Chapter Twelve:
"Brianne." Wade said. "Would you like something to drink?"
"No." I snapped. "Thanks, I'm fine."
It had been a trying day. The printer had delivered the right invitations on the wrong paper; proving they were the ones who'd screwed up the order took half the morning. And dear, eccentric Mrs. King through Ms. Blank had further compounded my problems by twice misplacing the list of questions I'd faxed to her. All I wanted to do that evening was watch a mildly amusing sitcom and drift off to sleep. But I still had some bills to review; my accountant was expecting a variety of papers the following day. Wade, probably thinking I wanted his company, had stopped by after what seemed to have been a stress-free day at his family's successful construction business.
Why, I wondered with some impatience, as Wade nibbled a small piece of Manchego cheese, didn't he ever bring work home with him? True, he often worked late but I'd come to learn that "working late" meant drinks and dinner with clients, potential clients and his father's cronies. Suddenly every little noise my beloved fiancé made shredded my nerves. Wade cleared his throat and I wanted to scratch his eyes out. He slit open an envelope and I wanted to scream. He poured himself a glass of wine and the sound of the liquid filling the glass was enough to force an "EEErrrgghhh!" From my lips.
Wade looked up startled. "What's wrong, Brianne?"
"Nothing's wrong." I snapped. "I'm just trying to work."
Wade raised his hands in the universal gesture of surrender. "Okay, okay. I'm sorry I asked."
"Okay, do you want to know what's wrong? I'll tell you. It's just that there's so much to do. There's always a phone call to make or an order to pick up or a client to appease. It never ends, Wade. And I'm so on top of things, it's not like I'm negligent. I just…I just don't know how I'm going to handle running the business and caring for a baby. I just don't know."
Wade was calmness personified. Calmness and neatness. He'd been home from the office for two hours and was still wearing suit pants, a white shirt, and a tie. He was barely wrinkled. "Well, you can always close the business for a while. It would be like a sabbatical."
I swear I thought I would pass out. I sank back onto the couch heavily. Breath, I told myself. Just breathe. And then, try to explain that what Wade has just suggested is impossible.
"That would be career suicide, Wade." I said more forcefully than I'd intended. "Once I'm off the scent, I'm off. Do you have any idea how hard it would be to win back my former clients, let alone woo new ones? I'm in a business that's all about relationships and relationships have to be maintained. If I shut down Brianne's Occasions, my regular clients will see it as abandonment and find someone else to take care of them. And then when I'm ready to start up again, it will be that much harder to—"
"Calm down Brianne. I'm not—"
"—Make new connections. I'd have to relearn the social scene, who's hot, what's not. Besides. I like my business. I like working."
Wade chuckled. Since when had he taken to chuckling? Since I'd told him we were going to have a baby, that's when.
"You'll be working with the baby, believe me." Wade said all knowingly. "My mother and my aunts tell stories. You know, why don't you talk to my mother and to your friend, Carrie, the one with all the kids."
"Three kids." I said. He hadn't understood.
"Okay, so talk to her. And talk to your sister-in-law, too. What's her name again? She must have her share of stories. Brianne, I think you'll see that you're in for a huge amount of work right here at home. And honestly, if we can afford to live on one salary, and we can, why kill yourself keeping Brianne's Occasions alive?"
Because it's my creation, I answered silently. In a way, it's my first child. Wade abandoned the armchair and joined me on the couch. I fought the impulse to scoot away.
"Come on, Brianne, promise me you'll at least think about giving up your business. Hey, I could help you negotiate a sale of your client list. Well, my lawyer could. Just think about it, okay? You don't' have to make a decision right away. You still have some time."
I didn't reply. Wade seemed to take my silence for acquiescence. "Besides." He went on. "Everyone says the minute the baby is born you're not going to want to spend one minute away from him. Wade, Junior. Think of how much easier it will be to have sold off the business before the baby's born so you can concentrate on what really matters."
"What really matters."I repeated dully. Not me, not Wade, not our marriage, not my career.
Wade squeezed my shoulders in a fatherly way. "Good girl." He said. "I know you'll do the right thing."
Elise and I were at the bar at Suede. She looked impeccable, as always, in her simple white blouse and black slacks. I wore a vintage Diane von Furstenberg wrap-around dress with knee high Kenneth Cole boots. Since I'd discovered I was pregnant and learned that my body was about to undergo several alarming changes, I was mad to wear every piece in my extensive wardrobe.
I complained about this impending problem to Elise. "It's such a waste really."I said finally. "I've spent so much time and money on these beautiful clothes, and now…"
"Do you even like children?" She asked bluntly.
"Of course I like children." I replied. "I just don't really know many children and I haven't spent much time with the ones I do know."
"What about Carrie's kids?" Elise asked.
"What about them? I've never even babysat for them. I wonder if I should be insulted that Carrie's never asked me."
"Have you ever volunteered?"
"No." I admitted. "I'm not really comfortable with the notion of babysitting. It's such a huge responsibility. I don't trust myself to keep a child safe and sound."
"Brianne." Elise countered. "You're one of the most responsible, cautious people I've ever met. You'd be a fine babysitter."
"I lack experience with children."
"Well then why don't you get some? Why don't you ask Carrie if you can watch one of the kids while she's busy with the other two? Start slowly. And what about your brother's kids? You've spent time with them, haven't you?"
"Some but mostly on special occasions. You know on Christmas Day or at a birthday party. Come to think of it. I've never even read a bedtime story to a child or given a bath to a baby or warmed a bottle. It's hopeless, Elise. I'm going to be a terrible mother."
Elise patted my hand. "Poor Brianne. You'll be fine. Let's talk about something else. So what about Italy?"
"What about Italy?" I asked.
"Is the honeymoon still on? You planned on being away for a month right?"
I took a sip of my steaming herbal, decaffeinated tea. "Of course it's still on. Why wouldn't it be?"
Elise sighed. "I thought pregnant women weren't' supposed to fly."
"Only very pregnant women aren't allowed to fly. I think." I was suddenly aware of just how much knowledge I lacked.
Elise raised her glass of merlot to the light and sighed. "I can't imagine spending a month in Italy and not being able to drink wine!"
"Italians aren't as rabid about the alcohol thing as Americans. Lots of pregnant women have a glass or two of wine. Now and then. Once in a while."
"Okay." Elise said. "I'll admit Europeans on the whole are more reasonable about health than Americans. But what's Wade going to say?"
Sometimes it seemed that one of Elise's favorites hobbies was to pick on Wade. And what had he ever done to her but ask me to marry him?
"He'll be fine with it."
"You're deluding yourself. If I know Wade at all and I think I do, he sees this baby as his investment. Why don't' I just say it? He sees this baby as his property. And like any smart businessman, he's going to do whatever it takes to protect that investment. To keep trespassers off his property."
"I thought I was his property." I said lamely attempting a joke.
"You are." Elise pointed first to my face and then to my midsection. "You and the baby. You better believe he'll be ready to whack any guy who comes within ten yards of you."
"Wade is not violent."
Elise shrugged. "You're right. But he is the jealous type. And he won't stand for anyone imposing on his turf. He'll hire someone to whack the intruder."
"You're horrible." I said. "You have such a warped idea of Wade. Why can't you try to like him for my sake?"
"Aren't I always nice to him in person? I bet he doesn't even know I don't like him. Unless you've ratted me out."
"No. I haven't ratted you out. Wade is under the impression that you adore him. He's under the impression that everyone adores him. It's just the way he is. He doesn't have a lot of imagination."
"There is one more thing I wanted to ask you."
"What?" I asked. "What else can possibly ask me that will bring me any lower than I am at this very moment?"
Elise looked at me steadily. "Have you told John?"
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