AN: Leave a comment if you want this to be a multi-chapter! I will only do so if I gain enough comments. C: also, leave me your prompts in the ask box! I will take prompts from detailed to words to quotes- whatever your heart desires. I will post periodically in the Caryl tag.
"You are not a burden. You have a burden which is simply too heavy to carry by yourself."
Daryl had found it among the text in the self-help book. He had both highlighted it and circled it. A reminder to both of them, he told himself, that they were useful to the group. It's what he should have told Carol when she had tried to leave. Why hadn't he? He could be so stupid sometimes.
Now, Beth was gone and everyone was hurting, but they were all doing things as usual except Maggie and him. He couldn't even hunt without falling on his knees and breaking down. What was wrong with him? He couldn't figure it out. He couldn't sort himself out. He was becoming useless because he couldn't do anything without looking positively dead inside and only giving a half-hearted effort on it. It seemingly had become his way of life, though he wouldn't say it out loud.
Everything seemed to spiral from there. It seemed like Carol was watching him every time he turned around but he decided not to lash out or say anything. The good part of him knew she had been through enough and he could hold his temper best with her now. He just ignored her and continued on his way. He knew he was probably letting his friendship slip away and she needed him but he was so lost he didn't know which way to turn.
He almost made the same decision as her. Somewhere in his mind he tried to connect the dots, and to himself had figured it must be all his fault Carol had gotten into an accident and Beth was kidnapped. It had to be his fault. There was no other explanation. The thought only made it ten times rougher. He wanted to leave so nobody else got hurt because of him. He tried to pretend he was going hunting and gone into the woods as silently as possible.
"What are you doing?"
The words stopped him dead in his tracks. He was shaking and he knew it. He kept his head down, unable to bring himself to turn around. He could hear her coming up behind him. He bit his lip, frozen to the spot, unable to tell himself to move. Finally, after a long moment, he replied, "I don't know."
She put a hand on his shoulder and he didn't flinch. He couldn't bring himself to flinch if he even wanted to or jerk his shoulder away, he was just frozen. Some part of him wanted to hear what she had to say. He didn't look at her, just swallowed hard and shuffled his feet a little. "It's not your fault. What could you have done?"
"I could have kept an eye on her," he said immediately, almost paralleling the time long ago with Sophia. No pain visibly came to Carol's face and she kept her composure, knowing he needed her right now. She let her hand drift from his shoulder to his elbow gradually so he wouldn't startle.
"She was a responsible young woman..." When she didn't get any response from him, she sighed, moving her hand to his wrist and curling her fingers tightly there. She tugged him to turn around and he obeyed, hunching up a little submissively, hiding his face behind his long hair. After a long moment of silence, Carol unexpectedly said quietly, "Lizzie went crazy and killed Mika to try to prove walkers wanted friends. I had to... put her down."
Daryl's attention was immediately captured, his head snapping up as if someone has turned on a switch. He opened his mouth to say something but words wouldn't come out. He took a step closer, giving her a little nuzzle away from the prying eyes of the group, as comfortingly as he could. She didn't say anything now and he realized it would be foolish to leave because they needed each other as much as the other. She still needed support and he did too. After a long pause, Daryl spoke up, "I'm still here."
She nodded. They were both still here and they knew it. She tugged his hand, trying to encourage him to walk with her. He obeyed and followed her, glancing around for walkers, feeling more alert when she was near. He couldn't lose her too. It would be too much to bear. What would be the point? He was snapped out of his thoughts when he heard her speak. "Let's take a day off and talk. You need it."
He felt reluctant because he never, ever took a day off from his daily duties. He started to protest but she cut him off, hissing in a tone that made him complacent, "Rick will understand." He nodded slowly, knowing it was better not to protest. She was right. He was a mess and a little damage control wouldn't hurt. He felt a little better knowing she had his back too. He tried to keep in stride with her, still looking down but feeling a little bit of hope flutter in his chest for the first time since he had seen her wheeled out to him in the hospital.
Maybe he would be alright after all. He was still here. So was she, so were they. They could still start over when they mended the wounds.
"By the way, I found your book..."
Daryl looked down when she thrust it into his hands, peering at it curiously where it was opened. The words circled and highlighted struck a blow to him. "You are not a burden. You have a burden that is simply too heavy to carry by yourself," he repeated slowly before looking up at her.
Carol gave him the tiniest of reassuring smiles, touching his shoulder. "That's us."
