I was up and dressed already. I'd taken a bath last night and I was patrolling the house, otherwise known as snooping. It's been a bit since I've looked around his house. I remember I used to come here at least once a day. When he grew up I started to leave him be and only to come see him twice a week. Gilbird had come back with France's reply.
'Dear Sir Prussia, I would happily come to you if only you drop out of the Axis. I need money right now, my country is going bankrupt because of the Suez Canal. It really is such a horrible thing. I know you probably don't know what's wrong with the canal so I will tell you, if you drop out of the Axis and let me become part of you, I need someone with lots of money and power. I know you are one, I know you beat England once. Didn't you? Please reply to this, it would be my honor. Yours Truly, Sir France.' I had sighed. He expects me to leave my brother? I'd written a reply and sent it with a different Gilbird. I didn't want to exhaust them.
'Dear Sir France/Francis, I cannot leave the Axis. You know that. Germany is in the Axis and I must protect him. You, on the other hand, have Canada to look out for and I know he isn't on either side. That boy doesn't fight whatsoever. He's like some other person I know. I know you used to be great and as such I don't know where you went wrong with Canada. Perhaps you became soft? If you drop out of the Allies then I will gladly annex you into my territory. You would still be your own person, I wouldn't change your religion or your currency. None of that. We could spend time with Spain and Turkey. I know you want to, no one can resist the awesome powers of the Awesome Prussia. Your Awesome and All Powerful Friend, Prussia.'
I sent that letter right before breakfast. Now we were outside and West was speaking. "Count off!" I smiled as I looked around at his 'army'. It was North Italy, Japan, South Italy, Germany, and myself, the Awesome Prussia.
"What type of army do you call this bruder? I thought you could do better."
"Schweigen! I said count off, not sass me!"
"Kesesese."
"Uno!"
"Ni!"
"Tre." West looked at me, watching my reaction for more 'sass' or an actual number.
"De vierer." His brow twitched in anger but he moved on.
"And I am fünf. Now for the secret training! First scenario! What would you do if you came across Britain and you vere unarmed? Well, spit it out ja! What would you do?" He was pointing at Feliciano. I waited my turn, eager to speak and tell them the proper way to handle things.
"Uh… I know! Make a white flag with a stick and a handkerchief and wave it around really fast and then I'll cry loudly and I'll ask for help!" I couldn't help but to laugh at that.
"Kesesesese!"
"Dummkopf! If you do that you will lose!"
"No actually he wouldn't because he would have already given up. He'd be captured though." West ignored me. Why?! He pointed at Japan.
"Honda! Your answer!"
"Hai! You should impersonate William the First's wail." What exactly would that accomplish?
"Good! Romano!"
"Throw tomatoes at his face, raw ones." Wow. That sounds painful. Then West finally pointed at me.
"Good! Bruder!"
"Unarmed against Britain? There's many things you can do. First off, assess if he is armed. If he is then you will have to hope he doesn't notice you. If he does you should bring up a rumor that America got kidnapped by Turkey because America wanted to play the hero part and messed up like he always does. That should work. England will then turn off and go free America and then end up getting beat up by Turkey instead. Kesesese. If he is not, however, then you can do many more things. You can taunt him into a fist to fist battle and beat him and capture him and bring him back and offer him for ransom so that you get more money to buy weapons with. Another thing you can do is to ignore him. Something else you might do is taunt him with whatever comes to mind. You could also invite him to a tea party, he likes tea, like a gentleman and offer to surrender when the party is done and when he least expects it you capture him. You could also give him spiked tea. You could also make hand made weapons. And that is just a few of the options. Move on."
We'd been answering questions like that for a while and Japan was acting like it was hard. Then again I don't think he's gone to war that many times. West seemed to like most of my answers, though I've been to more battles and wars than all of them have been. Why shouldn't I know the correct answers?
"This is fun. This training is quite helpful, isn't it?"
"Yeah, now I know exactly what to do if I ever encounter England."
"Zell good. Zhen, we'll keep going! England wants you to acknowledge his bastard child as your own. Now what will you do?!"
"Tell him 'Suck my balls!'"
"Say 'No thank you.'"
"Reply with 'I'll think about it.' when I actually mean no."
"It depends. Do I want America? That would give me more land but I'd most likely say no because I had to deal with his disrespect back in the seventeen hundreds and the only reason he was able to stand up against England was because I taught him how to fight. France only wanted to defend America and attack England. France and England don't really like each other. So I would tell him that his brat is too not awesome for me and I would decline by saying I already have a kid I need to take care of." West face palmed. Was it something I said?
"What do you do? Britain is slowly closing in you but he's dressed up for the Rio Carnival and svishing his hips?" I shouted out before anyone could answer.
"Sex!" I managed to make Romano chuckle but Feliciano was confused and Honda was quiet. West face palmed. "I would have sex with him and he'd go home feeling embarrassed and never want to speak of it again all the while he's secretly enjoying it because the Awesome Prussia did it! Kesesesese! Kesesese!" I bent over with laughter.
"GILBERT! Stop getting distracted! You're all dismissed, training is over!"
"Buwhahaha! Kesesese! Kesesese! Kesesese! Kesese! Kese." I sighed as all the laughter was finally out.
