By fourth period, Rachel couldn't take it anymore. She had to find Quinn. Quinn hadn't called her yesterday, but at the time Rachel had decided to let it go, in case Quinn had broken up with Santana and needed some time to recover. Then it had crossed her mind that Quinn was blowing her off, but she still decided not to call, because obviously being obsessive and needy would not help her situation. When Santana arrived at school looking angry and alone, Rachel's hopes had risen again, but they were soon dashed when she found that Quinn was on the absence list. Now she was convinced that Quinn had tried to dump Santana and Santana had killed her—which was not an altogether implausible theory.
When the bell rang to signal the end of fourth period and the beginning of lunch, Rachel shot out of the classroom as fast as she could. She dropped her books by her locker and looked over at Quinn's locker, just to check if the girl had come to school late. But Quinn was nowhere to be found, so Rachel grabbed her lunch and went to the cafeteria to sit at a corner table and watch for the one person she least wanted to talk to, but the one person who might actually be able to help her.
She didn't have to wait long before Santana appeared. She came in through the double doors and began to scan the room. Rachel was sitting near the table where most of the Cheerios usually ate, and she waited anxiously for Santana to make her way over to that Rachel could ambush her. But to Rachel's surprise, Santana's eyes settled on a different table. She watched as Santana walked over to the other side of the cafeteria and sat down next to Brittany, across from Mike and Tina. Rachel frowned. She hated when things did not go according to plan, but as she thought more about it, she realized that it was probably better to talk to Santana in front of the glee club losers than in front of a bunch of judgemental cheerleaders. Rachel got up from her table and walked over to join them, sitting down casually next to Tina. "Hi girls, hi Mike," she said. "How are all of you on this lovely day?"
Tina looked at her skeptically. "Are you coming over here to tell us about an extra rehearsal or something?" she asked.
"No, not at all," Rachel replied, slightly offended. "Is it really that extraordinary that I would come by simply to enjoy the presence of your company?"
"Um, yes," Santana replied. "I can't think of one time where we enjoyed each other's company."
"Well maybe I was hoping to get to know you better," Rachel said brightly. "And may I ask where Quinn is? It's unusual to see you without her." She kept her tone light, but secretly, her heart was pounding. If Quinn had broken up with Santana, and had told her it was because of Rachel, Santana was likely just waiting for the right moment to punch Rachel in the face. But Rachel was desperate to know where Quinn was, so she decided to risk Santana's wrath.
"Sick, I think," Santana said with a shrug. Her eyes darted the tiniest bit towards Brittany, and Brittany looked back with an expression that Rachel couldn't read. Rachel's brow furrowed. Santana's behavior was weird, not to mention that Quinn had seemed fine on Saturday night.
"That's too bad," Rachel said. "What does she have?"
"A cold," Santana replied shortly. She grabbed a piece of her sandwich and began to chew it on, but her movements seemed forced and Rachel could tell she was thinking about something else. Rachel was almost completely convinced that Santana was lying, but she had no way to prove it, so she just shrugged.
"Well, I hope she feels better," she said. "Maybe I'll call her later to see how she is. After all, it's important for everyone's voice to be in good shape. We have Invitationals coming up."
"Oh, right," Brittany said. "Mike and I have been working on a dance number that we wanted to show you later. We thought maybe we could do it while you sing your solo at Invitationals. Mike told me that you always do a solo."
"That sounds great," Rachel said enthusiastically. "I always wanted some sort of interpretive dance to go with my music. I think it adds so much emotion and meaning. What kind of style have you been working with?"
For the rest of lunch, Brittany and Mike talked about their dance. Rachel listened attentively and provided suggestions, but she kept looking over at Santana, whose mind seemed to be elsewhere. Santana barely ate her lunch and she kept checking her phone anxiously. And when she wasn't doing that, she was staring off into the distance. Twice, Brittany had to wave a hand in front of her face to get her attention. The second time, Rachel swore Santana looked like she was about to cry, but when she spoke her voice sounded strong, and Rachel thought maybe she had imagined it. It wasn't until the first bell rang and they all stood to leave that Santana finally approached Rachel. "Wait," she said in a low voice as Tina, Mike, and Brittany went ahead of them. Rachel lingered, pretending to repack her lunchbox, burning with curiosity and a little bit of fear. If Santana was going to seek revenge on her, now would be a perfect time, considering that the cafeteria was steadily emptying and they would soon be alone.
"What do you want?" Rachel asked in a shaky voice, looking around to make sure nobody was listening to them. "Is this about-"
"Don't call Quinn," Santana said.
Rachel gulped. "Why?"
"Because I said so. That's all. And if I find out you tried to call her...bad things will happen to you."
It wasn't as caustic as most of Santana's insults, which made Rachel think that something very serious was bothering the other girl. Screwing up her courage, she asked, "Did you kill her?"
"What?" Santana asked in surprise. "Berry, don't be retarded. I didn't kill her."
"Then why isn't she here?" Rachel asked, her voice coming out more high-pitched than usual. "I think you were lying when you said she was sick."
Santana sighed. "Some personal stuff came up, okay?"
"What personal stuff?" Rachel pressed.
Santana looked at Rachel in disbelief. "Seriously? You're going to pry? I said it was personal."
"I think Quinn would want to confide in me," Rachel said. "We're friends. She would tell me what was going on. She's told me stuff before."
Rachel watched as anger flashed across Santana's face. Clearly, Santana didn't like the thought of Rachel and Quinn being friends. However, Santana seemed to be struggling to control herself, and moments later, she turned to Rachel with what could only be described as a look of tolerance. "You've talked to her about serious stuff before?" she asked. "You've...helped her?"
Rachel nodded. "I happen to be quite good with feelings. I've had a lot of therapy in the past and I know how to ask the right questions. Also, though you may not believe it due to my verbosity, I'm a great listener."
Santana sighed and leaned against the edge of the table. She put a hand to her eyes and Rachel politely looked away—if Santana was going to cry, she didn't want to see it anyway. "I can't..." Santana began. Then she took a deep breath and cleared her throat. "I can't tell you anything," she said more firmly. "But if you want to talk to her yourself, then that's fine."
A smile crept onto Rachel's face at the thought of being able to see Quinn soon. "Thank you," she said. Then she bravely walked forward and wrapped her arms around Santana. "I don't know what's going on, but I know it's going to be okay. And if you want to talk about it, let me know."
"Geez Berry, what the hell are you doing?" Santana asked, pushing Rachel off of her. "I seriously hope this isn't the way you're planning on comforting Quinn. She has enough problems without having to deal with you being socially awkward." She was obviously trying to sound mean, but her voice had lost it's bite, and Rachel did not stop smiling.
"Okay. I'm sorry. It won't happen again." She picked up her lunchbox. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have class to attend."
"Okay," Santana said, not moving from the spot. Rachel wondered if she was planning on ditching her next class. Normally, she would report that kind of delinquent behavior when she saw it, but she decided to give Santana a break. She headed for the doorway. "Oh, Rachel, I forgot," Santana began, and Rachel turned around. "You, um, you need to come to my house. To see Quinn. That's where she is." Santana looked down at the floor and Rachel bit her lip.
"Alright," she said. Then she forced a smile. "Will do. Bye Santana." Rachel turned around and went into the hallway, which was now empty as everyone had gone to their next class. Out of sight of Santana, she turned and leaned against the nearest locker, feeling dizzy with concern. She had initially thought that Quinn's personal issues, as Santana had called them, had something to do with her and their kiss on Saturday night. But now, it didn't seem like that was the case. If Quinn was staying at Santana's house, then—to use a phrase that Rachel never dared to speak aloud—the shit had really hit the fan.
The last class of the day was glee club, and for once, Santana could not wait for it to be over. She had been distracted and antsy all day, worrying about Quinn and all of the drama that was happening at her house. Her mother had called Judy Fabray in the morning to let her know that Quinn was safe and to suggest that they all meet once Quinn had calmed down. Mrs. Lopez had not filled Santana in on the details of their conversation, but as Santana had been getting dressed for school, she could hear her mother arguing—first on the phone and then with Santana's dad. Quinn had slept through the alarm and Santana hadn't woken her up, and then her mother came into their room and suggested that Quinn spend the day at home. Santana had begged to stay home, too, but her mom—already in a bad mood—had practically shoved her out the door. The only highlight had been finally getting to hang out with Brittany at lunch, but then stupid Berry came along and ruined it, as usual. Santana had only told her to talk to Quinn because she knew Quinn needed someone to confide in, and to be honest, she wasn't sure she could hold it together long enough to be there for her girlfriend. The whole situation was causing a lot of anxiety for her and making her somewhat weepy.
"Hey guys," Mr. Schue said, walking into the room with the usual bounce in his step. Santana grimaced. "We're going to have to start prepping for Invitationals soon, and I wanted to do one important assignment before we start tackling our group numbers. The theme," he walked over to the board and picked up a marker, "is going to be 'Solos.'"
Rachel began to clap. "This is a great one, Mr. Schue!" she exclaimed. "I'm really excited."
"Now hold on," he said, holding up his pen warningly. "This assignment isn't just about performing a solo. It's about finding a song you connect with and expressing its emotional depth. You guys have done great in the past with our group numbers and choreography, with intense songs like 'Bad Romance' or 'Somebody to Love'-you know, the songs with big productions. But what I want right now is the opposite of that. When you're standing still, all alone, how can you sell it to the audience? How can you make then feel it? That's what this week is about."
Santana looked down at the floor. She was certainly having a lot of feelings right now, and this assignment couldn't have come at a better time. But she wasn't sure she wanted to share her problems with everyone in the glee club. Next to her, Mike raised his hand. "What if we can't really sing?" he asked.
"I don't believe that you can't sing," Mr Schue replied. "This week is about finding the song within your heart, and I think everybody has one. Now, I know this might be tough for some of you, since it's a different style than what you're used to. So I'm going to pair you up, and you're going to do a little performance for the other person. And your partner will grade you based on how much they feel the emotion that you're expressing through your song. Later, whoever is comfortable with it can do it in front of the whole club." He walked over to a stool in the corner of the room and lifted up a small black hat, which he shook up and down. The students could hear paper rustling inside. "I'm going to pick names and see who gets paired up."
Santana sighed. A one-on-one performance was almost worse. She wasn't sure how she was going to do this assignment, since it was her personal rule to keep her emotions under the surface at all times. But since Mr. Schue was not actually going to verify that they had done the song, maybe she could skip it and just pretend she had done it. It depended on who her partner was and whether they would corroborate her story. Santana crossed her fingers and hoped for Puck.
Rachel was first, and she got stuck with the new kid, Sam. Mike was with Kurt, and then Santana stopped listening. She only snapped to attention again when Mr. Schue called out, "Puck and Quinn." Then he looked around the room. "Quinn's not here, Puck, can you call her and let her know?"
"Uh, sure," Puck replied, his eyes wide. Santana bit her lip. Maybe she could talk to Mr. Schue and convince him to switch the partners. After all, Quinn was already having a tough week, and the last thing she needed was to sing an emotional song to her ex-boyfriend slash baby daddy. But that thought left her mind quickly when Mr. Schue pulled the last two names out of the hat.
"That leaves Santana and Brittany," he said. He grabbed the slips of paper and put them back into the hat. "Good. I'm going to let you all go early since you need to choose a song before you can start working. Have a great afternoon, you guys."
Santana remained frozen in her chair. She wasn't sure if she should be happy or not. On the one hand, Brittany was the only one who she had really confided in about the Quinn situation, so singing an emotional song about that might not be so bad. But Brittany brought on a whole new set of feelings, of shivery, weak-at-the-knees feelings, and Santana didn't want to deal with any of it. She needed to be there for Quinn and she needed to stop crushing—or whatever the hell it was—on someone else, even if that someone was very flirty and very cute. As she lamented her situation, Brittany walked over next to her chair with a wide smile. "Hey, partner," she said.
"Hey," Santana replied nervously. The choir room began to empty out but Brittany sat down next to her.
"Is everything okay?" she asked. "With, like, Quinn and stuff?"
"I honestly don't know," Santana replied. She didn't plan on saying anything more, but Brittany looked at her expectantly, and Santana found herself continuing without meaning to. "I don't really know how to deal with any of this. I don't want to deal with any of this."
Brittany looked at her sadly. "I understand," she said.
"I just miss when everything was easy," Santana said. "Like, before I started dating Quinn. Before I started dating anyone."
"But relationships are supposed to make you feel good," Brittany pointed out.
Santana nodded. "I know. I don't know what's wrong with me."
"Maybe there's nothing wrong with you, maybe just the relationship."
Santana looked at Brittany in surprise. "You think?"
Brittany shrugged. "It makes sense."
"Quinn and I..." Santana thought for a moment. "We make out and fight and then make out again and it's so exhausting sometimes. And we're always sneaking around behind her mother's back."
Brittany traced a finger over the plastic of the chair. "It doesn't have to be that way."
"I don't think Quinn and I are capable of being any other way."
"No, I mean," Brittany paused. "You could break up with her."
Santana's eyes began to water. Somehow, she had known this was coming. "I can't break up with her. It would be like breaking up with my best friend."
"Or it would be like getting your best friend back," Brittany pointed out. "I bet you guys were better friends before you started dating."
"Yeah," Santana said, thinking back to the 'good old days.' "Yeah, we were." She wiped at her eyes. "Sorry, I don't usually cry in front of people."
Brittany shifted in her chair and took one of Santana's hands in her own. She laced their fingers together. "It's okay. I'm not one of those people who gets freaked out by crying." She held Santana's hand tightly until Santana was able to regain control.
"You're really good at this, you know," Santana said. "Handing feelings, I mean."
Brittany nodded. "Yeah, I guess. People don't expect me to have good advice, since I'm so dumb." Santana looked into Brittany's bright blue eyes and saw hurt, even though Brittany's tone had been good-natured.
"For the record, I never thought you were dumb," she said quietly.
"Thanks," Brittany replied. Their eyes locked and they stared at one another for several seconds. Then, unconsciously, Santana's eyes flickered down to Brittany's lips. And Brittany noticed. She suddenly let go of Santana's hand straightened up on her chair. "S-so," she said. "Um, whatever you decide to do, I hope it works out. And let me know if you want to talk about it."
Santana was taken aback. "Alright," she said, not sure what to do. Was she being dismissed? Had the conversation just ended? Luckily, it didn't matter, because Mike Chang chose that moment to stick his head in through the doorway.
"Hey Brittany, can we run our dance a few times? Rachel wants to see it first thing tomorrow."
Brittany looked up at him. "Sure," she said. "Auditorium?" She picked up her backpack and then looked at Santana. "Well, I gotta go. I'll see you later."
"Bye," Santana said with a small wave. Once Brittany had left, she leaned back in her chair in confusion. She had momentarily wanted to kiss Brittany, which probably wasn't the best idea, but...the way Brittany reacted had been unexpected. Santana could have sworn Brittany had been flirting with her since they'd met. Had she been reading the situation wrong? If she had...that was awkward. Santana lifted her backpack off the floor and stood to leave. Either way, she had to forget about what had just happened. It was time to go home—and see Quinn.
