Chapter 12: The Dolls for Dollars
Leonard is totally appalled by all the fun the girls are having at the club without them. He quickly shuts off his laptop, jumps out of bed and starts pacing angrily around the room trying to decide what to do next. He decides to take charge of the situation so he rushes over to his closet to pick out something "COOL" to wear out to this nightclub. He chooses a dark blue button down top and fitted black vest that Penny got for him at Urban Outfitters. Leonard gets all dressed up, puts in a ton of hair gel and dabs on plenty of manly cologne.
He finally comes out of his bedroom, walks right into the living room and immediately shuts off the television to get the guys attention. The guys frown at him confused and upset that Leonard is interrupting their documentary.
Howard: "HEY!"
Sheldon: "Leonard, did you just shut off the TV during a classic computer generated reenactment of the historic evolution of shark vertebrae?"
Leonard: "Yes I did!"
Sheldon: "ARE YOU ILL!?"
Leonard: "No Sheldon, I'm fed up! I can't just sit around like a bump on a log while other guys make a play for our women."
Howard: "Wait, what the hell are you talking about?"
Leonard: "Go check Wil Wheaton's FaceBook page and see for yourself! It's probably all over twitter and YouTube by now too. Go on…take a look!"
Howard frowns with confusion as he puts down his popcorn on the coffee table and pulls out his I-phone to find out what Leonard is talking about. He goes straight to Wil's Facebook page and Rajesh scoots in extremely close to Howard so that he can also see it. Leonard folds his arms impatiently waiting for their disgruntled reaction to the disturbing video of the girls having way too much fun at the club. Howard's eyes quickly bulge wide with shock as he watches the video on Wil's page.
Howard: "Why…that Son of a Bitch!"
Raj: "Damn, Sheldon your girlfriend can get down! Who knew Amy was so flexible."
Raj holds up Howard's phone higher so that Sheldon can see Amy kissing Penny, doing cartwheels and then grinding on the dance floor with Zach. Sheldon frowns at it then he looks up at Leonard still hung up on the documentary and confused by what is going on.
Sheldon: "Wait….I still don't understand; why did you turn off the classic computer generated reenactment of the evolution of shark vertebrae?"
Leonard rolls his eyes and scoffs at Sheldon annoying obsession with sharks.
Leonard: "Because I'm an idiot Sheldon! We are all idiots! I knew we should have gone with the girls in the first place then none of this would have happened. Now hurry! Get up and get dressed, we're going over there!"
Sheldon: "But….but what about Shark week?"
Leonard: "Screw the damn sharks, Sheldon! Your girlfriend and mine are about to end up in some Jacuzzi making out with Zach and his buddies if we don't get our asses over there and do something about it!"
Sheldon: "Does he have a Jacuzzi or just a hot tub? I was never quite clear on that."
Howard and Leonard both stare at Sheldon totally confused by his seemingly random question.
Leonard: "WHAT!?"
Sheldon: "Well there is a difference you know. Jacuzzi is the brand name, but not all hot tubs are Jacuzzis. And further more…"
Leonard: "SHELDON STOP IT! GET UP NOW! We don't have time to argue about this!"
He grabs Sheldon's jacket out of the closet and throws it at him.
Sheldon: "Alright, Alright…no need to bark at me! I don't know about you and Penny, but I trust Amy. She would never get inside a tub full of strange men. Why the vial bacteria swimming in there alone would be unbearable."
Leonard: "We still have to go over there! Now come on!"
Howard shakes his head angrily as he plays the video over again.
Howard: "Unbelievable! You know Bernadette wouldn't even let me hire strippers for my own bachelor party, but now it's suddenly okay for Amy's birthday. Well this is totally unacceptable! Just wait till I get my hands on Wil, I'm going tear his throat out for this!"
Raj: "Wait, how are you going to even get inside that club? It's probably packed by now and it's not like we're on the guest list."
Howard: "We don't need to get inside; we just have to get everyone else to come outside. I'll call the police department; tell them there's a bomb inside that should do the trick."
Sheldon: "NO! You can't do that Howard! IT'S AGAINST THE LAW!"
Howard: "I don't care Sheldon; this is my wife we're talking about here! I have to do something!"
Leonard: "No, Sheldon's right. Don't call the police instead call that escort service you use to hire for all our office parties."
Howard: "You mean Dolls for Dollars?
Leonard nods his head excited by his new plan.
Raj: "I don't get it. How's that going to help?"
Leonard: "Just call them up and tell them we need three of their hottest girls for a couple of hours. Doesn't matter how much it costs we'll pay it. Two can play at this game, we're getting into that club and we're going in style boys!"
Sheldon: "But, I thought you said you didn't want play any games tonight?"
Leonard: "Sheldon, just go wash that stupid make up off your face!"
Howard takes his phone back from Rajesh ready to make the call.
Raj: "Wait, make it five girls! Stuart and I want escorts too!"
Stuart: "Uh…but, Raj…um I can't really afford an escort."
Raj: "Don't worry about it man, it's my treat. In fact, let's order a limo too!"
Stuart: "Really? Gee…Thanks man!"
Raj: "It's my pleasure."
Stuart smiles excited to be going out to a club with a girl for first time in ages. Raj gleefully smiles too as he pats Stuart on the back. Sheldon still thinks it all sounds like the stupidest idea he has ever heard.
Sheldon: "Well I don't want any escort. I'll just call Amy and tell her to leave that place immediately."
Leonard: "Look, Sheldon. Do you want Amy to be happy or do you want her to be with YOU!?"
Sheldon frowns realizing Leonard is insulting him now.
Leonard: "She's your girlfriend. MAN UP! We screwed up before, but what the girls are doing right now is worse! We can't let them think we're boring losers! We need to show them that we know how to go out and have a good time too."
Sheldon sighs with aggravation and anxiety. He doesn't think staying at home to watch shark week makes them losers at all. But, he is somewhat concerned Amy might get into even more trouble on this girls night out so he feels obligated to go do something about it.
Sheldon: "Fine I'll go, but I better not have to dance with anybody when we get there."
Leonard rolls his eyes because Sheldon still doesn't get what he's trying to plan here. But, Howard grins as he dials the number for escort service because he actually likes Leonard's idea to make their girls jealous. The idea of partying with sexy escorts for night reminds him of his bachelor days so he can't wait to do it again.
When the escort service operator answers the phone and starts talking to Howard she quickly recognizes his voice because he use to call them so much for women. They chat on the phone like old friends who haven't spoken in awhile. Sheldon sighs sadly as he gets up and goes into his bathroom to clean up for the evening. He is very irritated and starting not to feel very good, but he assumes it's because he has to miss the first night of SHARK WEEK just to go pull his woman out of some dirty boring club.
