Troy's hands were warm against my skin. His hands moved along my stomach, around to my back. His lips were on my neck, I could feel his hot breathe on my skin. My heart was beating so fast I was afraid he could hear it. My mouth had gone dry, I couldn't speak. His lips moved up to my mouth. He crushed his lips to mine, he was rubbing my back. He slowly pulled back and whispered in my ear, " I promise, I'm not gonna hurt you."

My breath caught in my throat. His hands were moving along my back, he lifted me into his arms and smiled.

He kissed my cheek and laid me down on the bed. He pressed his body closer to mine, he kissed me with more force, wanting more everytime. I shivered but he held me closer. He hands we're warm and soft but my body was freezing.

Note the quadruple space... ever read a book where the two main characters... do it and it has a quadruple space so you don't have to read about it, or mostly so the author doesn't have to write about it, well that's what my quadruple space is...

Troy's arms were strong, his breath was steady, his heart-beat was even. I slowly pushed the blacket off my body and stood up on the cold floor. I looked back at Troy and smiled. I really loved him, and he really loved me. He was kind and sweet. He didn't force me to do anything, and what we just did showed that he loves me. I pulled on my bathrobe which was lying on my bedroom floor and turned to walk towards the door, keeping as quite as I could so I wouldn't wake up Troy.

"Where are you going?" A husky voice asked behind me.

I smiled to myself and turned around to face him. "To the bathroom, to have a shower, girls do that sometimes." I giggled.

He smiled and got off the bed, only wearing his underwear he walked towards me and put his left arm around my waist. "Maybe I could join you." He smiled leaning closer to me. He pressed his lips closer to mine and whispered "Maybe I could wash your back." His warm breath on my face made me go slightly weak at the knees and I tried my best not to make it look like I was going to fall over.

"I think I'll be alright, Wildcat."

"Oh c'mon babygirl, it'll be fun."

"I don't think so Wildcat, my parents are gonna be home in a couple of hours and you shouldn't even be here." I pressed my finger to the tip of his nose and smiled at him.

"Your parents love me." He half smiled at me, knowing it made me go all lovey dovey for him.

"My parents loved you when you were five years old and all you talked about was wanting to play basketball for the lakers."

"And I still do wanna play for the lakers, but right now," he said pressing his body closer to mine. "The main thing on my mind is their beautiful daughter." He kissed me lightly on the lips and slowly pulled back, half smiling at me.

"You're a charmer Wildcat but I'm serious, I need to have a shower. Now let me go."

"And what if I don't?" He smiled and put his right arm around my waist.

"Then I will beat you up." I smiled up at him.

He laughed and looked down at me, pressing his forehead to mine. "I'd like to see you try babygirl. You're five foot two and you weigh about as much as a bag of sugar."

"A bag of sugar is heavy!"

"Yeah, to someone as small as you... Shawty." He smiled and picked me up.

"Troy, put me down!"

"Nope." He smiled and threw me onto my bed. He was leaning over me, tickling me before I could move.

"T... Tro... Troy... Stop it... It... It hurts!" The breath was being knocked out of me and I couldn't speak right.

Troy smiled and stopped tickling me. He leaned down and kissed me. His lips were soft, there was just enough want in his kiss for me to kiss back.

I slowly pulled back and smiled at him. "Wildcat, I need to get ready."

"Fine." He sighed and stepped away from me.

I climbed off the bed and kissed his cheek. "Thank you."

Being with Troy was different. It felt like I didn't have to pretend to be someone I wasn't. It was like he wanted me for me. Spending the night with him was just what I needed. I felt like I was closer to him now, like our relationship was stronger. So what if he was having a baby with my best friend? I mean, sure it's a bit crazy but we weren't together when it happened... Maybe I'm being silly about it, but words can't describe how much I love Troy. There's just something about him. The way he looked at me, the way he said my name, the way he smiled when he kissed me. There was just something about him.

Yes, I'd have to deal with the fact a baby is coming soon and that's gonna change a lot of things with Troy and I, and of course Troy and Taylor. They were gonna be parents. They were gonna have to take care of a baby. They were gonna have to see each other a lot more, but I trusted Troy, I knew he wouldn't do anything behind my back. We had sorted out what had happened that day outside the theatre and now things were fine. Yesterday was a little weird when Sharpay was over but whatever was going through her head, maybe she was feeling guilty about what was happening with Taylor...

I could hear Troy call my name from the bathroom. I smiled to myself and looked at my reflection in the mirror.

I sighed. No matter what I still hated myself. There was still bags under my eyes, there was scars on my arm. The fat around my thighs... on my arms... on my stomach. I was starring about myself, making myself sick. I looked around the room. My head was starting to spin. I looked back about myself.

"Not now." I mumbled to the girl looking back at me in the mirror. "Please, not now. I had an amazing night and then I feel like this once I'm alone? This isn't fair. Please. Please don't let this happen." I looked at the door, Troy was only down the hall from me. He was so close but these thoughts were still running through my mind.

He slept with you last night because he feels sorry for you. He doesn't love you. He thinks your body is horrible. He thinks your ugly. He's gonna go to Taylor or Sharpay's house when he leaves and they're gonna make fun of you, and how fat you are. He's gonna tell you he loves you when you leave this room, he's gonna say that you're beautiful and he'll kiss you. He'll take his jacket and put on his shoes and walk out the front door and he's gonna call Chad and then the whole basket-ball team will know how much of a loser you are. They'll laugh and make fun of you, not only behind your back but when they see you they'll laugh in your face then too.

The girl looking back to me was pretty. With her long black curly hair, her small face, tan skin. When she smiled she looked different. She didn't look happy, she looked like she was stuck somewhere. Stuck between two different lives... Two different people... Two different dreams.

"Babygirl, you alright in there?" Troy's voice was soft. It made me jump. I didn't notice but I was in my own world. I looked at the girl in the mirror.

"Please don't hurt me now." I whispered.

The handle of the door turned and I slightly smiled.

"Babe, are you alright? You've been in here for a while... You didn't even go for a shower." He smiled and walked over to me.

"Yeah, of course I'm fine, I just, ummm, I got a little distracted, I'm not feeling so well, I think I'm getting the flu"

"Awh, babe! You know if you want I can stay, take of you." He looked down at me and smiled, placing his arms around my waist.

"No, no Wildcat. I'll be fine." I sighed and smiled at him.

"I don't wanna leave you if you're not well."

"Troy, I'm not a baby anymore. I'll be fine." I smiled pushing him out the bathroom door.

"Hey, hey! What are you doing?"

"You need to go baby. I need to get ready for when my parents come home." Of course I didn't tell him about the fact I wanted him to leave so I could sit in the bathroom and make myself sick, or use a razor to draw blood out of every inch of fat in my body... But, of course, he didn't need to know about that.

I pushed him down the hall, but he turned around to face me. "I love you."

I looked up at him, and slightly smiled. "I love you too."

"Are you sure you want me to go? I mean, I'm a very good doctor... and if my baby is getting sick I would like to be here to take care of her." He smiled and put his arms around my waist.

"Troy." I say putting my hands over his and pushing them off my body. I don't want him touching me. I know I did last night but that was then and this is now, and right now I'm feeling like the fattest person in the world. I don't want this beautiful guy, who I love so much touching this horrible fat mess of a body.

"I'll be fine. Trust me. You need to go."

"Fine. Fine. I'm leaving." He half smiled at me and turned around, walking down the stairs infront of me. He reached the bottom of the stairs and turned back around. He took in my whole body. I could see his eyes... starting off at my legs. My fat legs. Sickly fat. Huge. I bet he's thinking how horrible they are.

His eyes move up to my torso. Fat. Fat. Fat. My stomach is huge. I bet he's thinking I look pregnant... Pregnant, the thought of him and Taylor comes rushing back into my mind. Forget what I thought while I was in the bathroom. I loved Troy. I didn't want him with anyone else. I didn't want him with Taylor. I wanted him with me. Only me.

BUT YOU'RE FAT! My mind screamed at me.

His eyes moved up more. To my face. He smiled at me. "I'll see you soon, okay? And if there's something wrong just call me." He stepped off the last step of the stairs and walked towards the front door. He slowly opened it, letting sunlight pour through the room. Letting the California heat come into the house.

He turned towards me, slowly leaned in and kissed my right cheek softly.

"Bye." I whisper, trying to keep my voice steedy. Right now I'm ready to just slam the door in his beautiful, perfect face, run upset stars to the bathroom and puke my guts up. There's no nice way of putting it. I hate my body and I want to make myself suffer because somehow, my heart hurts.

"Bye babygirl." My eyes were closed, keeping the tears from this heartache inside me. I heard the door close. I felt the sunlight and the heat leave with him.

I was alone. The house was quiet. Only a few hours before, Sharpay was standing in my living room, telling me that it was her fault Troy was going to be a dad. Pain flooded my heart again.

"Why am I so upset?" I say aloud, hoping for an answer. No one replies.

I thought I could handle Troy being with Taylor. I mean, it was before us, so it shouldn't be bothering me.

"News-Flash Gabriella. It's bothering you." I say aloud again. Taylor and Troy. Together. He's gonna be there when the baby is born. He's gonna be there when the baby is growing up. He's gonna be there... for the next... eight-teen years.

I look around myself, trying to get out of myself. I want to disapper. I want to get away from this feeling of heartache. Pure heartache for Troy. I don't know what happened over the last few weeks being with him but I know I love him. I know I shouldn't. I also know my heart isnt safe with him. He hurt me before. He lied to be about Taylor. About not knowing about the baby. About that day outside the theatre.

What else has be lied about?

Only a few hours ago, I was upstairs with Troy. In my bedroom. I gave myself to him. Just like Taylor did. He did to me, just what he did to Taylor. My best friend Taylor... Well, ex-best friend. I don't even know what happened with her.

"This is crazy." I say aloud to myself. "I love a guy who got my best friend pregnant. I had sex with the guy who got my best friend pregant." I take a deep breath and walk towards the stairs. There's a mirror on the wall. I look at the girl looking back at me. "What happened to me? What happened to the girl who loved singing, and acting, and making people smile? The girl who used to tell people it didn't matter what you looked like. People like you for what inside you. Not what you look like."

I sighed. I kept my eyes on the girl in mirror. "Where is that girl gone? Somewhere in all this shit, she has to be somewhere." I look up the stairs. I know if I go upstairs, I'll go into the bathroom, I'll make myself sick. I'll want to cut all this fat off me.

"I need it off me." I whisper to myself. I take one last look at the girl starring back at me.

Before I know it, I'm walking up the stairs. I'm walking towards the bathroom and tears are starting to drip from my eyes.

The bathroom is cold. I can breath in here. It comes easy. My body shakes. My heart hurts. My head spins. Slowly I pick up my toothbrush. It's sitting on the edge of the sink. My hand shakes as I pick it up. I turn it upside down. I don't dare to look in the mirror. I don't want that fat girl looking back at me. My body is shaking. My legs are going weak. The plastic is soft. I can feel it go into my mouth. Feel it going down my throat. Before I know it, I'm gagging. I'm gagging and trying to make myself sick. It doesn't help that I've been living on water since that day in the theatre. I still felt sick about Jack being in town. I felt sick about Taylor and Troy. I felt sick about my parents. I didn't want my mom to get sick like this. I didn't want her to stop talking to me. I didn't want my dad to suffer with her like this. A silent killer. I always thought it was just us being unlucky that she had gotten depression. But now, leaning over the bathroom sink I relise it's me. I'm the reason my mom is sick like this. How could I not see it before? If all this shit didn't happen with me, she'd be fine. She'd be happy. My parents would have a great life if I wasn't here. It's my fault eveything is so fucked up.

My throat hurts. My stomach is empty. The only thing I got out of me was stomach acid. I turn on the tap and watch as the water takes it away. Away for good. I wish to myself .

The water washes it down the drain.

Water takes away the blood that's left on my body. When I try to hack off the fat on my body.

Water hides my tears as I cry silently in the shower. Where I feel like I'm not alone with my tears. It hides them. Puts a cover on my tears and hides them so no one can see that I cry.

It hides my cuts and scars so no one can see them.

Water will take away anything. It will wipe you from this place. If you go, Troy can be with Taylor. Your parents can be happy.

You wont be here, so everything will be better.

The beach is only down the road.

I can picture the cold salt water on my skin. Covering me, so no one can see what I look like.

"Maybe it would be better if I was gone." I whisper to myself.