I groaned loudly as the room came into focus.
'I'm so sick of ending up here.' I grumbled pushing myself up into a sitting position regretting it immediately as my head began to spin and pain shot out from my forehead. I fell back against the pillows in frustration, letting out another groan.
'Trust me America, I don't enjoy visiting you here.' I heard someone chuckle beside me. I rolled over to face a smiling Maxon. There was a look of relief in his eyes as he took me in.
'What happened?' I asked rubbing the bump on my forehead, I bet that looked attractive.
'The guard said a rebel attacked you. He said he got there just in time to get you into the safe room.' I nodded trying to hide my emotions as I recalled the conversation that "guard" had with me after my supposed attack. He must have knocked me out.
'It doesn't make sense though, because the rebels were concentrated around the entrance of the palace.' He mused, breaking into my thoughts.
'I don't really remember much.' I lied feeling my familiar companion, guilt return as I hid another secret from Maxon.
'You do have a nice bump on your head.' He laughed running his hand over it. I winced when he pushed too hard on it. 'Sorry.'
'It's fine.' I said as he instead took my hand in both of his.
'I was so worried when you didn't make it to the safe room.' He said earnestly. 'I had just seen you, and I didn't know if it was the north or the south-'
'North.' I confirmed causing him to looked at me strangely and before he continued.
'The odd thing is, this time they didn't take anything. Usually they at least take some books but this time, nothing. The guards said after they were found they immediately started to retreat, not even trying to fight. It was as if they were a distraction for something else.' I nodded not letting on to how close he was to the truth. 'As soon as we were free I made the guards search all the safe rooms where I last saw you, hoping you had somehow found one. I was so scared America, for those minutes when I didn't know where you were I couldn't breathe.' He squeezed my hand tighter and moved closer to place a lingering kiss on my lips. 'I was so scared I was never going to get to do that again.' He breathed, his warm breath tickling my ear as he pulled away.
'Does this mean you're going to lock me away in your tower?' I asked playfully.
'They're fitting the locks as we speak.' He smiled, leaning back in his chair beside my bed in the familiar hospital room. His face fell when he glanced at his watch and reluctantly he got to his feet.
'I'm sorry, I need to go.' He apologised leaning down to place another kiss on my forehead. I watched him leave and as soon as he was out of the door I felt my body begin to relax. The lies were crippling me. I nearly lost him the last time I kept things from him and made decisions without his consent. How could I make alliances for a country I don't even rule yet? However, that is what has been demanded of me. Italy and now the rebels, how could everyone have so much faith that I was the change the country needed? What if I failed? What if all the others were right and a five like me just wasn't meant to rule? I rubbed my head feeling the pain in my head increase. I needed to tell Maxon. He was going to hate me, again, but I couldn't handle this on my own anymore.
When the doctor released me he said I might have a concussion so my maids spent the rest of the day making sure I didn't fall asleep. Finally, it was time to head down for dinner and I could escape the overzealous women in my room. In my haste to get away I didn't even have time to think about the prospect of the King being there that night. So, when I entered the room and he was seated at the head of the table I stumbled slightly causing a startled Elise to walk into me.
'Sorry,' I apologised distractedly unable to take my eyes off the King who was watching me with narrowed eyes. Elise made her way around me looking at me like I was crazy. My heart was racing, I barely pulled my eyes away when Maxon tugged on his ear beside his father looking at me with concern. I returned the gesture stiffly and robotically made my way to my chair beside Kriss. She greeted me with her usual bright manner but I was unable to muster even a small smile for her. I could still feel the King's eyes burning into my skin. I barely ate a thing through dinner, it all tasted like ash in my mouth and settled like a rock in my stomach. In the end I excused myself early mumbling something about feeling tired from the long day. No one objected and I was back in my room quickly desperate to escape the King. When I returned it took a lot of convincing to get my maids out of my room but finally I was alone. I walked across to the doors of my balcony and looked out. It was too cold outside to open them so I just looked at my barren sanctuary through the glass.
I was deep in thought when I heard a knock come at my door. I softly told them to come in, too tired to muster anything louder. The door opened slowly and Maxon appeared. He strode confidently over to me and wrapped me up securely in his arms. My weary body was glad for the added strength and absorbed it like a flower desperately drinking up the sun's rays. We stood wrapped in each others arms for a long time until Maxon finally pulled away to inspect me.
'You look tired, my love. Why don't you lie down?' I nodded weakly and allowed Maxon to guide me over to my bed. When I was sitting, nestled amongst my pillows with Maxon by my side holding my hand I gathered my courage to tell him all my secrets.
'Maxon? I need to talk to you about some things.' I told him hesitantly.
'What is it, my darling?' My heart sank, what if this was the secret that finally pushed him too far? Would I still be his darling?
'I didn't tell you everything that happened today.' I admitted guiltily, unable to bring my eyes to him.
'With the rebels?' He confirmed.
'That guard didn't save me from the rebels,' I pulled my hand from his and twisted them together in my lap nervously as Maxon looked at me in confusion. I took a shuddering breath before continuing, 'He was one.'
'You hit your head America.' Maxon said cautiously. Of all the reactions I thought he would have, not believing me had never factored in. Why didn't he believe me?
'No, Maxon, I'm certain. He told me things, about the two rebel groups. There wasn't a lot of time but he said enough. They want an alliance with the crown Maxon, they want to fight with you. They say there's a war coming.' I pleaded with him to believe me but I could tell from his expression that he was uncertain.
'America, why would they want an alliance?'
'They just want to see the country prosper.' I whisper less convinced of my meeting with the man from earlier today.
'And they came to you?' He asked skeptically. 'What were their conditions?' He demanded.
'They want me on the throne.' I whispered. I didn't even know if Maxon heard me until he exploded beside me.
'Why would you do this America? Why make up such lies? I'm trying my hardest to convince my father.' I looked up at him in shock and confusion. What was he talking about? 'I'm playing the game America. I need to until I can convince him, just because you see me with Kriss doesn't mean any of my feelings change for you.' He finished angrily.
'What?' I fumed swinging my legs over the side of the bed so I could stand before him. I glared into his angry eyes a moment before continuing, 'You think I would go so low as to fabricate this? He was a rebel Maxon. I've felt guilty all day for not telling you and this is how you treat my honesty? Go look for the guard, I can guarantee you that you wont find him.'
'Please America, I know you were jealous.' He answered condescendingly only causing my anger to rise.
'Of course I was jealous Maxon, the man I love was on the arm of another. How would you feel if I was with another man?' I demanded, regretting my words instantly. His face filled with rage and he stepped up close to me.
'You're mine America. Stop hanging him over my head. I need to do this to appease my father so he stops attacking you. Why don't you see that?' He growled in my face. It only made my spine straighten and my anger grow.
'I know the game Maxon but you aren't listening to me. I don't care for Officer Leger like I care for you. Why won't you believe me? The rebels are coming Maxon, both sides, we need to align ourselves with one and the Northerners have given us that choice. The war is coming Maxon we're going to need all the help we can get to protect ourselves. Illea isn't strong enough to take New Asia by itself.'
'You want me to side with rebels?' He demanded incredulously.
'No, I want you to side with me. Don't you trust me?'
'You're being ridiculous.' He let out a frustrated growl and stepped away from me. I felt his words slap me in the face as he increased the space between us. How was I ever going to tell him about Nicoletta?
'Maxon, it's the truth. I'm being honest with you and you're throwing it back in my face.' I pleaded.
'This is a lie America and reckless. You're acting like a jealous girlfriend.' He chastised. I threw my hands up in frustration and let out an annoyed breath, turning from him to gather my thoughts.
'Do you know what's reckless Maxon, ignoring me and dispelling my words as fiction. There's something wrong about the Southern Rebels they are nothing like the Northerners. They just want to see the nation burn. Why would the Northern Rebels risk so much just to come and deliver a message to me?' I demanded returning my fiery gaze to his.
'You're not acting rationally America, I know it hurts to see me with Kriss-' He tried to placate me.
'I don't care about Kriss.' I shouted in exasperation.
'Don't raise your voice to me America.' He scolded in a low, calm voice.
'Then listen to me.' I beseeched him.
'I'm done with this conversation.' He announced with finality looking at me meaningfully in my dimly lit room. My mouth dropped open in horror. He was dismissing me as if I was a child suggesting that there truly was a man who lived on the moon. 'I'll come back tomorrow when you've found your rational self.' I could only watch in shock as he strode from my room and slipped out my door, closing it softly behind him. I sank down on my bed in disbelief until my anger finally returned. I flung myself into my pillows and felt an angry tear fall down my face with another following closely behind. Is this what it's always going to be like? Would he ever believe me? Did he really think I would sink so low to ensure I was the one to have the crown sit atop my head?
I'm not sure when I fell asleep but when my maids came to wake me my eyes were puffy from all the tears and I still wore my dress from yesterday's dinner. Its full skirt had deflated and was riddled with wrinkles from my restless night. Thankfully, they chose to say nothing and continued with their regular morning routine.
I went down to breakfast with my head hung low, my body weary from the night before. The King's stares cut deeper than yesterday. I didn't have the energy to erect my defences allowing his hatred to creep easily beneath the surface. Maxon wouldn't look at me and I didn't try hard to capture his attention. The Queen looked between us curiously, obviously picking up on the tension between us. I went through breakfast in a trance unable to focus my mind on any conversation. I was humiliated and hurt by Maxon's blatant disregard for my opinions. I felt as if all my worth as a person had been taken from me, all because the person I loved couldn't believe in me.
I spent the entire day in the Women's room, using it as my sanctuary afraid Maxon might seek me out to berate me again for my perceived childish behaviour. I worked furiously on our plans for the ball. Elise and Kriss floated in and out but I wasn't up for conversation and they realised this quickly leaving me alone to my misery. A maid came in sometime after lunch and handed me a note before scurrying off. I opened it to find Maxon's familiar elegant handwriting filling the page. He wanted me to meet him outside immediately. I stared at the note for several minutes before the same maid came scurrying back in holding another note.
Please America, I have a surprise for you. I believe you.
Those three words finally compelled me to leave the Women's room to find Maxon pacing across the hall waiting anxiously for me.
'You believe me?' I asked uncertainly, not trusting the words he wrote on the paper. For all I knew they were a trick to get me out here.
'I spoke to a few of the guards. None of them had seen the guard in the room with you around before and he hasn't been back since. Apparently he disappeared right after you were taken away. It also explains why no one ever found a rebel in that section of the Palace' He admitted remorsefully.
'So you believe me about everything?' I asked cautiously not moving in his direction, keeping my feet firmly stuck to the ground.
'Yes, I'm so sorry America. I should have know you wouldn't act that way. You are far wiser than a childish teenage girl. I knew this, I just didn't want to believe what you were saying.' He didn't move either, seeming to wait for a signal from me to let him know it was all right to approach.
'What about what they proposed?' I asked softly. I saw something flash across his face but he suppressed it and it was gone so quickly I wasn't even sure it was there at all.
'We can talk about it later.' He said flatly. 'We need to go, I don't have much time.' He extended his hand to me and I took it gingerly and was immediately pulled down the corridor at an alarming speed.
'Maxon?' I gasped trying to stay upright on the heels my maids had put me in that morning.
'Can't keep up?' He smirked teasingly over his shoulder. I laughed and picked up my pace so I wasn't so far behind him. We ran up all the stairs until he stopped outside what I knew to be the Princess suite. I looked at him with a hopeful smile on my face, barely able to contain my excitement. He nodded down at me and I rushed to push the doors open.
'I'll be out here when you're done. You only have ten minutes now because you wouldn't come and see me straight away.' I nodded sadly and he closed the doors behind me. Before I could turn around, a bundle of blond hair launched at me and wrapped her arms around me.
'Marlee.' I sighed, relieved see my friend again.
'America, I've been so worried about you.' She untangled her limbs from me and gave me a playful slap on my arm. 'How dare you scare me like that? Its like every week you have a new injury.'
'Sorry, I guess I'm just a magnet for trouble.' I said sheepishly following her to the other side of the room and sinking down to the floor beside her.
'I've missed you so much Marlee.' I breathed relishing the small amount of time I got to spend with my friend and just be an ordinary girl again. My eyes found her hands and noticed they didn't look as angry and red as last time. I was glad, but I could never forget the price of this life.
'So other than the attempts on your life how have you been, America?' She asked drawing my attention back to her.
'Its been stressful.' I admitted after a moment of thought.
'I can imagine, there's only three more girls left. The staff were basically having a party when they learnt Celeste had been eliminated.' Marlee giggled beside me.
'We were pretty relieved too.' I admitted.
'There's all kinds of rumours as to why she was eliminated. The most outrageous being that there was an affair between her and the King.' I laughed at the idea and shook my head.
'The real reason is much less scandalous.'
'Do tell.' Marlee giggled conspiratorially.
'Maxon caught her when she was informing me of all the reasons I shouldn't be his Princess. He got really angry and she was gone the next day.'
'So everything with you two is OK again?' She asked curiously.
'I thought it was but after yesterdays attack, I'm just not sure. He wants me to be honest but when I was he didn't believe me.' I admitted looking off at the wall in thought. Marlee nodded sympathetically beside me.
'He's under a lot of pressure America.' She stated carefully.
'I know but he thought I was being childish and jealous, what if this is what our marriage is like? Do you have any fights with Carter?' I asked quietly.
'Of course, it's only natural. However, we don't have the fate of a country resting in our hands so I dare say our arguments are a little more trivial.' I nodded silently, deep in thought.
'America, no relationship is smooth sailing all the time.' She whispered wrapping her arm around me.
'I know, it's just sometimes I don't feel like his equal and that's all I want. I want him to respect me and my opinions like he demands I do of him.'
'It's going to be hard for you both America. You just need to remember the good times.' I nodded again.
'So how are you and Carter?' I asked brightly trying to lighten the moon.
'Well…' She said placing her hand on her flat stomach.
'No?' I said in disbelief. She nodded, her face barely able to hold her happiness.
'It's only two months but I'm so excited and Carter is the sweetest.' She gushed. I looked at my friend in disbelief. It seemed surreal that we could be parents when we were still children ourselves. I was happy for her but I was frightened that it could be me next. I've always wanted children but I didn't think I was anywhere close to being ready for them. My life was chaos, how could a child fit into it? I mentally slapped myself, what was I thinking? Maxon wasn't even officially mine yet. I was pulled from my thoughts by a knock at the door. Maxon quickly popped his head in.
'America, Marlee really needs to get back now.' I nodded and stood giving Marlee one last hug.
'Be patient America.' She whispered before she slipped back down the secret passageway.
'Thank you Maxon.' I murmured as I approach him, still lost in my thoughts.
'I just want to see you happy America. I'm sorry I didn't believe you.' I nodded and let him take my hand as he led me from the room and down the third floor hallway.
'What's on your mind, my love?' He asked noticing my distant expression.
'Marlee's pregnant.' I announced flatly, unsure of how I felt for the whole thing.
'That's wonderful, isn't it?'
'I guess. Maxon, if we get married will we have children straight away?' I asked thoughtfully looking up at him expectantly. I could tell my question took him by surprise and he stopped at the top of the third floor staircase to focus all his attention on me.
'It is expected that we will produce heirs.' He said cautiously.
'Yes, but will it be immediately?'
'I don't know America. These things can be unpredictable.'
'What if we aren't ready? Wouldn't it be better if we had sorted all the problems out before we brought a child into our dangerous world?' I asked desperately.
'America, we'll be rulers of a country. There are always going to be problems. The world will always be dangerous.' He said stepping in front of me and cupping my shoulders so I'm looking directly into his warm brown eyes.
'Well, aren't you the optimist?' I grumbled sarcastically.
'No, I'm being realistic America. This life isn't going to be easy, for anyone. I'm proof of that.' My eyes widened in horror.
'You wouldn't do that to our children would you?' I whispered as fear wrapped around my heart. I felt my blood run cold. It was one thing to enter this life knowing the risks but how could I ever put an innocent child at risk? I already felt guilty enough for the effect this was having on both May and Gerad.
'America, how could you ever think I would do that to our children?' He asked, outraged but all I could think of were the Queen's words. 'A broken home, breeds a broken home.' What if Maxon was only one step away from becoming his father? I looked up at Maxon, searching his face for the kindness I've always known was there but I see something else causing me to step back from him in terror. For a moment I see King Clarkson's face flash across Maxon's. For just a moment he isn't who I always thought he was.
'America, please.' He appealed. 'I'm not my father. I could never hurt you, ever. I wouldn't hurt our children.' I continued to stare at him in fear watching as a future I never thought possible played out in front of me. 'I'm not my father.' He breathed looking down in defeat. He looked so small in front of me, my heart tugged, demanding I go and comfort him. I hesitated only a moment until finally shaking off my delusions and wrapping my broken Prince in my arms.
'I'm sorry Maxon, you're right. I know in my heart that you could never hurt me or our children. I just…It's been a long couple of days.' I sighed in resignation, disappointed that I could hurt Maxon like this when all I wanted to do was protect him. 'You need to know you're nothing like your father Maxon.' I said firmly pulling his face down so it was level with mine, our noses only inches apart. I saw the sorrow in his eyes and it almost killed me to see him so defeated because of something I had said. I scolded myself for being the reason for his pain. How could I be so thoughtless?
'What if I do become him, America?' He asked in a childlike voice, his vulnerability written across his face.
'You think I would let that happen.' I smiled weakly desperately trying to bring his beautiful smile back to his face.
'No, I don't suppose you would.' He laughed feebly, but I could see my old Maxon coming back to me. 'Never happy until everyone's doing exactly what you want them to do.'
'That's right. So if you ever thought you were going to get away with being less than your best self then I will be there to remind you.' I said tenderly, moving some of his blond hair away from his beautiful brown eyes.
'I love you America. I can't tell you how sorry I am I didn't believe you.' He whispered looking deeply into my eyes sending warmth to my heart.
'I love you too Maxon. I'm so sorry my words hurt you. They were thoughtless and terrible lies. I'm just on edge all the time. I shouldn't take it out on you.' I responded regretfully.
'I'm sorry this is your life America.'
'I chose this Maxon when I chose you. I knew the price and I'm willing to pay it no matter how high it is as long as it's you and me.' I said leaving no room for uncertainty.
'You're too good for me America Singer.' He smiled at me as if he was the luckiest man alive.
'And don't you forget it.' I smirked pulling him in for a long kiss, hoping to dispel any linger doubts from his mind.
'I wish you were mine already.' He groaned pulling away leaving me breathless and perilously close to tumbling down the stairs.
'I'm yours in every way that matters.'
'Not every way.' He smiled mischievously pulling me down the stairs as my cheeks flamed.
