Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.
BPOVWhen I woke the next morning my arm was numb. I'd have to bring some of my pain-killers to school though just in case it started to hurt again. I put on a new bandage so it wouldn't get infected. Last night was the first night I dreamt about Edward Cullen. I don't know why, he was just there but I couldn't get to him. He had a grim look on his face like he thought I was dead or something. But then he yelled at me to run, run as far away from him and everybody else including Jacob Black. I asked him how he knew about Jacob but instead of getting an answer he just told me to run again. That was when I giant wolf leaped into the scene, it had a reddish-brown coat and dark black eyes, reminding me of Jacob. That was where the dream ended because I woke up and almost leapt out of my bed. It took me a little while to get to sleep but I managed.
When I got to school no one noticed how I flinched every time I had to use my left arm. No one noticed anything about me; I was just a person no one cared about now. And I couldn't see what reason anyone would have for caring about me. I had no one who cared or loved me. The one person I thought I had just handed me back to the monster who is the reason for my misery. Nothing made sense anymore, but it never did in my life. Bad things just happen over and over again so that they become normal.
As I walked into English everyone looked at me again. Well at least I knew I still known as the freak.
After English Alice followed me again, I don't know why she can't give up. I am nothing special. I couldn't see any reason for her wanting to be my friend. All friends leave, all people you love leave. No one stays...
"What do you want Alice?" I asked as I stopped and turned around to face her. She looked slightly hurt by the tone of my voice.
"I just want us to be friends Bella. You don't have to tell me your secret, and I won't make you. I know Edward really wants to be the one to say all this to you but he won't have a chance till lunch. We want you to sit with us today Bella, please. Just give us a chance at being friends." Alice was pleading with me now. Why would Edward want to say this to me? I was nothing special to him. "We want to help you Bella. And we hardly know you, but we want to. Please?" She looked at me with puppy dog eyes and I found it hard to say no.
"Alice, I don't have friends. Friends just leave and you end up more hurt than you were to start with. The more you care the easier it is to get hurt. I learnt that a long time ago..." I paused so I could calm down; I was telling her too much. "So please just let me be,"
"We aren't asking for you to be our friend right away Bella, just sit with us. That's all we ask." Agh! She was seriously annoying.
"Fine Alice, but I'm going to the music room at the beginning of lunch, so I'll be a little bit late... but don't expect too much from me." She practically squealed with excitement, and started jumping up and down clapping her hands together; she really is a silly little pixie.
She gave me a hug and I winced at the pain that shoot through my ribs and arms. She noticed too...
"I'm sorry Bella, did I hurt you?" She genially thought she was the one who hurt me.
"No Alice, I'm just a klutz, I slipped in my bathroom last night," I lied easily.
Alice laughed but it sounded forced like she knew I was lying to her. But she couldn't possibly know the real reason could she?
The rest of my lessons passed and the bell rang signalling that it was time for lunch. I walked to the music room and looked around for a guitar. They had a keyboard, drum set, and a few other instruments in their cases. And against the far wall was a line of guitars. I picked out one and tuned it. I turned on my iPod and started to play my second favourite song, Concrete Angel. I started to play and sing along as I listened to the song on my iPod. Mum had made me take up guitar lessons at Phoenix, she thought it would be a good way to express my feelings, and that was how she found out I could sing. Apparently my voice was beautiful. She cried when I played her favourite song for her on her birthday. I didn't play for anyone else and never let anyone else know I could sing or play guitar.
But while I was playing I had the distinct feeling someone was watching me. Once I was finished and the last note died I turned around to look at the door, but whoever was standing there was too fast for me to see, I just saw a flash of bronze.
I turned back around a got up to put away the guitar. As I was doing so I thought about the song. It was only my second favourite song for a reason. I didn't agree with the chorus. I have nowhere to fly to where there is someone waiting for me who loves me. No dreams to look forward to. I doubted I would ever find a place where I could be loved... I was too broken in too many ways for anyone to love me.
When I entered the cafeteria everyone turned to stare at me. I just walked up to the lunch like and got a sandwich and a can of mountain dew. I walked over to where the Cullen's where sitting and sat next to Alice. She had a big grin on her face.
"I had no idea you could sing like that Bella!" she said excitingly.
"How'd you hear?"
"I was walking passed the music room to see what you were doing in there when I heard you. Edward came to find me to see what was holding me up and once he heard you he was amazed as well! Although I think that song is a bit depressing..." Oh god, if she heard how many others had?
"Well I like that song for the most part, I just don't agree with the chorus so much... And I have worse on my iPod. Like 'All these Lives' by Daughtry, 'Tears of an Angel' by RyanDan, and 'Crawling' by Superchick. Would you like me to continue?" I told her. She shook her head, but her face was sad. Jasper was staring at me, but I couldn't make out his expression.
"Are you ok Jasper?" his face looked pained I just couldn't find the source of his pain...
"I'm fine, sorry... but if you don't mind me asking how can you hold in so much pain?" WHAT?! How did he know? He saw the worried expression on my face and chuckled slightly. "Don't worry Bella whatever your secret is I don't know it, I'm just very good at telling how people are feeling... and just by looking at you I can see how much pain you are in both physically and mentally..."
I sighed, these people truly wanted to be friends... and for some reason I could comprehend I wanted to trust them enough to tell them the truth... but I didn't want them to get hurt as I knew they would.
"I'm used to it by now Jasper, I've lived with pain like this for a while, and its normal for me... after a while your body grows accustomed. Though it should never have to, it does." Everyone was visibly worried now. "I want to tell you the truth, I don't know why but I trust you more than I have anyone else... but I can't tell you, you'd all be in danger if I did... And I won't be the reason for any of you getting hurt."
"We can take care of ourselves Bella, whoever is hurting you will pay," Emmet said, it was the first thing he'd said all lunch hour, and by the look on his face he was planning on how to make whoever he thought was hurting me pay.
"Emmet, you are not going to fight them, I will not turn into a monster like them! No matter what they do to me, I will not stoop to their level!" I hissed at him. He looked a bit taken aback from my outburst but I didn't care. I wouldn't turn into someone like Charlie and Jacob...
"What do you mean by they?" Rosalie asked. How could I reply to that without letting on too much... I just looked down at my lap.
"There is more than one," Edward was the one to answer for me; I looked up at him surprised. How did he know? Did he know about Jacob? "Am I correct?" oh thank god he didn't know for sure that there was another one. I didn't reply I just looked at my lap again.
"I'll take that as a yes..." he said and sighed. His hand slid under my chin the way Charlie's did when he wanted me to look in his eyes, though Edwards touch was far gentler I still flinched away from him. I stared to hyperventilate, but before it got to bad I grabbed my bag and left the cafeteria. As soon as I was out the doors I ran, I ran as fast as my sore weak legs would carry me. Being the klutz I am I tripped over absolutely nothing, I curled into a tight ball and let the tears flood down my face. I was thankful most people where in the cafeteria eating their lunch, no one would see me like this.
I knew Edward hadn't wanted to hurt me, but even that simplest of actions brought back unwanted memories of Charlie and his beatings. I head faint footsteps getting closer to where I was sitting against the wall. I looked up and saw Edward walking towards me. I was too weak to get up, I had no energy left to complain or to get up and walk away again.
"Bella, I'm sorry I didn't intend on hurting you." His velvet voice was filled with remorse I had never heard anyone use when they were directing their words to me. I stared at him, what was I meant to say.
"It wasn't you Edward, just a memory I would rather not remember till tonight when I have no choice." I told him quietly as he sat down on the floor next to me. I had ever really liked being so close to people but I knew Edward wouldn't hurt me, none of his actions showed any sign of anger like Charlie and Jacob did. I looked up at him tears were falling down my cheeks again because his face was pained, I had cause him pain. That was the last thing I wanted to do. Above all else I never wanted to cause anyone else pain.
"Who hurts you so Bella? Please tell me, I won't go after them if that's what you want, though right now I want to rip his head off for causing an angel like you pain. I just want to help you. I want you to have a better life, one that isn't ruled by fear."
"I'll tell you Edward if you answer one of my questions first," I told him I was still speaking quietly because I didn't want anyone to hear. Edward nodded so I continued. "Is the Quileute's legend about the cold ones true?" He was silent for a minute or so, obviously thinking of how to respond. "If it is, I don't care Edward. I know you are not the monster they say you are. You don't hurt humans and you want to save me! You have saved me once before. You are not a monster, I know monsters, and you and your family are not monsters." He was shocked by my words but quickly composed himself.
"Bella you have to understand that you should be running from me right now. You should not want to stay with me. You deserve to be around better people than my kind. You deserve to be around people who aren't always thinking about how delicious your blood smells even though my family will never act on that impulse others might... I can't risk that Bella."
"See that is where you and true monsters differ Edward. You don't want to do what you do, and you most certainly do not act on it. Whereas true monsters, laugh at someone's pain, and take pleasure in the pain they cause them. You are not a monster Edward, no one in your family is. And as for all that 'better people' stuff, in case you've failed to notice you and your family treat me far better than anyone here."
He sighed and looked at me in the eyes; he could tell there was no sign that I was lying so he gave up trying to find any. "I've killed before Bella," he said quietly, "but they deserved it... I only killed rapist, serial killers and people like that who the police couldn't find..."
"Yes but you feel bad for that now don't you? No matter how much you try and justify your reasons for doing so you still feel bad because you know that they might have had a family, a child or someone who loved them and you took them away from that person. That is why you are not a monster Edward. Firstly you did not kill the innocent and even so you still feel immensely bad for what you did."
"Will you tell me who is to blame of your pain, Bella?" He asked me but just as I was about to reply the bell rung. I wiped my cheeks with the sleave of my hoddie and Edward helped me get up. We walked to Biology together. I'd put my hood up so people couldn't see my face. Edward kept looking at me worriedly. And even though I hated that I was putting him and his family in danger, I was kind of looking forward to having people care about me, people who cared about what happened to me.
We took our places; we were the first ones to class. Edward ripped out a piece of paper from his notebook.
Will you tell me once school is over?
Yes, I will but please can you make sure no one in your family does anything after I tell you? Don't let anyone see that you know. Or really bad things will happen to you even if you are almost invincible.
Edward didn't reply he just nodded as the teacher walked in to the room. I was hardly listening because I'd already done this topic at Phoenix...
You look bored... have you learnt this before?
Yes, I was in the advanced class in Phoenix, remember? We already covered this topic...
Will you come to my house this afternoon after school?
As long as I'm back home by 5:30...
Do you have a curfew?
Something like that...Now stop writing me notes I think the teacher is getting suspicious of us...
Edward didn't reply he just nodded. The teacher looked up at us now. He saw Edward nod I could tell he knew we were talking.
"Is there something you would like to share with the class Miss. Swan?" He asked.
"Um yes, the answer is Intrespecific Competition," I answered, after looking at the question he had written on the board. I heard Edward chuckle beside me and I smiled.
"Have you done this topic before?"
"Yes sir. It's actually really easy for me because I was in the advanced class in Phoenix I already know most of what you've been teaching."
"Ok, well if you'll see me after class I'll give you the same extra work I give Mr. Cullen seeing as he too has learnt a lot of this before." I nodded and smiled.
"I bet he has..." I whispered to myself but Edward heard and looked at me with a smile on his face...
