Regret
Jenny's first instinct was to rush out into the hall and try to chase down David, who had stormed out before she got a chance to talk with him, but the moment she stepped out of her room she found herself face-to-face with Kitty. Out of all the girls for her to run into at a time like this, Kitty was the absolute last girl she wanted to see, and Jenny quickly shut the door behind her so Kitty wouldn't see Jack in her bed.
"Who was that boy?" asked Kitty, eying Jenny with a smile on her lips. "The one with the curly hair."
"Oh, him?" said Jenny. "Just a john who thought I was chargin' him too much money. I straightened him out and sent him packing."
"He seemed awful unhappy. What's his name?"
"What's it matter?"
Kitty gave Jenny an indulgent smile, as if the two of them were dear friends. "Well if he don't want to see you no more, he might wanna get his money's worth elsewhere. We don't wanna deprive the poor fella of good business, do we?"
"You don't want him," said Jenny. "That fella's nothin' but trouble."
"Or maybe you're just bein' picky with your customers," said Kitty, still using her false tone of friendship. "Maybe ya think you're too good for the life now that you got a fella on the side, is that right? Maybe you're thinking about bustin' outta here and runnin' off into the sunset with your cowboy, happily ever after."
"He ain't my cowboy. Mind your own business, Kitty."
"If he ain't your cowboy, then what is he? You're awful secretive, Jenny, and I'm just tryin' to help."
"Well I don't need help. Not from you or nobody else." Jenny retreated back into her room, vanishing behind her door so fast it was like she had never left, and found Jack sitting up in bed rubbing the sleep from his eyes. She didn't like Jack the same way she liked David, but she had always liked him all the same, and now the sight of him sitting in her bed felt like a knife in her heart. If Jack hadn't insisted on spending the night, none of this would have happened, and Jenny could be spending her morning in David's company instead, the same as always. Better yet, if Jack hadn't come to see her in the first place, but stayed at home in his own bed where he belonged, then—
But no. This wasn't Jack's fault at all, really. It was Jenny who had accepted him as a customer last night, it was Jenny who let him stay until morning, and it was Jenny who was foolish enough to get caught up in the likes of David Jacobs. It was Jenny who became a whore in the first place, thus robbing herself of the chance to have normal relationships with normal boys, and she was suffering the consequences at last.
"You ain't in love with him, are ya?" Jack asked sleepily.
"In love with who?" asked Jenny, longing to roll him out of her bed and push him out the window.
"Davey, of course. You in love with him?"
"He's good to me."
Jack ran a lazy hand through his messy hair. "So's the customers who buy my papes, but that don't mean I love 'em."
"No, I don't love David," said Jenny. "A girl like me don't know how."
And she knew it was the truth, despite all the good David had done her since the day they met. She didn't know how to love when she was just a little girl living in a crowded tenement, watching her parents throw things at each other, she didn't know how to love when she first became a whore, learning to sell pleasure to whoever would buy it, and she still didn't know how to love, even after meeting a boy who was good and wanted to help her. She had only succeeded in hurting David after he gave her glimpses of another life she would never have.
Jack yawned and dragged himself out of bed, then staggered over to his fallen clothes while Jenny stood by and tried not to feel anything. This was what she got for trying to live a double life, for trying to be a normal girl and keep her profession at the same time, and she got what she deserved. They all got what they deserved for meddling in each other's lives.
"I gotta tell ya somethin'," Jack said as he pulled up his suspenders.
"What is it?" asked Jenny.
"I've been seein' a girl this whole time. Been seein' her for months."
"Is that supposed to bother me or somethin'? I got a fella the other night who's been married for twelve years and swears he loves his wife. You could do a lot worse, Jack."
Jack grabbed his red bandana and tied it around his neck. Red, the color of sin. "Yeah, but this girl is Davey's sister."
"Oh."
"Name's Sarah. She's as good as David, even better, and I don't deserve her."
David had told Jenny about Sarah, but he had never mentioned that she was seeing Jack. He never talked much about Jack, now that Jenny thought of it.
"You wanna know somethin' else?" Jack asked as he grabbed his cowboy hat. "You wanna know why me and you keep seein' each other?"
"For a good time?"
"Yeah, sure, it's for a good time, but it's also 'cause we know they're too good for us. David and Sarah. They're both too good for the likes of us, and both of us know it."
Jenny didn't know what to say.
Jack stood close to her, cowboy hat clutched in one hand, and looked down at her through eyes that were still a bit groggy. "David and Sarah belong to one world and we belong to another. They're the saints and we're the sinners." He leaned down and kissed her just once upon the forehead. "Ain't that right?"
"You're right," said Jenny. "You've always been right. Now you better escape out the window or else Kitty will get suspicious."
"I ain't afraid of no broad like her."
"I don't care if you're afraid or not. I got a job I've gotta keep."
Jack climbed out the window and onto the street below, managing to escape without hurting himself in his groggy state, and Jenny watched him leave with a slightly lighter heart. If Jack knew what was good for him, he would stay with that Sarah girl and keep a safe distance away from the brothel. His money wasn't worth the trouble he caused.
David arrived at the distribution center just in time to pay for his newspapers, though most of the newsies had already started selling by the time he got there. Some of them, like Race, loitered in the street and searched through the papers, looking for a good story, and David followed Race's example. It gave him something to think about besides Jenny.
"Say, Davey, you seen Jack anywhere?" Race asked.
David hated to lie, but the word "No" passed through his lips before he could stop it. "Haven't seen him at all," he added, increasing the lie. "Why do you ask?"
"Well he wasn't in his bed this mornin'."
"Probably 'cause he was in someone else's bed," said Blink, grinning at Race. "Where else would he be?"
"Yeah, you're right, Blink," said Race. "But the real question is whose bed it was."
David felt numb and tried to focus on the front headline of the papers he carried, though he ended up reading the same couple of words over and over. The letters blurred in front of his eyes and he tried to ignore the crude jokes and speculations on where Jack had been last night, and who exactly he had spent the night with. Race, Blink, and the other newsies spoke so casually about all the girls Jack might have been with, while Sarah, David's sister, was at home thinking that all was right in the world. David could hardly stand it.
"Hey, Race," he said, looking up from his paper. His voice came out harsher than he meant it to.
"Yeah?" said Race.
"Still taking bets about my private affairs?"
"Nah, that got boring after a while. Besides, it kept me away from the races and I'm hopin' to win big at Sheepshead today."
David didn't care if Race won big or not. He didn't care about anything except for the numbness that turned into a smoldering sort of anger as he walked through the streets in search of a selling spot. As this smoldering, burning feeling increased, he realized that he was no longer upset with Jack or Jenny for what they had done. He was angry with himself. He was angry for Sarah's sake. He and Sarah had placed their affections in entirely the wrong place, with two people who had lost all respectability long ago, and they would pay for their folly.
What killed David inside was that he knew better, but he got involved anyway. He knew that every decision he had made was a bad one, yet he couldn't stop himself from making mistake after mistake until his good intentions turned into a complete loss of reason.
And people said he was smart.
If he was so intelligent, then why did he allow himself to get into this mess? So far the only smart thing David had done was get away from the brothel as fast as he could, away from Jenny and her uncanny ability to lure him into bad decisions. She and Jack belonged with each other.
David found a street corner to sell on and frowned at the thought of Jack. Their friendship had been strained now and then due to Jack's habit of improving the truth, but David had always considered him a good friend and a loyal companion out on the streets. Now their friendship had been ripped apart, perhaps forever, and it was all because neither of them could resist a blonde prostitute who was only trying to survive in the world.
A well-dressed man approached the street corner, accompanied by a golden-haired girl in a frilly, high-necked dress with a flowery hat to match. The type of girl that Jenny could have been if she had been born to different parents in a different part of society. The type of girl that Jenny would never be, no matter how much David wanted to help her.
The man checked his pocket watch, stopped in front of David, and cast bored eyes over the morning edition clutched in David's hands. "I'd like one paper please," he said, perfectly indifferent.
David handed him a paper and accepted a penny in return. "Thank you, sir."
The man tucked the paper under his arm and walked away, the girl trailing after him. She didn't even spare a glance at David.
Jack could have sworn he heard church bells ringing somewhere, but maybe it was all in his head. He still felt half-asleep after the rude awakening he had gotten from David, though he supposed he deserved to lose out on his sleep. Hell, he would have deserved it if David had lost control and punched him in the face. Perhaps he should have punched Jack in the face, just to teach him a lesson for all the wrongs he had done Sarah. Plus it would have woken him up more thoroughly than a bucket of cold water would have.
Ding, ding.
He could still hear the church bells, just like the first night he slept with Jenny. Jack trudged down the streets, his cowboy hat pulled low on his forehead, and he figured he would go to the lodging house and tell Kloppman he was sick. There was no way he could sell papers that morning.
Ding, ding, ding.
Were those damn bells in his head real or imaginary? Did it even matter? He felt guilty either way and wanted to kick himself for his weakness. Jack Kelly rarely regretted anything, but he was starting to feel the worst regret of his life, even worse than lying to David about his family during the strike.
Jack already lost his family once and now he had probably lost it again. He never realized just how much David and Sarah had become his new family until David discovered him in Jenny's room and looked at him with such contempt, such a complete sense of betrayal, that Jack was surprised he didn't burn to a crisp from the power of David's glares.
Every time Jack thought his life would work out, he did something stupid and ruined everything. He was his good-for-nothing father all over again.
He supposed his biggest problem was that he thought he could get away with it. He thought he could get away with anything, just as long as he kept his charm and his wits about him, but he always ended up getting caught in the end. He would be lucky if David and Sarah ever spoke to him again after his selfish behavior.
Jack headed in the direction of Duane Street, toward the lodging house, but a building caught his eye. He recognized the steeple and long windows of a church and found himself approaching the front doors, though he hadn't set foot inside a church since he was a kid. The building drew him inside and he stepped through the open doors, feeling dwarfed by the high ceiling and pillars that seemed to reach the sky. He quickly removed his cowboy hat, remembering at the last minute, and held it in one hand as he crossed the spotless floor.
He knew what he had to do.
When Jack walked into a building, or strolled down the street, or climbed up a fire escape, he moved with confidence. He moved like he could own the world if the world gave him half a chance. Jack strode through life with his head held high, no matter what life threw at him, but as he walked through the church and headed to the confession booth, all of his confidence and charm abandoned him. He bowed his head and walked slowly, as if punishment awaited him in the booth, and when he slid into the cushioned seat he stayed silent for a minute, staring down at his hands.
It was Sarah's face that entered his head, dancing in front of his eyes as he sat in the confession booth. Sarah's face, not Jenny's, and he knew what he had to say.
"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned..."
