A/N: Ahhh! I rewrote this chapter at least three times in order to break this boy. Sevennnn, why do you do this to me? Really hope you guys enjoy it though!
Note: Yoosung calls Seven "Hyung" (affectionate term for a male to an older male he's close to)in all his phone calls, and that's why I chose to have him call Seven that in here too.
Luciel leaned back against the wall of the hallway before sliding down to the floor. His eyes burned and his face felt hot.
This was all Yoosung's fault. Well, actually, maybe MC's because she'd been prodding him earlier. But, then again, he could blame it on V who completely deconstructed his emotional wall last night.
He groaned and rubbed his fingers against his head vigorously. No, it wasn't no one's fault but his own. It was a bunch of things compiling on his head until finally he just….spilled everything.
He let his head fall back and hit the wall. MC's words caused both warmth and dread to spread through his stomach. She said she wanted to get to know him…the real him…Saeyoung. But, could he really do that? He had been hiding that part of him for years. For some reason, in the past week, she seemed to dig out the worst memories and bring out his cold, scarred self.
Then, there was Yoosung…too eager to go against V. Luciel wondered if the younger boy's desire to help was simply fueled by a lust for vengeance. He sighed, knowing deep inside that wasn't true. Yoosung had always supported him, even with all the teasing and pranks on Luciel's part.
But, he was trying to get into things he couldn't handle. Both Yoosung and MC didn't realize the depth of the complete filth Luciel had gotten into in ever since he joined the agency…even before then. They tried to see the positive side of everything, when there wasn't any positive side to this.
Right?
He snatched his glasses off his face, feeling a headache beginning at the base of his neck. Why was he having doubts? He never did before. Why was this different? He had a plan! He was going to keep her away. He was going to quit the RFA. He was going to disappear. If the pain got too bad, he would even go so far as letting his agency recondition him, as torturous as the process was. But now…he couldn't bear to go through with it. Not when his brother was so close…when MC was willing to accept him…when he had a group of friends ready to support him, even with all the betrayal.
"No, no, no," he shook his head. "I can't think like this. I don't deserve this. I can't embrace a good life…a good end for me."
He took a few deep breaths, playing with the cross around his neck. Where was Vanderwood and her taser when he needed them?
Just as he was about to accept his reality as he always had, his phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out and stared at the screen. Even though the letters were unreadable without his glasses, he could see the blurred picture of Yoosung angrily glaring with feathers all over his face. Luciel's lips twitched upwards at the memory of when he took that picture. Yoosung didn't speak to him for a week after that prank.
He meant to ignore the call, but without his glasses, the signs blurred together and he realized he accepted it. He swore under his breath. He held the phone in front of him for a few hesitant moments, wondering if the blond boy would hang up. When he didn't, Luciel put it to his ear. "Yoosung," he began.
"No, let me talk first." Yoosung's voice came out uncharacteristically demanding.
"I'm really not in the mood—"
"Shut up!" Yoosung shouted. "Even when you're being a jerk, you still talk too much! For once, shut up and listen."
Luciel's mouth fell open. He opened and closed it several times, trying to find some sort of comeback, but he couldn't. Did Yoosung just tell him off?
Quickly gathering his wits, he cleared his throat. "F-fine. I'll listen."
"You have no right to push anyone away, okay? You have no right to tell your friends to forget about you and to move on as if you never mattered to us. It doesn't matter what you do. You still became our friend. So, don't be selfish and only think of yourself! It's not only going to be hard for you!"
"Yoosung, you don't understand—"
"Then, let me! Explain it to me!"
Luciel sighed, his irritation bubbling up again. He felt like a broken record at this point, repeating things over and over again. "You and MC are so—ugh! How many times…"He stopped, realizing he was nearly yelling. He dug the heel of his palm into his eyes and took a few breaths. "Yoosung, I can't. I can't explain it to you, and if I did, you probably wouldn't understand."
There was a long silence. Luciel checked if the boy had hung up, but he hadn't. He waited uncomfortably for some sort of reply.
"Hyung," Yoosung said suddenly. The usual gentleness returned in the boy's voice. "I spoke to MC a few minutes ago."
Luciel rubbed his face wearily. Great. She had even opened up to Yoosung. That unwelcomed jealously found its way back into his chest.
"She called me, actually," Yoosung went on. "She wanted to make sure I was okay. But, she kept telling me that you didn't mean it. She said something about you keeping your distance because that's the only way you could protect us from…well, whatever you think we need protecting from."
"What's your point?" he said more harshly than he intended.
"My point is," Yoosung replied with equal irritation. "She seems to understand you in a way no one in the RFA can. She really likes you, you know that? Don't let her go, Hyung. You're really lucky."
Luciel bit his lip. "That's none of your business."
"Yeah, I get it," he said. "But, no matter what you say, you're still my best friend. I don't want you to miss out on happiness. Think of it as…some advice."
"You giving me advice?" Luciel scoffed. It was a humorous thought, really. Yoosung was usually the baby of the group. But, maybe he was right.
"Just think about it," Yoosung chuckled. "I have to go to class now. I hope everything works out, Hyung. Really. Oh, don't get me wrong. I'm still mad at you."
Luciel waved his had dismissively, even though no one was present. "Yeah, whatever."
The line ended, and he tossed his phone angrily to the side. Why couldn't they understand? Why couldn't anyone understand that he was only trying to give them happiness? The only way he could do that was to deprive himself of it.. No matter what he really felt, that's how it's always been…even with Saeran.
The door of the apartment opened, causing Luciel to jump. He hurriedly put his glasses back on his face. MC hovered above him, leaning against the door way. He shifted his gaze to wall ahead. Every time she studied him like that…he felt so vulnerable. "Are you here to scold me too?"
"I think I did enough of that," she muttered.
Luciel smiled despite himself. He turned to look at her when she gasped. Her hand was pressed gently over her lips. "What? What happened?"
"Did you just smile?" she said, beaming at him.
For a moment, he lost train of thought just seeing her eyes sparkle like that. Speaking of smiling, it had been awhile since he saw her smile like that as well. It was his fault it disappeared in the first place. "Why did you come out here?"
"Sorry!" she said, eyes darting to the ground. "I know you need time…I just heard you raise your voice, and I was just checking if everything was okay—"
"Yeah," he interrupted. "Yoosung called. That was all."
She nodded and shut the door. Luciel pursed his lips. His mind was racing, but he knew what he had to do. He couldn't let a moment's weakness get to him…no matter what anyone else said. Without allowing his brain to overthink, he reached over and knocked on the door. A few seconds later, a confused MC opened it, staring down at him with furrowed brows.
He patted the empty spot next to him. "Sit."
"Why?" she hesitated, though she still closed the door behind her.
"Please," he replied.
Slowly, she lowered herself beside him, though she still kept her distance. He glanced sideways at her, very aware of the cold air against his arm. He had gotten too accustomed to her sitting against his back as he worked. "Y-you can come closer. I don't bite," he muttered. "I was only joking when I said I would yesterday."
She didn't laugh, and she didn't move closer. His heart plummeted into his stomach. Had he messed up so badly?
"Well?" MC said.
Luciel rubbed the back of his neck. "Um," he began. "I can't…"
The words jammed in his throat. He'd said it over and over the past few days. Why couldn't he get it out now? "I can't—" he tried again.
"You can't accept me," she finished quietly.
He made no move to confirm or deny. He couldn't commit to either at the moment.
"I thought that maybe…" she started. Her voice cracked. He saw her face pale from the corner of his eye. In that moment, he determined he couldn't do this to her again. He wouldn't accept her, but he couldn't lie.
"MC," Luciel shut his eyes. "I want to say yes."
The moments of silence were thick and heavy. He had said it in his head a thousand times, but saying out loud...he thought he would feel lighter, not heavier.
"What?" MC choked.
"I do care about you," he forced out. "I wish I could…make you the happiest person in the world, but I can't."
She turned towards him, her eyes shimmering in frustration or sadness—he didn't know. "Why? Why do you keep saying that?"
"Because look at me!" he burst. She flinched backwards, but said nothing. He went on. "Everything I touch I destroy. I made an agreement to help my brother. But, he only ended up in a worse position than before. I try to make an app that unites a group of people together, and it only ends up tearing us apart. MC, I ruin people's lives as a living! I can't ask you to accept that."
"You're not asking me," she said. "I'm doing it out of my own will, Seven."
He covered his face, trying to steady his breaths. His chest was constricting, making it difficult to speak. "I don't want you to get hurt because of me. Look at what's happened so far. Look at the situation you're in."
She exhaled sharply. "That was mostly my fault for my blind faith," she said. "And another thing."
Cold hands covered Luciel's warm ones. MC pried his hands away from his face, her eyes directly meeting his. She knelt down beside him. Her expression was so earnest…so innocent. She was radiating light as much as he was being sucked into an abyss of darkness. What could she possibly see in him?
"It wasn't your fault," she bit out. "Saeran wasn't your fault. V wasn't your fault. None of this was your fault. If anything, it was your kindness that drove you, and people took advantage of it. I don't care how many times I have to say it before you believe it."
His vision blurred as tears threatened to fall. "MC, I don't deserve you."
There were tears in her own eyes, but still she let out a choked laugh. "If you say that one more time, I'm going to—"
She stopped when a tear finally escaped from his eyes. He tried to make it stop, but it wouldn't. He couldn't brush them away, as she kept a firm hold on his hands.
He hated it. He was completely exposed to her. But maybe…maybe this is what she needed to see. Not the funny 707. Not the cold and bitter Luciel. She needed to see Saeyoung…fragile, hopeless Saeyoung. "MC," he rasped with a watery chuckle. "You see how broken I am now?"
She let go of his hands and cupped his cheek with one hand. She wiped away some of the tears with her thumb, although it didn't help much as more tears started to replace them. "The only thing I see is a kind heart who's been told to hold too many secrets for too long. I see someone who's scared of letting people in because he thinks he's burdening them." She removed his glasses and set them aside, so he could better wipe the tears on his sleeves.
"And for the record," she began. "I think you deserve all the love in the world."
She cringed. Her cheeks flushed pink. "Was that too cheesy? Sorry. It sounded better in my head, and I—"
He didn't let her finish. He yanked her forward in his arms, burying his face in her shoulder. She stiffened briefly before climbing into his lap and wrapping her arms around his neck. Hot tears continued to stream down Luciel's face as soon as she held him tightly.
He felt so safe in her arms. The walls he tried so hard to build crumpled in an instant. Hiccupping sobs escaped his throat, releasing the anger, frustration, and sadness from the past few days…or maybe months, years…he didn't even know anymore. He had been hiding his true feelings for so long, he had grown so numb. Until she came.
"Seven," she said quietly. Her fingers gently ran through his hair.
His energy depleted, and he slowly pulled himself backwards. How much time had passed? It felt long and yet too short.
He smiled slightly, pushing her hair out of her face. "You are so…" he breathed.
"Strange?" she ducked her head.
"Beautiful," Luciel said. Heat rushed to his face. He was glad his glasses were off, so he couldn't exactly see MC's reaction. "I—I—er—"
"So," MC interrupted, her voice shaking. "Um, are you still refusing me?"
Luciel gently took her hand in his own. "No," he said, the resolution sitting well within him. "But…I don't want to rush into anything yet. I think you should know."
"About Saeran?"
He nodded. "Him too. But, also Saeyoung."
She carefully put his glasses back on. His head spun a little as everything cleared. A tired smile spread across her lips. "Okay," she replied.
"Give me a few more hours?" he asked.
MC pushed herself to her feet and took a shaky breath. "Are you coming back in at least?" she said, gesturing to the door.
He followed her into the apartment. She hurried to the kitchen, returning with two wrapped up sandwiches. She placed on in his hands. "Eat. I'll go to the bedroom for now, and let you have some peace."
"Thank you," he replied.
She was just about to turn and leave when an idea popped into his head.
"MC," he called, grabbing her arm. She turned and looked at him expectantly. With a small smirk, he kissed her cheek. Her eyes widened and her face grew as red as his hair. She pressed her hand to the area and opened her mouth. She never said anything, though.
"I—I—" she finally stammered. She pivoted on her heel and disappeared into her room.
Luciel let a smug smile settle on his lips. His face was burning at the rush of confidence, but the revenge was worth it.
He reached down to grab his book and do some thinking when his eyes fell on the broken robot cat shattered on the floor. Embarrassment flooded him. He'd never lost his temper like that before. Although…maybe this was his chance to make things right again. He pursed his lips before flopping down on the ground and getting to work.
A/N: Soooo? What did you think? They still have a bit to go though, but...it's a start. ;) Would love to hear your thoughts as always!
I was originally going to post this later tomorrow, but since I don't know when I'm getting back from work, I thought I'd post it for sure before New Years. Happy New Year's Everyone! See you in 2017;)
