Disclaimer: As always, Twilight's not mine.
A/N: Thanks as always for the reviews. Be warned that there is mild citrus action here.
EPOV
I felt like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde with the gentleman side of me, battling the hormonal teenager side. What the sight of Bella in that gown did to me was all consuming. The moment I walked in and saw her, my heart stopped and my breath hitched. While the blood wasn't pumping in my chest anymore, it definitely was in my pants, and the strain was practically unbearable. After I met her gaze, there was no way that I could resist touching her.
When I got closer and told her how beautiful she was, her blush told me that she hadn't heard that often enough and probably didn't really believe it. With my hand on her, the current that flowed out of her body and into mine was enough to light an entire city. The teenage motherfucker in me wanted to just rip the gown off of her, believing it would look just as lovely balled up in the corner of the room as it did hugging her sensuous curves, but the gentleman in me longed for contact that was passionate, but civilized.
It was actually a relief when my angry pixie of a sister came in and gave me a lecture about respecting her boundaries. By the way she'd reacted though; you'd think I would have walked in on my wife in her wedding dress, and not my potential future wife in a dress for a formal we were being dragged to together.
Rushing out of the room apologetically, I all but ran into my room, immediately locking the door behind me. As soon as I was safe, I headed for the one sanctuary I could find in times like this, my shower. Reflecting on those brief moments with Bella had my cock pulsing painfully, and if I didn't get some relief soon, there would be hell to pay.
While the hot water filled the room with steam, I stripped out of my clothes, springing my erection free. And as I stepped into the hot shower, feeling the water cascading down over me, I palmed my cock. Closing my eyes, I imagined it was Bella's hand firmly grasping me while I pressed our lips together, locking them in a tender embrace.
In less than a minute, I could almost feel our tongues dancing together, caressing one another like her palm on my flesh. I gripped myself harder, imagining Bella tracing kisses slowly down my chest, continuing further following the map of my happy trail. Then, tightening my grip even more, I pictured her mouth drawing me into it, sucking deep and hard on me like I was a straw with the only source of nourishment at its base.
My mind dissolved my motions with hers in seconds. The pictures dancing in my head, combined with the remnants of the power that had flowed between us in our short time of contact had my balls tightening to the point of explosion in no time.
While my release rocketed out of me and onto my hand, being washed away by the spray, I glanced down and noted that while the physical ramifications of my feelings were easy to dispose of, things were way deeper than I had even realized.
The question was no longer if I wanted Bella to be my wife, but more of whether she wanted that. Seeing her in that gown with her blushing so innocently, made me want her that much more, but we both had agreed on the need to see what else was out there. I know she wanted to look, and I didn't want to stop her from that. Nor was I entirely ready to take the hand I'd been dealt. Yet with each passing day and new moment spent in her presence, it was becoming clearer that this was something special.
As I finished up in the shower, cleaning away all evidence of my recent activities and trying to wipe my mind clear as well, I became aware that I needed to talk to my father, soon. And not only that, but I needed to speak with Bella again, too. Communication was an important thing in any relationship. I just didn't know how much I should communicate to her. Did I tell her that she was perfect to me in almost every way? Should I tell her to give up on her search? Should I give up on mine?
There were just too many questions to be answered, and tonight was not the night for answering them. Pictures of my beautiful Bella, the belle of the ball, were replaying in my mind. No man can think clearly with thoughts like that in his head. I resolved myself to sleep on things. Maybe everything would be clearer in the morning.
BPOV
Shopping online with Alice was an interesting experience, to say the least. I mean how would I know if I liked a pair of shoes until I tried them on? She kept insisting that it didn't really matter whether the shoes were comfortable, just as long as they were cute. All I could do was roll my eyes at her.
Over the course of a 10 minute period I had shot down several of her suggestions and earned myself quite a few dirty looks for my own. All the shoes that looked like they could keep me on my feet weren't all that attractive, and everything she found that was "adorable" could have made me a lethal weapon. In the end it was decided that I would just have to go try shoes on since I wouldn't believe a heel was a good idea, and she wouldn't concede it would be a bad one.
On the plus side, she did stop suggesting things with 5 inch heels, and I was grateful for at least that. We also narrowed it down to something that was either clear or silver with one exception. I had found a pair of adorable black suede ballet slipper style shoes. They really would have been perfect. Online they didn't look so much black as a deep green that would complement the dress nicely. With no heel they posed little threat, and they looked quite comfortable.
Alice agreed to let me try them on at least, citing that they could be deemed acceptable because they were made in Italy by someone named Thierry Rabotin and their price tag seemed to allude to the fact that they were of good quality. In return though, I had to agree to a day of makeover torture with her. She claimed it was a "spa day," but I was pretty sure it was going to be less than relaxing and more than barbaric, especially when the idea of waxing was mentioned. It was a really good thing that I liked that little fairy or I would have torn her wings off right then and there.
When we finished narrowing down shoe options, Alice suggested we look at jewelry, since we hadn't settle on a shoe choice we couldn't get a purse choice, something about how the bag should match. To be honest, I didn't think we needed all of the thought; I mean the dress was long enough that no one was really going to see my feet, and the bag was unnecessary, it was just one more thing to carry that would keep me from having both hands free to catch myself should the need arise.
Thankfully, Esme peeked in on us at that very moment and informed us of the time. We had been lost in thoughts of fashion for hours. I would never have believed it were possible if I hadn't been through it. She shooed Alice up to bed, reminding her that there was school tomorrow and then came to sit beside me.
"How are you doing?"
"I'm fine. Actually, looking at all of this stuff online hasn't been too bad. At least I didn't have to try all of those things on." She laughed.
"Yes, well don't get too relaxed, I know my daughter and the next couple of weeks will be a whirlwind with her. She's going to want to take you shopping for everything and anything possible," I cringed, "but she means well. You are the sister she always wanted and I think there's some making up for lost time."
I hadn't thought of things like that, Alice looking at me like a sister. It reminded me of how great she had been recently. She was so accepting of the way things were and really did just want the best for everyone. So even though I would be tortured, it seemed like the right thing to do. I mean, it was clear that she really cared for Edward, and since I was starting to as well, it made sense to let Alice doll me up. I wanted to be worthy of hanging on Edward's arm, because some day that could be my permanent place, and I needed to be prepared.
"Well, I'm going to go to bed. What are your plans?" she asked me.
"I think I'm going to stay up a little longer. I might even do a little more shopping."
"Okay, well will you please turn everything off when you come to bed?"
"No problem," I replied. She gave me a tender hug and headed out of the room.
"Oh, and Bella…You looked fantastic in that dress, truly a vision," she called back, and then she ghosted away.
In my solitude, I sat alone at the computer. I didn't really feel much like shopping, but the idea of pretending to be sold on something truly tacky that I'd share with Alice was kind of fun to entertain. Deciding that it would be mean to torture her so, I turned off the computer and left the office. Not really feeling tired yet, I entered the kitchen and decided to make myself a little snack. Taking a plate from the cupboard and a jar of peanut butter I went over to the kitchen table and grabbed an apple from its place in the fruit basket; then I headed to the counter. One of my favorite snacks when I had been young was apple slices with peanut butter, and I was craving pieces of my youth lately.
I was just getting set to slice up the apple when I heard footsteps approach. Looking up, my eyes locked on Edward in all of his nighttime glory. Apparently, he didn't sleep in much. With his lean chest bared and his pajama bottoms hugging his hips just right I was thrilled that I hadn't started cutting yet, or my hand would definitely have been sliced.
"Excuse me," he sang, "I didn't realize anyone was still up."
"It's fine, really."
"I, uh, couldn't sleep."
"Me neither." Wow, this was some intelligent conversation. I gave myself a mental smack upside the head, urging my brain to think of something fast, "I was just about to have a snack, do you want to join me?" Yes, that was a good response, still not all that intelligent, but polite and food related, which was always good.
"Um, sure, yeah, why not." Clearly, he wasn't into eloquence either. I got up from the counter and went back over to the table. Grabbing a second apple and another plate before heading back to slice everything up, I was careful to avoid staring at his chest for too long. It took every bit of my concentration to slice up the apples, but I managed and when I'd finished I offered him a plateful.
Momentarily, our hands brushed while the plate was transferred and a shock rocketed through me like every other time we'd made contact. I wondered if he'd felt it too, but didn't know how to approach the subject, and as quickly as the moment began, it was over. He thanked me and went over to the table.
"Would you like something to drink?" he asked as he headed back toward the fridge.
"Um, a glass of milk would be nice, thank you." He poured us both a glass of the creamy beverage, the color of which I often compared my pasty skin to, and brought them both to the table. After taking a seat at one end, I headed for the other, keeping what I thought was a safe distance between us. The electric charge we had seemed to hang in the air, and every moment I spent with him seemed like my body was waiting for someone to flip a switch.
We ate our snack mostly in silence, talking about mundane things like the weather, his day at school, my day with his mom, nothing too personal. Then he apologized again for having walked in on me.
"It really wasn't a big deal," I responded.
"Well, it didn't seem that way to Alice, besides it doesn't matter, I'm still sorry," he replied.
"I don't see what you have to be sorry for, but I forgive you anyways," saying so seemed like the right thing to do.
"I am sorry that I violated some privacy issues by walking in on you in that room, but I am definitely not sorry for what I saw or said." Uh oh, dangerous territory, his velvet voice ringing those words out brought the heat back to my face and my telltale blush would soon eclipse me. I turned away, hoping that he wouldn't notice.
"You tried to turn from me earlier too, when I told you how lovely you are. Why do you do that?" he inquired.
"I just…I'm embarrassed because I'm not beautiful, not truly. I'm just…plain."
"Bella, look at me," he laid a gentle finger on the side of my chin forcing me to look over and up at him, "you really are beautiful. The fact that you don't know just how much is one of the things that makes you special. It's one of the things that I love about you." Oh crap, did he just say love? Maybe it was just a slip, or maybe it just meant liked a lot, not like in love love.
I just blushed all the more. Then in a matter of seconds, Edward had shot out of his chair and knelt right in front of me on the floor. Taking both of my hands in his, he told me again that I was beautiful.
"The reason I can't sleep tonight is you. I have visions of you running through my mind and most of them are of a less than virtuous nature. Bella, I don't know how things are going to turn out for either of us, and I was serious when I said that we should look at seeing other people, but there is something that I have just been dying to do since I saw you earlier in that dress."
He took my hands and raised them to his lips, the soft, warm flesh tenderly pressed against me. Then he reached up and drew my face down to his. In the blink of an eye, we mutually closed the distance and before I knew it, we were kissing. Our mouths were connected in a gentle embrace, neither of us fighting to be in or out of the lock, just happy to be there.
There was a surge of electricity that ran through my body from the contact, and I suddenly yearned for more. My mind went foggy as I reached out and locked my fingers in his hair, pulling him closer to me, wanting him to stay with me like this forever. And just like that, I was a horny teenager, struggling to seduce this man who was trying to be sweet, after all he'd just confessed to inappropriate thoughts about me.
Drawing strength from God knows where, I thrust my tongue forward, licking his lower lip seeking entrance. With a whimpering sigh his mouth parted and I plunged forward, hoping for more of a connection, begging for more from him. Soon our tongues were waltzing sweetly with one another, and not long after that we parted.
"I'm sorry," Edward said, pushing back from me while panting heavily. "We can't, I mean, we promised we wouldn't, well you know, and I might be stronger than I thought, but if we keep this up, I don't think I'm that strong."
He seemed flustered, and while I understood where he was coming from, all that I felt at that moment was rejection. "Edward, it's just kissing. You can't tell me that it always leads to sex."
"Bella, with you right now, I think it would. I can't ever lose control with you, you know that right?"
"I should hope that you felt that way about any girl," I responded, "I mean, we both promised to wait and I plan on it, I thought you were the kind of guy who would too."
"I didn't mean it like that Bella…" but it was too late. The moment had been ruined and suddenly my mind was filled with visions of all sorts of skanky model-type women all over Edward just like I wanted to be, only in my thoughts, he wasn't shoving any of them aside. No, in my mind he was trying to see how many he could be with at once. The idea sickened me.
"It's fine, Edward, really, whatever. You know what? I think I am tired enough for bed now. Thanks for…well, yeah whatever, just thanks." I took what was left of my snack and headed out of the room. I didn't want to waste the food, and I couldn't stay in the kitchen with Edward anymore. And even though my appetite was sufficiently ruined, staying one moment longer to clean up just wasn't going to happen.
In the safety of my room, I replayed the past few minutes. What had happened? Did I kiss him, did he kiss me? Did he really push me away because it would be too hard NOT to have sex with me? Or was that just more of a good excuse to not take things any further? But then again, he had just said that he couldn't seem to stay away from me. Okay, maybe not in so many words, but that seemed like the basic idea, right? He couldn't stand to be away from me, but he wanted to be looking for other women, just like I should be looking for other men.
The whole thing was just so stinking confusing. I sighed; then reached over for one of my mom's diaries, maybe she could explain what just happened, indirectly. As I cracked open the book, for the first time since learning everything, I really wished for her to be with me. I was completely mystified, and who was I going to talk to? I mean, I couldn't just go tell Esme about Edward and I kissing, and Alice would probably read too much into it, so who did that leave?
From out of nowhere the answer came to me, Jacob Black. He seemed like a nice enough kid, and I really needed a friend. He had known my dad well and asked to hang out soon. So, just like that, I was planning on how to come out to Jacob about the whole thing. I immediately wondered what he'd say, and hoped that after everything we would still be able to be friends.
I was deep in my thoughts when there was a timid knock at my door.
End note: Okay, shoot me, I know some of you want to, better yet, yell at me in a review, but please be gentle. I know many of you aren't Jacob fans, don't worry, they won't end up together or anything, but he is important just the same. As for the rest of it? We all just have to wait and see. Please review! Thank you kindly for all the love!
