Thank you again to everyone who has reviewed! I am so excited every time I see that someone has taken a moment to tell me what they think, and the encouragement means so much to me.
This chapter was originally just a couple of paragraphs at the beginning of what is now going to be chapter 13, but then I decided that it deserved a full chapter and I'm very glad I decided to do so. It was a little challenging wedging a new chapter in between the last one I had posted and the two upcoming chapters that were written and in the final revision stages, but I'm pretty happy with the result! I hope you like it, too.
CHAPTER TWELVE: Make Me Forget
Tris
Late September
I glance at Four nervously as we walk down the hallway on the tenth floor of the dormitory. I know we said we'd forget about the kiss, pretend it never happened, but the closer we get to walking into the apartment Four shares with my boyfriend- where Eric very well may be waiting- the more powerfully the memory dominates my thoughts.
We're just yards from their door when I stop, grabbing Four's arm. He pauses and turns toward me, eyebrows raised. "You okay?" he asks.
I bite my lip and nod slowly. "Just… um… you swear you're not going to say anything to Christina, right?" I whisper. "Because I think the only thing worse than having to tell Eric about… what happened… is for him to hear it from someone else."
Four shakes his head firmly. "I definitely will not be telling her, Tris." He sighs. "I don't want that trouble any more than you do," he adds, his hands raised with his palms facing out, as if surrendering.
"Okay," I say, taking a deep breath. We turn in unison and continue to the apartment. I don't know whether to be relieved that Eric has to work tonight, or anxious about the prospect of being alone in the apartment with Four. Things are just… awkward, at the moment.
Four and I walk into the apartment together, me a few steps ahead of him. Eric is in the kitchen, leaning with his back against the counter, and when I stop between the small entryway and the kitchen, staring at him blankly, he pushes off the counter with his hands and approaches me hesitantly, grabbing a small bouquet of flowers I hadn't noticed resting on the counter. Eric glances at Four with furrowed eyebrows, questions in his eyes.
I glance at Four. "Uh, thanks again, Four, for the ride today. I really do appreciate it." Four scratches the back of his neck, he seems to be looking anywhere that is not directly at me, and I see Eric bite his lip, chewing on the metal stud in his lower lip, eyes downcast. He almost looks ashamed.
"Sure, Tris. No problem." Four's shoulders are tense as he glances between Eric and me, then crosses to the fridge, grabbing a bottle of water, before trudging to his bedroom and closing the door.
I finally take the flowers from Eric. Daisies. I smile remembering the first time he brought me flowers- an image of sixteen-year-old Eric, only his lip and ear pierced at the time, standing at the door of the apartment I had just moved into with a bouquet of daisies just like this one. He had looked nervous as he handed them to me, and I had summoned up my courage and pulled him closer to me to give him a sweet, tentative kiss. We had spent the evening playing arcade games. It was a warm night for October, and we had been eating ice cream cones at the lake shore when he asked me to officially be his girlfriend.
The memory melts my heart and for a moment, I almost forget about what today is, what I had to do today… what Eric refused to help me with today.
"I'm sorry, Tris," Eric sighs. "I shouldn't have… well, I should have put you first today. I was a dick. My specialty lately, it seems." I snort. He's not wrong…
I just nod. "So, Four took you to see them?" he asks, and there is no hint of jealousy in his eyes. Really, it looks like he's relieved that his little assholic episode didn't prevent me from visiting my parents' graves today.
"Yeah," I whisper. I hope he doesn't ask me any more about how it went with Four.
Eric nods and clears his throat, looking away. "Are you okay?" he presses, finally looking me in the eye. I shrug. He knows this is a hard day for me. "Stupid question," he mutters, then continues in a more confident voice, but still soft. "Well, I realize that you needed me today, and I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I am hoping I can make it up to you… I called in to work for tonight, so we can spend time together." My mouth drops open in shock. I don't think Eric has ever called out of work for me before. "So… I thought maybe we could go get some dinner? Come back here and watch movies? Your choice, of course."
My throat is tight… tight with grief for my parents, with guilt over my betrayal of this man, who I often forget can be so sweet, and with emotion at his thoughtful actions tonight. I swallow past the lump in my throat before I answer. "I'd like that. Thank you, Eric."
He gently tucks a loose strand of hair behind my ear before kissing me lovingly, and I feel the tension in my muscles melt away.
I almost suggested Chinese food for dinner tonight, but then decided against it. Eric hates Chinese food, so my first thought had been that this was my chance… but it just seemed so selfish to take advantage of him treating me so sweetly. Instead, we went out for burgers. The relief was unmistakable on Eric's face.
"Do you want to watch something we have at home? Or should I stop at a Redbox?" Eric asks me as we drive back to the dormitory. Home. I smile to myself… he usually says 'my place' when he refers to his apartment, but tonight I feel like he sees it as mine, too. As much as I can't stand Peter, I almost have to wonder if I've misjudged him; Eric spent the day with his friend and came back a much kinder version of himself. I never thought that would happen- not from spending time with Peter, of all people.
Mom would like this version of Eric. The thought brings fresh tears to my eyes.
"Tris?" Eric glances at me, frowning with concern, and reaches over to take my hand. "Should I just take us straight home?" I bite my cheek and will the tears away as I nod in agreement.
Eric makes me a drink- not too strong- and gets himself a bottle of water, handing me the cocktail. I take a sip and raise my eyebrows. "Tequila Sunrise." I name the cocktail with surprise. "You don't usually have the right stuff around for something like this."
He shakes his head. "No, but I should. It's your favorite."
I open my mouth to ask what's gotten into him… he's being so sweet thoughtful that I'm a little confused by it, honestly. But I close it without a word, thinking better of it; I should just appreciate this. If I ask he might take it the wrong way, and I really don't want to ruin it. He's making a difficult day a lot better. So I simply smile and thank him.
"So… which one are we watching tonight?" Eric asks, kneeling in front of Four's DVDs. I raise my eyebrows and he smirks. "Come on, you know you want to watch one of these zombie movies. Just pick one. Maybe a comedy?" A comedy sounds good, maybe it will lift my spirits a bit.
"Hmmm… Zombieland." That one I know Eric can actually stand to watch. He likes the part with Bill Murray, especially.
"Good choice," he grins.
Eric and I spend the evening cuddled up on the couch with his arms wrapped around me, me in control of the remote. Anytime I started to get up to get a snack or drink, he stops me and insists on getting it for me. When he brings me the third drink he tells me he made it weaker than the previous two, admitting that- especially given the difficult visit I made today- he is worried that I would overdo it. Secretly, I am especially thankful for that, because the night could go very sour if I end up drunk enough to mention the mistake Four and I made this afternoon.
Eric sticks with water all night, not a drop of alcohol. All evening, he is just as sweet and thoughtful as those first months we were dating, and it reminds me of all the reasons I fell in love with him.
When we finish Zombieland, he pops in Army of Darkness, another of my favorite movies. Ash has barely made it out of that pit they throw him into with the demented old witch before my eyelids become too heavy and I drift off to sleep.
I jolt awake with a strangled gasp, and all I see around me is pitch black, I can't see a thing. Burned into my retina are the images that have haunted me so many nights, this time as clear as they were that night two years ago when it was all real… the night the world spun off its axis. I see the blood… so much blood… I see their lifeless eyes… I see all of it again, all the images I wish I could forget.
As I curl into myself, sobbing uncontrollably, familiar, muscular arms wrap tightly around me. Eric's lips are against my neck and I can feel the cool metal of his lip ring as he speaks in such a gentle, soothing voice. My eyes begin to adjust and I become aware that I'm in Eric's bed. He must have moved me here after I fell asleep.
"Tris, sshhh. I'm right here, baby. I know. I know you're scared, I know you miss them. But you're gonna be okay, baby," he murmurs next to my ear. I turn in his arms and press my forehead against his bare chest. His arms tighten, holding me like a vice, as he continues whispering to me and making shushing sounds, like he is trying to calm a hysterical child.
Something wet drips onto my forehead, and it startles me enough to distract me, helping me begin to calm down. My eyes have adjusted to the little bit of light in the room and I can see his face clearly now. A few tears have escaped Eric's eyes and rolled down his cheeks. I'm shocked and confused at the display of emotion, and as I wipe one of the tears with my thumb, I ask, "What's the matter? Are you alright, Eric?"
Eric lets out a strangled-sounding laugh. "I'm fine, Tris. I just… I love you. It's hard to see you hurting this much, and I can't do anything to help you. You didn't deserve to have this happen to you, Tris."
In that moment, I want him, desperately. Maybe part of it is for the distraction, I can't deny that if there is a night I need that, this is it… but mostly, it's how much love he is showing me right now. It's him putting me first when he knows I need it most, it's him being here even though it's clearly hard for him. Eric is not an emotional man- he's hard and closed-off. When he cares enough to be vulnerable like this, it means something. It means a lot.
I trail my fingertips along his cheek as I move my hand from where I wiped away that tear, and I tangle my fingers in his short, straight hair, pulling him forcefully toward me, crashing my lips against his. When he licks my lip I immediately grant him entrance- even when it comes to just kissing, that tongue piercing sends shocks of desire straight to my core. When we both need to come up for air, we stare into each other's' eyes for a moment, catching our breath.
"Are you sure this is okay? I mean..." Eric asks, his concern showing in the pronounced crease between his eyebrows.
I stop him from continuing that sentence with a short kiss. "Make me forget," I plead. "Make me forget the past… and remember where we are now. Make love to me, Eric. Please."
Eric stops holding back at that moment, and his lips are back on mine, his hands pushing my tank top up. When we break apart so he can pull it over my head, instead of returning to my lips, Eric begins to kiss up my jaw, pausing at the sensitive spot in the hollow behind my ear, nipping and licking and sucking, before he moves down my neck. His hands move up and down my sides before cupping my breasts, kneading them, his thumbs skipping over my hardened nipples.
He skips my collarbone- the ink there is constant reminder of my past, which isn't a bad thing, but right now I just want to forget- as he kisses his way down my body. My hands have been lightly running over his back and I slide one hand to his stomach, slowly gliding it down to the waistband of his pants. When I begin to reach under, Eric removes his right hand from my left breast and grabs my wrist. Stopping his trail of kisses down my body, and the zings of electricity every time the barbell in his tongue scrapes against my skin, he looks at me and shakes his head. "No, Tris," he says huskily. His gray eyes look black with desire. "Tonight is about you. Let me show you how much I love you, baby."
I swear his words alone send a jolt through me and the ache that had begun in my chore intensifies. He lays my arm above my head and instead of returning his hand to my chest, he trails it down my stomach and pushes my very damp panties aside. As he takes my left nipple into his mouth, biting down lightly then swirling his tongue around it to soothe it, I arch my back, holding him in place with one hand in his hair. I feel him smile against my skin.
When Eric pushes his index finger into me, I arch even more and cry out. Eric hums satisfaction. "Fuck, Tris," he moans. "You are so goddamn wet for me. God, you're sexy, baby." He kisses down my chest and stomach and hums against my skin when he nears my belly button. "Mmm I have to admit, Tris… that new piercing in your belly button really turns me on. I wish I could kiss you there, too. I know it needs to heal, though."
My breath hitches when he kisses around it and looks up at me again, reaching up to roll my right nipple between his calloused fingers. "Maybe you could get these pierced next," he smirks, nodding at the nipple that is still between his fingers.
I push away a snarky thought about how upset he was that I didn't ask permission about the navel piercing; I don't want to fight, I don't want to be mad, I don't want the guilty feeling already niggling at the edge of my consciousness, reminding me of that kiss with Four earlier today… I just want to revel in his attention now.
I don't have to worry about any of those feelings a moment later, because I am completely and totally distracted from them when he kneels beside bed, pulling me along so that my hips are at the edge of the mattress. Throwing one of my legs over his shoulder, he kisses up my right thigh, then my left, finally dragging his tongue between my folds. The smooth metal running along my lips elicits an involuntary shudder, it feels incredible- but not as incredible as it feels when he moves his focus to my clit, simultaneously pushing his index finger inside me. Waves of pleasure shoot through me as the metal in his tongue swirls in circles around my sensitive bundle of nerves, and he adds another finger, pumping in and out. "Eric… fuck!" I moan. My hips arch toward him, pressing against him, needing him closer, deeper. I pant quick, shallow, uneven breaths as he bends his fingers in just that perfect way and I feel myself clench around him, a spasm rippling out from my core outward, and I cry out. Wave after wave rolls through me as Eric continues his ministrations until he feels me relax beneath him.
Eric lays back on the bed and pulls me against him. He captures my lips in his, and I tug at his boxer briefs as he shifts to lay over me, his weight propped onto his forearms, which rest on either side of my head, and I cry out when he thrusts inside me without warning.
We make love into the early morning, Eric fulfilling my request to make me forget all the pain and hurt and fear. There's only him and me, here and now. In his arms, I fall into a dreamless sleep.
I cross my fingers under the table as the server looks over my fake ID. Eric got it for me about a year ago so that I could go out with him and his friends. Clubs aren't really my scene, but I don't mind tagging along if it makes my boyfriend happy. Never once has it been denied, and I am shocked every single time, because one look at my face should make the server suspicious. People often think I am younger than I am.
The server finishes taking the other girls' drink orders, accepting Christina's fake ID as well- Shauna and Marlene just get sodas as they don't have the necessary fraudulent identification- and leaves. We are out for a "girls' lunch". Spending time with these girls always feels good; I never had friends like Shauna and Marlene before. Christina has never seemed to like me very well, but so far today, I have noticed that she hasn't seemed to mind my presence this time.
Marlene reaches out her hand. "Lemme see that, Tris!" I raise an eyebrow, and Mar rolls her eyes. "The ID, duh!"
I laugh and pull it out of my wallet, passing it across the table. Marlene examines it carefully, Shauna leaning in to look at the same time. Shauna glances around to be sure no servers are within earshot before speaking. "Damn, Tris, this is perfect. How did you manage to get it?!"
I shrug. "Eric knows someone who knows someone, or something."
"Guess we'll need to talk to Eric then," Marlene laughs. "Christina's is good, but this is flawless." I just smile at her.
"So," Shauna interjects, "you didn't tell me yet what Uriah thought of that tongue piercing, Mar!"
Marlene grins. "He thought it was pretty sexy. Tris got a piercing, too." She nods her head in my direction.
"What'd you get?" Christina asks.
"Belly button," I answer. Shauna loudly calls out that she wants to see, and I stand and lift the bottom of my shirt a few inches to show her, blushing. I was raised to be very modest and I work all the time at fitting in with regular people my age, ones that were not raised by conservative clergymen, but it doesn't come naturally even now.
"Oh! Tris!" Marlene says, lighting up like she just remembered something. "Where were you yesterday? Shauna and I went out to take photos and I texted you, but you never answered. I didn't see you around campus at all!" Shit. I don't want to talk about this. I should have remembered to go back and answer my texts.
"Uhh…" I stammer. "I just… I had to-"
"Yeah, where were you, Tris?" Christina says. It's then that I notice how her entire demeanor has changed. She's leaning back with her arms crossed, eyes narrowed, full on glaring at me. What did Four tell her about yesterday? I never thought about that, I was too caught up… "I mean… I know who you were with, but I've been unable to get a real explanation. Maybe you can enlighten me." Fuck. I don't want to cause problems in their relationship.
I feel frozen here, my mouth partially open… I don't want to tell them where I was and why, I am not ready, I'm not ready for this…
"What do you mean, Chris?" Shauna asks, glancing at me, then looking at Chris for a moment, then back to me. "Who were you with, Tris?"
It's like I can't will any sort of sound to come out of my mouth, and worse still, that kiss I shared with Four flashes in my mind. Christina answers for me, which is probably going to make this situation so much worse. "She spent the day with Four," she jeers, "and he only told me that she had to do something in her hometown and needed a ride. He refused to tell me what the fuck was so important that he would drive his roommate's girlfriend over an hour away and hang out in some little podunk down with her all day." Okay, I really can't blame her for being mad. "And," she adds, "Eric called in sick to work, even though he admitted to me he is not sick, to spend the evening with Tris. What the hell was so important that not only did Eric need to stay home from work, but you needed my boyfriend, too, huh? I don't know how you get all these guys wrapped around your little finger." She looks at Mar and Shauna. "You two had better watch out before she casts her spell on your boyfriends, too." Great. Now she's trying to turn ALL my friends against me.
All three of them are looking at me. Christina is glaring daggers at me. Shauna and Marlene look more confused than anything. I sigh and rub my hands over my face. "I apologize, Christina, I didn't intend to cause any problems between you and Four. He's just being a good friend and respecting my privacy. He could tell what I needed to do was important, even if he didn't know what it was, and Eric was… unable to take me so he offered." I take a deep breath and let it out slowly.
"I, um… I don't like to talk about this, so I'll tell you but I hope we can just… not bring it up again." Christina's stare is unflinching, still sitting back with folded arms, but Shauna and Marlene lean forward at full attention, their lips pinched together and eyebrows furrowed. They look genuinely concerned about me. "Four drove me back to the town I grew up in so I could visit the cemetery." Marlene and Shauna's expressions soften. "Two years ago yesterday, when I was sixteen, both of my parents passed away. I needed to go visit them. And Eric stayed home because he remembered how bad my nightmares were last year." I leave out the part about him acting like a dick and then wanting to make it up to me.
"Oh, Tris," Marlene says, and she gets up and rushes around the table to my side. She throws her arms around me just as the waitress silently- of course when I'd love an interruption, that's when the staff just slinks up and leaves our drinks without a word, rather than interrupting- sets our drinks in front of each of us and glides away.
I feel Shauna's hand grip mine over the table. Mar and Shauna don't seem to notice Chris muttering under her breath, "unbelievable. She still gets everyone on her side." Anger begins to swallow my sadness and embarrassment, but I have caused enough problems, and blowing up on Chris won't solve any of them.
"How?" Shauna asks. Shauna, I love you, but what part of 'I don't like talking about this' don't you understand?
I don't want to further damage any of my still-green friendships, though, so I answer her. "Home invasion… I had snuck out to see a boy. I forgot to lock the door."
"So it was your fault, then," Christina deadpans.
I had held back the tears so far, but now the dam breaks. That was cruel- and Shauna is telling her so but I am not really listening. My hands shake as I gulp down my cocktail. I can't even really afford to be at this lunch, but I did it for my friends… and this is how it turns out.
Eventually Marlene and Shauna give me some space and go back to chatting with Christina. I keep my head down and speak as little as possible through the rest of the lunch. One thing is for sure- any delusion that Christina has any interest in being my friend has vanished.
