Show Me Heaven: Chapter Twelve
ELIZA'S POV
She said yes. Oh god, Arizona said yes to moving back in with me. What the hell am I supposed to do with that? What the hell am I supposed to say to that? Obviously, it's all I want but is she being honest? Does she truly want to move back home? I feel like she does and I feel like she wants to be here with me but surely this is all too good to be true? Surely she is just telling what I want to hear. God, the thought of her being back here is making my stomach somersault. It really is. Fuck. Like, am I supposed to do things differently this time around? I feel like I should try a different approach but I'm not sure where to even begin. What if she wants different things now that we have a second chance? Ugh, I don't know where to start with anything at all and right now, I feel helpless. I feel like I don't know myself anymore. Glancing down at my cell as it buzzes on the kitchen counter, a smile settles on my face.
Did you want me to cook dinner tonight? Zo x
Dinner would be amazing, thank you. E x
Consider it done then. I miss you. Zo x
I miss you, too. E x
Running my fingers through my hair, I release a deep breath and close my eyes. Maybe I could ask some of her friends how much she has changed. I don't know. I could call Jess. I'm sure she wouldn't mind. Wait, is that really a good idea? No, I can't call Jess and ask her about my girlfriend. That would make me sound like a complete idiot. Come on, Eliza. Get it together. I mean, I know Arizona better than anyone else…or I did. That's what I'm struggling with. What if I mess this up again? I'm already about to head into my final chance with her and I'm not sure I'll survive if I mess up again. No, I know I wouldn't survive. She is my life. My oxygen. I haven't felt as alive as I do since she returned. I haven't felt so completely in love and happy since we decided to try again.
Can we talk tonight? E x
Sure, everything okay? Zo x
Yeah, just my own worries. E x
Admitting that I'm scared to her doesn't worry me but it does make me wonder if she will think twice about my offer. She may decide that she doesn't need someone like me around anymore. I'm so not the person I used to be and I need her to know that. I need her to know that whilst she left and gained a world of confidence…I didn't. I lost mine. I lost everything I once was. Why? Because it messed everything up for us so I pushed it away. I refused to allow myself to feel good. I couldn't have her and I didn't want anyone else so I simply shut down and locked myself away at every possible chance I got. I know I shouldn't have done that but I didn't want to go out and find someone else. I didn't want to even seem attractive to anyone else. Why would I? I'd just hurt the one person I loved more than anything in the world so why did I deserve to have the attention on me from other women? Why did I deserve to feel anything at all? Arizona was broken and I was the cause of that. That's why I did what I did. That's why I shut myself off from the world and everything I once knew. Everything I once was. Now, I'm struggling to feel good about myself. Sure, when my girlfriend is here it's hard not to feel good about myself, but when I'm alone and given the opportunity to think things over, my own worries creep to the forefront of my mind. My own fears consume me and I sit here wondering if I'll ever get back to that place again. Arizona has gained the world whilst I was busy crushing my own. It really is as simple as that.
I don't like hearing you are worried, Eliza. Zo x
I'll be okay. E x
Damn right you will. I love you and that is what you have to focus on. Zo x
I love you, too. E x
Smiling at my girlfriend's reassurance, I can't help that little hint of happiness I feel when she is in my life. Even if it is just a simple text message, it means the world and more to me. It means she is thinking about me. About us. It means she wants to converse with me when she should be working. Just like she used to do.
I'll see you and that gorgeous smile in a few hours. Zo x
Thank you. E x
For what? Zo x
Being great about all of this. Being you… E x
You know we are in a good place. The past has gone, Eliza. I need you to remember that. It's gone and I'm more than ready to move forward. Zo x
How can I ever be worried when she is saying things like this to me? How can I even begin to worry about the future when Arizona is more than sure about us? I mean, I don't expect things to be perfect all of the time but we both know what we want…and that is each other. Our love. The love that was once lost but is back tenfold. That is honestly how I feel right now. Like she couldn't ever possibly give me any more love. Everything she has within her is for me and I can feel that. When she looks at me. When she holds me. Even when she is just talking to me. I feel it and I can't ever let it go again. I'd be a fool to ever ruin this. A complete fool.
Taking my coffee from the kitchen counter, I approach the couch and drop down onto it. I have a few hours to get a grip of myself and then she will be here. Arizona will be sitting beside me and everything will be exactly how it is supposed to be. Just us. Relaxed and settling down together for the evening. What more could I ever ask for? How could I ever want more than what she is giving me right now? Arizona has given me herself and that in itself is something I never expected again. God, I love her so much that it hurts.
"I'm home…" Pulled from my thoughts, a smile settles on my mouth and I take the staircase slowly. "Eliza?"
"I'm here." She catches me heading down towards her. "You just said 'home'." I give her a small smile.
"I did." Her dimples pop and my heart pounds in my chest. "And I got you these…" She pulls out a bouquet of flowers from behind her back. "Figured you could brighten the place up with them a little."
"This place brightened the second you walked through the door…" Pulling her in closer, my lips crush into her own and she moans into my mouth. "They're beautiful."
"Not as beautiful as you." She shrugs as I release her from my grip. "Good day?"
"Honestly?" I raise an eyebrow and Arizona simply nods. "No…"
"Why? Did something happen?" She furrows her brow. "I mean, you should've called."
"N-No…" I try to reassure her. "Nothing happened. Well, I happened but that's nothing new." I sigh. "Sorry, just…I'm glad you're here."
"Me too." She heads for the kitchen. "Mind if I grab a beer?"
"Not at all." I wave off her question. "Help yourself." Giving me a smile, she cracks her beer open and moves through into the living room.
"Sit…" She motions for me to join her and I round the couch.
"Everything okay?" I furrow my brow.
"With me?" She raises her eyebrow. "Oh, yes…perfect." She smiles. "With you? I'm not so sure."
"I didn't mean to worry you earlier." I tug at my fingers. "I just…are you sure you want to move back in with me, Arizona?"
"Damn right I'm sure." She almost chokes on her beer. "Are you sure, though?" She asks, her body completely relaxed. "It's okay if you're not…"
"No, I am." I hold up my hands. "I'm just worried I'm going to mess us up again."
"That isn't going to happen." She shakes her head in disagreement. "Not in this lifetime."
"I know you are trying to be positive and feel good about this but are you sure? I mean, was I supposed to wait to ask you to come home?"
"Did you want to wait?" She asks. "Did you want to continue at the pace we've been taking?"
"Not really, no." I wrinkle my nose. "I know I want you here, I'm just scared is all."
"You have nothing to be scared about, Eliza." She sets her beer bottle down and takes my hand in her own. "Unless you aren't ready for this then I need for you to not worry. I'm certainly not."
"Not even a little?" I study her face.
"Not in the slightest." She gives me a full smile. "I'm feeling so good about this and I'd hoped you would be, too."
"I am…most of the time." I breathe out. "I'll get there, okay?"
"I know you will." She shrugs, a little cockiness in her voice. "I'm not concerned." Sitting back in her seat, she kicks her feet up on the coffee table and my smile grows wider. I love this. I love her. Her confidence was once intimidating but now I've come to truly love it. She's worked so hard for this and honestly, it's kinda hot. That's a lie…it's really hot. "Sit with me a while?" She opens her arm to me and I settle down beside her, her arm wrapping around my shoulder. "You know I love you, Eliza…"
"I do." I rest my head against her chest. "And I love you, too."
"Everything else will fall into place…trust me."
"You've no idea how good it is to see you like this, Arizona." I sigh. "Just…it's so good."
"Just getting back to myself." She shrugs. "Who I should've been a long time ago."
"I mean, I loved you the first time around…but this?" I smile as I glance up at her. "Incredible."
"Yeah?" Her smile widens. "You think I look good?"
"You look like nothing else I've ever witnessed." I breathe out. "It looks good on you, okay?"
"Then I will remember that." She throws me a wink. "You feeling better?"
"Yeah." I wrap my arm around her waist. "You make me feel better."
"It's what I'm here for." She presses a kiss to my forehead. "And I was thinking if it's okay with you…I'll move my crap back in."
"More than okay with me." I agree. "Can you believe we are here together right now?"
"Honestly, I can believe it." Arizona gives me a nod. "I knew I wanted you back a while ago but things got in the way…"
"Who told you that I was dating?" I ask. "I mean, not many people know me."
"Dani." She scoffs. "She said she had seen you in town with another woman…hand holding…kisses. You know?"
"Dani?" I sit up and raise an eyebrow. "What the hell is her problem?"
"I think we both know what her problem is, Eliza." She gives me a knowing look. "But don't worry about it…I won't let her come between us."
"You think she will try?"
"I'm not sure," Arizona admits. "I'd like to believe that she will stick to her word and back off but I don't know. I've never been in this situation with her."
"I swear to god, Arizona." My eyes close and I grit my teeth. "If she tries anything…I'll kill her."
"Okay, that's hot." She sits forward in her seat. "Really hot."
"No, don't do that." I hold up my hands. "Don't try and change the direction this is going in…"
"Would I do such a thing?" She smirks. "Look…" Her features a little more serious when she realizes I'm not playing, she clears her throat and takes my hands in her own. "I wouldn't let anyone come between us, Eliza. I don't care who they are or what they have to say…I'm never losing you again. I promise."
"I just…" Cut off when her hands find my neck, she removes my necklace and my heart sinks into my stomach. "Please don't take it from me, Arizona." My voice breaking, my eyes fill with tears as she slips my engagement ring from it's home for the past eight months. "Please…"
"I want this back where it belongs." She slips it on my finger. "Where it always should've been."
"Y-You mean that?" I glance down at it as it sits so perfectly on my hand. "Really?"
"Really." She presses a kiss to the piece of jewelry. "It never should've left your hand…I'm sorry."
"You want this with me?" I furrow my brow. "But you said as you were leaving that you would never marry anyone…"
"And I won't." She says with complete certainty. "Only you." Okay, I don't even know what to do with any of this right now. The past few weeks have been so overwhelming that I'm not sure how much longer I can continue breathing. I mean, it's one emotion after another smacking me in the face and I feel like I'm close to having a breakdown. "If you still want this…" She holds my hand up between us. "…then so do I."
"I do." My eyes close and I steady my breathing. "I want this more than anything."
"And I want it soon." She admits. "I don't want to wait around to see if anything gets in our way. I want you to be my wife and I want to just move on from everything we've already had between us."
"You want to plan…now?" My eyes widen. "You actually mean that?"
"Of course, I do." She furrows her brow. "Why wait?"
"Uh…to give you the time to realize you're making a mistake."
"You have never been a mistake." She shakes her head in disagreement. "Our situation became a mistake but you? Never."
"I want us to be happy, Arizona." I press a kiss to her knuckles. "I want us to be incredible together…"
"Oh, beautiful." She pulls me into a strong embrace. "We were always incredible together."
"And now?" I pull back, my eyes finding hers. "What do we do now?"
"We love life." Her dimples pop. "Life and each other. Everyone else…they can go to hell." She shrugs. "I have no interest in anyone who wants to fuck with me. With me or my life. Our relationship. You mean too much to me to even risk it."
"We've got this." I smile as my lips ghost across her own. "We've so freaking got this."
"Always did, baby." Pulling me into her lap, Arizona's soft hands find the skin beneath my tee. "And we always will…"
Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.
