Fuji didn't know where he went wrong. Obviously, there was more to this whole situation than he realized. Were his feelings for Ryoma really that strong to where it clouded his judgment on what was truly right? Did he really mess up that badly?
According to Momo, he did. Speaking of, where did Momo suddenly get all his knowledge from. It confused fuji because he never took Momo to be a smart person. No insult to Momo but he just seems like the all brawns and no brains type of athlete. But that does not matter at the moment.
Fuji knew he needed to start getting his act together. He needs to stop acting based on his feelings for Ryoma and start acting on what's best for Ryoko and Ryoma as a whole. Because just as Momo said the two are separate but the same all in one. He hated the fact that it took a conversation with Momo to realize this, even if he didn't completely understand at the moment. Fuji knew for a fact though that he did not want to lose either of them in his life.
He needs to expand his knowledge, see the world, and learn all he can. That's his goal. Sure he was still very young, in middle school no less, but he already knew the path he will take. Fuji wants to fix his mistakes, he wants to be a better person. If that meant distancing himself until he understands better then so be it.
~241~
Ryoga knew he messed up big and he hated himself for it. A middle schooler had to point it out to him, and that made him feel worse. His own sister trusted and looked up to him and he betrayed that trust by ignoring and refusing to acknowledge another side to her. What kind of family member was he? She already got enough of that from her father and Ryoga never expected to be on the same level as that man. Maybe he was exaggerating, Ryoko would never compare him to their father. But that didn't change the fact that he screwed up.
This was his field of expertise, he shouldn't have made a mistake. He should have known what to do. Momo was right, his judgment was clouded because of the family bond. This is why they say its never a good idea to treat those you know personally, especially family.
The only thing he could do now is back off on trying to treat his own sister and try to get to know her other side. He needed to try and bond with Ryoma. No, this won't be because he feels the need to but rather because he wants to. That brat Momo was right. Ryoma was his own person and its about time Ryoga treated him as such. He was not only Ryoko's brother but Ryoma's too.
~241~
Momo didn't know what to say. It shouldn't be right to fear one's own father. To think that Ryoko fears he will kill her is insane. Why would a parent ever want to harm their own child? Also, why was her father so obsessed with having a boy in the first place.
"I'm sorry but I don't understand" Momo said after a really long moment of silence.
Ryoko sighed. "I know, neither do I. As far as I remember my father was always a kind man. When I was young he would teach me tennis and we would play outside on the street courts. He would also make fun of my height and tease me for not being able to get any points against him. It was a normal parent-child relationship. Occasionally Ryoga-nii would visit and join us playing tennis. Tennis was our life, it was how we bonded, and it was what broke my father."
"Right you said at the age of 6 Ryoma was created."
Ryoko nodded. "I guess you could say the reason why everything was going on so well was that in my father's eyes I was a boy. Even though the doctors informed him of my real gender he chose to ignore it and continue thinking of me as his son. Child me never realized this until much much later but by then the damage was already done. Like I already said before I have no memory of the moment Ryoma was created, or to what lead up to that point. I think I'm psychologically blocking it. Or most likely that memory is associated with Ryoma because that's the moment he was born so only he remembers what happened. I don't know, and I never bothered Ryoga to find out, because I don't care."
Momo gave Ryoko a sad smile, he could never imagine being in her situation. However, there was one thing that still didn't make sense. "Sorry but that still doesn't explain why you would be scared of your father hurting you."
Ryoko looked away. "You know of muscle memory right? I think its the same concept. Whatever happened in my memory gap probably caused me to fear my father. It's not like simple yelling would cause a new personality right?" She gave a weak smile and her eyes became glassy. "Something really bad must have happened to trigger such a drastic change in my psychological state. I don't want to fear my father but I also can't help it."
Momo remained silent, she had a point and he didn't know what to say to comfort her.
"I don't want to live in fear, I don't want to live another day as if I don't exist!" Ryoko started crying. "Everyday is the same thing over and over again, Its as if I don't leave my room at all. I want to see the world, I want to be able to do the things that make me happy like play the violin. I want to be normal. I don't want to have to sneak out of my own house just to try and be myself. I want to make my own friends have people who recognize me for me not someone else. I'm tired of living in a box.
Imagine feeling like your nothing but a figment of someone else's imagination. Feeling like you are not even a real person. Imagine thinking the world would be better off without you then realize it already is. Thinking that all this is just one terrible dream of another person. Imagine knowing that no one knows who you are and that there is nothing you can do about it.
That's what I think and feel every moment of my existence. When Ryoma is in control I'm merely sitting with my knees to my chest in darkness going over all the things I want to do in my head, because dreaming is the best I could ever hope for. I don't have goals, I don't have something that I look forward to in my future. All my life consisted of is taking care of Ryoma, what does Ryoma need, what does Ryoma want to do. All that mattered is Ryoma!"
Ryoko cried even harder and the tears just wouldn't stop. "I'm tired and I am almost ready to give up."
Momo moved closer to her and pulled her into his embrace. He let her cry into his chest for what seemed like hours rocking back and forth in an attempt to comfort her. Momo didn't know what else to do besides this. He had nothing to say, he didn't even know what he could say. The entire time she was telling her story Momo was rooted to his seat in silence. What do you say to a person who is obviously at their breaking point in a situation you don't understand yourself.
Ryoko cried into Momo for as long as the tears kept falling. It was only when she ran out did she sniff, wipe her face with her arms, and pull away from the boy.
"I'm sorry. I did not intend for you to see that, nor did I want to drag you into my problems." She said once she had a better hold on her emotions
Momo shook his head. "Its fine, I don't mind."
They sat in awkward silence for a few more minutes but then Ryoko stood up and went to leave. Startled Momo grabbed her wrist to stop her. "Wait" he said.
Ryoko looked back at him. Momo didn't even know why he stopped her in the first place. He just had this sudden feeling that once she left he wouldn't see her again.
"Yes?" she asked sadly, almost as if she knew what he was feeling and was confirming it.
There were several things Momo wanted to say but he settled on one. "Tell me you at least have a plan." She looked confused so momo elaborated. "With your father, you can't keep going as you have been. Not now with what happened between you, Fuji-sempai, and Echizen-san. Besides even if you could, I don't think you should. It's tearing you apart inside."
Ryoko looked thoughtful. "I suppose its about time I did something. Even if I am afraid, its as you said. I can not keep going like this." Ryoko laughed bitterly "And to think everything happened in only a matter of a few days."
She tugged her wrist from Momos grip and continued to the door. She stopped cast one last glace to momo, smiled, and waved.
She walked out before Momo had the chance to stop her again, and by the time he made it out the door to give chase she was already long gone.
~241~
After that day Ryoma Echizen had gone missing.
Ryoga continued to help out Ryuzaki-sensei during the tennis club practices but he wasn't as cheerful as he used to be. The team also wasn't as happy and energetic with Ryoma gone.
The school told them that he transferred to a new school because his family had decided to move back to the united states.
Momo was not too sure that was the whole story. When he confronted Ryoga he didn't get many answers. He had asked where they went after he had not seen from either Ryoko or Ryoma in over a week. The sight Ryoga made was frightening, to say the least. He had gotten skinnier, paler, and looked like he hadn't been sleeping well.
Apparently, he didn't know either, and when he stopped by the old house no one was there. Not even their father. Eventually, Ryoga got a letter from Ryoko explaining things and Momo appreciated the fact that Ryoga waited for him to open it up.
Ryoma/Ryoko was doing well. The letter was vague but they promised to send letters periodically to them so they would not worry. Momo and Ryoga were glad for this. The two boys even went to Fuji to show him the letter because the poor boy was beating himself over Ryoma/Ryoko's disappearance.
It was after everyone on the team graduated high school when a letter addressed to the old seigaku tennis team from Ryoma arrived. It was nothing out of the ordinary but what was not expected was a letter addressed to only Momo and Fuji from Ryoko that arrived at the exact same time. Yes, they received letters from her but it was always added to the bottom of Ryoma's letters. So it was shocking to see that this time it was separate.
Ryoma never changed but it was Ryoko's letter that filled them with hope.
Hey Senpais,
Hope everyone was doing well, Congratulations to the last of you to graduate high school. Sorry, I could not make it but I have been very busy here in the U.S.
To make up to you lot I have a surprise but You will just have to wait until you see me to know what it is.
Mada mada dane
-Ryoma
Fuji and Momo,
This letter has been long overdue.
I know that in my past letters to you I have been vague about what I have been up to, giving you both only the bare minimum. I apologize but I wanted my success to be a surprise to you. Just like how Ryoma wanted to surprise his teammates.
I have yet to thank you both for the experiences I have had with you when we met. I know that sounds odd and not all of them were pleasant memories but believe me when I say they were helpful.
I do not resent you Fuji. I have not the moment you fought with my brother. I have forgiven you long ago just as I have forgiven my brother. Please tell me you have not been carrying around the guilt for this long.
Momo you have my thanks for the support you were trying to give me during our last talk in person. I understand that you didn't really say much or do much and you hate yourself for not being more helpful, but that could not be farther from the truth.
I can finally say with enough confidence that I am truly happy. I wish to explain in great detail all it is that I have done for myself and for Ryoma. Unfortunately, that would make this letter far too long, almost as if I was writing a book.
For now, I'll just have to hold in the excitement until the day I see you both again, which isn't as far away as you think.
Until then take care of yourselves and do not let my brother boss you around too much.
With lots of love
Ryoko
P.S. Japan really hasn't changed that much has it.
