemed to be screaming at Zim, trying to tell him or ask him something. Zim felt something inside him lurch as he peered into those warm eyes, feeling himself go dizzy.
What had the human done to him? Was this some sort of trap? Zim felt like he had been poisoned, almost. It was as if Dib was intoxicating him; he couldn't keep his grip on reality with those dangerous eyes ripping through him.
He growled lightly, narrowing his eyes slightly. "Stop it!" He barked. "Just tell Zim what's going through the giant head of yours!"
He couldn't stand that look any longer; that look of pain and confused that bedded itself deep in those tortured eyes. He felt like he was being toyed with, and nobody toys with Zim.
Dib recoiled and sneered at the alien before him, baring his teeth and practically growling, "Why? Why should I tell you anything? What good will it do me? What will it change? Will it make you stop trying to take over the world? Will it make it so I don't have to care about these people? No. No it won't. I don't have to tell you anything, Zim! You're an alien and a stupid, arrogant one at that!"
Both hands dove into his hair and tugged at the follicles in frustration. "We're enemies, right? Only enemies and nothing more. One of us will kill the other one day and it'll all be over. This," Quick, jerkily he gestured between them. "will never have mattered. Just the result of a dead nemesis on the floor to pick up and dispose of. A body and the scars we have. That's all we have Zim."
Dib clenched his left fist so hard that his knuckles popped, before he yelled and knocked over a big thing of pens and pencils on his desk just because he could and because they were there. They spilled across the floor, some flying and twisting to scatter themselves.
"So, why even bother kissing or talking about anything? Why even stop me from thinking you were fake? You hate me, disgusted by me." His lips curled again, speaking the words as if they left a bitter taste in his mouth.
"So again, I ask you, why? Why should I tell you what's going on in my mind?"
Zim flinched, bringing his feet up on the bed to keep from being hit by the writing utensils that were flying across the floor. He stared up at Dib, frozen in shock as he let his anger out on the room around them. He had never seen Dib explode with such ferocity before, and he honestly didn't know how to react. It was genuinely frightening; and it took a lot to scare Zim. At first Zim was angry with Dib for using such a tone with him, but those words struck something within him.
Dib was speaking the truth; why did they even bother putting up with each other if they were enemies? Why hold hands and kiss and share sweet earth desserts? Zim wanted to destroy him, and Dib wanted the same, right? There had been so many opportunities today, alone. So why didn't either of them take it?
Nothing would change, and Zim knew that. But somehow Zim didn't seem to care. He only wanted Dib to stop looking like that; like a hurt pup of some sort, and like it was all Zim's fault.
Zim didn't know how to answer him; he didn't know why he wanted to know what was going on in the giant head of his. He'd never been exactly able to tell, and it bothered him. But Zim had his own questions that he wanted answers to.
"I'm not so sure that's accurate!" Zim finally protested, sitting up on the bed. "If you truly wanted to destroy Zim, then why not do it? There have been plenty of chances today! And yet you did not take advantage of any of them! So you tell ME, Dib-stink; what is your plan, exactly? What is it YOU want with ZIM? Zim is in your base, after all! So if you truly want to destroy me, your greatest enemy, then do so!"
He felt something within his churn; would Dib really try something now? There was no reason to believe that he wouldn't. Still, Zim felt somewhat…hopeful. For what, though, he wasn't sure…
Shoving off from his chair, Dib growled and began to pace, tearing at his hair feeling like a giant ball of pent up frustration. Things flew out of his way as he kicked through his room; clothes, old inventions, the pens and pencils… suddenly he whirled on Zim, reaching out and grabbing the irken by his collar and shoved, shoved him up against the wall, lifting up and up.
Zim yelped as he was suddenly up against the wall, holding onto Dib's wrists. His eyes were wide as Dib yelled at him, and Zim was frozen in a panic.
"I want to do everything to you; destroy you, turn you in, dissect you, kiss you, kill you, hate you, make peace with you but, you make it so damn fucking difficult to do anything! You're frustrating and stupid, short, twisted, way too loud for your own good, arrogant, sadistic, and…" His grip on Zim's collar loosened. "and…"Realization sunk in and it sunk in fast, hard. A rock falling down to the bottom of the ocean. "I don't…hate…you…" He let go of Zim entirely. "I don't hate you."
Then it was over, just as quickly as it had started, Zim's feet were back on the floor, and Dib had let him go. A thousand thoughts ran through Zim's mind, and he didn't even know where to begin.
He had never imagined those words coming out of Dib's mouth, of all people. He was even wondering if he had even imagined it. Zim stood again the wall, trying to recompose himself.
What did he say? What did he do? His initial reaction was to laugh, to tell the human to stop lying. They were enemies! Of course Dib hated Zim! It was suppose to be that way. And Zim hated Dib.
Even if he was acting strangely. Acting….somewhat gentle…and the look on his face; that pained look. Zim shook his head. No, he hated humans. ALL humans. No exceptions.
No matter how much he wanted to do the kissing thing with them, and hold their hand, and be close to them. He hated them.
He chewed his lip as he contemplated. "Well…" He started softly. He needed to know…"What is there..if we don't hate each other?" His voice was small, and sounded pathetic, even to the Irken, but for some reason, it was all he could manage.
Dib was sitting on the side of his bed, face buried in his palms, feeling like his entire world had just tilted off its axis. He was now living in a universe where he kissed Zim and didn't even hate him anymore. What was next? Picking out china patterns? He shuddered at that idea.
When the irken spoke, the boy lifted his head out of his hands and sighed shakily, licking his lips. "I-I…don't know. I mean…if you try to take over…I'm going to stop you. At every turn. Just as it's always been…but," With furrowed brows, Dib finally looked back at the place where he'd left Zim. "I don't think I can kill you." Saying it aloud made it all the more real.
Zim was an integral part of his own identity now. Had been for years. IN fact, the irken had helped make him the way he was today, shaped him into someone who fought for humanity and had claw shaped scars…this had perhaps been coming for a long, long time yet. Perhaps, even it had begun to show itself during the whole REAL SCIENCE thing…when they had come back together despite everything.
Zim stood awkwardly for a moment, not sure what to do or say at this point. He wanted to hate Dib, he NEEDED to; it was vital to his mission. And after all, his mission was first, his leaders trusted him. But somehow when he saw the pain in the human's eyes, it made his world turn upside down. He couldn't bring himself to think about destroying him.
But what did he say? He didn't know how to go about….whatever situation this was. He coughed awkwardly and spoke into his balled fist. "I guess...it's a mutual feeling…ahem…Stink-Boy."
He crossed his arms over his chest and looked around the room, avoiding the human. He could feel the heat in his cheeks rise as he stood uncomfortably, all too aware of those dangerous honey colored irises on him.
"Now stop sulking; it's pathetic." He mumbled.
Dib froze, in the midst of said sulking, blinked once…twice and then turned his head to look back at the flushing irken with a look of pure astonishment on his face. "What?"
Was it real? Was he dreaming? Had it all been a dream? Or was Zim being cruel again? Would only make sense…the moron did like to play with people's emotions. Dib's were probably like prime meat.
Zim blinked and looked at the surprised human. "I said stop sulking; it doesn't suit you." He stated flatly.
The human waved the words away, flailing his hands in the air like he could make them go away that way, slowly standing up from the bed which squeaked obnoxiously before slowly making his way towards Zim. "No. Not that part, moron. I meant…'I guess it's a mutual feeling,' followed by some obscure insult to my hygiene."
With two more long legged steps, he was in front of the irken again, staring down at the slightly flushed face, noting the tiniest scars and every miniscule imperfection; the scar where Dib had whipped Zim upside the head with a wet towel, some stray scratch marks from where the wig had itched and the irken had found it impossible to resist, and the exposed antenna…one which was shorter than the other. Not that Zim would ever admit that.
Zim's antennae flattened against his scalp as the human approached rapidly. Zim stood his ground and puffed out his chest, eyes locked onto Dib's. Although this façade quickly melted away once Zim tried to explain himself.
"Not to say that I care for you, you stinking Human. Only that things wouldn't exactly…well…be the same if you were…not around." He waved his hands around as he tried to make sense of everything. "Granted it would be more quiet. Only…I don't know if I want that.
Or…I don't know if I'd have it in me to….err…well…destroy you? I guess. I mean I COULD if I wanted to! I AM an Invader after all! A hardened soldier! Zim could destroy you EASILY!"
Zim's voice constantly fluctuated in volume as he tried explaining himself.
'What am I saying? Get yourself together Zim! You are babbling like an earth monkey!'
Zim growled in frustration. "What's it matter to you anyway? Huh! Stop asking questions, Fool-boy! Maybe Zim just likes being around you, ALRIGHT? NOT A BIG DEAL!" He threw his hands up one more time before falling silent.
Bubbles. Little tiny bubbles of joy were floating around in his chest. And when they popped the gas they let lose must've gone to his head because Dib was smiling like a fool, all teeth, taking up most of his face. With a lot of effort he managed to get himself under control, coughing into his fist.
"Um. Yeah. I'm sure you could." The left side of the human's mouth quirked up, the smile still fighting to get through. "Destroy me, that is. And um," He felt the corners of his mouth twitch and finally he just gave up, grinning. "Despite the fact that you're a moron with a serious chip on his shoulder…I like being around you too." The bubbles bounced and bounced and Dib felt seriously dizzy on all the happiness that was surrounding him. He simply was not used to such endorphins.
Zim put his arms down, staring up at the human as he grinned down at him. Something from within him was beating so hard it shook his whole person. He tried to keep his composure, but could feel the heat in his face giving him away.
The dangerous look in Dib's eyes was still there, only now it had a softened edge to it, and Zim didn't know quite what to expect from him. He seemed so happy, now. Had Zim made him feel happy?
Zim had never made anything happy before, except maybe Gir, but he was happy about everything.
And more importantly, Zim CARED that he was happy. Those ridiculously golden eyes shone brightly, regardless of the darkness that had consumed the room as the last hours of day finally passed. Light freckles on the human's pale skin scrunched up under his eyes as his mouth stretched impossibly wide.
And Zim cared.
This was truly frightening to him. But somehow, he welcomed it at the same time.
No longer able to look at Dib in the eyes, the Irken lowered his gaze to his hands, still free from their gloves.
"Stop grinning like that; you look like an idiot."
With a sudden burst of enthusiasm, Dib snorted and bent down a bit until his forehead was touching the Irken's, eye to eye, a swirl of gold and harsh magenta. A wide smile had seemed to permanently imbed itself on his face, foolishly and despite Zim's declaration. "You're an idiot." Dib countered half-heartedly.
Had anyone ever wanted him around? Never. Never ever in the history of his entire existence had another person called out to him to ask him to wait, or to sit next to them or just to talk. No one wanted him around. Dib was annoying, crazy.
Something was hitting him very hard in his throat and chest; it was the realization from earlier and the beginnings of a new one now. Zim had known him longer than anyone else had ever wanted to.
Zim had seen all his faults, his weaknesses and stupid moments…and he was still here. Standing like a fish out of water amongst pictures of himself, saying with stuttering words and shifty glances that above all odds the alien wanted Dib around. Didn't want him dead.
It was…beautiful. Something tight was wrapping itself around his chest, compressing and squeezing his internal organs. It hurt so bad, and felt so good that his nose faintly tickled and brown eyes watered.
Zim watched as Dib continued to grin like an idiot, leaning forward and pressing their foreheads together. He was a bit surprised at himself for not pressing the human away; even after the events that transpired throughout the day.
Was the human really so happy to find that Zim didn't hate him as much as the other humans? Granted, being blessed by Zim's good grace was reason enough to be overjoyed, but the Dib human didn't seem like he would enjoy the alien's company, regardless; considering all the years of hating him.
Knowing that he did, however, filled Zim with a strange sensation. He felt relieved—happy, almost. Did this mean that their fighting was over? What was left for them?
A.N.: A reminder that this is a rp fic and LilBanshee on dA plays Zim and I play Dib.
