Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. But I do own Twilight-y things. *rolls up giant Robert Pattinson poster*
I had no intention of making friends when I arrived in Forks.
I had no intention of talking to anyone.
I had no intention of becoming friends with the Police Chief's daughter, Bella Swan.
But then again, things can get out of hand. Like my feelings.
I had never before experienced such rage in my life. As I sat next to her in the hall, her warm, trembling hand in mine, I had never been so furious. My vision was going red, it was a taste on my tongue, I had to work to keep my hand from crushing Bella's. She was terrified, and she had just revealed to me one of her most personal secrets.
I had secrets, one big one. One that only Carlisle knew. That it was my fault my parents were dead. I was in no way inclined to share that part of my life with anyone—especially Bella. What would she think of me? Surely she would be disgusted, that I would even have the nerve to try to make friends.
Because of that fear—the fear that Bella would hate me—I wasn't going to tell. Aside from this, what would I do about Bella's problem? She hadn't been exceptionally clear on what had happened. I wanted to know. I had to know this, so I could do something about it. But what? What the hell was I going to do?
She told me who, but not what—not exactly anyway. Although it wouldn't make much difference in the end, would it? No.
Because I was still going to murder him. I was shocked at how easily I could admit this fact, to myself, not to Bella. She would go into hysterics and I couldn't do that to her. She was so strong to tell me, admit something like this, to me—practically a stranger in comparison to say, Mike Newton.
Then again, I was glad she had told me and no-one else, no matter what it was. Though, as I thought about it some more, I'm not sure that was the best idea, on Jacob's behalf anyway. He would have hell to pay. He was going to wish he had never laid a single finger—I clenched my teeth. I couldn't even finish the goddamn sentence in my head. I ached to crush his skull in my hands, make him suffer. He didn't deserve to breathe anymore. I could almost feel the relief radiating through Bella.
I was beginning to understand her facial expressions, though I wouldn't have been able to had I not been watching her for the past month or so. But as I focussed on her, to help my intense rage subside, her face seemed a little less troubled than before. She was huddled up to my side, her head was up right now, no longer resting on my shoulder. But her hand was still in mine. I didn't want to let it go. I thought something might happen to her if I wasn't with her.
I knew she was amazingly strong, a survivor—who wouldn't be after something like that? But what if she encountered him? What if he tried to do the same things again? I closed my eyes, and banged my head against the wall slightly. I had to keep my anger under control. I might do something rash, although something rash looked very appealing right now. Stop it. That's enough, I told myself. What was most important now was the girl next to me. Bella obviously had confided in me for a reason.
Even if we barely knew eachother. Well, she barely knew me. I felt like I'd known her my whole life...and then some. So, for Bella's sake, I would be the vigilante another time. Right now, I needed to stay with her, help her in any way possible. I owed her that much. The bell rang at that moment. Making me jump, making Bella gasp.
"Crap," she muttered hoarsely, wiping at her eyes with the sleeve of her hoodie. I watched her untwine our hands, it felt like she was tearing off my arm. I stood up swiftly and held out my hand for her to take it—to help her up and just another excuse to hold her. She smiled apologetically at me as she got to her feet.
"Edward, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to burden you." She shook her head. "I don't want you to feel like you need to be my friend." She said while staring at the floor. "What?" I asked incredulously. "Bella, I'm your friend because I want to be." I explained, angered at the thought of her thinking she was a burden on my time. And I damn well wanted to be her friend. "Believe me, you are not a burden." I murmured earnestly. A tear glistened in the corner of her eye. She nodded. "Okay," she agreed.
"Do you want me to take you home?" I wondered, offering her anything to make her feel better. She would be safe with me, I could promise her that. But the thought of being alone—really alone with her, frightened me a little. If I were to do or say something wrong, I might do more damage. But she had to know that she could trust me. I would help her if she needed the help. She frowned, yet a small smile tugged at her lips. "What? No. You can't miss out on Spanish, you have a test, I know, I did it in second period."
I rolled my eyes. "Who cares?" I shrugged. I certainly didn't. At that moment, I couldn't care less if I failed all my subjects. "I care." She retorted.
"It's okay, really," her voice softened and I was entranced, at will to do anything she asked. "You are not okay." I stated calmly. "I am now. Well, I'm better. Thanks for sitting with me, by the way. I'm not sure what that felt like for you, a crying teenage girl." She muttered. Yes, she certainly had no idea what it felt like for me. I took a deep breath.
"Look, I'll tell Ms. Cope that I feel sick or I have a forgotten dentist appointment. She'll let me leave. I don't think I can handle Jess next period, or if Mike catches me between classes." She shuddered and I felt like abusing Newton. "Anyway, I'll find my own way home." She sighed. "Thanks again. I'll talk to you later." She ended. "Bella, wait." I hesitated. "Bella. Anything. You can say it. Got it?" She nodded. I waved goodbye. "Anything," I whispered. God, I was becoming so melodramatic.
But I felt like I could eat hot coals for Bella. Which sounded very painful, not to mention disturbing. But my protective nature was winning out against my rational nature. I slinked off to Spanish and endured the hour long quiz. It was pure torture alright. The questions were easy, so I finished early, giving me more time to stew in my thoughts and memories of lunch. I circled around what I would like to do to Jacob if he ever crossed my path. Those thoughts made me smile darkly. This whole situation had turned out so different to what I had planned. I had earlier concluded and settled on the decision that made excluding Bella from my life necessary. Now, I was even more involved than before.
I wanted to kick myself, hard, and more than once. I thought about her hand inside mine. Her small, gentle, trembling hand. She felt so fragile and breakable in my grasp. Now, in the grasp of someone else? Someone who wasn't being careful or gentle? I gritted my teeth and shuddered at the thought of what Bella might have looked like after those encounters. Had it been obvious? Did he bruise her? What if he scarred her? In the physical sense, as I was well aware she was already scarred emotionally.
I didn't like those thoughts. The thought of someone's hands on her. The thought of someone marking her. I felt like I was going to be sick. Art was completely monotonous without her there. The whole idea felt worthless. I lived to see her smiles and thoughtful glances, her upturned lips whenever I'd throw a sheepish smile her way.
I sighed as I sat down in art, in my usual seat, which was across the room from Bella's empty one. I brooded over everything. Bella was now officially my friend, and I couldn't help that, she sort of made it that way, too. So what did that mean to me? Everything, of course. But after I supported her through this, I would have to let go, wouldn't I?
I was stupid to even consider that. Of course I wouldn't be able to just walk away. How obtuse of me to think so. That's when it hit me, square between the eyes.
I couldn't walk away. I may never be able to walk away. I was permanently soldered to Bella like my life depended on it. That felt like the appropriate words to use, too. As I was contemplating my messed up life, Lauren Mallory leaned over her desk to me. "Hey, Edward." She smiled, winking. "Hey," I mumbled, turning my attention to the window, seeing nothing but brown hair framing an ivory face. "So, I heard that you don't have a date for the prom yet." She sighed, over emphasising a look of sadness as she added the next part.
"Me neither." She sighed. "It's a tough life, isn't it?" she said, turning her head to me, resting it on her palm. I wasn't really listening, only vaguely surprised that she was interested in me. "Huh, that's too bad." I mumbled. The bell rang. I shot out of my desk, hoping to deflect a full blown invitation that I would have to decline.
I almost laughed at the thought of prom with Lauren. She wasn't a nice person, so I wouldn't feel that guilty about saying no to her. The only person I would even consider dancing with would be—
I had an epiphany, a full blown fucking revelation that made me stumbled and grasp onto a tree for support.
Oh, shit on a stick with a brick.
I sucked in a ragged breath, my eyes wide. I clutched the tree for dear life.
How could I not see it? How could I not know?
I was falling for Bella.
I loved her.
OMG! Yay! (claps for Edward) he finally works it out. duh! of course he's in love with her. he finds out the depth of that through his next POV. Bella realises hers, i think, maybe not next chapter...i'll have to think about it.... but she will work it out.... Then, what about his secret? Hmm?
