Hey guys! review response time!

daklog73- yeah, I feel so sorry for donnie at that chapter, it was a little difficult to write. I'm glad you've been enjoying my book! thanks for the review!

smokescreen-ninja- thanks for reviewing!

now, to the chapter!

"Raphael" Raph's head jerked up, and he looked at his father. "We are all, including me, curious as to what exactly happened three months ago." Raph frowned, he didn't want to tell them how stupid he'd been. "You cannot speak." Splinter said,and Raph felt relief spread through him, that's right, he'd never have to tell them. Then he felt guilty. He nodded and shrugged at the same time.

So, what do you want me to do about it? Splinter smiled, as if he knew what Raph was thinking.

"Until we are able to think of something more permanent, you will use this." his father held out a leather journal and a few sharpened pencils, Raph's spirits fell. "I want you to write what happened from your point of view." Splinter told him, "i will read it, but your brothers will not know what you write." Raph thought about this, that seemed ok, Splinter understood just about everything. Raph nodded grudgingly and took the journal, rubbing the leather binding with his finger. He nodded, and Splinter smiled. "You may start now." he said pointedly, and Raph leaned against the tree he'd been kneeling next to, he opened to the first page,and placed the pencil tip on the paper.

Leo suggested that I go patrol the sewers for him, because I was restless. I love going out on my own, so I said sure, I didn't want him to know how glad I was I could leave, because he suggested it. While I was walking I heard voices, it was Rocksteady and Bebop. They were arguing whether or not they should split up, they were looking for us.

Raph frowned, tapping the eraser against his lip, how much should he write? He glanced at Splinter, he was sitting, meditating. But Raph was sure he had an eye cracked open, so he decided to write down everything.

Leo had a dream the night before, a nightmare. It was about when my plastron cracked, and made me look awesome. I don't know why he had it, but I think it was a warning. I got out my phone to text him now, telling him that I was gonna confront these guys, but I didn't know that the text didn't go through, things might have been much worse if it had. I stepped out and confronted them, they were almost amused to see that I was alone, and wanting a fight. I was in that mood, I wanted a fight. Beebop said he had new equipment, I wondered what it was. They were beating me pretty good, but then beebop took out some kind of sword, he said it would cut right through our shells. That's when I knew I had to stop them, and I hoped that Leo and the others weren't on their way after all, I suggested that rocksteady back up, and me against beebop. We were in a tunnel I know, it had a chasm, i'd fallen from the cliff once before. I was battling him, and the adamantium sliced right through my sais, I backed up, getting closer to the chasm, I thought that I may be able to get him to run right off the cliff, but he was too smart. He sliced at my head, but my head instinctively swung back, and it caught my plastron instead. It hurt like shell, I grabbed the sword as I fell backward, and then released it when beebop let go, it fell beside me, and I fumbled for my phone again...i called Leo. And then there was nothing. Nothing but pain, and darkness. The whole time, I'd worried about them, never about myself. I didn't want anything to happen to them.

Raph stopped as a tear splashed from his eyes, until now he hadn't realised why he'd been avoiding it. Now he did, it was a horrible memory, even though the entire ordeal, he'd been filled with devotion for his brothers. He swiped the tear away, smudging the pencil lead. Raph closed the journal and leaned his head back. What was wrong with him? He'd promised himself a long time ago he'd always be the strongest,and now he was this mess. He could barely fight, and he couldn't talk, and now he was crying over a three month old memory. Raph rubbed his head with both hands, well, he could start training again, no matter what Donnie said. He was still going to be a ninja, the best ninja. He inwardly chuckled to himself, he still held onto his childhood dreams apparently.

"Raphael." Splinter said, Raph looked up. "You have finished?" Raph nodded, and stood up awkwardly, he reminded himself to ask don when he could take the stupid brace off, it was a little annoying, but at least he could walk. Splinter took the journal and nodded to Raph. "You may begin training today, light training." Raph grinned to show his father he was happy, he never grinned much before, but now it was one of the only way he could communicate. Raph walked out of the dojo, Leo and Mikey were on the couch, and the light in Donnie's lab was on, after waving a hello to his two brothers, he walked to the lab.

When he saw Donnie, however, he raised his eyebrows. It wasn't usual for them to find Donatello sitting upside down in his spinny chair, spinning in circles with his hands hanging down.

"I. am. Useless." Donnie muttered to himself, Raph frowned. He took a few steps towards his younger brother, but Donnie still didn't see him. "Can't do a single stupid thing right." Raph crouched in front of his brothers as he spun,and Donnie's eyes widened. "Raph!" he tumbled off the chair. Donnie got to his feet, and brushed himself off, smiling a fake smile. "I was, doing brain exercises, it helps your circulation if you, uh, sit upside down…." Raph raised an eyebrow again,and Donnie looked at the floor. "Yeah…."

Who the shell do you think you're fooling? Raph wanted to ask his brother, unfortunately, he couldn't. Instead, he pulled Donnie into a hug, would've been embarrassing, but he couldn't really translate his feelings into tough guy talk anymore, because he couldn't talk. At first, his brother seemed startled, and then hugged Raph back.

"I'm sorry." he whimpered.

Sorry for what? Raph wanted to ask, but again, he couldn't. Donnie, however, shrugged his shoulders as if Raph had asked the question out loud.

"I just...i can't fix you." he said, as tears slid out of his eyes. "No matter how hard I try." Raph pulled away and looked up at Donnie, even though he was a head taller than Raph, he seemed so little at this moment.

And who said i'm broken? He challenged with his eyes. Donnie flinched.

"I'm, I'm sorry Raph, I know you aren't broken." he said, then his eyes widened. "How did I know what you wanted to-" Raph shrugged, and grabbed a piece of paper.

Maybe you know me better than you thought. Donnie smiled.

"Ok, Raph, so, you're really ok with not talking?" he asked, Raph thought for a moment, it wasn't so bad...he shrugged. Then he gestured to his leg brace, with raised eyebrows. Donnie shrugged.

"I don't know, keep it on for at least another week, train with it, and then we can see how you do." he said, "if I'm going to get anything right, it'll be that." Raph nodded and sighed. A week huh? Might as well get used to ignoring it.

Don't give up Donnie. He wished he could tell his brother. Instead he offered his younger brother another smile before going back out to the lair, Leo and Mikey smile at him.

"Hey bro!" Mikey said, "wassup?" Raph shrugged. He sat next them they were watching another of Mikey's shows, he smiled as he remembered how Mikey had him watch crognar for hours on end before he recovered, but then again, he thought as he glanced at his leg, he wasn't completely recovered yet.

Leo sighed, they'd started training with Raph again earlier today, he was taking a break right now. Splinter came beside Leo. He looked up at his father.

"I don't get it sensei." he said. Splinter raised his eyebrows. "Raph, he was always stronger than us, it's not fair that this happen, and he has to start as square one all over again."

"Raphael is not at square one." Splinter said, "he is simply recovering, yes, he will need to get back to where he was, but he is not at square one."

"Hai sensei." Leo said, as Raph crossed back over to them, ready for another try.

"Raphael, Leonardo." Splinter said, you will try to disarm one another, try not to injure each other to severely." Leo looked at Raph, who's mouth was set in a determined line. Then Raph caught his eyes, and smiled as if to say,

Don't you go easy on me Leo. Leo shook his head to clear it, this wasn't anything new, he grabbed his katanas and stood facing Raph. Raph had his sais and faced Leo the same way. Splinter nodded.

"Hajime!" he commanded, and Leo watched for Raph to make the first move. Raph raised an eye ridge and shrugged, he ran at Leo. Leo, startled by how effectively his brother could run, considering his leg, and had to quickly dodge to the side, Raph stopped and spun back around, grinning like he was crazy, which was possible at this point. Leo knew that he'd underestimated Raph today, something he hadn't done in a long time. Raph dashed at him again without hesitation, and Leo jumped up over him, Raph somehow caught his katana hilt and yanked it out of his grasp, leaving him with one left. Leo spun as he hit the ground, Raph looked like he usually did, smug. Leo narrowed his eyes, feeling the anger rise again in his chest, but for some reason it was now directed to his brother. He tried to squash the thoughts, but they kept coming.

If you weren't so quick to rush into battle, you'd be fine! And we wouldn't be in this mess! Leo shook his head as if trying to fling the thoughts away, it was definitely not Raph's fault, yet...why didn't he want to tell them why he took them on? On his own. Leo narrowed his eyes, Raph smiled back, still as smug as ever. Leo aimed his katana at the handle of Raph's sai, and Raph caught it in the space between two of the narrow blade, Leo scowled, and then grinned, he let Raph get a hold on the katana, and then pulled backward, yanking the sai out of his brother's hand. Ha! Raph scowled in return, holding his remaining sai to the side, as if daring Leo to go for it. Abandoning his usual tactic of sensible jabs and slashes, Leo backflipped over to the outstretched hand and the sai out of it.

"I win,"

"Yame!" Splinter commanded, and they looked over. "Well done Leonardo." Leo nodded modestly, and Raph shrugged. "You may be done with training for today." Leo looked at his brother, he didn't seem to happy about this, but he followed Leo out.

"That was close Raph." Leo said, "you almost had me." Raph looked at him, a small frown on his face, as if to say,

But I didn't. Leo put his hand on Raph's shoulder.

"You'll get it." he assured him, "I know you will."

"Yeah," Mikey said offhandedly from the couch, "you'll get whatever it is…." Leo stifled a laugh. Mikey would support Raph no matter if he had any inkling what they were talking about.

"See?" he said to Raph, "Mikey knows too." Raph rolled his eyes and walked away, Leo almost wished he could hear the stinging retort that was undoubtedly in his younger brothers head.

Mikey glanced up, Raph had been there a sec ago, but now he was in the lab, Donnie had probably wanted to check on him or something. Leo stood watching the door to the lab, as if waiting to hear Raph's angry voice telling the purple masked ninja he was fine. He didn't.

"Wanna play?" Mikey asked, holding up the extra controller, "ice cream kitty thinks she can beat you."

"Meow!" ice cream kitty agreed,Leo looked over, a grin splitting his face.

"Yeah, ok." he said, "what game?"

"Mario karts dude." Mikey said, Leo laughed.

"Ice cream kitty can just try and beat me." he replied, Mikey smiled as he started a new game. Ice cream kitty got first, and to Mikey's surprise Leo got second, Mikey got third.

"Ha! Bam!" Leo said as they finished, "i beat you Mikey, even if ice cream kitty creamed me,"

"Haha." Mikey said, "creamed." Leo rolled his eyes.

"I wasn't even trying to make a pun." he said, "only you Mikey."

"Only Mikey what?" Donnie asked, walking out with Raph, who was rubbing his head. "Get pizza stuck to the ceiling?" Mikey looked up.

"Hey! Pizza!" he exclaimed, "nice!" Leo grabbed his shell before he could try to get the said piece of pizza.

"That has been there." he said, "for three months, we were waiting to see how long it'd take you to notice." Mikey frowned.

"I thought I got it up there in the first place." he pointed out. They all looked at each other.

"Did you know before now?"

"Well," Mikey shrugged, "no, but you didn't know that." his brothers just looked at him. "What?"

"Absolutely nothing." Donnie replied, "so Leo, Raph's leg should get strong enough in a few weeks to take off the brace, but we'll want to see if he can go without it on patrol, so in the next few days we can go up there and, what?" Mikey had frowned.

"Are you sure?" he asked, Donnie looked at him.

"Yes Mikey." he said, "i'm sure, anyway," he continued, "go up to the surface and see how his leg takes the impact from the jumps we make, and so on." Leo nodded slowly.

"We could, maybe." he said, "but, in a few days?"

"Raph wants to." Donnie said, shrugging. Mikey looked at Raph, how did Donnie know? Raph looked at the floor uncomfortably. Mikey frowned, what was wrong?

"How do you know?" he asked bluntly, Donnie shrugged.

"I can just, tell, by the way he looks at me." he explained, Mikey felt a twinge of jealousy he thought he knew his hotheaded brother the best.

"Ok, then." Leo said, "we can go up on friday, that's three days, think you can last Raph?" Raph looked up and nodded.

Sure, not like I have a choice Mikey frowned, maybe he did know Raph well enough. Then he smiled.

"Friday it is." he said happily, "i can't wait."