The pity party advanced kit
It was the worst fifteen-minute bus ride of Kise's life, every second a struggle to hold his tears in. He kept his eyes shut tight, his teeth clenched and his fingers digging into the single shopping bag all the way to the stop a block away from his home. He somehow managed to make his way inside and climb up to his room, even with his vision completely blurred by tears. His chest was so painfully tight he could hardly breathe. He slammed the door closed and collapsed against it, hiding his eyes behind his palm and finally letting the tears flow freely down his face, a long, strangled sob bursting from his lungs.
What an idiot.
He'd been incredibly stupid if he'd actually believed there was any hope of Aomine falling in love with him. This weekend had been so perfect he'd gotten his hopes up. He felt foolish remembering how his heart had been fluttering with joy in his chest all day long. How his skin had tingled every time their fingers graced, how he'd smiled into all of those kisses. How he'd looked into Aomine's eyes and thought 'this must be it. This must be how it feels when someone's loving you with their eyes'.
What a fucking idiot.
He crawled lifelessly towards his nightstand to grab tissues. He didn't want this shirt to get ruined too. There weren't many left in the box. They'd used a lot last night.
He screamed, choking on his tears. He was glad no one was home to hear him. He didn't have the energy to climb up his bed, so he lay on the hard wooden floor crying, every sob feeling like he was being stabbed in the heart; every wail hurting as if the knife was being twisted. The look of regret and mortification in Aomine's face flashed in his mind, and every time it did, all he could do was snarl furiously and slam his fist on the floor.
You knew this was going to end like this, you stupid idiot.
He'd known. He'd always known. But he'd made the terrible mistake of dreaming, of hoping, thinking of what ifs that were never going to be realized. He bit his lip. He hated crying. It messed up his make-up, made his eyes sting and swell red, which was a pain if he was going to have a shoot later, and gave him a runny nose, which was all around gross. But crying for Aomine was way worse. It hurt his heart so deeply he worried he'd never be able to put it back in one piece. He wished he could tear that useless organ out from his chest so it couldn't cause him any more pain.
When the flow of tears finally started to decrease, he grabbed his phone and flipped it open. He remembered his conversation with Takao a few weeks ago. He should've heeded his original suggestion.
"To be honest my first advice would be something you probably won't like…"
He should've taken it when he could. He should've known, like Takao had, that doing anything else would just cause him more pain in the long run.
"What would that be?"
Kise had known exactly what he'd meant by that, but he tried acting like he didn't, like he wasn't aware that it was the best option.
"Well, based on what you've told me so far, I really think the best solution is obvious."
He scrolled through his contact list and found Aomine's name, still with that silly little heart he'd put next to it years ago. He grazed the name with his thumb and he felt more fat tears rolling down his cheek.
[New Text Message]
[To: Aominecchi ❤]
"Let's end this."
A second ticked by.
"OK."
He dug his teeth into his lower lip. Hot tears continued to spill from the corners of his eyes.
It was done. No going back now.
This was for the best, he tried to tell himself as he tried and failed to get a hold of his own breath.
He tried to hide his face against the wooden floor, hoping to drown the sound of a loud strangled sob rising from his chest, but he was unsuccessful, and the pitiful sound filled the empty space of his bedroom.
And all he could think was how fast Aomine had accepted. Almost as if this whole thig hadn't meant anything to him.
"Let's end this."
Aomine froze. His fingers quivered, and he had to hold the phone with both hands to prevent dropping it. He could almost hear the sound his heart made when it sank to the ground. A thousand thoughts raced through his mind; a thousand words he should say (please, wait, I'm sorry, let's talk about it first), but in the end he wrote one word only and pressed the send button, his fingers still trembling.
"OK"
He had no right to ask for anything, he realized. Kise had been the one putting his heart on the line all along, and he had the right to call quits whenever he wanted. Aomine had broken their promise too. And really, what could he say? "I think I might be falling in love with you"? Kise didn't deserve something so half-hearted. He didn't deserve to get hurt again.
His phone buzzed again.
"Also, let's not talk for a while."
"OK."
Aomine's grip on his phone was tight. His eyes were burning. And his blood. And every breath he took. And his heart.
Fuck.
On an impulse, he smashed his phone to the floor. It made an ugly crack sound when the screen hit the hard material of the train car. The other passengers stared at him, some looking slightly scared of his suddenly violent behavior. Mom would get mad at him. She probably wouldn't buy him a new phone.
He picked the device from the floor and flipped it over to check on the damage. The screen was practically shattered all over, but instead of blacking out, it was stuck on the last image it had before getting broken. His last conversation with Kise.
Fuck.
Through teary eyes, he'd been staring at the last message he'd sent Aomine for hours. He knew because the sun was already starting to set. His mom and sisters would be home shortly, but he couldn't even think of moving. He really hoped they wouldn't want to see him or talk about their trip, because all he wanted was to merge into the wooden floor and let this painful existence slip out of consciousness.
He shook his head. He couldn't be thinking something so scary. He browsed through his contacts again. He didn't want to speak directly because he knew his voice was going to falter and he would start crying right away, but he also didn't want to type it and put his pathetic melodrama into words that he could reread and torment himself with. So a call it was.
The phone rang twice, but the voice that picked up wasn't the one he'd expected.
"Kise?"
"Midorimacchi, can you put Takaocchi on the phone?" he pleaded, trying to keep his voice in control, and not really succeeding.
He could hear faint whispers and shuffling in the background before Takao got the phone.
"Kise? Shin-chan looks worried, did something happen?"
He smiled fondly. He should feel lucky for having caring friends like them.
"I…" he croaked, some more tears running down his cheeks. "I ended it." He managed to say, his voice cracking completely, a sob tying his throat in a tight knot.
Takao didn't ask what he meant, he obviously understood. "I'm sorry to hear that." He said quietly. He probably knew Kise wanted to say much more, so he waited patiently on the line. Perhaps he was a bit too perceptive.
"He just…" it was stupid. "I thought it was working. I thought… I really thought he could… love me." His voice faltered on that painful word and he gasped for air. That had been his greatest mistake. To allow himself to hope. Now he knew how perfect things would be if Aominecchi could ever love him back. He now knew how it felt, which made it even more painful to know it would never come true. "But then he… he said Kurokocchi's name and he apologized!" he grabbed the last tissue and wiped his face clean of tears and snot and his smeared make-up, to no avail, since more tears continued to burn down his cheeks. "Why?! Why would he apologize for saying his best friend's name if not because he still loves him…?" It was so, so terribly stupid, he was aware of that but he was also so tired of all this.
Takao was silent for a moment. Kise heard hushed whispers, like he was consulting something with Midorimacchi and then sighed. "If you think this is the best decision for you now, you have my support. And Shin-chan's. Do you want us to come over? We can eat ice cream straight from the bucket and watch awful movies until Shin-chan's eyes roll to the back of his skull."
Kise let out a heavy breath and found himself chuckling slightly. That honestly sounded like the best idea anyone had offered him in months.
"Thanks Takaocchi, but it's a one-hour train ride over here and there's school tomorrow." He managed to say, finally regaining control of his voice. "But… can… can you and Midorimacchi stay on the line a little while?"
"Sure, no problem!"
He sighed with relief. "I'm sorry for causing so much trouble."
Takao laughed softly. "It's okay, it's okay! We're all friends, right? Shin-chan may not be saying anything, but he has this 'worried sick' look on his face too."
"Takao!"
The thought of Midorimacchi fuming somehow gave him the strength to climb on the bed, lying on his stomach on top of the rustled blankets. He'd been so excited to go shopping with Aomine he hadn't bothered making his bed, even if he usually never failed to do it. A stray tear leaked down his cheek, dripping into the pillow. It still smelled of Aominecchi's horrible manly man deodorant. In the end, he hadn't been to Aominecchi's place again to bring civilization into his self-hygiene products. Another tear fell into the pillow. Kise shut his eyes and let the sound of Midorimacchi and Takaocchi arguing play in the background. He inhaled the scent on the pillow (cheap and gross), and it made him feel pathetic, so he decided to let himself fall asleep instead of dwelling on it any longer.
Satsuki had a bad feeling about today. Dai-chan hadn't come back on Saturday after their game with Kise, and she didn't really need to push her imagination too far to know what that meant. But then when he'd arrived last night –Sunday- he'd gone to sleep right away. She knew this because she could see his bedroom from her window, and noticed that the light was only on for a few minutes before it was turned off again.
It was strange. For as long as they'd known each other, every Sunday before Golden Week ended, Dai-chan would call her at around eight at night to ask for help with his holiday homework, which he always left for the last minute. Not last night though. She'd sent him a couple of texts, but he hadn't answered any. And now, standing in front of Dai-chan's door like she did every morning to make sure he actually attended school, she couldn't help the feeling of dread growing in her chest.
"Good morning Satsuki-chan!"
She lifted her eyes to greet Dai-chan's mom. "Good morning, Oba-san." She replied, bowing politely.
"I'm so glad you're here, I've been trying to call Daiki for breakfast but he's not even answering."
Satsuki chewed her lower lip briefly.
"Don't worry Oba-san, I'll drag him to school by the ear if I have to!" she responded, managing a bright smile as she walked inside the house and went straight for the stairs towards Dai-chan's room. She rushed upwards and slammed the door open loudly. "Dai-chan! It's really late, the Captain will get very mad if you're late for morning practice again!" she screeched in a commanding tone.
"Don't care."
She was fully expecting Dai-chan to yell back at her for being so loud and for breaking in without even knocking, so she almost didn't register the quiet drawl she actually got. Her eyes searched the room and found a lump under the bedsheets.
She took a step forward tentatively. "Dai-chan." She repeated a little more quietly. "Come on, Oba-san is getting worried about you."
"Tell her I'm fine. I just don't wanna get up today." His voice was a little raspy, as if he'd been screaming a lot yesterday.
She bit her lip again. There was no doubt about it, something had gone wrong with Kii-chan. She felt the impending need to confront Dai-chan about it, she'd literally tried to warn him about the consequences two days ago and he hadn't listened. She'd known this was going to end badly for both of her friends from the start, and Dai-chan had no one but himself to blame if things had turned south. She briefly thought of telling him that, but when she pulled the covers away to find Dai-chan curled into himself, and noticed the reddened corners of his eyes, she couldn't even bring herself to say "I told you so".
"Sorry, I promised I'd drag you to school no matter what." She said apologetically before grabbing her friend's ear with her thumb and index to pull.
Dai-chan yelped. "What the fuck, Satsuki?!" he sat up and snarled at her. "Leave me the fuck alone!"
She crossed her arms over her chest and frowned. "No." she may feel bad for him, but she wasn't going to let him drown in self-pity. "I'm not moving until you come to school with me." Getting distracted might help him feel a little better, and maybe he'd want to talk about whatever had happened. The sooner she figured it out, the quicker she could think of something that could somehow mend the situation.
"Ha." Dai-chan snorted. "As if you'd ruin your perfect attendance score."
She pulled on his ear again, ignoring his cries of pain. "If Dai-chan were a good friend, he wouldn't let me ruin my perfect attendance and would come to school without fighting."
Dai-chan glared at her. Sha glared back. It didn't last long though, she knew him too well.
"Agh, fine." He groaned, cracking his neck. With the movement, she managed to see a small purple bruise right underneath his jawline. Her eyes widened. "Whatever, get out so I can get changed."
She shook her head and allowed herself a little triumphant smile. "I'll tell Oba-san to put your breakfast in a bento box so you can eat after practice." She said, skipping out of the room.
"Yeah, thanks." He replied.
Before closing the door, she caught a glimpse of her best friend taking off his shirt and the angry red scratches that bloomed on his lower back, getting lost underneath his sweatpants. Her face grew hot. She'd had little doubts about what her two friends were doing when they spent the night together, but having visual confirmation sent images into her mind that she really didn't want.
He didn't take long. She'd barely finished walking down the stairs when she heard his door creak open (she'd told him to put some oil in those rusty hinges a million times already), and he jogged to catch up with her.
"Hurry up, Daiki! If Satsuki-chan is late because of you I'm grounding you." Dai-chan's mom scolded him, her arm stretched to hand him his bento box. "I don't know what this boy would do without you, really." She added, turning to look at Satsuki with a warm smile. Dai-chan shrugged, grabbing the bento box and going straight for the door.
"I don't know either." She replied with a smile as they reached the door. "We're off now, Oba-san."
"Have a nice day at school, both of you! And don't skip any classes, Daiki!"
He waved nonchalantly and closed the door behind his back. Satsuki looked up to find his eyes and tell him something silly, try and establish some sense of normalcy, but the first thing she found was that very noticeable bruise under his jawline, and the words died in her mouth.
"You should cover that up." She mumbled scornfully.
He looked down at her and followed her gaze, then immediately clasped his palm over the mark. He cursed under his breath and hopelessly tried to lift the collar of his shirt to hide it.
She sighed. It was hard to be relentlessly mad at Dai-chan when he was so unawaredly ridiculous. "Use this." She dictated, handing him a couple of band-aids.
Dai-chan glanced at them and frowned momentarily but then suddenly the corners of his mouth pulled down, his eyebrows tilting, his expression turning into one of sadness. She'd been about to ask if he had a problem with her Pikachu and Sylveon patterned band-aids, but before she could do that, he placed the two of them over the hickey, clumsily, barely covering the spot, and muttered a low "thanks".
The rest of the walk to school was quiet.
Satsuki knocked on the door hesitantly. She felt it wasn't her place to meddle. But she couldn't shake off the feeling of impotence, of wanting to do something, after how things had gone with Dai-chan today. Not only had she failed to figure out what had happened, Dai-chan had barely spoken to her –or to anyone else, really. He'd left his lunch mostly untouched, and even though he attended practice, and his performance hadn't been sloppy, something had been off about it. So instead of suffering another awkwardly quiet walk back home, she invented a last minute excuse and hopped on the first train to Kanagawa. But now that she was standing in front of Kii-chan's house, she couldn't help doubting if this was really the right thing to do.
She remembered how wonderful it had been to see her two friends playing against each other and having fun on that last practice match, barely two days ago, and steeled her determination.
It was one of Kise's sisters that answered. "Yes? Oh! You're Momoi-chan! From Teikou! It's been a while!" she said with a smile. "How're you doing?"
"I-I'm fine, thank you, I'm sorry to come in unannounced." She replied politely, bowing her head slightly. She'd always liked Kii-chan's sisters (even though she could never tell them apart), they were both very smart, beautiful and hard-working. She admired them a lot.
"Don't worry, we were just wondering about calling some of Ryou-chan's friends to cheer him up, he's very dispirited today. He even skipped school, he never does that, and he's not talking to us. He just doesn't seem his usual self."
Satsuki chewed on her lip again. "Well I… I guess I'll do my best to cheer him up!"
Kii-chan's sister nodded and let her in, pointing at the staircase. Satsuki murmured a quick 'sorry for the intrusion' and followed the direction. This was her first time visiting Kii-chan's home after his family had moved to Kanagawa, but it still didn't take her long to identify the correct bedroom. Kii-chan was very spoiled after all, so it wasn't surprising to see a big wooden plaque with the shape of a golden star that read "Ryouta" nailed to one of the doors. She knocked softly, noticing a plate with food laying right by the doorstep, obviously untouched for hours.
She waited a few moments, but no response came, so she sighed and pushed the door open.
"I'm fine, Mom, I just need rest." Came the weak reply. Satsuki followed the shaky voice to the bed, where Kii-chan was lying on top of the bedsheets, curled into a ball with his back turned to the door, his body trembling just slightly, clothes wrinkled as if he'd slept on them. She strolled over to him, and as she did so, she heard the quiet sniffles and noticed the empty box of tissues on the floor.
"That skirt's really cute, Kii-chan." She whispered softly, not knowing what else to say.
He turned to look at her. His eyes were bloodshot, the skin around them red and swollen, his usually smooth cheeks darkened with smeared make-up and tear tracks. Her chest ached. She'd never seen him like this.
"M-m-momocchi…" he whimpered, his voice barely recognizable.
She walked closer and sat on the edge of the bed, giving him a sad but knowing look. That seemed to be the last drop for him, because he broke into a loud sob and tried to hide his face in the mattress.
"I-i-I'm ssorry Momocchi I-I c-c-can't… not n-n-now." He whimpered in between choked cries.
Her eyes started to water. She couldn't stand seeing him like this. This was exactly what she'd wanted to prevent on the many times that she'd warned Dai-chan about this. Of course Kii-chan would be the one most hurt in the end. Why hadn't Dai-chan listened?
She placed her hand on Kise's disheveled golden locks, they were tangled and dry. He probably hadn't showered today.
"Kii-chan I…" she paused, wondering if there was anything she could actually say to make things better. "I'm sorry… I should've intervened before." That wasn't the right thing to say and she knew it.
Kise shook his head. "Don't apologize, Momocchi." He seemed to be just a little bit more in control of his voice now, but every word seemed to hurt him, every breathe sounded strained. "I… I did this to myself… I knew from the… from the start that it was gonna e-e-end like this. I shouldn't have… I n-n-never should've…" whatever he was going to say was cut off by a broken sob that shook through his whole body, and he buried his face in the sheets once again. "C-can we not… I don't want to… t-t-t-talk about it."
She stroked his hair gently, wiping away a stray tear from the corner of her eye.
"Okay."
"Thanks."
They stayed in silence for a while, her fingers carding through his hair gently, his body occasionally wracked by cries and whimpers and shaky breathes. Satsuki could feel a tight, tight knot at the base of her throat, her heart heavy. This wasn't how things were supposed to be. Not after everyone had finally reconciled. Everything had been back to normal just a few months ago, and now it was all ruined again. Was there just no hope for them? Kise and Aomine used to be so close, get along so well, and they were so compatible on the court, but now it felt like they would never go back to be friends again. Her heart dropped to the ground.
There was a soft knock on the door.
"Yes?" she asked, thinking Kii-chan would hardly be able to speak.
"Ryou-chan, you have another visitor."
The door creaked open and a boy came in. Satsuki recognized him immediately.
"Takao-kun?"
She'd only spoken to him a couple of times, and they'd exchanged email addresses for something pertaining Midorin, but she knew he was a very nice guy. She just didn't know what he was doing here.
"Oh, what's up! Sorry for interrupting." He greeted cheerfully. She noticed he was carrying a conbini bag that looked heavy, but she couldn't make out the contents. "Oi, you said yesterday you'd be fine but look at you, you're a wreck!"
Satsuki glared at him. "Leave Kii-chan alone." She spat defensively. What was he thinking? She'd never thought Takao could be so insensitive.
"Sorry Momoi-san, I just think what we need right now is a different kind of pity party." He set his conbini bag on the floor and kneeled by the bed. "Get up man, that skirt's too pretty to be sleeping on it." He said, ruffling Kise's hair softly.
Kii-chan turned to look at him. "T-t-takaocchi." He sniffled.
"Damn, look at you! You spend too much time putting make-up on to let it ruin your face. Come on, get off your ass, you're not gonna let yourself rot over a dude" he pulled out a box of tissues from his bag and forcefully wiped Kise's face, cleaning the tears and mascara trails and leaving just his reddened puffy eyes. "I brought the advanced pity party kit, see? I got this huge bucket of ice cream, the three worst movies of all times, all the tissues money can buy and my mani-pedi kit. I do Shin-chan's fingers all the time, so I know what I'm doing okay? Once your hands and feet are all pretty there'll be no reason to feel miserable."
Momoi observed in astonishment, not knowing how to react, and her surprise only grew when he heard Kii-chan laughing softly.
"Okay." He said simply, wiping the last few tears from his eyes.
She cocked her head. This wasn't quite the development she'd expected, but it certainly looked like this could be the right way to lift Kii-chan's spirits. Perhaps the best thing to do now was to let things breathe and try to help both of her friends feel better by themselves, and then she could try and figure out how to fix their relationship. She smiled a little, determined.
"Alright." She proclaimed "If we're doing a pity party then Kii-chan needs to change his clothes first. Put your pajamas on right away, it'd be a true tragedy if you got wrinkles on your skirt."
Kii-chan smiled the tiniest smile at her and finally climbed off the bed. "You're right. This is one of my favorites too, how careless." He walked over to his closet slowly, as if moving was still hard for him. "I'll be back in a bit." He announced, and shut the closet door behind himself.
Satsuki turned to look at Takao. "I didn't know you and Kii-chan were close."
He chuckled a little, scratching the back of his head. "It's kind of a recent thing. We were just worried."
"We?"
His cheeks turned a little pink. "Ah." He looked away. "Me and Shin-chan."
She quirked an eyebrow. "Why didn't Midorin come?"
"Well, Shin-chan's terrible for relationship advice." He said with a grin, and she nodded in agreement. Then the look in his eyes turned a little sad and he lowered his voice. "We also thought it wouldn't be appropriate and kinda mean if the two of us came together, you know… given the situation."
Her eyes widened in realization. "Oh." Was all she could say. She knew Takao-kun and Midorin were dating, it just hadn't really crossed her mind. "That was… kind of you." She looked down at her own hands. "I'm actually glad you showed up. I… I wanted to comfort Kii-chan but I really had no idea of what to say. I want to help my friends but I can't even think of anything to make them feel better."
"Don't say that, Momoi-san. Both of them are dear friends for you, of course it'd be hard to figure out what to do. I, myself, don't have any attachments to Aomine, so I hope you don't mind if we badmouth him a little."
She shook her head. "No I… he's kind of got it coming, I think."
Takao-kun nodded with a smile
"OK, I'm ready!" Kii-chan chirped, his face already a little brighter. Satsuki smiled.
Almost an hour into one of the worst movies Kise had ever seen, sitting between Momoi and Takao, his fingernails and toenails filed and smooth, and the bucket of triple chocolate ice cream half gone, he was finally starting to feel a little better. His eyes were still stinging from all that crying, and there was still that dull, heavy ache in his heart, but the room was warm with the company, and he felt loved, without worrying about whether he was imagining it or not.
"Takao-kun wasn't joking about bringing the three worst movies ever made. Is there really anything that can top this?" Momoi commented amused, her strawberry pink eyes fixed on the screen.
"You'd be surprised." Takaocchi replied with a giggle, then he turned to Kise. "When this one finishes, let's paint your nails." He said with a wide grin.
Kise glanced at his fingers. He'd had his nails painted a couple of times for photoshoots, but he'd never actually done it out of his own volition. He remembered trying to copy how Mom did it when he was little, but it always ended in a mess, so he'd given up and never really given it any serious thought again.
"You do that for Midorimacchi too?" he asked, curious.
"I convinced him to let me do it a couple of times during winter break. Shin-chan's hands are very beautiful; it'd be a waste not to take advantage of that." Takao explained, showing him his phone, where there was a photo of a pair of hands with cute frog designs on the fingernails. Kise had never thought of Midorimacchi's hands as "beautiful", but love is blind after all.
"Oh! Can you do the more elaborate nail art stuff?" Momoi squealed in surprise. "Please do mine too, I've always wanted to have cute nails like that!"
"Sure! As long as I have pretty hands to work on, I'll do my magic."
She clapped her hands delighted "I'm so excited now!" she chirped, scooping a spoonful of ice cream and Kise could only smile wider.
When the movie ended (and Kise wasn't quite sure if he wanted to watch the other two, if Takao's claim about them being worse proved true), Takao got up to get his mani-pedi kit and bring it closer to where they were all sitting. He pulled out a couple of tools that Kise had never seen before and a bottle with a clear liquid. "Any design you want? I brought a few of my own polishes, but if you have any request I can do that."
Kise shook his head. "I'll leave it to the artist. Surprise me."
Takao beamed and scooted closer to him. "Cool, I was thinking of doing something bright and spring-like." He pulled out a bottle of pastel yellow polish, a white one and an orange one before extending his hands towards Kise. "Alright, just let me work my magic."
Kise watched with interest as Takao smeared a first layer of the transparent liquid over each of the fingernails on his right hand. He blew on them a little and repeated the process on the left one, then waited for it to dry.
"You know… you don't have to talk if you don't want to, but if you do, we'll listen."
His breath caught in his throat. He wanted to talk about it. But he didn't want to reminisce it all, didn't want to remember the tender kisses, the warmth of Aomine's hand laced with his, the sincerity in Aomine's eyes when he told him he was pretty, how his body vibrated with excitement when they played basketball together, how his blood burned when they had sex. Just the thought of it made his heart clench and god was he sick of hurting. He chewed on his lip, trying to fight back the tears that were already starting to pool at the corners of his eyes, willing himself to focus on Takao's hands and the brush that was smearing polish over his nails.
"It was," he could feel Momocchi sitting right next to him, one of her small hands squeezing his shoulder lightly. "It was all my fault."
"Daiki, we've told you a million times to empty your pockets before putting your clothes in the laundry." His father scolded him the moment he entered the house. "You're lucky that I'm in a good mood today, next time I'll keep the money and throw everything else in the trash."
Aomine didn't even reply and just waited for his father to give back his stuff. He didn't really remember what he kept in his pockets, hopefully some forgotten loose change. His father handed him two one-hundred-yen coins, which was rather disappointing, and then showed him a small cellphone strap. Aomine's heart sank to the bottom of his stomach.
"I didn't know you were into these." His father said, taking a closer look at the Umbreon figure. "You never really played with the game we got you some time ago. Oh, we actually ended giving it to Satsuki-chan, didn't we? Did you buy this for her? I'm sure she'll be very happy." He grinned teasingly. Aomine frowned. His father had been under the absurd notion that he'd end up marrying Satsuki sooner or later for quite some time. He shuddered at the thought alone.
"It's not… for Satsuki." He remembered Kise's bright smile when they'd bought the matching straps. It felt so very stupid now. Kise had been so excited to go back to his house so they could put them on their gym bags too. Which reminded him that he'd left his gym bag at Kise's house and now it would be horrible to try and get it back, since Kise had suggested they didn't talk for a while. He'd have to deal with his spares for the time being.
His father looked disappointed. "Oh well. Just don't leave it in your pockets again or I'll throw it away." He tossed the strap at him and turned for the kitchen.
Aomine closed his fingers around the little item, the plastic digging into his skin, and headed straight for his bedroom. He vaguely heard his Dad saying what he was cooking for dinner, but considering how little appetite he had, it was hardly important. He collapsed on the bed and rolled to his back, letting the strap dangle from his fingers. He kind of wished his Dad had thrown it away so he wouldn't have to look at it and have yet another reminder of all he'd ruined. But now the mere thought of getting rid of it made his heart clench.
By the time Kise was done telling the story, Kazunari had finished painting the base of the fingernails with pastel yellow polish, and they were almost done drying. He sighed. He'd already heard most of it a few weeks ago when Kise had first called him about it, but the situation had changed so drastically it was almost like dealing with two completely different things. He blew on Kise's right hand, thinking of what would be the best thing to say. He felt partially responsible for this situation; he'd been the one to advice Kise about trying to seduce Aomine or breaking up with him. He just hadn't imagined Kise would do both things in such a short span of time. And now his friend was hurting and it was his fault for giving him shitty advice.
"Don't beat yourself up about it." He said finally. "Taking his initial offer may not have been the wisest choice but, to be honest, I can't even blame you. I would've done the same."
"Eh? But you and Midorin…"
Kazunari chuckled. "Yeah, we're going steady now, but for a long time I was really convinced that my feelings would forever remain one-sided. I was even considering doing crazy stuff, like asking him to pretend to be my boyfriend and holding hands in public so my fangirls would leave me alone; or telling him that this girl I thought he liked was into him and that I should teach him how to kiss before he tried dating her. Really crazy stuff. If Shin-chan had offered something like Aomine did, I wouldn't have even thought about it, I would've accepted right away."
Kise smiled sadly. "Midorimacchi would never do something like that."
"That's exactly my next point." Kazunari replied. "This isn't your fault. Not entirely at least. It takes two to dance tango after all. You're already having a hard time to be adding extra guilt on top of that."
"That's right! I told Dai-chan to think twice about what he was doing and he didn't listen. You should be angry at him, not yourself."
Kise shook his head and sniffled. He'd started crying again sometime halfway through the tale. "No, I… it wasn't Aominecchi's fault. H-he meant the best, I know it. He was… trying to be considerate with my feelings. I'm the one who knew how it was gonna end and went through with it anyway."
Kazunari chewed on his bottom lip. He wanted to say that saying "it's intention that counts" was absolute bullshit, but there was something he'd been noticing in Kise's story that gave him pause. He hesitated, bringing it up could hurt Kise even deeper, but if his suspicion was right…
"Have you considered that maybe… maybe he's falling in love with you already?"
Kise visibly flinched.
"Just think about it for a second, will you? Based on what you're telling us, it would make sense. I mean, it sounds like he makes a lot of extra effort to make you happy, right? And he's even admitted he enjoys spending time with you too. He's obviously not indifferent to you, that much is pretty clear. Maybe he hasn't completely realized his own feelings yet?"
Kise's hand trembled slightly and Kazunari had to hold it down to make sure the polish wouldn't get ruined. "I-I don't know… I don't… Yesterday I felt so… special, when he looked at me and…" a sob shook his body "But that's the point you're just… you're judging from what I told you, but what if I imagined it all? What if I just convinced myself that I was seeing and hearing things that weren't there? The other night I even… for a moment I thought he was going to say he loved me… How-how absurd right? If I could imagine that much, what's to say I didn't make all the rest up?" he sniffled loudly, trying to rein in his tears. "I can't even trust myself at this point!"
Kazunari chewed on his bottom lip again as he painted peach-colored dots on Kise's pinky and pointer fingers.
"You're not imagining it." Momoi said suddenly, her voice firm, even though she had cried a little at some point. "I can't say if Dai-chan does feel for you like you do for him but I do know him better than anyone. And I can tell that he cares for you a lot more than he'd ever want to admit, so you weren't wrong about that. He's always refused when I asked him to go shopping with me, I don't even bother asking him anymore, but he actually volunteered to go with you Kii-chan. It wasn't hard to notice, how happy he was when he'd been with you too. He was so excited for the practice match that he was on time for morning practice the whole week!" she grabbed a tissue and helped wipe Kise's tears off his cheeks. "I can also tell how much this has affected him. He wasn't himself today, he's not talking to me at all. He was weird at practice too. And I know that…" she seemed to hesitate for a moment "I know he's cried too."
Holding Kise's left hand while he repeated the peach dots pattern on the other hand, he could faintly feel how his friend's pulse picked up as Momoi continued talking. It was a good thing she had come, Kazunari thought, she knew them much better than him, and she obviously loved both of her friends dearly. She was a good ally to have.
"Besides" he continued, pausing to let the polish dry " It's not impossible to have special feelings for more than one person at the same time. Maybe he's confused because he feels something special for you that's different from what he feels for Kuroko and he hasn't figured it out yet." He reasoned softly.
"I know." More tears started to prick the corners of his eyes, and his hand twitched in reflex to wipe them off, but Kazunari held it down once more. "I know it could be like that. But I… I don't even trust myself to know what he's thinking! What if… What if I'm just letting myself get carried away by my wishful thinking? Then when reality kicks in I… Just… just the pain I'm feeling now is bad enough I can hardly breathe and I… I can't do this to myself anymore." He paused, his pulse quickening, his breathing growing labored. "And even if he does… love me and we get together I'll… I'll always have doubts. I'll always wonder if he's just settling down with me because he can't have Kurokocchi. And then I think he'll get sick of me and my insecurities and leave me. And I get so scared.. I… I fear that I'll be so terrified of losing him that I'll lose myself in the process and I..." His face had grown pale, tears once again streaming down his cheeks, his whole body was shaking and he looked like he was having problems breathing. Kazunari dropped the nail polish brush immediately and held him by the shoulders.
"Hey, hey, look at me. It's okay, it's gonna be alright. Take a deep breath for me, can you do that?" he instructed, while Momoi stroked his back soothingly.
Kise looked up to meet his eyes, and after a moment, inhaled deeply, then exhaled slowly.
"I'm s-sorry, I just—"
Momoi shushed him sharply, "Don't apologize, it's okay. Don't hurt yourself over this anymore. If you felt this was what you needed to do now, then it was and we'll support you no matter what, right?"
Kazunari nodded. "Of course, I already told you when we spoke yesterday." If this relationship, or lack thereof, was hurting Kise to the point of making him lose his breath and panic, it was certainly for the best that he'd decided to take a break. But he didn't say that because he remembered how terrified he'd been after blurting out his feelings for Shin-chan, how he'd felt dizzy and sick just thinking he would be rejected and lose Shin-chan's friendship forever. He understood perfectly how it felt to love someone to the point of tearing yourself apart for fear of losing them.
"Besides," he continued, letting go of Kise's shoulders to resume his work on his fingernails. He was almost done. "this is actually a really good thing for both of you. Putting some distance between the two of you might be exactly what you needed to figure it all out one way or another. I think this time that you'll be apart and won't have any excuse to see him or call him will give you the chance to get a new perspective on yourself and your feelings. Think about what you want for the future and from a possible relationship and whether that is something you could reach with Aomine. Whether being with him brings you more pain than being without him and if you'd want to give it a second chance in the eventuality that he may in fact be developing feelings for you. If it's worth it to put your heart on the line like that again. Those kinds of things." He set Kise's right hand to the side, finally done with it, and picked the left one up.
"Midorimacchi must be really rubbing off on you if you're using so many big words in one breathe." Kise said, a faint chuckle at the end. At least that was a good sign.
"Oi, I'm actually smarter than most people think."
"It'll be good for Dai-chan too." Momoi interrupted, scooting over to face Kise. "Based on what you've told us and how I've seen him act in regards to this whole thing, I think right now he's very confused. And maybe this break will help him figure his own feelings out and decide what he wants to do about them. No, I'm certain it will. He'll have to face things sooner rather than later. And once each of you comes up with a resolution, it'll be easier to make things right again, whichever kind of relationship you both choose to have."
"Yes! That's exactly what I was getting to!" Kazunari had been doubtful about mentioning Aomine. A part of him thought that giving Kise hopes about what Aomine may or may not feel about him would be very cruel at this point. But if Momoi who knew them both better than he did agreed, then maybe there was way more hope than it would initially appear.
Kise sniffled one more time and his lips curled in a small, beautiful smile. "Thanks, both of you." He mumbled one last stray tear running down his cheek. "Even if… even if things don't work out in my favor I… I don't want to lose Aominecchi's friendship. And I know he wouldn't want us to stop being friends if he doesn't..." he gasped softly, a tinge of hurt flashing through his eyes, but disappearing quickly. "I'd happily bury my feelings a thousand feet underground if that would patch up our relationship, but I also know he'd never ask me to do that." His smile grew now melancholic, but genuine. "Which I guess is the reason I'd be willing to do it."
Kazunari smiled back at him, gently, thinking just how much they had in common. It almost seemed fate that they would meet and become friends. He put the cap on the bottle of transparent polish, hoping he could at least be the kind of friend Kise needed in this moment of hardship. Then he blew on both of Kise's hands and grinned in satisfaction.
"I'm done here." He announced, lifting the fingers up to Kise's eye level, feeling rather pleased with his work.
He could see Kise's face light up immediately. "Oh my god, Takaocchi this is so cute! Thanks so much, you're a genius, it's perfect!" he squealed excited, as if he hadn't had a mild nervous breakdown just a few moments ago. He'd painted a pastel yellow base to all of Kise's fingernails, adding peach-colored dots on the pointer and pinky fingers, a cute fox tail on the ring finger whilst the head of the animal was painted on the middle finger.
"Oh my god, it's super cute!" Momoi squealed too, adding to the excitement. "Your fingers look so beautiful, Kii-chan!"
Kise giggled, delighted. "They totally do! I almost feel like quitting basketball just to be able to have cute nails all the time!"
Kazunari laid back a little, relieved and happy to see that he'd at least been able to make Kise feel better.
"It's getting late, we should get going." Momoi announced, looking at the time on her cellphone screen after the third movie was over.
Kise felt a little crestfallen. He kind of didn't want his friends to leave. But he couldn't ask them for more, they'd already done so much for him today, way more than he could've ever hoped for.
"Ah, I think I'm actually staying over." Takao announced.
"Eh?"
"I'm too lazy to go back right now, my place is very far from the train station and I won't get there before the last bus runs."
Momoi stared at Takao for a second, and it almost seemed like they were having a silent conversation.
"If Takao-kun's staying over, then so am I."
"Eh? But Momocchi, your perfect attendance score!"
She chewed on her lower lip, clearly conflicted. "K-keeping you company's way more important than that. If Takao-kun can miss school one day, so can I." She said finally, crossing her arms over her chest.
Kise smiled to himself. He truly was fortunate to have such good friends. "It's okay, Momocchi. I'd feel really guilty if you got in trouble for me. I'm already really happy that you came all the way here to comfort me." He chuckled. "Since there are so many guys who would give everything to be comforted by Momocchi, I feel very lucky and special." He showed her a toothy grin. "Besides, it would be scandalous if you spent the night with these two handsome bachelors." He added playfully, wrapping an arm around Takao's shoulders, who was mumbling 'I'm not a bachelor, though.'
Momoi laughed. "Okay, if you say so."
They walked her to the door. Before turning away, she looked at Kise straight in the eye, her face serious. "Kii-chan" she said, holding both of Kise's hands in hers and squeezing them tight. "Everything's going to be alright. You and Dai-chan are my friends and I love you and want you to be happy."
Kise smiled, squeezing her hands back. "Thanks Momocchi. Thanks so much for today I… I really needed it. I don't really know what I would've done if you guys hadn't come."
Momoi released his hands and hugged him tight. "Anytime you need me I'll come running, okay? That's what friends are for."
He nodded. "Text me when you're home, so I know you got back safe."
"I will. And let's do something again soon, okay? Don't stay up too late, Kii-chan has to go back to school tomorrow."
"'s okay Momoi-san, I'll make sure he gets his beauty sleep."
She waved at them and laughed.
"Hey Takaocchi, is it really okay to stay the night? What about your morning practice tomorrow?"
"Isn't it a bit too late to be worrying about that? Last train leaves in like five minutes."
"Okay, but isn't Midorimacchi gonna get mad if he finds out of this arrangement?"
Both of them were lying under the covers in Kise's bed, side by side, but with almost no space between their bodies due to the size of the mattress. The idea of pulling out the spare futon was briefly considered, but they were too lazy to do it, and Kise kind of didn't want to sleep on an empty bed. He hadn't said it, but he was pretty sure Takaocchi had inferred it on his own.
"Nah, Shin-chan understands. You're a dear friend for him, even if he'll never actually admit it, you know? Don't tell him I told you, now that would make him mad." Takao had his arms folded behind his head, and was staring at the empty ceiling.
"I guess Midorimacchi also trusts that you wouldn't betray him."
"Yeah, he does."
The dreamy sparkle in Takao's eyes when he said that made Kise's heart hurt. He wanted what they had so badly. For moments, it felt so unfair that Midorimacchi had found love so easily and painlessly, while he was dealt with three years of unrequited feelings and a fake relationship that had crashed and burned, taking his heart along for the ride. He hated himself for feeling that way. Midorima and Takao were his friends, and they were both kind and wonderful and totally deserved to be happy. And he was glad for them, for finding love and happiness in each other. But he couldn't help those ugly, disgusting sparks of jealousy for that one thing he'd yearned for so long and seemingly couldn't get.
"Is that the reason Midorimacchi didn't come?" he mused out loud.
"Hm?"
"Like… you guys decided it would be painful for me to see you two all happy and lovey-dovey while I'm like… well like this." His chest felt tight, but he successfully managed to fight back the tears. He was over that, done with crying.
"Well Shin-chan and I aren't really lovey-dovey, he's very committed to his tsundere archetype, especially the tsun tsun part of it."
"Oh, come on, I've seen your photos on Facebook."
"It takes a lot of bargaining to get him to pose for a photo though. And he totally hates PDA, so he won't take part if there's any chance of people seeing us. That's why I don't really have that many." Takao huffed, puffing his cheeks in a pout.
Kise chuckled a little.
"And anyway, the point is that Oha-Asa said Scorpio had a very high compatibility with Gemini today. And that Cancer and Gemini are a poor match because their understanding of emotions is very different. So there was no argument to be had on the matter."
This time, Kise broke in laughter. "That definitely sounds like Midorimacchi."
They chuckled lightly for a moment, and then there was a breath of silence. Kise's hands were laying flat on his stomach, his eyes following the cracks and crevices of the ceiling, which he already knew by heart. Takao had helped him change the bedsheets and pillowcases, so nothing remained of Aomine's awful stench. And yet, just thinking about it made his eyes sting. He didn't want to cry anymore, so he tried to control his breathing and hold back any sniffles, but he wasn't being really successful.
"Hey Kise?" Takao whispered softly, and he felt slender fingers wrap around one of his hands. "You can let it out."
The words made a tear slip down his cheek. He bit his lip, trying to muffle the sob he could feel climbing up his chest.
"It's okay… it's better actually. I know you don't want us to worry, that you want to be strong and get over this fast but you also have to let yourself go. Grieve what you lost. You need to let your wounds bleed before they can start healing."
More tears pooled at the corners of his eyes. "But I…" he didn't really trust himself to speak "I already did it… s-so much." That restrained sob finally broke him. "I'm tired. Tired. Of crying, I-I don't want to! It's not… crying won't solve anything!"
He felt Takao turn to face him, although he couldn't make out his features in the darkness of the room. "So what." He enunciated clearly. "What if it won't solve anything? Not crying won't solve anything either. You should be free to feel sad and heartbroken, and to let all that sadness out. And once you're done, truly done, then you can take the next step forward and start healing for real. And all of us will be here for you every step of the way. You have many friends that love and cherish you, and that won't change, no matter how much you cry."
Kise could feel his heart nested at the base of his throat, even as his chest felt warmer than before. He felt safe reminiscing all the love and comfort his friends had given him today, and that made the tears prickle hotter in the corners of his eyes. When Takao squeezed his hand one more time, he couldn't hold it back anymore. All those tears that burned his eyes finally streamed down his cheeks again. He covered his eyes with his arm, a breathy sob pouring out of his lips.
"I really… r-really love him…" it was hard to believe he still had so many tears left to cry. "I love him so…" Another sob, heavier, sharper "so much."
Takao's arms pulled him into a gentle embrace. "I know." He said quietly, tucking Kise's head under his chin and stroking his hair gently. "I know you do."
He never knew how long it took him to fall asleep.
To be continued
I'm soooo sorry it took so long to get this out! Lots of stuff going on (including a creative slump) has been getting on the way.
I really hope you guys enjoy this chapter, since I've been very excited about showing more of Kise's friendship with Takao, and Takao's complicity with Momoi
Thanks so much for your continued support and patience. There's only three more chapters left (or maybe four, it'll depend), so I hope everyone's read for the climax of this ride. I'm basically about to fall asleep on my computer at this point, so I'll leave it at that. I'll be looking forward to your thoughts and opinions!
