Hello, everyone! I'm sorry it's been a bit but I was having a case of writer's block, I was struggling on how to articulate Betty's issues. I hope I capture it well. This chapter made me cry while I was writing it so I hope everyone likes it and can see the true emotions I put into it.
Warning: Discussion of eating disorders and depictions of self-harm with mentions of blood
Jughead couldn't help but notice the way the lights of the bar seemed to dim once Betty's presence left his side, it was beginning to be a reoccurring theme. When she wasn't in the room the world seemed to be dull and dim, blurred at the edges. But when she was there it was magnificent, a contrast of bright colours and contoured edges with detailed lines. It was like he was gifted with better than perfect vision and could suddenly see everything the world had to offer. Bad things didn't seem so bad and good things seemed a million times better.
So, you can bet your ass he noticed when she was gone for fifteen minutes.
"Where did Betty go?" Jughead asks, eyes skimming the other patrons of the bar for any sight of his blonde-haired beauty.
"She ducked off to the bathroom a bit ago that was the last I saw of her," Toni answers, noticing the furrowed brow on her leader's face.
Jughead's mouth pulls down in the corners at this and before his pink underling can utter words of reassurance he spins on his heel and makes his way towards the bathroom. Confident strides and a determined look on his face are enough to clear a pathway through the bar, not to mention the looming title of leader that always seems to dangle above his head, sometimes aiding him while other times only making things worse.
The lean boy stops short outside the door, as he's faced with the worn wood he knows it's occupied, as it was normally open with a dimming light dangling from the ceiling above.
"Betty?" he asks, leaning to press his ear to the door an anxious knot tying in his gut.
He couldn't hear anything behind the splintering door, albeit the music or a lack of a reply completely he wasn't sure, so he knocked, calling out to the blonde once again.
"Betty, if you can hear me open the door," he said, his voice raising and pinching slightly in panic. He wasn't sure why but he knew something was wrong, be it the resounding silence from the girl on the other side of the door or a hunch he felt deep in his gut he couldn't be sure.
When she remained silent once again he reached down to the doorknob, only to find it locked.
"Betty, goddammit!" The beanie-wearing boy cursed, before stepping back and raising a boot-clad foot to the door. The door was no match for Jughead and the old wood splintered and cracked under the heel of his strapped boots. The door swung open and reverberated against the wallpaper walls that were curled and browned with age, the sound painfully loud to Jughead but falling on deaf ears around him.
What Jughead saw next made his heart stop. Betty, his beautiful Betty who radiated her own sunlight, lay still on the floor, sweat sticking to her much too pale skin. All forms of light and hope that the blonde emitted were vacant from the room, leaving a cold an empty feeling that he could feel through his skin and in everything that he was. And for one terrifying moment, that he would give everything to never feel again, he thought she was dead.
"Betty!" He yelled, his voice shaking and reaching an unnaturally high octave. The Serpent quickly rushed to her side, dropping to his knees and taking a cold, clammy hand in his. The bones of his knees made an uncomfortably loud sound when the hit the cool tile; the kind of sound that causes a shiver to course through your body and your hair stand on end. It was loud and brutal and harsh.
At this Betty, opened her eyes, meeting Jughead's watery blue ones.
"Hi, Jug," she murmured, her voice cracking on his name.
Jughead, unconsciously, breathed a sigh of relief; he never thought his name could sound so good.
"Hey, you," he replies, pushing back a strand of hair stuck to her forehead, hoping she doesn't notice the shaking of his fingers. "You feeling okay?"
"I've been better."
"Yeah, I bet, what happened?" He asks, almost afraid of the answer.
"I don't know," the blonde whimpers, moving to sit up with Jughead's help. "After eating the pizza, I just felt so dizzy and sick, then suddenly I was throwing up." Her cheeks tint slightly at this confession, embarrassed at having to admit she was sick, even though she was sure Jughead wouldn't care.
Jughead swallowed, ignoring the growing lump in his throat.
"Betts," he starts, struggling to find the right words. "Did you…" He trails off, his voice dying in his throat at the thought of what he was going to ask "Did you throw up on purpose?" He finally finishes, hating the idea but having to ask. His heart ached at the thought of his beautiful girlfriend doing such a thing but he couldn't deny the possibility of it.
"What?" Betty gasps, retracting from his hold until her back was against the peeling wallpaper and a visible space was between them.
"Betty, ever since I've met you, you've had a problem with food. I just wanna make sure you're okay, that's all I've ever wanted." Jughead spoke, his voice gentle but firm as he reached towards the trembling blonde.
At his words, the younger of the two couldn't help but curl her fingers inwards until she felt the familiar sting in her palms.
"I didn't mean to do it Jug, it just happened," she pauses, looking up at her boyfriend with a wobbly bottom lip. "You believe me, don't you?"
"Of course, I do, Betts," the older boy reassures, finally grasping her smaller hands in his once again, if only to prevent further crescent wounds. "I just think...that maybe even though you didn't mean to, some part of you did."
Betty, despite how strong she was, couldn't help the onslaught of tears that had begun to stream down her face at this point. Her breathing had picked up its pace, coming out in uneven pants till the whoosh of air could be felt against Jughead's cheek.
"Hey," Jughead began, sliding the blonde into his lap and wrapping his arms around her but keeping his fingers laced in hers "it's okay, take a deep breath, it's okay."
"I-it's not Jughead! God, what the hell is wrong with me?" Betty's voice had taken on a tone he couldn't recognize, one of hysteria and panic that was ebbing to the point of uncontrollable. She was struggling to catch her breath; each gulp of air being spaced closer and closer together till she was hyperventilating.
"Nothing is wrong with you, Betts," Jughead promises, rocking the blonde in his arms in an attempt to soothe her cries and worries. He too was scared, but right now he had to be strong for Betty, for both of them.
"T-then why am I like this?" Betty asks, her voice choked and getting lost somewhere in her breathy cries.
"You're sick, baby," he says, voice low and soft as he whispers reassurances in her ear. "But I'm not giving up on you, you got that?" He squeezes her hand at this, somehow hoping that everything he is feeling is transmitted from him to her.
"I'm crazy!" She cries, her voice so loud that it splinters and hurts his ears.
Betty couldn't hold it in anymore, it seemed that no matter what she did or where she was something in her life was going to cause her pain, that she would always be hurting. The blonde was beginning to think she was at fault, the own root of all her heartache and misery, after all, she was the one constant in all of this. And she finally snapped.
The green-eyed girl curled in on herself, jerky movements causing her to knee herself in the face despite Jughead's efforts to prevent it. But to her, it was almost like Jughead wasn't there, like she was alone in the closet of her house once again; the light moved around her like a black hole swirling to infinity as her vision began to tunnel. Her breathing had become erratic and the dizziness had returned till her surroundings had begun to spin and blur around her in a mash of indistinguishable colours. The swirling only made her stomach churn once again, so she closed her eyes praying for it all to stop, for it to be over. Her fingers had curled tightly into Jughead's skin, leaving half moons on the backs of his hands that glowed red. But Jughead didn't mind, better his flesh than hers. He was sure it would scar, but he would bare her scars to spare her skin.
And in the midst of the panic and gut-wrenching terror that she felt, she heard a faint voice whispering to her through the fog.
"Shhh Betts, it's okay I got you" the voice murmured sweetly. Somehow, despite the swirling surroundings and heavy panic, that helped.
Jughead hated seeing her like this, it physically hurt; he could feel his heart squeeze in his chest and a dull throb in his head that hurt a million times worse than any crescent moons. He didn't know how to help, how to make it stop. But, he did all that he could: he stayed by her side, whispering sweet words in her ear.
"Just match my breathing, okay?" He instructed, breathing in and out slowly. "I know you can do it, Bett's."
Eventually, not soon enough, but eventually, her breathing had begun to even out and her fingers uncurled from his skin.
"Feeling okay, Betts'?" Jughead asks, running his fingers through her hair once his hand was free.
"Better," she finally chokes out, her voice raw with emotions.
"You'll be okay, I'll make sure of it." Jug promises, kissing her temple and pulling her against him tightly but gently. "What can I do for you, how can I help?"
The teen sniffles, wiping her nose with the back of her hand and letting out a shuttering breath "Can you get Kev?" She asks, in need of her best friend.
"Of course. I'll have to leave you for a minute though, will you be okay?" Jughead wasn't sure if he was asking more for him or her.
"I'll be okay," she confirms, not sure if she's telling the truth or not.
Jughead lifts her off his lap and carefully sets her back on the ground. He stands but can't help the slight buckle of his knees under his sudden weight. His legs had gone numb and tingly from sitting on the ground and the sudden movement had cause pinpricks of pain once the blood has rushed to his extremities. He reaches out his arm to stabilize himself against the peeling walls and only then does he notice the red oozing from his hands. He doesn't make much of it, especially in front of Betty, and simply kisses her head with the promise of returning shortly before exiting, wiping the back of his hands on his jeans as he goes.
He searches the bar with his eyes for the brunette and is somewhat surprised to find him curled up under Joaquin's arm in a dark corner. Jughead can't quite tell, between the dim lights and dark shadows, but he thinks he sees them locking lips, mouths moving in a synchronized tandem as the beat of a nameless song vibrates through the speakers energizing the crowd. Although he doesn't want to interrupt the pair, both because Joaquin has been complaining about 'no hot guys down here' (casually adding, 'no offence, Sweet Pea' when the other Serpent's face screwed up in annoyance) and because things seemed to be taking a turn for the hot and heavy when he saw Joaquin's hand slid into the back of Kevin's pants when he approached.
"Uh, sorry to interrupt," Jughead apologizes, voice louder than normal to offset the loud music and blanket of lust.
Joaquin pulls away first, knowing something important must be going on otherwise Jughead wouldn't have bothered them.
"What's up?" the strong-jawed boy asks, his voice slightly huskier than normal and his lips swollen and wet.
"Actually," Jug replied, facing Kevin. "I need you."
"Me?" Kevin asks, the disbelief clear on his face as his eyes grow to saucers.
Joaquin too looks surprised, but the years of being a snake have taught him how to better hide his emotions.
"Is everything okay?" Joaquin asks, his voice serious and most of the huskiness gone as he tugs Kevin further into his side and his eyes sweep the bar for any impending threats.
"Everything is fine," Jughead dismisses, not daring to share Betty's state with anyone else besides Kevin. "Betty needs to talk to you." Jughead's voice changes with this sentence, ending on a final note with no room for argument.
Kevin can hear this in his voice, the absolute dominance and power, but he would be lying if he said he didn't like it. Not just because it was hot, but because it meant that he really did care for Betty; that whatever he felt for her was serious and he would do whatever he could to make her happy. And although Kevin would give almost anything to continue his heavy petting session with a dreamy blue-eyed Serpent, he wouldn't give up his friend, especially when she needed him most.
Kev nods, a couple strands of his otherwise gelled back hair falling into his eyes as he turns to his newfound friend.
"I'm sorry to do this, but she wouldn't ask unless it was important." Joaquin nods, and reluctantly let's go of his waist. If anyone knew anything about loyalty it was a Serpent.
Jughead motions for Kevin to follow him and doesn't wait for any sign that he'll do so before he makes his way across the bar, not even sparing a glance back to make sure he is followed. Kev wonders if he's like this with Betty but something tells him he's not. He likes to think Joaquin would be the same with him, but he was getting ahead of himself. Before the towering Serpent can get lost in the crowd Kevin scurries after him, pausing and turning to say to a devilishly handsome Joaquin: "If I don't see you again tonight you have my number, use it!" before he himself disappears into the crowd himself.
Kevin follows Jughead to outside a broken bathroom door, the hinges are bent and there is a crack in the frame but Kevin takes note that whoever opened the door, as brutally as it was, took the time and care to close it as best they could.
"Is she in there?" Kevin asks if only to fill the silence as he can guess as much.
Jughead nods and pulls Kevin slightly away from the gapping wood.
"Listen, Kevin," he starts voice low but serious, the light hold he has on the younger boys arm remaining as he speaks "I don't know how much you know about Betty but she's struggling. I don't know how to help her but I'm trying my fucking hardest, I just don't know if it's actually working." The older boys eyes cast downward like he's ashamed of his efforts. But Kevin isn't and his heart swells at the thought of a boy who could love this much and wonders what it would feel like on the receiving end.
The moment of vulnerability lasts only for a seconds before his striking blue eyes flicker back up, capturing Kevin's "But she's asking for you and if all I can do is get you to go in there and help…I have to. You're her friend, probably her best friend and she needs you in a way that a boyfriend just…" Jughead pauses, the throbbing in his head growing in intensity at the thought but he ignores it and continues "in a way a boyfriend just can't. So please, help her, Kevin."
Kevin's eyes soften and he even wants to hug the Serpent. There's a tiredness about him like he's live a thousand lives beyond his years and they are only reflected in the glimpse of a moment. His brows are pulled down and strained, like the words he speaks are physically hurting him. But, to Kevin anyway, it's the eyes that give everything away. The Serpent leader that so many were afraid of was begging him for help because he loved that girl more than words could express.
"I'll do everything I can," Kevin starts, only to see a wary glance from Jughead in return. "I promise, Jughead," he adds, cementing his point with the jut of his chin as he makes his way to the bathroom door. Kevin can't help but notice some of the tension drain from the older man's body as it sags in relief in response to his words and he begins to wonder if the people on the Southside, like Joaquin and Jughead, are as bad as everyone says, or maybe, if the Northside is where real evil is after all.
Kevin walks into the bathroom, unsure of what he is going to be faced with but a feeling of uncertainty is coiled deep in his stomach. His worst fears are confirmed when the all too familiar smell of acidic stomach contents assaults his senses.
"Oh Betty," the sweater-wearing boy says, a sudden frown on his face as he slides down beside the misty-eyed girl. "How long?" He asks, piecing together the all too familiar signs.
Betty hesitates for a moment before whispering her reply: "As long as I can remember my mom has been telling me what to eat and how to look, even when I was a kid, Kev. I guess somewhere along the lines I started listening to everything she said and I became as paranoid about my body as she was. Image is everything to her and if I'm not absolutely… p-perfect than I'm nothing. And now, I don't know how to think differently…how to believe I'm not nothing." Her voice trails off at the end like she's ashamed of the confession and she wants to seep into the aged wallpaper behind her and disappear. Kevin thinks maybe she's wanted to disappear for a very long time, but he won't let that happen.
His heart aches at her confession, hating the way he knows exactly how she feels.
"My first time was when I was twelve," Kevin whispers, noticing but not acknowledging the surprise and confusion on the smaller girls face. "It was the day after Thanksgiving and I ate an entire pumpkin pie, a giant bowl of stuffing, three turkey sandwiches, and about half of the god damn sweet potato casserole."
"Kev," Betty croaks, hoping that the meaning is clear; that he doesn't have to go on if he doesn't want to because she knows exactly how hard it is.
He simply shakes his head, reaching for her clammy hand as he continues with his story. "So, after I ate all that food I kind of spiraled, I was a chubby kid, to begin with, and that food wasn't going to help, but I thought throwing up would."
"Oh, Kevin," Betty sniffled, squeezing the other boys hand reassuringly. "I'm so sorry."
Kevin smiled at her, she really was as sweet as she looked. "I'm not telling you this to make you feel sorry for me," he pauses, to look her in the eyes a serious expression on his face that she has never seen before. "I'm telling you this because this is how it all starts," he explains, arm spanning out to gesture around the bathroom "It took me years to be healthy again, to be able to eat like a normal person again. It took months upon months of therapy and working on myself and I still have problems with it, because it never really goes away. But, Betty, it does get better, but only if you want it to."
Betty eyes water at this, the green pools returning as a single tear spills onto her cheek; she didn't have to say a word and he knew.
"I knew you'd understand," she rasped, pulling the fair skinned boy into a tight hug.
Unable to think of anything right to say, Kevin simply hugs her back and hopes that is enough.
Jughead, who was waiting outside the bathroom, couldn't help but hear every word of what was said. He would deny it till the day he died, but he would be lying if he said he didn't choke up a bit. Listening to what Kevin had to say, as heartbreaking as it was, was something Jughead couldn't help but be grateful for if anyone knew how to help it was him.
After a few minutes, once Betty, and admittedly Kevin had calmed down the boy retracted from their embrace but kept his arm around her for support.
"Betty, you need help. I don't want to sound harsh but this can't go on forever, I would know. It can turn deadly, fast."
Betty doesn't say anything for a minute and Kevin is afraid that he's scared her off completely until she whispers a quiet but firm: "I know, I just don't know how."
"My therapist, she was good…I can give you her number." Kevin offers, hoping she will take it.
"I-I don't know Kev," the blonde trails off, suddenly afraid and unsure of the prospect of actually talking to someone.
"Betty, please. You can't do this on your own," Kevin begs.
Betty remains silent, not wanting to voice her disapproval at the idea.
"If not for yourself, then for Jughead," Kevin proposes, knowing exactly how to make her do what needs to be done "All this shit is a lot for him to take on and that's not your fault. But he loves you, I can see it, Betty, I may have never been in love but I know what it looks like and that boy is absolutely, madly in love with you and to have someone you love to be in this much pain, well, it's kind of like you're in that much pain too, ya know?" and although Kevin says he's never been in love it sounds like he's talking from experience and that makes Betty's heart squeeze painfully in her chest.
"As much as he loves you I think you love him just as much; since I met you you've been talking about that boy like he's your whole world and there's this look on your face of pure and encapsulating love, it's in your smiles and your eyes and in your entire body whenever you're around him. I know you wouldn't want him to feel how you feel, you wouldn't want anyone to feel how you feel Betty, not even your worst enemy because you're that kind of girl, so why are you doing this to yourself? It may seem impossible but take the word of someone who knows, it really does get better Betty, I fucking promise, but not if you don't do something to make it better. You can't just sit around and wish away the pain, it doesn't work that way, you have to make it go away." Kevin lets out a deep breath, like the sentence physically drained him but he doesn't stop, not even when he sees the fear and hesitation in her eyes.
"And as scary as that all sounds, you've got me and Veronica and Joaquin and Archie…and Jughead, who would do absolutely anything for you. Even though you may feel completely and utterly alone, you're not and even in the worst of times when you are, you still have you and sometimes, Betty, having yourself is the most important thing." Kevin finishes, his voice watery but the words strong all the same.
And Betty, who listened to the entire thing with the drum of her heart racing in her ear, knew he was right. She couldn't just hope for things to get better she had to work on it, to work on herself.
"Okay, Kev," the shaky but determined girl replies "What's her number?"
And Jughead, who was now admittedly in tears on the other side of the wall, couldn't agree more with everything Kevin said, because god did he love that girl.
