I couldn't do this. I sat on the edge of my bed hyperventilating.
"Come on, Nessie. Get a grip of yourself."
Abigail had been here for almost an hour trying to get me to see Jacob. I really did want to see him, but a wave of emotions ran through me. Nerves, happiness, excites – now the nerves were ruling me.
"Renesmee, you have to go see Jacob today. It's been long enough and I know you have a decision. Now get off your bed and get dressed." Abigail was almost like my mother. She pulled me off my bed and handed me my jeans and a grey shirt. I went into the bathroom, taking my time brushing my teeth and fixing my hair.
"Nessie hurry up!" she yelled banging her fist on the door.
I put on my clothes and came out. She was pacing around my room impatiently and grabbed my wrist and towed me out of the room. There was no going back now.
I drove slowly down the familiar road. It still felt familiar even for not visiting it for days. My car idled outside the small red house and I couldn't make myself get out of the car.
Breathe, I instructed myself. I breathed in and out and my heartbeat slowly relaxed. I couldn't believe I was about to do this. I got out of my car and slowly walked to the front door. My hand shook just as I was about to knock. I was about to go turn back but something stopped me. I had come this far and I couldn't turn my back against Jacob. Not again. I wasn't going to be coward. I knocked on the door and waited. My heart picked up its speed again and I tried to take deep breaths.
Renesmee, calm down. It's just Jacob.
On the other side, I heard faintly footsteps. Jacob's. The doorknob creaked and the door opened ajar. He then opened it fully and stood in front of me. He looked different. He was wearing a pair of black sweats and he was shirtless. His hair was a mess and he had dark patches under his eyes. His eyes were black and lifeless and they bulged out towards me. I saw his hands shake slightly and he eyed me up and down. I gulped and a small smile spread across my face. I didn't trust my voice.
"N-nessie," he breathed almost inaudibly.
His eyes stayed glued to my face and my heart bet faster.
"I was hoping we could talk," I murmured, my voice sounding completely wrong.
He nodded slowly, still eyeing me. "Give me a second."
He went inside and returned a second later wearing a white t-shirt. We slowly started walking towards the beach, not saying anything. I wasn't sure if I should break the silence first, so I waited another minute. He kept taking glances at me every second so I decided to finally break the silence.
"Uh, so...how have you been?"
"Fine," he whispered. "How about you?"
"Not bad," I lied cooly.
There was another moment of silence, and then suddenly he stopped walking. I faced him and a smile played on his lips.
"You're a terrible liar. You should know better than to lie to me," he said.
"What?"
"Abigail came to see me. She said you were really torn up and upset. You're real easy to read, you know."
Huh? Abigail went to see Jacob? Hang on, Seth came to see me...
"Talk about yourself. Seth came to see me. He said you were a mess too, and you are. I mean look at your eyes. It looks as if you haven't slept in days." I put my index finger under his eyes trying to smooth them out. He closed his eyes and breathed in and out.
"Jacob, I'm so sorry about the other day. I didn't mean to just leave. The truth is, I was just too scared to say anything and I'm sorry and...and..." I started blubbering.
He caught my arms and held them tightly. "Renesmee, stop. It's not your fault."
I hid my face in his chest and broke down. Jacob wrapped his arms around me and he rested his chin on the top of my head.
"Please don't cry. You did nothing wrong," he said sternly.
He released my slowly and I wiped my eyes with the ends of my sleeves. He put his index finger under my chin and lifted my head up.
"Are you okay?"
I nodded. I cleared my throat. I had to do this now. I couldn't delay it any longer.
"Jacob, there's something I need to tell you."
He eyed my face again and I saw him gulp.
"Jacob, when you told me you imprinted on me, I freaked out and didn't know what to say. I'll never forgive myself for walking out on you, but I just have to make do with that."
He was about to interrupt but I stopped him. "Please, let me continue."
"This past week has been really hard," I continued. "I've missed you more than you can ever imagine and I really, really wanted to see you, but I couldn't. I needed to think." I closed my eyes and took a breath, trying to control the tears. When I opened them, Jacob's soft eyes poured into mine.
"I never thought I'd hear myself say these words, but Jacob Black, I'm madly in love with you. I love how you're always there for me and how you were patient with me this week. You're an amazing person that I could not find in other guy and I want you to be mine forever."
