Chapter 12

Deformations and Farewells

Satori's POV

I woke from a nightmare.

When I looked at the bed next to me, I took note of Korra's deep, even breathing. She was exhausted after a long day of training.

"Daddy?" I called, my voice small and scared. The door creaked as I opened the door to my parents' bedroom.

"Satori?" my dad questioned groggily as he rose from the bed and walked to where I was standing. My mother shifted in the bed, seeking the missing warmth my father had left behind.

"I had a nightmare, daddy," I sniffled. I felt him wrap his arms around me, and he lifted me up with a small 'oof' as I curled in his arms. I was ten years old, but I was small for my age, so it was easy for the giant that is my father to carry me like this.

He took me to the kitchen and flipped the switch. The light comforted me. He sat down on the sofa-like seat in the corner of the room.

"What was it about, sweetheart?" he asked as he ran his fingers through my hair soothingly.

"K-Korra," I sobbed. "Sh-she was h-hurt, a-a-and I was so far away – I couldn't reach her, and I c-couldn't h-help her at all. She- I- I hate that! Korra's training, becoming a hero, an-and-and I'm so useless. Wh-what if Korra got h-hurt? H-h-how w-would I b-be able to help her?"

He hummed as he nodded and pet my back.

"D-daddy?" I said in a small voice. "I don't want to be like that… I w-want to help my sister." I pulled away, my face scrunched up in determination. "I want to learn how to protect my sister!"

He smiled at me. "Well, then. How can I say no to that face?"

I beamed, and then went and gave my dad a bone-crushing hug.

From that day forth, he taught me how to fight for myself. How to fight for Korra.

I was aiming to getting strong, and I was slowly, slowly getting there.

xxxxxx

After another hard day of my own training, I was nearly trembling and panting so hard I was almost afraid I'd swallow my own tongue. Dad and I watched, unnoticed, as Korra trained in firebending, her moves as forceful and aggressive as her personality. I smiled. She was doing really well.

The firebending master praised her. Then he said something about an 'Avatar State' and how these simple moves would be nothing less than forces of destruction if she ever went into it. There was an unhealthy amount of curiosity in his eyes. Korra didn't seem to know what he was talking about. He crouched down and began to tell her something that we were too far away to hear. I saw Korra's eyes gleam, though, and I wondered what he was telling her. I heard something about 'power' and 'Avatar State'.

My dad stiffened beside me. I snuck a glance at him and saw his severe frown.

"Daddy?" I asked. Eleven years old, and I hadn't stopped calling him that childish name. I didn't think I ever would. "What is this… Avatar State?"

My dad's frown deepened. "It's something that's very dangerous, Satori," my father said, his voice grave. He glared at the instructor.

"But what is it, Daddy?" I insisted.

He seemed to struggle to form words. "It's… a kind of trance, Satori. It's when the Avatar – your sister – goes into this mode where she can tap into formidable power."

"Formidable power?" I repeated in awe. "What kind of power, Daddy? What does it look like?"

He sighed. "It's like, she has access to the experiences of the past Avatars-"

"Woah," I interrupted. I hadn't known that was even possible.

"-and from what Old Lady Katara described, the Avatar's eyes glow and they cause absolute destruction without control."

"How do you get into the Avatar State?" I questioned.

My dad looked at me with surprised eyes. "Well… as far as I know, Old Lady Katara said something about it coming in times of 'great emotional trauma'…"

My eyes widened. "You mean Korra will go into that state when she gets hurt?" My voice turned horrified. I turned to glare at the man as well.

Then I went and did something stupid. I jumped down from the wall we were sitting on top of (it wasn't very high) and ran to the firebending teacher. He looked at me in surprise.

"What are you doing, child?"

"How dare you!" I nearly screeched, my childish heart wounded by the very thought of this man telling Korra about such an emotionally crippling state and poisoning her. I was young, I was very emotional (still am, actually) and I did not like this man who gave me bad vibes and thought that the Avatar State was some sort of good thing. "You can't just- just go and give Korra ideas about such a horrible thing!"

He looked a bit angry. "You don't know what you're going on about, little girl. The Avatar State is a great power of the Avatars' that your sister must tap into in order to unleash her full potential."

"It's wrong," I insisted. "Korra shouldn't have to get hurt in order to 'unleash her full potential'. Stop poisoning her mind!" I screamed.

He sneered at me. "And what would you know about that, little girl? You're just a child. You don't know anything."

"I know my sister better any crotchety old fool who can only do mediocre firebending and is some power-hungry, ass-kissing old bastard!" I yelled, unleashing my entire arsenal of 'bad' language.

"Satori," Korra whispered in shock.

The man's face twisted. "Why, you insolent child-" He raised his hand, and – to my horror – it was engulfed in flames.

It seemed to happen in slow motion. The hand slowly descended – and then a jet of water shot out and froze the entire arm.

Just like his arm, the man froze as well. He turned, very slowly, to see my father standing there, with a very, very angry expression on his face.

I hugged Korra tightly. She looked scared and more than a little confused. It probably didn't help that I was constantly whispering, "I won't let you get hurt, Korra, I'll protect you, and you won't ever have to go into the Avatar State, because I won't let you get hurt, never, no."

In the meantime, my father had a 'talk' with with firebending instructor.

The next day, Korra had a new firebending instructor, one who was a master of the highest level. He had a stern face and unyielding teaching method. He didn't try anything fishy. I got good vibes from him.

.

.

I'll protect you, Korra. You won't be hurt enough to go into the Avatar State ever again.

.

.

But is it really enough? A non-bender like me, who knew enough to defeat other non-benders twice my size, what could I do against benders? They were so strong, and that was whom my sister was up against.

She's up against such powerful people. She is the Avatar, and she wouldn't be able to handle them.

She was hurt.

Asami was hurt.

How useful am I, really?

Even learning how to effectively fight against benders, those with their unnatural advantages, I still couldn't stop Korra from getting hurt.

I couldn't stop Asami from getting hurt.

Hell, I couldn't even save myself.

.

.

"She's gaining consciousness!"

"Korra!"

"Oh my Spirits, Satori, Satori, my little sister-"

"Tori, are you okay?"

"Satori!"

I feel tiny arms wrap around me, and flinch. The person moves away, as if burnt.

I groan and open my eyes. I am greeted by worried faces and the blinding hospital lights.

Idly, I think, hospitals truly are amazing. In the Water Tribe, we don't have hospitals. For medical care, we usually go to Katara or the local herbs mistress, Old Lady Kioni. These hospitals, though. There is no need for cloying scents or candlelit tents. There are comfy hospital beds, modern lights, and a relatively new smell of sterility and chemically manufactured medicine.

I shift my gaze to my arm, where I see a needle sticking out of it. I frown, wanting to remove the sharp object from my arm, but feeling unnecessarily worried about what will happen if I do. It is connected to something in a bag hanging from a long pole. If I squint, I can make out 'IV drip' written on it.

My eyes find the worried faces of my visitors.

There is Korra. She is right beside me, on the bed, and her hand is holding mine in a slack grip. Mako is there, sitting on the other side with a sling on his left arm, bandage across his head and a worried look in his eyes. Bolin is there, with a neck brace on (it looks like I had hit him harder than I thought). The air siblings are there, with Pemma sitting on a nearby chair and gazing at me worriedly. Tenzin and Lin stand on either side of her. Lin's gaze is hard.

I don't see Asami.

I swallow roughly.

"As- Asami," I croak. "Is she okay? Where- where is she?"

Korra answers me. "She's sleeping. On the other side of the curtain." Her face looks grim. "It was pretty serious. She won't be able to use that arm for a long while, but she's mostly alright. We just talked to her a while ago."

I look at her, and everything comes back to me. I feel like I have been hit with a Satomobile. To my horror, tears gather in my eyes, and, despite the horrible pain I'm feeling, I lunge towards Korra and hug her tight. She stiffens in surprise, but hugs me back very delicately.

"I'm sorry," I blubber. "I'm so, so sorry, Korra. I didn't mean for you to get hurt. I- I was supposed to protect you. You- you were hurt."

She pulls away, and she looks incredulous. "I got hurt? Satori, you are the one with a gaping hole in your stomach and a deformed face!" Her voice is angry at the end. I recoil at her words.

"Wha- what?" I gasp, trying to clamp down on my panic. I hear a facepalm and turn to face Mako. I feel the bandages around my neck and covering my face (that I hadn't even realized had been there) shift.

"Not the most tactful way to say it, Korra," Mako says with exasperation. Korra flushes with anger and embarrassment.

"Korra," I say. "Korra. You went into the Avatar State. Dad told me it only happens when you face great emotional trauma. Sis, my injuries are nothing compared to yours." I place a hand on her chest, where her heart should be. "These can heal. Your heart can't. I promised you, remember? I wouldn't let you get hurt. But I did." I slump against my pillows and feel a throbbing from my abdomen. "I failed."

Korra grasps my hands in hers; her hold is gentle, like I am fragile glass that is tilting over the edge of a shelf. Maybe that is what I am.

"No, Satori," Korra says as tears of her own slip down her cheeks. "I'm the big sister, dammit!" she says, louder than before. "I'm the one supposed to be protecting you. But look at you, you're injured, and- and the doctors said that you weren't going to make it."

I glare at her. "Shut up, Korra," I say, voice weak. "We're both sisters. We protect each other. And it's not your fault, okay? You can't take up the weight of the world."

"Then it's not your fault either," Korra insists stubbornly. "The Avatar State – it just happens. It has nothing to do with you."

Oh, but it does, I think, but don't say. I made you a promise, but I broke it, and now it's all my fault that you're almost broken.

Her arms wrap around me in a hug. Another pair of arms joins in. That's Mako. Then Bolin. Then Pemma, and Meelo and Ikki and Jinora, and Tenzin. Lin pets my head, which I suppose is equivalent to a hug.

I continue to cry as I am enveloped in the embrace of my loved ones. They are all whispering reassurances to me. Mako is telling me about how scared he was when he found me bleeding in the bot, and Bolin tells me about how much hated that he was knocked out my me, but that he forgives me because if he had to be knocked out, at least it was by a pretty girl like me. I laugh weakly at that.

Pemma whispers soothing motherly nonsense in my ear, telling me how it's going to be okay, and that when we return home she'll make me my favorite stew. And Tenzin tells me to 'never, ever get in trouble like that again, young lady, or you will be grounded till you're fifty'.

The air siblings chatter about nonsense, too. They tell me about how cool it was that I barely escaped death (Meelo), Ikki's mile-a-minute chatter about badassery and stew-for-dinner, and Jinora's simple words of 'I'm glad you're okay'.

Lin tells me not to knock out her officers. Ever. Again.

Then another voice joins in, and this one has everyone else pulling away so that I can look. I see Asami, the curtain pulled aside, sitting up in the bed beside mine. Her eyes are half-lidded and she looks very sleepy.

"I'm glad you're alright, Satori," she says warmly, smiling at me. Even disheveled and looking like she'd been run over by ten trucks, Asami still manages to maintain poise and grace. I admire that.

Her words catch up with me, and I wave her off, wincing as pain zaps through me. "Forget about me," I say, "I want to know how you're holding up."

She gives me a look. "Satori, I'm fine. I have a shoulder wound, and that's about it. You, on the other hand," she says with a disapproving frown, "nearly died."

Aaaand here comes the lecture. Now that all the lovey-dovey stuff is over, the tears dry, everyone is gearing up for some big-time Satori-bashing.

Gee, thanks, Asami.

Nevertheless, I am beyond relieved that she got through it alive. Seeing all that blood, though… that gave quite a scare. I was afraid she'd face some sort of crippling injury, or even death.

"I'm a miracle child, Asami," I say, trying to sound flippant and nonchalant. It doesn't really have any affect any of them. "I won't die so easy."

Korra sighs. "That you won't. But you're also a trouble magnet." Then she goes into the aptly named 'Big Sister Mode'. "And why did you disobey my orders when I told you to stay put? Huh?"

I laugh nervously. "You all worry too much."

Korra explodes. "Of course we worry! Like Asami said, you almost died."

I touch the bandages on my face worriedly. "Is it… it is really that bad?"

Korra's face turns sad. It is Pemma who answers. "Satori, honey… The doctors say that the scarring on your face may be permanent. You're on some heavy painkillers to diffuse the pain in your abdomen, and the hospital is not sure they can totally heal the area. And…" She hesitates.

I feel dread bloom in my stomach. "What else happened?" I asked, fearing the answer.

"The damage to your face… was more extensive than they thought," Mako says. I hear regret and frustration in his voice. "Satori… your right eye is damaged beyond repair. They couldn't save it. I'm sorry."

It takes a heavy moment for that to sink it. For everything that has been said so far in the conversation to sink in. And then I scream.

I lost an eye! I lost a damn eye! I'm missing an eye, oh Spirits.

My face! They say the damage is permanent, so now I don't have an eye, and my face is heavily scarred, and I'm a freak. I'm useless, I can't keep my promises, I don't have any strength, there's a hole in my stomach, and my face is deformed. I won't ever have a chance of looking good again, and no one will look at me twice in any sort of romantic way because I'm not beautiful.

The adults and air siblings rush out of the room when Korra requests that they leave and that she will handle this, and someone grabs my shoulder – gently, because I am weak and injured and useless on top of being deformed – and tries to get me to calm down.

"Satori!" The person's voice says sternly. I quiet down, still very much panicked, and find myself looking into Bolin's very familiar, very beautiful, and very warm green eyes. "Please stop," he said, his eyes now worried. I can't stop looking at them.

He seems wary, like I am a wounded and cornered animal. He sets down slowly right beside me, and then put his arm around me. I relax instantly and lean into his side, searching for warmth and support.

Bolin's POV

She looks so scared.

It frightens me to see her hurt like this. Bandaged heavily, connected to an IV drip, unable to move other than sitting up.

When Mako tells her about her eye – that idiot, he doesn't have any tact, he should've told her when she was feeling better – and she started to scream, I didn't understand. Why was she screaming?

So I did the only thing I thought that I could. I calmed her down and tried to comfort her, because even if I didn't love her yet, I cared about her. Seeing her like this physically hurt, like someone was stabbing me in the chest.

She curls into me, like a small, hurt kitten. I try to provide as much comfort as I can. She sobs into me without restraint. I cannot believe it takes a life-endangering incident for her to open up to me again.

"I- I- I-" she sobs, and I hold her tighter, encouraging her to go on. "My face," she says, crumbling. "I- I won't look the same again. I'll look like some sort of deformed freak."

"Satori," I say slowly, anger coloring my voice. "Stop it." She looks up in surprise. I continue. "No matter what happens to you, Satori, you have to know, you'll always be beautiful."

She stares at me for a long while, and then her face slowly starts to color until it burns a bright red. I let a grin spread across my face and I can hear the others laughing and cooing at us.

"B-Bolin!" she stammers, like her old self, awkward and cute as hell.

I grin her, and she blushes brighter. I like making her blush. The fact that I can bring out such a reaction from her pleases me.

"Y-You-" she says, trailing off. It is almost inaudible, but she whispers, "… thank you."

As a 'you're welcome', I kiss her on the temple. Her face looks about ready to explode and I start to laugh.

"Yeah, yeah, get a room, you two," Mako catcalls, giving me a wink.

Satori makes some strange choking sound, which just makes me laugh harder. Korra and Asami join in. Mako is already roaring with laughter.

Satori huffs, puffs her cheeks up and turns away. She shrinks back, as if she is hoping to drown in the pillow.

The movement causes her to yelp, and I can see a dark stain spreading across her abdomen. I jump away from her quickly and try to figure out what to do. I feel panic rise up and consume me. There is no laughter now as everyone scrambles to figure out what to do. Satori's eyes are heavy-lidded and she falls back heavily on her pillow, her face lolling to the side.

Korra goes and calls the doctor while Mako and I set Satori in a more comfortable position, trying very hard not to panic at the steadily spreading bloodstain on her abdomen.

The doctor comes in and, seeing the blood, immediately shouts for the nurse. They roll her immediately out of the ward and into the I.C.U.

xxxx

I feel guilt gnawing at my insides as I pace near the door to the I.C.U. It must have been my fault, at least partly. I hugged her and that must have disturbed the stiches or something.

They have been in there for half an hour. Worry gnaws at me. I can't stay still. Korra has her head in her hands; she's sitting on one of the chairs set beside the I.C.U. Mako is with Asami.

Thinking about Satori hurts, so I try to focus on another subject. The thing that happened with Mako Asami, something that has been looming over my head like a shadow, comes swooping in to take a place in the front of my mind.

Asami broke into jail to talk to her father, not telling anything of this to Mako. When she did so, she gave Hiroshi a perfect window of opportunity to escape. Convincing his daughter of his innocence, he used her help in escaping. I have no idea how they managed that, considering the heavy security surrounding him, but then I found out that Mako came up sometime in the middle and helped them out.

Once they were free of the police, some Equalist agents assisted Hiroshi in escaping, leaving Mako and Asami behind. Well, of course that didn't go well. So of course they decide to go after Hiroshi again, this time to stop him. When they entered the warehouse (following the blinding police lights), they found that the guards at the entrance were, for some reason, knocked out.

The rest, of course, is history.

Something brushes against my leg, and I look down to see Pabu next to my leg, silently asking me for permission to climb up to my shoulder. I accept the comfort that he provides and hug him tightly to me.

"Oh, Pabu," I whisper. "What am I going to do?"

It doesn't help at all that I was unconscious and of absolutely no use. Knocked out by Satori, no less.

Although I guess that I understand why she did it. I was obviously acting very stupid and rash, now that I think about it.

Still doesn't help. Mako and Korra and Asami and Satori got hurt because I was acting like a hotheaded idiot.

Aaaand, yup, I start to think about Satori again. That might be a little understandable, considering that it's very hard to get her out of my head nowadays.

xxxxxx

Satori's POV

Everything hurts.

This is not a new sensation, because I have been experiencing it for so long anyway that the fact that I can even feel this must mean that it's something extreme.

"… done all we can. She will need a more experienced healer, or a miracle, to be on the road to full recovery."

"We've been contemplating sending her to the South Pole for healing by Master Katara."

"Master Katara? Well, that does mean good things. She'll have a better chance at recovering completely, then."

There is a pause in the conversation. I decide to break the silence, and shift a bit, a tiny moan of pain leaving me.

"Satori!" someone cries, rushing to me. It's Tenzin. He lifts me back up slowly.

I look down at my abdomen. The last thing I remember is feeling like something was stabbing me in the stomach, and then unconsciousness. I have fresh bandages wrapped around the injured area (the hole in my stomach, oh Spirits) and I feel very drowsy – probably from more painkillers.

"I'm leaving to the South Pole, huh?" I mutter, glancing down at my hand idly and flexing it.

I see Tenzin nod gravely from my peripheral. "It's better for you that way," he says.

I cannot help but think, Better for me to heal or better for me to stay out of trouble?

I shift and attempt to sit up on my own. Tenzin still holds my arm tight, in case I collapse or something.

I hum and close my eyes – my eye. "I guess that it really is for the better then."

xxxxx

There are people who have come to see me off. There's the air siblings, Pemma, Tenzin, Mako, Bolin, two White Lotus members, Lin, and, of course, Korra. She is not coming back to the South Pole with me.

Surprisingly, I see Tarrlok among those who have come to see me off. He gives me a nod, and that is all the farewell I get from him before he goes to stand somewhere in the back. I have a feeling that I should know what exactly was meant by the gesture, but I am too loaded on painkillers for my brain to function properly.

I get teary goodbyes and hugs. A pat on the head. Then I am off, my wheelchair being rolled onboard, the goodbyes themselves blurry to my foggy mind.

I travel with two other White Lotus members and an Air Acolyte woman who seems pretty cheery. I think her name is Cheza. I'm not too sure, because the moment I come aboard, I am led to my cabin and that is when I fall into a death-like sleep.

xxxxx

I am back home.

"Oh, Satori," my mother says, tears spilling down her cheeks as she looks at me. She pulls me into a hug, wetting my shoulder as she cries. "Oh, honey, I'm so sorry."

I large hand lands on my head. I look up to see my father. He gives a gruff smile, a little rough around the edges, but as warm and welcoming as family gathered around a warm hearth.

"Welcome back," he says. I smile in relief, and he engulfs my mom and I in his giant bear-hug.

Although I have enjoyed my life in Republic City a lot, nothing quite beats the feeling of coming back to somewhere warm and familiar with family waiting for you. The love I feel from them warms me.

After all, as they say, home is where the heart is.


REVIEW RESPONSES:

Lady of the Spirit: I wasn't really expecting it either.

Well. I think it's both our faults. And it's great to see you too. :) Let's chat sometime, eh?

Lady of the Spirit (2) (Guest): I know. I think she's justified too. But Satori is a betrayed teen - her point of view is not exactly unprecedented.

Mako is probably an emotional mess right now. Ugh. It's gonna be hard writing him angsting.

That… is something I'll decide later. I'm leaning towards Makorra right now. It's not because I don't like yuri (in fact I quite like it), it's that Korrasami is not something I perceive in a romantic way. If I had to guess, it'd be something like a sister-sister relationship. Although since this is more or less AU, that might change too.

Yeah, I know that. I just read the latest chapter. It's really awesome, and I'm also looking forward to the next one. ^_^

Thank you for the review! :D

LadyMaluHolmes: Thank you, thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed the show. ;)

I hope you will wait patiently. I'll try to get the next one out as soon as I can. :)

Constipated Genius: I have one important point to address:

Your. Penname. Is. Awesome.

To be honest... I don't know what to do about the whole Avatar State thing. It's been forever since I've watched LoK, so I dunno if it'd be horrible if she went into Avatar State early, or...? Well.

When I first read this story, I adored it because the OC was, more or less, a normal girl - trapped in her sister's shadow.

The love thing: it's like a teen dream. And Satori needed a reality check, so I guess that this is it.

Also, I've never killed someone. Don't know what it feels like. So I don't really know how to act the 'shit I can't believe I just killed someone my innocence is ruined ohmygod' card.

The mental repercussions thing is gonna take some serious play-acting. But I have something positively DEVIOUS in mind. Heeheehee.

And I love rambles and reviews, and I adore it when people comment on my story. I would be forever grateful if you did continue to review and ramble. :)

Thank you for your words! :D


This chapter feels kinda rushed. I wanted to get it out as soon as possible. I'm also about 95% sure that most of you have gotten heart-attacks. Because, I know, right? I updated within a few days, not MONTHS! Hah! ^_^

Some points to address:

* Satori is a girl; a teenage girl, at that. Of course she cares about her appearance.

* I made her lose an eye and get 'deformed', because this is one of the 'hardships' that was mentioned in the summary. And don't worry: she will suffer some more. /grins sadistically/

* The beginning was because no one can learn martial arts in one frickin' week. Thus she's been learning fighting since she was a kid. How's that?

* And also because I wanted the Avatar State to have some heavy impact on her, as the idea had popped into my head after Constipated Genius's review (thnx).

See ya.