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Standard Disclaimer Applies
…JCE…
"Well isn't this… domestic." Edward muttered giving me a strange look as I fiddled with the button's on the stove, Ellie sat at the table coloring on something, probably the wooden surface of the rickety thing. He dropped the mail onto the table next to Ellie, before kissing her cheek.
He came up and wrapped an arm around my waist before kissing my neck, "What are you making?"
"I'm not cooking, Jackass." He sniffed over my shoulder and recoiled. "I'm boiling my tooth brush. Ellie dropped it on the plunger."
"So funny." Ellie muttered from behind me.
This is why I never had kids.
That and my having children is probably illegal in 48 states. I agree with those states though. The world doesn't need any more Bastard Bella's running around.
"Where have you been?"
"Staff meeting, Baby. I didn't know they were going to be out so late, sorry."
"Mhm."
Edward laid a kiss on my shoulder and I rolled my eyes, "What are you doing?"
"What?" He asked as I slipped out of his arms and moved the pan off of the hot eye.
"Why are you so touchy feely today?" I snapped.
"Are you on your period?" We locked eyes.
"Are you looking to get punched in the balls?"
"Why are you being such a bitch?"
"Why are you acting like this is new?" I cocked an eyebrow. All of the sudden a little hand was thrust between us.
"You said a cuss word."
Edward shook his head, "Not now, Ellie."
"Don't play me, Daddy. I want my money." He broke his gaze and knelt down in front of her.
"Ellie, what's wrong with Mommy?"
"Her and Aunt Alice got banned from the grocery store." He looked up at me and raised an eyebrow.
"Don't look at me like that."
"And her Mommy is coming to visit!" His eyes widened and she bounced on her toes.
"Didn't you just talk to Emmett about focusing on the case?" I put a hand up and he used it to help stand up. "What happened between then and now?" He was almost screaming and I was about an inch away from slapping him.
"If you don't stop fucking yelling at me I am going to break your nose. I didn't invite her here! " I
"Stop! Or I am going to draw a picture of you guys arguing and show it to my teacher. Then she'll make you come in and talk about your ma-li-tawh problems."
"If Bella doesn't get banned from the school first." Edward muttered, Ellie slapped his stomach. "Seriously, what is your fucking problem!"
I slipped past both of them and my stomach tossed and turned. My fucking mother was visiting. I hadn't seen her in… years. She would decide to pop up right when everything was going down. Now Em and Edward were pissed at me and convinced I was fucking up the case. Once I made it to the room I slammed the door shut and locked it. Edward's footsteps soon thundered through the hall as he chased after me. My eyes started to tear up and I put my back to the door, sinking down its surface until I met the ground.
Only a few select people have seen me cry and I was damn determined to make sure Edward didn't join that list. Crying showed a weakness and I was anything but weak.
"Bella… " I heard a thump against the door and I buried my head in my knees.
"Mommy?" Ellie knocked against the door and I felt bad for locking her out. He could sit out there and shit on himself for all I care.
"Why are you so mean?" She asked Edward, "There is a reason I haven't had a Mommy and then she comes along and you scream at her?"
"Not now, Ellie."
"She's crying!"
"I am not!" I protested trying to regulate my breathing, but it still skipped every once in a while.
"Baby, open the door." He pleaded.
"Don't call me that." I huffed.
"Please, Honey?"
"Even worse."
"Damn it Bella!" He groaned. There was a loud smack and Edward gasped while Ellie giggled.
"You won't pay me. But you will stop cussin'!" She continued to cackle and he roared something about her being grounded.
"Bella?"
"What?"
"What's going on?" There was some shifting on his end and then I heard his body weight slide to the ground much like mine had earlier.
"I am sorry I made you cry, Baby." I lied; I loved when he called me that.
"I'm not crying." I lied, wow I was on a roll.
"Open the door."
"I can hear you just fine from here." I muttered. "I know. I'm forever fucking this case up."
"No you aren't. It's unfortunate that your mother is choosing now to come. And why couldn't you just tell her to come later?"
"I haven't seen her in three years…" I trailed off.
"I'm sorry, Bella." I shook my head even though he couldn't see me.
"I fucked up even before I knew she was coming. What kind of boring old house wife races shopping carts in the middle of the grocery store with a midget and gets kicked out?"
"You aren't a boring old housewife." I laughed with him when he said this. I stood and opened the door for him, he was still leaning on it when it opened though so he fell on his back. I hovered above his waist and hugged his neck. He wrapped his arms around my waist before soon trying to push me away. I tightened my arms around his neck until he went red in the face.
"Don't fucking yell at me ever again." I released him and he gasped for air.
"When is your mother coming?"
"She said she'd be here in five hours when I talked to her … she was somewhere in Canada."
"When was that?"
"Four hours and fifteen minutes ago." He was on his feet in a flash and pulling me up too.
"We need to clean this place up."
"No we don't this is probably the nicest place she has visited in years." I smirked he wrapped his arms around my waist again and kissed down my neck.
"Well then. I say we pretend the last ten to fifteen minutes didn't just happen." He sucked lightly on my neck and gropped my ass. I placed my hands on his cheeks and nodded as I brought his lips to mine. He awkwardly carried me to the bed and never released me as we fell together. He grabbed my leg behind the knee and hitched it around his waist.
"Get him, Mommy!" Ellie screamed, Edwards head dropped onto my shoulder and I peeked over his at the little girl throwing punches in the air from the door way.
"Yeah jackass." I feigned anger and pushed him off of me.
"Mommy there is a lady at the door. She smells like weed and flowers." I sighed and frantically straightened myself out as Edward questioned Ellie on why she knew what weed smelled like.
"Bella just go, you look beautiful. Okay?" I nodded and headed towards the door. Once I opened it I realized that she actually did smell like weed and flowers. She pulled me into a hug as soon as she saw me
"Look at my Baby!" She squealed. I felt the stench of the weed being sucked up by my hair and clothes.
"Hi, Mom." I said less than enthusiastic, she pulled away from me and looked me up and down.
"What's wrong with you?"
"Well you call me on your way here and tell me you are coming and I have abso- fucking- lutely know time for anything. Oh and you just pop out of the fucking blue after three years."
"Honey, forgive and forget… forgive and forget." A big dude carrying bags approached her and she turned to him laying a hand on his chest. "Bella this is Phil." I was about to go bat shit crazy but decided not to due to the fact that I had a five year old, albeit one too old for her age, in the bedroom.
I invited them in and kicked one of Ellie's toys out of the doorway, it just happened to be the one who's hair she butchered and named after Alice.
"Bella aren't you a little old for Barbie's?"
"Aren't you a little old for him?" I gestured to Phil, immensely grateful because she didn't introduce him as 'Uncle Phil' as she did all of her other boyfriends when I was younger. I had always wondered why she was banging her many and endless amount of brothers…
She tsked at me and Ellie darted around the corner, followed by a frazzled looking Edward, "Sorry, she was admant about getting the god damned doll." He swooped her up over his shoulder once she had gotten the Barbie and exited the foryer. I rocked back onto my heels… Yeah I didn't know how the whole 'hey Mom, I'm married now with a kid' conversation was going to go but I didn't expect to start that way. I looked up to my Mom and stepped out of the doorway. She walked in and looked completely unphased by what had just happened. She was most likely too high to notice.
"Hey bud," I said to Phil, he had to have been somewhere around my age. "I know she's too high to remember any of this, but you don't smell like weed so listen up. Do not smoke in my fucking home. If that little girl, you just saw, ever comes to me, smelling like weed, I will make your balls into a new chandelier. Got me?" He nodded and cupped himself.
"The little girl lives here?" Mom asked, I looked at her and shot a very pointed look out of the picture window, next to her, which revealed the play set out back.
"Yes she lives here…" Mom laughed and I scrunched up my nose at her.
"I've got to say Belly, you do have some interesting roommates."
"Ren… I don't think they are roommates." I nodded at him.
She rolled her eyes, "Then what would they be?" She asked airily.
"Weed is making you stupid as shit. Realized that?" I asked, she shrugged. "That would be my husband and our daughter." She stared at me for a second with her mouth open.
Before laughing hysterically.
"Oh, you got me. A little April fool's prank on Momma." When have I ever called her 'Momma'?
"Yeah, but its October." She laughed again and then sobered up.
"Listen honey, I am high as a kite right now. So give me some time to sleep it off?"
"Whatever, Mom. Goodnight." She popped up from her seat when I stood and hugged me tightly again.
"Oh I've missed you!" She laughed; I backed away from her and waved at Phil. I headed back to the Bedroom and found Edward in the recliner flipping through papers.
He looked up at me and I almost moaned like a whore on Benadryl, "I didn't know you wore glasses." Dear goodness, he looked good in them too. The black of the frames made his green eyes pop. I knelt by the side of the recliner and rested my head on his shoulder. He turned and kissed the top of my head.
"How's it going with your mom?" I shook my head.
"Delightfully well." I deadpanned. "She showed up high as fuck, so I'm going to try again tomorrow."
"Sorry, Baby." I shrugged and he tossed the papers aside before patting his lap, I hurried into it, wanting to be as close to him and his glasses, I mean sexiness. I kissed his lips before resting against his shoulder again.
"Once she leaves we should stay with Alice and Jasper for a while." He wrapped his arms around my waist.
"Why do you say that?"
"Leah and James decided that once we back the fuck off, they would go in for the kill."
"So you want us to leave… so that they can kill Jacob?" I patted his cheek and 'tsked'.
"Listen, honey. It's really not that complicated. Alice isn't that far away. Once they notice that we don't come home they'll make an attempt." His mouth opened in an 'o' shape and I nodded.
He yawned in my ear and I wrapped my hands around his. Not ten minutes later I drifted off in his arms.
…JCE…
Hope you enjoyed and/or had some laughs!
Okay let's shoot for 180 reviews. If we actually hit that number, all reviewers will receive Bella and Alice's shopping trip (which is much more than what Bella revealed :D) outtake (It isn't a chapter long but it's somethin'.) 185 and you will get another chapter tomorrow! You guys have been doing so amazingly with the reviews twice in a row, we actually reached our goals and we were only two reviews off for the chapter so GREAT JOB! Seriously you make our day.
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