Okay, here's the thing. I left the last chapter in a weird place, and I really like...number 15, I think?, so I want to get to it, and I feel guilty being so far ahead of you guys, and I have no will-power. But if I get stuck and make you endure a long wait (I'll try not to), your fault! :)
I own very little of this. Certainly not the ability to draw it out. :groan: Okay, but we have to space the updates out more from now on!
Gah.
THE MADNESS OF ANGELS
Chapter 12 - One and the Same
It was like Angeal had begun speaking Wutainese. Drinks blood? I took a few moments of silence to process that, but it still seemed unbelievable.
"Blood? You mean - "
"Human blood. Yes." With effort, I tilted my head up, and Angeal looked down at me solemnly, assuring me it was not a joke. "Have you ever heard of the Cetra?"
"From stories. They're also called the Ancients."
"Surviving legends tell us that the Cetra were mostly wiped out by an alien being they called the Calamity From the Skies. And that before their decline, some of the Cetra were infected by this Calamity with a sort of virus that made them thirst for the blood of their own kind. They were driven to hunt one another for sustenance, and in this way forced to bring about their own extinction."
The idea was chilling, horrifying. People feeding from members of their own race, preying upon their friends and neighbors like wild animals.
"Is this...what happened to Genesis?"
"I don't know why Genesis is the way he is. I have only told you about the Cetra to show you that such things have existed in the past. It was hard for us, too, to accept what Genesis has become."
By "us", I assumed he meant first and foremost himself and Sephiroth, then - to a lesser extent - Hojo and Hollander.
"So, Genesis wasn't always like this?"
"I don't believe so, no. When he was about sixteen, I noticed that Hollander was giving Genesis extra treatments for something, though he and I had previously always been administered the mako together. When I asked the doctor about it, he said he was treating Genesis for blood defficiency, the same condition my mother has. At the time, I accepted this. Then Sephiroth and I began to find dead animals in the woods." Angeal shook his head. "Genesis said he couldn't help it, and we believed him. I think Sephiroth still does."
"But you don't, sir."
"I don't think it's Genesis's fault he became what he is. But he can subsist on animal blood, Hollander began importing it from butchers for just that purpose. He does not need to feed from humans or to kill, he merely enjoys it. I told you, once, that I have a hard time understanding that."
"Me too," I said quietly. "Do you think Hollander did this to Genesis? Is that why you don't like him?"
"Hollander was seemingly distraught when he learned of Genesis's nature, and he worked himself almost into a breakdown developing the drug to suppress Genesis's predatory impulse. He may have caused it, I don't know. If he did, I doubt he did it purposely."
"Hollander seemed upset before, that you didn't believe him."
Angeal nodded. "Genesis had access to a door that should have been locked and a medication only the doctors may acquire. And Hollander is weak-willed."
I worried Angeal was trying to work the conversation back to his question, so I quickly diverted it. "But if the same mako dose and everything was given to all three of you, why did this only happen to Genesis?"
"That's a good question, Zack," he murmured, resting his chin lightly on my hair. "One I have not yet answered. Maybe it has to do with his nature. He always had a layer of jealousy and anger in his personality, even a touch of cruelty, but he used to suppress it, or at least apologize when he failed to. Five years ago, he changed. Looking back, I think he might have killed humans then, long before we suspected animal blood didn't satisfy him. But he used to prowl the slums of Midgar then, where a few extra bodies aren't likely to be noticed."
"If he could do that, why the killings here, where people would notice?"
"I don't know."
"Sir...I think I might."
"Zack?"
"In my Tactics notebook, sir," I said reluctantly.
Angeal put me down and retrieved the notebook from my desk. I watched his face nervously as he opened it. The first thing he saw was the map, and the names of the victims written in the locations where their bodies were found.
"Yes, this occurred to me," he said slowly, probably wondering how I knew this information. "Most of the places are ones that have meaning to Genesis."
"The next paper, sir, the victim list."
Angeal turned to it, and I saw his eyes fix and widen. He'd seen the acronym the first letters of each of the victims' names spelled out, and his face went pale for a moment, his expression one of horrible realization that cannot be denied. He looked at me, then back to the notebook, then he didn't move for a few seconds. Angeal flipped through the other loose documents beneath those two, and he glanced back to me with a wary confusion.
"How did you obtain this information? These are Security Clearance Class One memos."
"I asked for them, it was only my fault."
He pinched the bridge of his nose, squinting his eyes shut like he was getting a headache. "Did he obtain them carefully, without being observed?"
"I think so. Please, sir..."
"I think I know who it was. Apparently he cannot say no to you."
"It was my fault," I repeated stubbornly.
Again, insubordination, and again, he wouldn't punish me. Instead his hand began to stroke my hair, and he looked at me with an expession I can't describe, except to say that I couldn't turn away from it, or even close my eyes.
"Should I tell you who I suspect, and make you say 'no' to protect him?" he said gently. "All I have to do is watch your face for pain and your eyes for tears. I see them already."
Angeal lifted me up and settled me back against his chest, my head resting on his shoulder. It took all the strength I had at the moment, but I got my arms around him and hooked my fingers into the back of his shirt. He didn't seem to mind.
"I'm sorry, sir."
"For avoiding my question?"
"Well...that too."
I thought I heard him laugh, briefly. "You've had a difficult few days, Zack. Also, if you were slipped the drug I suspect, I know it can make one less able to control emotions. Not that you're very good at it anyway."
"Ha, ha."
"Tell me what happened when you were alone with Genesis, and I will not speak to Moray about these documents."
"It's embarrassing, sir."
"I know, Zack."
I squeezed my eyes shut, hid my burning face in his shirt and mumbled every word and description of movement as dryly and emotionlessly as I could. Once he asked me to speak louder and another time slower, but otherwise he remained silent. It was torture having to tell him about such a humiliating experience. The only good thing about it was that he held me tighter while I did it. When I was finished, Angeal spoke, so quietly that I had to strain to hear him.
"I see."
"Was he just trying to scare me, sir?" I asked, hoping irrationally for an affirmative answer.
"He wanted you frightened, certainly. The faster the heart beats, the more blood it pumps, the easier it is for him to draw it out. But that doesn't mean he would not have done what he threatened, if he'd had time. Zack. I'm sorry."
"What? For what?"
Angeal didn't answer, and after a minute I realized he wasn't going to, so I tried another question. "I thought you said your mother was okay now. Is she sick again?"
"Hmm?"
"Before. You said she has a blood defficiency."
"Oh. Apparently it has recurred, though its effects are more pronounced now, at her age. She was old to bear a child when she became pregnant with me, and it was a hard delivery. She was never very strong, afterward."
I wanted to say I was sorry about that, but it didn't seem like the right thing - he hadn't said she was dying, after all. My other instinct at times like that was always to hug, and though Angeal was not the type to hug, he didn't seem to mind making exceptions for me. My arms had a little more energy now, so I used it to tighten them around him.
"Sir, the phrase doesn't mean anything yet."
"What's that, Zack?"
"It says 'Angeal, it's'. 'It's' what? Does this mean there will be more deaths?"
"Not if I can help it. But...I don't know," he said honestly.
"I can help. Let me help."
"You can follow my orders, that will be helpful. And you can cease the amateur sleuthing."
"Hey, I'm the one who found that clue! Besides, it's hard when you don't tell me anything." Figuring I had a good point, I decided to keep going. "Why do you think he's using their names to address you? Is it that thing he can't forgive you for?"
"Perhaps."
"Sir...that thing Genesis said to me just before you came in. That you took something he wanted, and so he was going to..."
It seemed, when I thought about it, that when Genesis mentioned the thing Angeal wanted, he was referring to me, but then the logical side of my brain - the part that never forgot Angeal was a 1st Class legend and I was a cadet, his student - would jump in and tell me I was only interpreting it the way I wanted to. Angeal was fond of me, I had no doubt of that. He was holding me, for Gaia's sake, and pretending it was a normal thing. But no, there had to be other, more practical reasons for the touching and caring and the kitchen ritual. Angeal always had reasons for what he did, everybody knew that.
The killjoy logical part of me was what made my voice trail off rather than suggest it, but just then Angeal slipped one of his hands under my shirt and began to run it up and down my side, and I couldn't have spelled 'logic' if you'd asked me to. I felt the pleasant warmth that his hands so easily brought out in me, and tried to press closer, though I was already tightly against him and could barely move anyway.
"Do you need to go?" Angeal whispered, and I shook my head, pleasantly surprised to find I could. "That's good, I'd have a tough time keeping you off that floor you're so fond of."
I laughed, giddy with the certainty that something was going to happen, even if it couldn't be in the usual place. Strangely, maybe, I wanted more than anything for him to kiss me, though I doubted he would. As intimate as Angeal was with me then, he also kept a certain distance between us. I wasn't allowed to do anything to him, I couldn't even look at him while we did it.
Sure enough, once he'd peeled me off himself and put me back on the bed, he smiled sadly at my pouting and said, "Eyes closed, and keep them that way."
"But - "
"Cadet."
I closed my eyes. For maybe a minute, nothing happened; maybe he was testing me. Then...yes! His hands were unzipping my jeans, sliding them down, with my underwear, almost to my knees. He nudged my legs apart a little, stroked my inner thighs with his fingers. It seemed like an eternity before he got there, plenty of time for me to get fully excited, if you know what I mean. When his thumb slowly brushed over the head, I made a needy whimpering noise that I'm still embarrassed to recall.
"Puppy," he murmured, and I moaned and weakly thrust up into his hand.
Frustratingly, it left that promising spot and Angeal took hold of my hips, massaging them but also keeping me still. The air, the kneading fingers, the sound of Angeal's breathing and the sense of his eyes drinking me in...I got even harder, which I hadn't thought possible. I needed whatever he was going to do and prayed he wouldn't draw it out much longer.
"Puppy." I gasped out an uneven breath and my head fell to the side. Gaia, the sound of that word in his voice. "What's wrong? Do you want to move?"
Angeal lifted my hips up a little, rolling them in a circle. "See, that won't do anything for you right now. Be patient."
I tried, I always tried to do what he told me to. It was arousing and exciting to be helpless in his hands (even more than usual) but frustrating. I couldn't stand it much longer, I needed all this heat and pressure out of me.
"Are they any different?" Angeal asked softly, relocating one hand for a moment to push my shirt up. "What I do, what he wants to do?"
"Yes," I groaned, annoyed and even angy that he could think such a thing. "Yes, yes, please..."
His lips pressed against my stomach. "You want this because I taught you to want it."
"No," I sniffled, tears evident in my voice, manipulative without meaning to be, "I want you, I'm sorry, but I..."
"Ssh, Puppy, it's all right. Keep your eyes closed and I'll give you what you need."
I need you, all of you, I wanted to shout, but all coherent thought left me as Angeal took me in his mouth. I'm not sure I can describe it at all. Technically I knew what he was doing, I understood what this was, but I couldn't have given a name to it, couldn't have fathomed that either it or I ever existed before that moment. It was warm and wet and Angeal's tongue was teasing me, encouraging the groans I made as his hands held me in place. And it hadn't even really started.
The noise I made when the suction began was somewhere between a whimper and a scream. It sounded almost hurt, maybe even frightened, but Angeal understood, and though he didn't go as fast as I wanted, he didn't stop. I squeezed my eyes almost painfully to keep them from flying open, shaking and moaning as I imagined how it must look. His head bobbing up and down between my legs, his thumbs rubbing soothing circles into either side of my stomach. I don't know how he was able to swallow so much of me, but I felt completely consumed by him.
My panting turned into cries on every breath as Angeal lifted my hips and began to roll them again, essentially thrusting me in and out of his mouth. I wondered, afterward, if that's what having sex with a woman was like, because if so, I could understand why straight guys were obsessed with it. Angeal was sucking on only one part of me, but every part was connected, and m whole body was overcome with that pleasure. I felt like a bowl of water being jostled more and more violently, until at last it spills, and in that moment becomes something different. I did have a sense of becoming empty as Angeal drank what shot out of me, but it was an ecstatic emptiness, because I was giving it to him.
I remember he lay his head down on my thigh as my eyes closed again. Yes, I had opened them for a second, but not on purpose. It's just hard to keep them shut when they're rolling back into your head.
zfzfz
Angeal gently woke me just in time to walk me to dinner, and I found I could walk again, though my legs still felt just a bit wobbly. I wasn't hungry, but he said it would be best to let the other cadets see for themselves that I was okay. He was right, of course. To my surprise, a lot of my classmates nodded to me and expressed relief, not just Kono and Malakh. As Angeal ordered, I deflected their curious questions with a shrug and a vague comment about how little is known about the effects of mako on Gongagan Fever. I also told them I didn't know if I had been judged to pass the test or not. It didn't hurt to show them I wasn't immediately successful at everything.
Once he was satisfied that I was okay, Malakh turned the conversation to the duel between Sephiroth and Genesis, which he'd of course eagerly watched. His eyes were wide with amazement as he tried to describe it, but he didn't seem able to separate one move from another.
"Seriously, you wouldn't believe how fast they were! The general's sword was just a silver blur. I mean, Commander Rhapsodos was great too, but damn." Malakh paused to take a gulp of water. "Did you know Sephiroth can fly?"
"Shut up, Highcliff, he wasn't flying," said Cadet Chase, who was sliding into a seat beside me. "He was jumping."
"You can stay in the air that long when you jump?"
"No, but I'm not Sephiroth. Hey, Fair."
"Hi, Chase. So who won?"
"Ha, who do you think?" Malakh snickered. "Both played it cool, though. Once the commander was disarmed, he bowed, went and got his sword and headed to the White Building."
"He walked right by me," Chase said. "He looked kinda angry. And he was in a hurry, just trying to hide it."
"Why should he be upset?" Malakh asked. "Like it's a disgrace to lose to Sephiroth. He's unbeatable."
"What did the general do?" I asked.
"Heh, nothing out of character. He watched Commander Rhapsodos leave - I couldn't really see his expression, but who knows if he even had one on - then he looked at the ground, and just walked away. The whole crowd was cheering for him, and he didn't even glance at anyone. The 1st Classes cleared a path for him and kept everyone back, and he was gone."
"If I didn't know better," Chase said pensively, "I'd think he seemed sad."
"Sad?" Malakh scoffed. "If winning a fight made Sephiroth sad, he'd have hanged himself before he was our age."
"Malakh."
"What? Am I not allowed to talk about the general at all now? I thought I was only forbidden to talk about his really nice - "
"As far as we know," Chase interrupted, "the general is a human being. He probably does have feelings, even if we don't see them. Remember what Lieutenant Moray said? He said the general even has a sense of humor."
"Well, maybe Sephiroth's got emotions, but still, why would he be unhappy about winning?"
"Genesis is his friend," I said, and they looked at me strangely. It was not usual to hear a cadet call a 1st Class by his given name, except Sephiroth, of course. "They grew up together. Maybe Sephiroth felt bad about beating Genesis in front of all those people."
Chase nodded thoughtfully.
Malakh grinned. "I keep forgetting we've got someone with inside information among us. Spill what you know, Zack."
"I don't know anything more than that."
He didn't look convinced, but Chase spoke up before he could say anything else. "What's it like, getting to work with Commander Hewley? I mean, he's right up there, almost with the general."
I smiled, I couldn't help it. "It's great."
"Zack's got a lot of buddies in 1st Class," Malakh sighed. "Soon he'll forget all about us."
"Not soon enough," I joked.
"You hear that? Zack's breaking up with me. Will you hold me, Chase?"
"Not even if you were dangling off the roof of a building, Highcliff."
While they sniped back and forth, I took the opportunity to look at Kono, who was seated next to Malakh, stirring figure-eights into his nearly untouched soup. He was a quiet guy, generally, but he hadn't said a word beyond "Hi" and "Are you all right?" since I'd sat down. He was looking pale too, and like he was absorbed in thoughts that were unpleasant for him.
"Kono, are you okay?"
He looked up and smiled wanly. "I'm fine, Zack, thank you."
"Bullshit," Malakh said through a mouthful of stew. "You haven't been looking good lately, at all."
"It's just the increase in my medication," Kono insisted. "I'm adjusting to it, and it makes me tired. I'm still on restricted duty. Not for much longer, I hope."
"You wouldn't get in trouble for it," Chase said. "The instructors love you."
"I'm more worried about the training I'm missing."
"Trust me, Yamura," Malakh said, "if I graduate, you definitely will."
"It's the 'if' that worries me," Kono teased. Even smiling, he didn't look quite like himself.
I thought of something. "Dr. Hojo wasn't a jerk to you, was he?" I asked quietly.
"No, he just asked me if I'd seen anyone near the syringes, or anyone in the lab who wasn't supposed to be."
Kono seemed uncomfortable. Of course, I thought, if Hojo was unpleasant to him, he's not likely to say anything now. To just me and Malakh, maybe, but not a cadet he hardly knows. I'd hoped Chase and Malakh would miss this exchange, but they heard every word, and looked at me curiously.
"What really happened, Zack? Why would the docs want to know if someone was near the syringes?"
"I dunno. They don't know what happened yet, I guess they're being careful."
"I told Lieutenant Moray, when he sent for me, that someone should question Briggs. I know he wasn't sitting near us, but he's an asshole and I wouldn't put it past him to have slipped you something, somehow. Is that what they think happened?"
I shrugged as innocently as I could.
"Maybe it was you, Highcliff," Chase said with a smile. "You're, what, seventh in our class? You could be going after the top six one by one."
"Ah, but you're forgetting that I have no ambition. Besides, if I were gonna slip Zack anything, it would be Relaxil."
I picked a piece of carrot off my plate and threw it at him. Relaxil is one of the best-selling illegal substances in Midgar, and is also commonly known as 'the date-rape drug'. Kono stood up and took his tray.
"Sorry, sorry," Malakh said. "I'll stop."
"It's not you, I'm just tired. I think I'll go to bed early."
"Can you meet me in the library on Sunday again?" I asked. "I've found some stuff I need to show you."
I looked at him meaningfully. He seemed to get what I was referring to, and nodded before murmuring goodbye and shuffling off.
"See what I mean?" Malakh complained. "Zack dumped me and now he's with Yamura. I was planning our anniversary and everything."
"Shut up. Kono's straight, remember?"
"Is he really?" Chase looked delighted. "Sometimes I feel like the only one."
"Well, make sure you stay a minority," Malakh said, frowning. "I don't know why they let your kind in the military at all. You don't work as hard to protect the asses of your comrades if you're not hoping to get inside some of them."
"Hey! A lot of good officers are straight."
"Like who?"
"Commander Lefler."
"You got proof?"
"The general could be," Chase argued. "We don't know."
Malakh, with a horrified expression, waved his fork menacingly. "Take it back! What, are you trying to jinx me?"
"The point is, we don't really know about most of them. Hey, Fair, what about Commander Hewley?"
I stiffened. No, not like that. "I wouldn't know."
Malakh was peering at me; I must have looked uncomfortable. "What's wrong? You worried about Kono?"
I nodded. I genuinely was - no need to lie.
"I'll keep an eye on him. And I'll make him some of my special tea, that always makes me feel better."
"Thanks."
"You know, he's probably tired because he's so damn helpful, always volunteering to run errands. He delivers messages for Dr. Hollander at least a couple times a week, and he always looks like crap afterwards. Maybe it's those labs, they creep me out too."
It was nearly the end of dinner. Malakh offered to take my tray, and I thanked him and said good-night to he and Chase, not knowing what they replied. Lieutenant Averman waved me over from the door and signaled me to follow him, which I did.
As we walked back to the White Building, he told me he'd heard I'd gotten sick during mako tests. I assured him I was feeling better and repeated the lie that I had no idea what might have caused it. Afterwards he was probably speculating that they'd pass me or at least let me re-test, or something equally encouraging. I barely spoke at all, which was odd enough for Averman to look at me strangely. He left me at the apartment door with a friendly clap on the shoulder and a suggestion that I should get some rest.
It wasn't like me to be distracted in this way, ignoring people and events in favor of focusing on a problem. (Usually it was the other way around.) But my thoughts were back with Kono, dwelling on his pallor, his illness, his frequent presence in the science labs. I worried I might be getting paranoid, seeing Genesis everywhere, but in that moment I felt him gripping every part of my life as much as I'd felt his cold hands cupping my face. Nothing and no one seemed safe...or almost no one.
A sort of numbness came over me as I fished the keycard out of my pocket, temporarily dulling the fear and worry. I felt only a sinking in my stomach and a feeling that never left me - and intense desire to see Angeal.
To be continued! (Not as soon as these last couple, Amarissia. Be strong.)
